SolaceSoul

I first started going out to gay and mixed bars and hanging out in street scenes in the mid 1980s when I was a teenager and used fake IDs. During that time, every week, they were dropping like flies: AIDS, drug addiction. I would literally go out one Saturday and the next Friday another club or bar regular would have died. I learned very quickly how to calculate my risks that if I wanted to live the kind of life I wanted to live — which was a lucrative, enjoyable one on my terms, and a long, healthy one. I have never practiced unsafe sexual intercourse with either sex. I have never once done recreational or mind-altering drugs. I try my best to maintain a clear, sober head and learned to fine tune my “sixth sense” about potentially dangerous or toxic situations and people. But nothing is risk-free. Even with those self-imposed parameters, I have had a few “close calls” that, had my mind not been as clear, it could’ve been much worse. So, I try to never get too cocky or confident, because karma is a bitch. BTW, none of the men that I remember from my 80s scene, but for one, are still alive. I’m comfortable and quite happy with what you call a “safe” life strategy.

I don’t know you and don’t know your experiences and what kinds of calculated risks that you take, so I cannot comment on what has obviously worked for you. However, I do know that what works best for me may not work best for Tom or may not work best for you. And it especially might not work best for a poster who, unlike me, didn’t grow up hanging out in seedy strips and dealing with street trade in multiple international cities since his late teens, which is about 30 years of experience. There is slight danger in glamourizing scenarios that, for the uninitiated, vulnerable or wet behind the ears, have much greater potential for danger. My personal philosophy is “Life is beautiful. It definitely beats the alternative.” Like a Rorschach blot, that can be viewed any number of ways, even regarding this conversation.

I often would travel with a friend, recently deceased, who had one of the most charming and effusive personalities of anyone I’ve ever met. He was also very handsome — like a retired, refined male model and always has a megawatt smile. He never had much money and always traveled on a tight budget, but he lived for the saunas and hustler bars in other countries. Whenever we were together, a small crowd of hot boys developed. I attributed a lot of that to my friend’s charm, personality and effusive smile winning everyone over — but don’t get it twisted, we did also foot the bill. Now, I am certain that most of these boys would prefer to be with someone who they like and who is also paying them, over someone whose company they either don’t like or just tolerate. My friend was not stupid or naive: he knew that even after all the smiles, laughs and giggles, the boys still expected to be paid and/or to have all their entrance fees, travel, lodging, meals and drinks to be comped. The point is that there are people in the world like my travel buddy (RIP) or Tomcal with the great gift of presence that people just find appealing and want to be around them. But you also do need to give the boys great gifts and presents that they find appealing in order for them to want to stay around you. Money can’t make someone like you (although some good ones can really fake it!).

I realize that you think you’re being cute here, but for those who read this board and may get confused by your attempt to get too clever by half: Whether the men you may meet are fresh out of prison street trade, a pickup from a disco, a Grindr or Craigslist hookup, or escorts or hustlers from the streets, bars or working saunas in Rio or Santo Domingo, there have been A NUMBER OF true tales of gay/bi/closeted American and European men being killed by working boys — and killed for a lot less than they would’ve been worth if the boy had simply maintained or developed a working relationship with him. Here’s just one murder that occurred a few years ago to a colleague of mine, who actually had a second home in Santo Domingo, and knew one of the boys who murdered him quite well as a regular. One day, the boy and a friend decided they would “set him up” and take him for his money. I believe they took less than $200 in cash after they beat him, strangled him and suffocated him in his own house. Oh, and BTW, the deceased was NOT some old, dried-up, unattractive prune — he was actually an in-shape, attractive 55 year old guy who worked out, jogged, played tennis and spoke Spanish. https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/arrests-in-slaying-of-washington-dc-attorney-in-dominican-republic/

A fool who goes ANYWHERE, especially a foreign metropolitan city, for the very first time, rents a private house or apartment, and simultaneously brings back multiple guys that he doesn’t know is about to be a dead fool. This most likely is not something that Tomcal started doing on his first few visits. It’s not a “garoto” thing.

I disagree. Obsessing over others’ motives can ruin your life. Regarding the above instance, if the boys are there with Tomcal (or any of us, for that matter) because they like his money, his house, or his winning personality.... why does it matter? Everyone is getting exactly what they want (unless it’s romantic, storybook, true love — then sorry, you’re out of luck and if that’s what you seek, the WTF are you doing on this website? Might I suggest Match.com instead?). Tom seems to be living his best authentic life and has the financial means to make it happen. The boys he is with seem to be getting paid in some agreed-upon form or fashion AND enjoying themselves along the way. I don’t want to speak for him, but Tom really doesn’t seem to be the type (unlike a few others on this board, perhaps even the poster I am responding to, based on his above posts) that deluded himself into thinking that these guys would be hanging with him if he weren’t a good material provider — great company or not. He seems more like the “it is what is is / que sera, sera / live and let live” / I-Ching philosophy type that accepts the arrangements for what they are — and this is probably why he seems to enjoy himself so much and get along with so many of the boys so well. That being said, there are probably some people whose personalities are so nasty or caustic that even a well-paid date would cut the date short or give a refund.

An interesting read, whether you’re already familiar with Brazil’s “peculiar” relationship with race or not: “Ever since his “It’s not like I’m black, you know?” comment, Neymar has served as a focal point in Brazil’s cultural reckoning with racism, whitening, identity and public policy.” https://mobile.nytimes.com/2018/06/30/opinion/is-neymar-black-brazil-and-the-painful-relativity-of-race.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur

But what will he tell “Mother” (he actually calls his own wife this)? That guy is one seriously sexually frustrates closet case. http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2018/mar/27/does-mike-pence-call-his-wife-mother/

Underwear briefs / boxers and swim trunks are always acceptable wear at saunas or bathhouses. BTW, I visited Sauna Thermas for about a week in the middle of May, a bit over a month ago, and the front desk always provided two towels: a smaller one that was about the size of a hand towel, and a larger bath towel that would definitely fit someone with a waist at least as large as 40”. My 32” waist had more than enough leftover towel to tuck in, so I’d guess that guys that have about 10 or so more inches of girth around the waist than me could wrap the house towels around their waists. That being said, nothing is stopping anyone from wearing undies or swim trunks, or wearing their own XXL bath towel or beach towel.

It’s a SAUNA. If you want to remain in your street clothes, there are plenty of restaurants and bars around the corner. Not that anyone would be looking at you (the clients are there for the working boys and the working boys are there for the money), but if you are truly that uncomfortable being seen by others in a towel, then perhaps it’s just best for you to hire working boys from the ads that will come to your hotel room. I often travel with one of my good friends who is VERY large (I’m estimating he is in the high 300s at his largest, although lately he has been losing a little). He has no problem putting on a towel (he brings one that is large enough for him, just in case, and then he will take the one given by the sauna to wrap over his shoulders, as he is insecure about his man boobs). He has NO problem with meeting and securing pay dates with working boys. In some or most cases, I believe he is asked to pay more than average, but as I am not privy to the final negotiation, I cannot confirm this. I just know what he has told me he pays is a bit more than what is the norm. That could be attributed to a host of factors other than his size: unskilled negotiation, his willingness to pay more, the acts or time he is requesting, etc. The point is: when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Wear the appropriate attire in a sauna.

In my case, 3 years would be too long FOR ME. If I could make it three months with the same one guy, I’d feel accomplished. So if the guy left me after 3 years, he would be doing me a big favor. I most likely would’ve ended it way before that, and given him the freedom he wants. My philosophy is that if someone would rather not be with you, call them an Uber. But regarding your prenup, one of my best friends from college and his wife of 20+ years went through a divorce involving tens of millions of dollars and a post-nup drawn up during the marriage. It was invalidated by the judge as onerous, one-sided (no consideration given in exchange for the agreement) and unfair to the husband, who had earned far less money than the wife in the final years of the marriage. They ended up doing a multi-million dollar settlement in exchange for alimony.

Sao Gonçalo is a 45 minute drive from Ipanema, on the other side of the Guanabara Bay. You sure you want to do that? Maybe just do one overnight there, so that he doesn’t feel offended.

I have a male cousin my exact age who, a few years ago, married his second wife. She’s a woman he met on a trip to the Dominican Republic — in Sosua. Anyone who knows anything about the DR, or heterosexual sex tourism, or prostitution period, has heard of Sosua. It’s almost exclusively for male sex tourists wanting to meet beautiful Dominican female hos on the cheap. Apparently he fell in love with a Sosua woman, married her, and about 6-8 months later, brought her to the States on a marriage visa (along with her teenaged daughter). I also must mention that my cousin has a really bad habit of lying about his wealth and success in order to impress more impressionable women. I am certain that he told her that the house that he lived in was his, when it is really his parents and the mortgage is far from paid off, and that his annual income was much greater than it really is. Well, as soon as she got here to the US, she quickly got knocked up, and pumped out his baby, and when that two year minimum hit, she applied to remove the restrictions from her temporary green card, filed for divorce based on verbal abuse and neglect, was granted a permanent green card, a divorce and child support. She now spends her time with Dominican-American men in the USA who are much hotter and more interesting than my dumbass cousin.

In general, I loathe reality shows but I live for this hot mess of a show, as well as it’s new sister show, “Love After Lockup” (which is about exactly what it sounds like it is). My only suggestion is these shoes really need gay couples — the drama and dysfunction would be tenfold.

Don’t hate the playa, hate the game. What... you mean to tell me your friend thought it was all about love? Tsk tsk.. A fiancé visa differs from a marriage-based green card. The latter is secured a minimum of two years after the sponsoring American spouse and the immigrant have been legally married and holding the temporary green card that is provided a few months after the marriage visa is granted. The former is sponsored by the American citizen, and can only be applied for and granted while the immigrant is abroad. The purpose is to test the relationship and prepare for a valid marriage in a 90-day period. If the American sponsor decides not to marry the foreigner within the 90 days, the foreigner must leave the country or he becomes a visa overstay. There is no possible adjustment of status in this case. For example, if Venezuelan Victor is on a K1 visa with Jimmy from Kansas City, and Victor meets Cindy Sue and prefers to be with her, Cindy Sue can’t do nothing for him. If Jimmy decides not to marry Victor within 90 days, Victor has to leave the country (at Jimmy’s expense) and can only legally return on another visa altogether. He couldn’t marry Cindy Sue, or Brad, or Old Man Fred, or get a work visa while he is here on Jimmy’s sponsored fiancé visa. And with a “failed” engagement, there is no risk of alimony.

I prefer to call it “experienced”. LOL

There’s no such thing as an airtight prenup — especially when one of the spouses enters into the marriage with nothing and the other has everything. You will most likely pay some “go away” money. Just tell the kid that you’re already married. In the USA, polygamous marriages are unrecognized. Or just bring him to the states on a K-1 (fiancé) 90-day visa, and break up with him before the 89th day and send him back home.

I already suspected such, but for newer posters who might not be familiar with your method, it would’ve been useful if you had originally posted that the information in which you were sharing is from 15-16 years ago.

Of course, something like this would absolutely never happen at the murderous hands of a nice older white man in North America. Oh, wait... https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna865071

YMMV, but personally I wouldn’t be interested in “importing” a guy to one place that is less exciting (for me) to a place that is more exciting (for me). IOW, Rio for me is the ultimate, and Brasilia is just blah. There are plenty of pebbles in the sand at the beaches of Rio, while Brasilia is not a place where one can find a plethora of available hot guys (that are MY type — again, YMMV). So, importing a date from Brasilia to Rio is the very definition of bringing sand to the beach. Also, I would guess that ANY boy that lived in Brasilia would crawl over broken glass for a paid trip to Rio with accommodations in Zona Sul. That’s like asking a guy who lives in St. Louis if he’d like an all expenses paid weekend trip to Los Angeles. Now, if I had a trip planned to Brasilia, I would most definitely consider importing a Rio boy as a companion. But maybe Rio just doesn’t do it for you like that? If you truly require companionship in Rio, you can find it in Rio. Unless you really, really like this Brasilia boy, I don’t see why you can’t find a gorgeous guy already in Rio who suits you to be an overnight or daily companion. For the record, I absolutely love daily or overnight companions. I’m the type that likes to sleep with someone whose company I enjoy, and I’m careful to whom I extend such offers. I don’t do it nightly or daily on my trips, but I do always do them when I travel, and I select the ones that I really clicked with. I have almost never been disappointed in Brazil with these kinds of companions.

I don’t think Marcelo Vidal (not Armstrong, I don’t know where axiom got that surname from!) does Rocinho tours anymore because of the danger factor. However, he may still do Santa Marta favela tours. SM overlooks Botafogo and has the Michael Jackson statue st the top (he shot a segment of a music video there in 1996). https://youtu.be/QNJL6nfu__Q Santa Marta was always safer than Rocinho, and was in the process of being gentrified and pacified, but with all the current violence and bad economy, it’s best to check with the locals and contact Marcelo directly. Marcelo Vidal info@riogaytraveller.com

They used to have a Citibank in the Barra section of Salvador as well, just blocks away from the most popular beach. Unfortunately, the last time I went, it was shut down permanently.

Yes, that is ill advised, particularly under our current fascist wannabe dictator who has a hardon for getting rid of non-Norwegian immigrants. But to be cleR, ANYONE here in the USA on a tourist visa cannot earn one penny doing ANYTHING — escorting, modeling, massage, sacking groceries, picking strawberries — anything. I know of at least one case where a young man (now very popular on I stagram) from another country was refused his US second tourist visa because it was discovered that during his first trip to the USA, a photographer bought him a plane ticket and hotel accommodations for an unpaid photo shoot.

As well as in Europe. But no garoto would br granted a work visa for that “job” — in fact, there’s a related question on the USCIS form that if answered “yes”, would prevent any travel or immigration to the USA — especially if it occurred in the last 10 years. (Technically, there are also clients who could be barred from travel into the USA and certain other countries for the same thing. So, Nervous Nellies, beware.)

I personally haven’t had that experience there. As I mentioned before, I have only witnessed one guy at Lagoa that I would categorize physically as “AAA” (stellar in looks and body) who remained fully clothed and was surrounded / guarded by a client or clients, and made it clear through non-verbal cues that he was off-limits. But there were several others there that I’d qualify as “AAA” that were more available, so it didn’t make any difference to me. Some guys and girls (working or not) just don’t want the one-offs, and will only flip their switch for someone who can provide for them in sufficient quantity on a regular basis. I refer to this phenomenon as the “I’m not THAT type of ho” mentality: “I’m not a hooker or a street walker, I’m a call girl, or a kept woman.” My only suggestion for a solution to this “problem” you’re seem to be having is to re-invent yourself somehow as a sugar daddy at Lagoa. Of course, the main ingredient needed to be a sugar daddy Is plenty of sugar.