Do you off other guys from same bar as your regular / boyfriend?

[jason1975]

Question for experienced members here.

Do you off guys who work in same bar as your regular guy / boyfriend?

I have a regular guy but I have the hots for some of the other guys working in the same bar as him.

He says he doesn't mind me offing them as long as I promise to stay with him and don't leave him.

Do I believe him?

[vaughn]

I don't date from bars, but from my experience with every group of gay guys i've ever met. It will turn into a problem, jealousy, and headaches for you. Tread carefully if you like the bar and/or the guy.

[vinapu]

5 hours ago, jason1975 said:

 

I have a regular guy but I have the hots for some of the other guys working in the same bar as him.

He says he doesn't mind me offing them as long as I promise to stay with him and don't leave him.

Do I believe him?

in this case I'd say yes as you are with him for quite a while. 

He knows you are whoring right,  left and centre so if says he doesn't mind believe him although try not to be 'in your face' when arranging that other meeting.

you trigger quite valid general point - a lot of guys are trying to take ownership of their regulars and create an impression that we owe them our custom whenever we visit their bar. 

I face similar problem in at least 3 bars and handle it that way  - off my regular first and then tell him i like boy X and next time in bar I take him. Usually they understand it very well and even  in Moonlight my semi-regular one Y facilitated my meeting with   highly coveted #10 who happens to be his compatriot.

[ggobkk]

Total Agreement with Vinapu!

Be upfront, the boys talk and probably have a chart of our likes and boy preferences. 

The boys  consider us customers and if facilitating a hook up for us will also benefit them so it will be.  Early on ifnmy traveling to Thailand, I thought I'd outsmarted my Hot Male guy with a guy from another bar.  Next night my HM guy brought the other bar guy around for me to meet.  They were room mates!  We made a great threesome!  

Last September, my current regular from Good Guys facilitated a meet up / over night with a guy from Fresh Boys who he's noticed I was eyeing while we were at the Fresh Boys show.  Does money change hands?  Could happen, probably points of some sort are traded.  Works for me as I don't assume my boy is "my boy" and I'm direct about what I'm seeing/wanting/needing/etc. "My boy" is central to my visit and a bonus extra pair of eyes willing to negotiate for himself and me.  

 

 

[brall3]

I am somewhat preplexed by this topic.  Afterall, isn't it your money and shouldn't you spend your money the way you want to?  You are there for fun and your money allows you to have as much fun and with whom you please; in other words, a financial transaction.  Why guys do not accept the reality of that is beyond me.  Do you need the permission of Walmart to buy something at Target 😁?  When your regular guy goes with another customer, does he need your approval and or permission?   He is there to make as much money as he can and with whomever.  Personally speaking, when I moved away from my parents, my life, my finances, etc. are mine to control and to do with as I desire.   I do not need anyone's permission nor approval to do what I want, especially concerning spending MY money.  Go with whomever you please, enjoy yourself as much as possible.  Life is too short to do otherwise.  You earned it, enjoy it.  HAVE FUN.

[Slut1215]

I agree that its always best to keep a transaction a transaction. I never managed to keep guys for so long but I think the OP meant guys that they meet each trip as well as met extensively over the past years. Think that makes it tough as the guy(s) would be somewhat past the line of a transaction and be on the lines of fling and more...

[Londoner]

I faced this problem occasionally when I was butterflying. Fortunately in "my day" there were plenty of bars ( l'm talking about Pattaya) and no shortage of guys, so if i felt uncomfortable I wouldn't lose out on company.

I agree with those who say "tread carefully." If a guy is short of money and sees another dancer chosen by a falang he'd had hopes for owing to a previous "off", he may well react with anger towards his fellow employee. Right or wrong, the guys were (probably still are) in competition. If they see someone else stealing (as it were ) their meal ticket, problems can accrue for both mb and client.

Nevertheless, I often saw  dancers being very supportive of each other. I  have a painful memory- because I come out of it badly- of being in Cockpit and a group of dancers coming to me to ask me to "off" a particular guy. He wasn't attracting customers and had been told by the mamasan that if he failed tonight he'd be sacked. What made this more sad was that he was deaf and so it wasn't so easy for him to relate to punters.

I said no because I didn't fancy him. And the fact that I can remember this from nearly thirty years ago illustrates how bad I felt about it afterwards.

[kokopelli3]

As an expat who lives in Thailand I never off someone who may know my boyfriend(s). The guys I know are very jealous of any "intruders" in their territory.

[jason1975]

54 minutes ago, Londoner said:

Nevertheless, I often saw  dancers being very supportive of each other. I  have a painful memory- because I come out of it badly- of being in Cockpit and a group of dancers coming to me to ask me to "off" a particular guy. He wasn't attracting customers and had been told by the mamasan that if he failed tonight he'd be sacked. What made this more sad was that he was deaf and so it wasn't so easy for him to relate to punters.

I said no because I didn't fancy him. And the fact that I can remember this from nearly thirty years ago illustrates how bad I felt about it afterwards.

😢😢😢 

Wonderful show of solidarity from the guys to help their friend

[vinapu]

7 hours ago, brall3 said:

I am somewhat preplexed by this topic.  Afterall, isn't it your money and shouldn't you spend your money the way you want to?  You are there for fun and your money allows you to have as much fun and with whom you please; in other words, a financial transaction.  Why guys do not accept the reality of that is beyond me.  Do you need the permission of Walmart to buy something at Target 😁?  When your regular guy goes with another customer, does he need your approval and or permission?   He is there to make as much money as he can and with whomever.  Personally speaking, when I moved away from my parents, my life, my finances, etc. are mine to control and to do with as I desire.   I do not need anyone's permission nor approval to do what I want, especially concerning spending MY money.  Go with whomever you please, enjoy yourself as much as possible.  Life is too short to do otherwise.  You earned it, enjoy it.  HAVE FUN.

while on the surface of it you are right , your reasoning seems to be too brutalist. 

When we talk about semi-regular guy it's obvious that  there are some feelings involved. And we don't want to hurt , even in small way,  somebody we like tiny bit.

Walmart may not be offended if you shop at Target but real human may be if we take our custom somewhere lese , even if it's normal it that line of business..

Yes we are in control of or lives and in charge of  our spending but sometimes we need to bend a little . Perhaps few of us attended Easter dinner yesterday with relatives we really don't like    but we went  to avoid wrecking havoc on family life or simply to make somebody happy

[reader]

This topic covers a very wide range of relationships' "My guy" can infer very different levels of intimacy. To some it's their favorite guy or someone they look forward to seeing if he's still available when they return. To others, it means a boy friend or close friend. In any case, every one assigns a different definition that is unique to their circumstance.

To me, it's paramount never to embarrass the guy; never cause him to lose face. If we can do that, we stand a good chance of keeping those important to us close.

 

 

 

 

 

[spoon]

As much as we want to avoid feeling, we unfortunately are human. Ive had my fair share of trying to avoid conflict here and there even when its not with my regulars, as long as i plan to meet them again in the future. Luckily, ive yet to find myself with a jealous one. Most have been professional and some even supportive when i took one of their friends. 

To answer OP, you will never know the truth until you try. The next question to ask, is it worth a try?

[jason1975]

6 minutes ago, spoon said:

As much as we want to avoid feeling, we unfortunately are human. Ive had my fair share of trying to avoid conflict here and there even when its not with my regulars, as long as i plan to meet them again in the future. Luckily, ive yet to find myself with a jealous one. Most have been professional and some even supportive when i took one of their friends. 

To answer OP, you will never know the truth until you try. The next question to ask, is it worth a try?

I wanted to ask him tonight but after we started chatting, he told me that he dropped his handphone today and the screen cracked. I will ask another day. Hehe!

[vinapu]

13 hours ago, jason1975 said:

I wanted to ask him tonight but after we started chatting, he told me that he dropped his handphone today and the screen cracked. I will ask another day. Hehe!

perhaps hint he needs new phone ? 

[Vessey]

Check out the possibility of threesomes! 

I was surprised to find that one of my regulars had the hots for a couple of boys who also worked in his bar. He jumped at the chance to have an excuse to lure them into the room with us, one at a time. Worked quite well both times. I was happy to take the lead in directing interaction between the three of us, knowing full well what this regular lad of mine liked liked. He was super appreciative  afterwards. 

I had started by asking my regular lad which of the other boys in his bar he fancied, and he was also asking me who else l liked. I had been seeing my lad over several trips and he knew that I was talking about experimenting with him rather than looking to replace him! 😅

Will only work in a minority of cases I suspect, but it has to be worth the ask!  

[jason1975]

10 hours ago, vinapu said:

perhaps hint he needs new phone ? 

No. He has to replace the screen as it is cracked. I told him to pay for repair first and I will give him money when I meet him next month. I will also take him out to buy a sturdy phone case.

[jason1975]

I asked my guy THE question. He replied that he is OK with me seeing other guys who work in same bar as him. "As long as you are happy." 🤣

 

[xpaulo]

On 4/20/2025 at 3:54 AM, vaughn said:

don't date from bars,

Is it okay to date from the massage places or do their employers try to prevent it.

[vinapu]

6 minutes ago, xpaulo said:

Is it okay to date from the massage places or do their employers try to prevent it.

I don't think they care what their guys are  doing after work. 

Also taking guys off from massage venue rarely seems to be a problem  also it may turn out costly for big producers.

[Min]

On 4/22/2025 at 9:26 AM, vinapu said:

perhaps hint he needs new phone ? 

Or you just give him a new phone every time you off someone from the same bar and world peace would be maintained

[jason1975]

2 hours ago, Min said:

Or you just give him a new phone every time you off someone from the same bar and world peace would be maintained

No. Not necessary to buy new phone. He said he is really OK with me seeing other guys from same bar.

[brall3]

Vinapu, So true, so true.  Thank you for adding the human element to the situation.