LTRs- Thailand, Laos, Cambodia

[Londoner]

I've reported before that my partner knows ten of his former workers at Dreamboys (Pattaya) who are in LTRs with foreigners, having met them in the early 2000s. Mostly  via apps but I've met five of the couples in Pattaya, their relationships  still going strong.

I wonder if anyone more up-to-date than me on the current scene- in other words, almost everyone here- knows of any ongoing or recent relationships like this flourishing. Or perhaps  they are a thing of the past, when the guys who came to Pattaya and Bkk  had experienced rather different childhoods than today's workers. For some, arrival in Pattaya on the late bus was their first experience of electricity.

But what about the guys from Laos and Cambodia, the ones I see nowadays when we're staying in the JC? Perhaps they have different expectations to those of the Thais of two decades ago,or possibly of today, for whom netting a falang tourist or expat was the golden key to a life of plenty.

Or so they hoped....and yes, it was for some.

Perhaps the  non-Thai guys in the JC, in other words probably most of them, look on a stint on the scene as a short -time occupation. Or  merely sanuk? I really don't know. And the Thai guys still operating; now that economic fortunes are better for most Thais, do they feel that  their times in Pattaya are for fun  rather than endured out of desperate necessity? 

Again, I don't know and rely on my "successor- punters" to advise.

[bkkmfj2648]

You ask very good questions.

I am now retired 2 years 4 months in Jomtien arriving from Europe.

I see that the longer that I stay here that I am yearning more for a serious relationship.

Consequently, I tend to lean more towards the Thai guys, even though I find myself more attracted to the guys from Myanmar.

I resist investing in trying to create a relationship with the non Thais because of issues relating to the ability of them being able to stay permanently and legally in Thailand.

I see many of them are either here illegally or for short duration due to visa expiration issues.

I feel that it is more prudent for me to build a relationship with someone who has legal rights to be here.

My mother died of dementia and so did her mother and some other relatives. She started to lose it when she turned 70. I am 63, so I still have some time to find someone to settle down with who could take care of me in case that nasty disease (God forbid) came my way due to its heriditary nature.

So, if I were to invest my future in someone whose residency status in Thailand was iffy, then I might jeopardize my own future, when I would need that partner the most in my last remaining years.

I guess the alternative is to move to his country (Myanmar, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, etc.) ?

Getting old sucks.

[vinapu]

7 hours ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

 

Getting old sucks.

yes but an alternative of dying young  is even worse so count your blessings and enjoy while it lasts

[jason1975]

18 hours ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

You ask very good questions.

I am now retired 2 years 4 months in Jomtien arriving from Europe.

I see that the longer that I stay here that I am yearning more for a serious relationship.

Consequently, I tend to lean more towards the Thai guys, even though I find myself more attracted to the guys from Myanmar.

I resist investing in trying to create a relationship with the non Thais because of issues relating to the ability of them being able to stay permanently and legally in Thailand.

I see many of them are either here illegally or for short duration due to visa expiration issues.

I feel that it is more prudent for me to build a relationship with someone who has legal rights to be here.

My mother died of dementia and so did her mother and some other relatives. She started to lose it when she turned 70. I am 63, so I still have some time to find someone to settle down with who could take care of me in case that nasty disease (God forbid) came my way due to its heriditary nature.

So, if I were to invest my future in someone whose residency status in Thailand was iffy, then I might jeopardize my own future, when I would need that partner the most in my last remaining years.

I guess the alternative is to move to his country (Myanmar, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, etc.) ?

Getting old sucks.

I agree that it is better to find a Thai boyfriend. Good luck!

[reader]

18 hours ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

I guess the alternative is to move to his country (Myanmar, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, etc.) ?

As you're now exploring those options, maybe you'll soon discover your answer. Good luck, my friend.

[bkkmfj2648]

49 minutes ago, reader said:

As you're now exploring those options, maybe you'll soon discover your answer. Good luck, my friend.

Very true @reader

But, in the meantime, I unexpectedly followed the path of @jason1975 and @Min, as I said the magical words = "I love you" immediately after the NYE countdown concluded to the PMB that I have been seeing back in Jomtien for the last 6 months.

He is Thai and from Sukhothai and knows about my desire to have somebody near me should my destiny follow that of my mother with dementia.

He also knows that I will leave Thailand should the current Thai government follow through with their threat to implement a Global Taxation Scheme.

Consequently, he told me, "honey I will follow you to Vietnam if this happens".

I still want to give the Philippines a fair shot --> but after 13 days here - I can already see that a gay retirement life would be much easier in Jomtien or Da Nang.

Let me see how these 180 days outside of Thailand determine my destiny.

[billyhouston]

In the middle of December Thailand opened 'new registrations' for migrants who had no papers. This was an opportunity for illegal migrants to become legal, but I believe registrations closed on 31 December. At the moment 'renewal'' notifications (2 Years) are still open but will close mid-January. The problem for many is that they don't know what is going on and, not speaking Thai or English, need help to fill in the necessary forms. Over the past year, we have had a few arriving in the middle of the night from Shan State who are now registered. There are severe restrictions on the jobs migrants can do and most jobs are reserved for Thai citizens. Basically migrants are allowed to work in construction or in certain types of hospitality employment, jobs which Thais do not wish to do. In Northern Thailand there are thought to be 3 or 4 million migrants, mostly from Shan State.

[bkkmfj2648]

1 minute ago, billyhouston said:

In Northern Thailand there are thought to be 3 or 4 million migrants, mostly from Shan State.

That is an amazing statistic.

@billyhouston what percentage do you think will become legal?

[Londoner]

I wish you every success and the fortitude to withstand the inevitable set-backs and problems that accompany a commitment such as this. I suggest that you take things very slowly.

P's interpretation of what has happened to us over the past twenty years is totally at variance with mine and is based on Buddhist and Thai cultural beliefs. We must tread carefully when dealing with the deeply-held religious and cultural values of others, particularly those we love.

 

[ChristianPFC]

On 1/9/2025 at 11:45 PM, bkkmfj2648 said:

My mother died of dementia and so did her mother and some other relatives. She started to lose it when she turned 70. I am 63, so I still have some time to find someone to settle down with who could take care of me in case that nasty disease (God forbid) came my way due to its heriditary nature.

I find that approach (boyfriend changing to caregiver in case of dementia) somewhat flawed.

I get along better with Myanmar and Cambodia boys than with Thai boys. (Not enough data on Lao, but I estimate similar.) If it were for boys only, I would be in one of these countries. But Thailand has so many advantages in other areas (visa, infrastructure, sightseeing) that I stay here most of the time.

[bkkmfj2648]

8 hours ago, ChristianPFC said:

I find that approach (boyfriend changing to caregiver in case of dementia) somewhat flawed.

What would you suggest as the alternative solution?

Going back to my home country is out of the question, because assisted living care for dementia costs on average $9,000 per month which I cannot afford.

[vinapu]

2 hours ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

What would you suggest as the alternative solution?

 

my solution will be to not have a dementia

[ChristianPFC]

3 hours ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

What would you suggest as the alternative solution?

There must be places in South East Asia that care for dementia patients at a fraction of the cost in the West?

Actually there is such a place near Chiang Mai, they made a movie "The village of the forgetful" or similar title, originally in German (Das Dorf der Vergesslichen 2018), was shown at Goethe Institute some years ago.

[bkkmfj2648]

1 hour ago, vinapu said:

my solution will be to not have a dementia

Hahaha

That is also my wish.

But there is the problem of the  hereditary lottery.

[bkkmfj2648]

1 minute ago, ChristianPFC said:

There must be places in South East Asia that care for dementia patients

And this is in fact one option that I can have executed with a medical will.

However, I believe that my Thai partner would need to understand the right moment when to tell my lawyer to activate the medical will and power of attorneys ?

It is complicated when the assets that are supporting you reside in a country that is far away from Thailand, where these assets require multiple secure key passwords and/or biometric checking (for my pension I must prove that I am alive 1 time per year via a biometric scan of my face with my mobile phone - which is already complicated when you still have your wits about you.  When my mother had dementia it was almost near impossible to get her focus --> thank God that her income sources were not subject to biometric scans).

[vinapu]

43 minutes ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

(for my pension I must prove that I am alive 1 time per year via a biometric scan of my face with my mobile phone - which is already complicated when you still have your wits about you. 

one of those cruel and idiotic things placed by techno millennials who have no idea  what challenges of old age are, even without dementia.

There are at least three seniors in my building , all of sound mind and health who don't have smart phone.

But there's consolation- their time will come

( my comment is related  to forced use of technology , not to fact that proof of being alive is required from time to time, which actually makes sense )

[jason1975]

12 hours ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

What would you suggest as the alternative solution?

Going back to my home country is out of the question, because assisted living care for dementia costs on average $9,000 per month which I cannot afford.

Agree that we have to plan for our final years.

[vinapu]

1 hour ago, jason1975 said:

Agree that we have to plan for our final years.

and have either The Will or at least list of possible assets and obligations like debts so whoever is sweeping after us at least knows  what to expect.

Few days before Christmas my neighbour one floor up  suddenly died at 63  and neither of  his two sons had even idea whether  unit he was living in was rented, owed with mortgage or owed debt free. Not to mention fact that they even weren't  sure whether , if owed that inherit it or  it was already testated to somebody else because of course they did not know about existence of any will .

Somebody may say that this subject doesn't belong to this thread but I say even longest and happiest relationship comes to an end because somebody moves up to a better place in eternity. And we  don't want  our sister who disowned us 30 years ago for being gay inherit all  we left behind leaving our partner with just memories, only because we  neglected to envision something which is surest thing to come.

[Londoner]

A worrying issue for some of us. Neither of the two principal beneficiaries named in my Will live in the UK. One, of course, lives in Northern Thailand, the other (who also exercises Power of Attorney because he understands and writes  English better than P)  lives in Palestine and is, at present, dodging bullets and, as a senior UNWRA officer, is shortly to lose his salary, and probably much else. 

You can imagine the complexity of my solicitor's task ensuring that my bequests  are safely delivered.

[bkkmfj2648]

@Londoner If you do not mind me asking, do you have a medical Will?  If yes, is the executioner one of the above 2 named Will beneficiaries?

If yes, how would they execute this medical Will if they are both outside of the UK - where I am presuming that you have decided to live for the final chapter of your life?

Or will you come to Thailand to join P?

Or will P go to the UK to take care of you?

 

[Keithambrose]

52 minutes ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

@Londoner If you do not mind me asking, do you have a medical Will?  If yes, is the executioner one of the above 2 named Will beneficiaries?

If yes, how would they execute this medical Will if they are both outside of the UK - where I am presuming that you have decided to live for the final chapter of your life?

Or will you come to Thailand to join P?

Or will P go to the UK to take care of you?

 

Is 'executioner' predictive txt? 

[bkkmfj2648]

2 hours ago, Keithambrose said:

Is 'executioner' predictive txt? 

oops, how embarrassing.

It was my American ignorance.  Since you Brits created the English language it is even more humiliating.

The AI module tells me that I should have instead use the word = executor.

thanks

[reader]

I can attest to the scores of issues that need to be considered when drawing up any type of trust, but particularly one involving possibly dying overseas. Although there's the chance you may be incapacitated, there's also the possibility you may go onto to enjoy a wonderful retirement in SE Asia.

Thanks for bringing this issue to the forefront. It may not be one of the more pleasant things we have have to plan for but if we want to avoid the dilemma Vinapu described above, it's required reading.

[Keithambrose]

44 minutes ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

oops, how embarrassing.

It was my American ignorance.  Since you Brits created the English language it is even more humiliating.

The AI module tells me that I should have instead use the word = executor.

thanks

Yes, indeed, executor it is. I have similar  issues with predictive txt, I should turn the feature off, but somehow, I don't!

[Keithambrose]

46 minutes ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

oops, how embarrassing.

It was my American ignorance.  Since you Brits created the English language it is even more humiliating.

The AI module tells me that I should have instead use the word = executor.

thanks

I think GB Shaw said, ' two nations divided by a common language '.