Would you give someone bad advice in order to appear polite?

[unicorn]

I had lunch with one of my neighbors the other week, along with my husband and a few of the neighbor's friends. This (elderly) neighbor can be rather cranky, and doesn't get along with one of his next-door neighbors. He's actually sued them, and lost, over issues such as noisy parties (the city of Los Angeles does have laws prohibiting parties after 10 PM, and I haven't seen them having noisy parties after 10 PM, but he says they used to have them). After the lunch, he took my husband, one of his friends, and myself to his yard, and pointed out some trees in his neighbors' yard which were decorated with Christmas lights. These lights were visible from his yard, but not from his house and certainly not from his bedroom. 

He told us that the lights were "driving [him] crazy" and he asked us for our opinions. I told him that they wouldn't bother me, and that it would probably be best to ignore them to the best of his ability. I suggested that bringing this up with the neighbors might make matters worse. To my (silent) horror, one of his friends agreed that the lights were annoying, and my husband just said "I don't know, maybe." He clearly would have no legal standing in asking the neighbors to turn off their Christmas lights, and even bringing it up would be likely to do more harm than good, especially given their history of animosity. I asked my husband why he gave his answer, and he said he was trying to be supportive (he didn't think the lights were annoying to him). 

It seems that goading this neighbor on could create significant trouble for him. What would you have said? Have you ever given people advice which probably wasn't productive, just to appear supportive?

[Olddaddy]

The problem is with this type of person is by not agreeing with him he would be angry 😡 with you

If he is not showing it he would be seething inside that your not supportive 

It's a hard one because of you say you support him he is going to use that as motivation to cause more problems with them.

There is obviously a underlying issue with them 

 

 

[vinapu]

since cranky guy is you neighbour so by definition   his "Christmas lights"  neighbours are your neighbours as well so it looks,   like my grandmother would say  "  however you turn , you ass is always behind you " . It's why your answer was correct and I'd say the same, perhaps preceding with "are you stupid Jeffrey" or something equally diplomatic since he was obviously looking to stir the trouble . 

as for your question , yes , sometimes we need to pretend we are nice for a sake of world's  and neighbourhood's  peace and say something we would rather not

[BjornAgain]

Sounds like a right old Grinch. It is Christmas after all, and only a couple of trees, as long as the lights aren't confusing LAX, what's the issue?  Anyway they're be gone in 7 days time. (Twelfth Night).

 

[Moses]

I wouldn't agree with the bore unless those Christmas lights looked like the landing lights at the nearest airport.

[unicorn]

I don't think the neighbor is seething by my lack of support. I was just surprised by the apparent lack of common sense, to a small extent from my husband, and to a larger extent from his other friend. Wouldn't it be obvious that complaining to the neighbors could make matters worse? I thank those responding for the support. I thought maybe I was missing something. They were just regular Christmas lights (and they're down now--or at least not lit up). 

[floridarob]

I wouldn't agree .... some people don't like confrontation, I'm not one of them 😝

[reader]

8 hours ago, unicorn said:

What would you have said?

Let me buy you a drink.

[unicorn]

As an update, I passed by the "Christmas lights house" the other day while walking my dog, and I heard that neighbor doing noisy work in his garage, which I hadn't heard him do in a long time. I wonder if the lunch party neighbor took the bad advice, and complained about the lights. This might have been payback. The noisy garage work was what led the party neighbor to sue the Christmas lights neighbor (unsuccessfully). He'd probably be more likely to get his neighbor to cooperate by being nice.

[vinapu]

2 hours ago, unicorn said:

 He'd probably be more likely to get his neighbor to cooperate by being nice.

Usually the case

[Suckrates]

An opinion is just that, an opinion, and I only give mine when ASKED....  And I am always honest in my opinions,  regardless of what the reaction to them might be.   Honesty is always the best policy for me, and its up to the recipient to weigh my opinion against theirs and make the best decision for themselves.

On the issue of Christmas lights, things like that dont bother me, and in the big picture of things, for me are trivial and inconsequential.   But again, THATS me.   If it bothers you, your reaction will no doubt be different.   I might "judge" you, but I would never expect you to abandon your virtues for mine.  

We have much bigger things to be concerned with in todays World than Christmas lights.   

I am never nice, just to be nice.   Its only "if the nice FITS".....         (oops, thats NOT nice !)

[unicorn]

3 hours ago, Suckrates said:

... Its only "if the nice FITS".....         (oops, thats NOT nice !)

Heavens! You might offend Vinapu! 😄