SolaceSoul

Sorry I hit a nerve. The need to rescue usually says more about the person trying to rescue than the Rapunzel / Damsel in Distress / Pretty Woman that the person is trying to rescue. Co-dependency is the term used in addiction circles. It’s okay. You defensively think I’m judging or attacking you, but I’m just identifying what it is. Just own it. We all have our crosses to bear.

2010 - 2011? You missed the Golden Age of Street Trade in New York City by about 20 years. You can thank Ghouliani for the destruction of street life and club life in NYC. If you didn’t experience this, then you have no idea what a gold standard is.

Oh, Missy Ann. You still suffer from Captain Save-A-Ho Syndrome? Don’t try to save trade. Trade doesn’t want to be saved. Just enjoy trade for what trade is. Please note: this rule also applies to strippers, escorts, gogo boys, masseurs, sauna boys, streetwalkers, hustlers, porn stars, webcam models and any and all sex workers.

As an “ethnic” guy who started going to gay bars in the USA and Europe pretty early in life, I’d like to respond. “Oh, is that what that was?”

Oh, but I DO have conversation with my big muscleheads. We discuss gym, sports, soccer, fast cars, luxury cars, athletic gear, training, supplements, the beach, travel, dieting, post-diet foods, competitions, The Rock movies, Vin Diesel movies and Jason Statham movies. It’s like a script. Maybe he’s born with it. Maybe it’s Maybelline.

Hey! Nothing wrong with brainless muscle hunks. Some of us love them big and stupid. If I wanted conversation, I have good Judy girlfriends for that. (That being said, the two in the above photo do absolutely nothing for me at all — too blonde, too pale, and a little too skinny for my tastes. But to each his own. Viva la difference!)

Not that anyone asked, but I agree that it depends on the person, the parties involved, the place, the time and the circumstances. I have been hiring almost as long as I’ve been messing with guys (the former started in my very early 20s out of college, the latter started in my teens). A few years later, I was working and traveling internationally, and hiring as well as just casual dating / sexing non-hires. Often times, the lines were so blurred, that it was hard to distinguish between what was a date and what was a hire — whether in or out of the USA. One of my all-time favorites was a “straight” guy I met in NYC through a connect who very briefly advertised as a masseur for women. First time, he came over, we both had a great time and connected, and I paid his regular asking massage price. Then, for about once a month for maybe 3 years, he would call me and just want to come over and chill overnight — which always meant sex and sleep. He never asked me for anything else, and I’d only hear from him when he wanted to do this. Our relationship was nothing more, nothing less. Like Tomcal says above about his friend Florida Rob, I also often prefer overnights when I travel. Whenever I travel to Rio or Santo Domingo in particular, I have a few that are waiting to do overnights with me. As much as they may seem to enjoy it as much as I do, I always provide them with a nice, parting presente / regalo in the AM, because (1) I can more than afford it, (2) they can certainly use it, and (3) I prefer doing it. I don’t and never have viewed these exchanges as some sort of measure of someone's unattractiveness, or unloveableness, or inability to love or get a “real relationship” (whatever that is). I have had more than enough false starts at “real love” to know that NOT hurting and actually enjoying yourself feels SO much better, is much better for the soul, and is much more therapeutic. We all know the argument, “but for the money, would they still be there?” I can guarantee you that this question can also be used for subject matter other than money, such as physical appearance. For those who are considered to be nice looking, or for those who are very physically built — but for your looks or body, would some of the men or women that you have dated or met still be interested? If some of the escorts or sauna boys that we pursue had lost their looks or their nice builds — or for those into this, their ability to get or maintain an erection — would we also still be interested? Why would we expect others to behave so saintly and magnanimously when we ourselves have our own selfish, prurient interests in people? A bit hypocritical, is it not?

This also applies to men (and women) who perceive themselves as being much more physically attractive than others actually do. Entitlement issues, indeed.

What’s ironic is that most people who view me personally think that my life, experiences and travels are pretty exciting. But to some, I suppose that my life is just and ho-him mundane because I don’t fuck raw or snort drugs up my nose. This is why you should not live your life to please or entertain others. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This thread is going in so many directions, but Cunanan was only a moderately attractively young gay guy-cum-escort and wasn’t able to snag the coveted trophy boy status that the Adonis boys with model looks and sculpted physiques in and around South Beach and Fire Island would get from rich older sugar daddies. This D-level status infuriated him. He wanted to be part of a club that restricted him because of his sheer mediocrity. His envy and desire for entry into a world of more that was denied to him seemed to be his motivation— well, that and being plain batshit kray kray.

But that’s just it: no one asked you. No one cares how you live your life except you. Do what works for you.

Santa Monica and La Brea, where the street trade, tranny hookers and cruisers in cars’ worlds would collide at the Carl’s Jr. 42nd and 8th Ave., or the West Side Highway and Christopher Street. The days when there was a Krystal’s on Peachtree in midtown Atlanta. Areas around various federal statues and libraries in DC. Collins Avenue in Miami Beach. Lower Westheimer and Elgin in Houston. Behind the Cedar Springs clubs to Maple in Dallas. Some downtown Chicago streets whose names I already forgot. Even St. Catherine in Montreal. Yes, Ms. Ann, those days are gone. May these old hot spots and trade-laden blocks Rest In Peace. International travel is the closest thing to this scene, now. (Sorry that your thread was diverted, Tom!)

I first started going out to gay and mixed bars and hanging out in street scenes in the mid 1980s when I was a teenager and used fake IDs. During that time, every week, they were dropping like flies: AIDS, drug addiction. I would literally go out one Saturday and the next Friday another club or bar regular would have died. I learned very quickly how to calculate my risks that if I wanted to live the kind of life I wanted to live — which was a lucrative, enjoyable one on my terms, and a long, healthy one. I have never practiced unsafe sexual intercourse with either sex. I have never once done recreational or mind-altering drugs. I try my best to maintain a clear, sober head and learned to fine tune my “sixth sense” about potentially dangerous or toxic situations and people. But nothing is risk-free. Even with those self-imposed parameters, I have had a few “close calls” that, had my mind not been as clear, it could’ve been much worse. So, I try to never get too cocky or confident, because karma is a bitch. BTW, none of the men that I remember from my 80s scene, but for one, are still alive. I’m comfortable and quite happy with what you call a “safe” life strategy.

I don’t know you and don’t know your experiences and what kinds of calculated risks that you take, so I cannot comment on what has obviously worked for you. However, I do know that what works best for me may not work best for Tom or may not work best for you. And it especially might not work best for a poster who, unlike me, didn’t grow up hanging out in seedy strips and dealing with street trade in multiple international cities since his late teens, which is about 30 years of experience. There is slight danger in glamourizing scenarios that, for the uninitiated, vulnerable or wet behind the ears, have much greater potential for danger. My personal philosophy is “Life is beautiful. It definitely beats the alternative.” Like a Rorschach blot, that can be viewed any number of ways, even regarding this conversation.

I often would travel with a friend, recently deceased, who had one of the most charming and effusive personalities of anyone I’ve ever met. He was also very handsome — like a retired, refined male model and always has a megawatt smile. He never had much money and always traveled on a tight budget, but he lived for the saunas and hustler bars in other countries. Whenever we were together, a small crowd of hot boys developed. I attributed a lot of that to my friend’s charm, personality and effusive smile winning everyone over — but don’t get it twisted, we did also foot the bill. Now, I am certain that most of these boys would prefer to be with someone who they like and who is also paying them, over someone whose company they either don’t like or just tolerate. My friend was not stupid or naive: he knew that even after all the smiles, laughs and giggles, the boys still expected to be paid and/or to have all their entrance fees, travel, lodging, meals and drinks to be comped. The point is that there are people in the world like my travel buddy (RIP) or Tomcal with the great gift of presence that people just find appealing and want to be around them. But you also do need to give the boys great gifts and presents that they find appealing in order for them to want to stay around you. Money can’t make someone like you (although some good ones can really fake it!).

I realize that you think you’re being cute here, but for those who read this board and may get confused by your attempt to get too clever by half: Whether the men you may meet are fresh out of prison street trade, a pickup from a disco, a Grindr or Craigslist hookup, or escorts or hustlers from the streets, bars or working saunas in Rio or Santo Domingo, there have been A NUMBER OF true tales of gay/bi/closeted American and European men being killed by working boys — and killed for a lot less than they would’ve been worth if the boy had simply maintained or developed a working relationship with him. Here’s just one murder that occurred a few years ago to a colleague of mine, who actually had a second home in Santo Domingo, and knew one of the boys who murdered him quite well as a regular. One day, the boy and a friend decided they would “set him up” and take him for his money. I believe they took less than $200 in cash after they beat him, strangled him and suffocated him in his own house. Oh, and BTW, the deceased was NOT some old, dried-up, unattractive prune — he was actually an in-shape, attractive 55 year old guy who worked out, jogged, played tennis and spoke Spanish. https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/arrests-in-slaying-of-washington-dc-attorney-in-dominican-republic/

A fool who goes ANYWHERE, especially a foreign metropolitan city, for the very first time, rents a private house or apartment, and simultaneously brings back multiple guys that he doesn’t know is about to be a dead fool. This most likely is not something that Tomcal started doing on his first few visits. It’s not a “garoto” thing.

I disagree. Obsessing over others’ motives can ruin your life. Regarding the above instance, if the boys are there with Tomcal (or any of us, for that matter) because they like his money, his house, or his winning personality.... why does it matter? Everyone is getting exactly what they want (unless it’s romantic, storybook, true love — then sorry, you’re out of luck and if that’s what you seek, the WTF are you doing on this website? Might I suggest Match.com instead?). Tom seems to be living his best authentic life and has the financial means to make it happen. The boys he is with seem to be getting paid in some agreed-upon form or fashion AND enjoying themselves along the way. I don’t want to speak for him, but Tom really doesn’t seem to be the type (unlike a few others on this board, perhaps even the poster I am responding to, based on his above posts) that deluded himself into thinking that these guys would be hanging with him if he weren’t a good material provider — great company or not. He seems more like the “it is what is is / que sera, sera / live and let live” / I-Ching philosophy type that accepts the arrangements for what they are — and this is probably why he seems to enjoy himself so much and get along with so many of the boys so well. That being said, there are probably some people whose personalities are so nasty or caustic that even a well-paid date would cut the date short or give a refund.

An interesting read, whether you’re already familiar with Brazil’s “peculiar” relationship with race or not: “Ever since his “It’s not like I’m black, you know?” comment, Neymar has served as a focal point in Brazil’s cultural reckoning with racism, whitening, identity and public policy.” https://mobile.nytimes.com/2018/06/30/opinion/is-neymar-black-brazil-and-the-painful-relativity-of-race.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur

But what will he tell “Mother” (he actually calls his own wife this)? That guy is one seriously sexually frustrates closet case. http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2018/mar/27/does-mike-pence-call-his-wife-mother/

Underwear briefs / boxers and swim trunks are always acceptable wear at saunas or bathhouses. BTW, I visited Sauna Thermas for about a week in the middle of May, a bit over a month ago, and the front desk always provided two towels: a smaller one that was about the size of a hand towel, and a larger bath towel that would definitely fit someone with a waist at least as large as 40”. My 32” waist had more than enough leftover towel to tuck in, so I’d guess that guys that have about 10 or so more inches of girth around the waist than me could wrap the house towels around their waists. That being said, nothing is stopping anyone from wearing undies or swim trunks, or wearing their own XXL bath towel or beach towel.

It’s a SAUNA. If you want to remain in your street clothes, there are plenty of restaurants and bars around the corner. Not that anyone would be looking at you (the clients are there for the working boys and the working boys are there for the money), but if you are truly that uncomfortable being seen by others in a towel, then perhaps it’s just best for you to hire working boys from the ads that will come to your hotel room. I often travel with one of my good friends who is VERY large (I’m estimating he is in the high 300s at his largest, although lately he has been losing a little). He has no problem putting on a towel (he brings one that is large enough for him, just in case, and then he will take the one given by the sauna to wrap over his shoulders, as he is insecure about his man boobs). He has NO problem with meeting and securing pay dates with working boys. In some or most cases, I believe he is asked to pay more than average, but as I am not privy to the final negotiation, I cannot confirm this. I just know what he has told me he pays is a bit more than what is the norm. That could be attributed to a host of factors other than his size: unskilled negotiation, his willingness to pay more, the acts or time he is requesting, etc. The point is: when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Wear the appropriate attire in a sauna.

In my case, 3 years would be too long FOR ME. If I could make it three months with the same one guy, I’d feel accomplished. So if the guy left me after 3 years, he would be doing me a big favor. I most likely would’ve ended it way before that, and given him the freedom he wants. My philosophy is that if someone would rather not be with you, call them an Uber. But regarding your prenup, one of my best friends from college and his wife of 20+ years went through a divorce involving tens of millions of dollars and a post-nup drawn up during the marriage. It was invalidated by the judge as onerous, one-sided (no consideration given in exchange for the agreement) and unfair to the husband, who had earned far less money than the wife in the final years of the marriage. They ended up doing a multi-million dollar settlement in exchange for alimony.

Sao Gonçalo is a 45 minute drive from Ipanema, on the other side of the Guanabara Bay. You sure you want to do that? Maybe just do one overnight there, so that he doesn’t feel offended.

I have a male cousin my exact age who, a few years ago, married his second wife. She’s a woman he met on a trip to the Dominican Republic — in Sosua. Anyone who knows anything about the DR, or heterosexual sex tourism, or prostitution period, has heard of Sosua. It’s almost exclusively for male sex tourists wanting to meet beautiful Dominican female hos on the cheap. Apparently he fell in love with a Sosua woman, married her, and about 6-8 months later, brought her to the States on a marriage visa (along with her teenaged daughter). I also must mention that my cousin has a really bad habit of lying about his wealth and success in order to impress more impressionable women. I am certain that he told her that the house that he lived in was his, when it is really his parents and the mortgage is far from paid off, and that his annual income was much greater than it really is. Well, as soon as she got here to the US, she quickly got knocked up, and pumped out his baby, and when that two year minimum hit, she applied to remove the restrictions from her temporary green card, filed for divorce based on verbal abuse and neglect, was granted a permanent green card, a divorce and child support. She now spends her time with Dominican-American men in the USA who are much hotter and more interesting than my dumbass cousin.