hank75

I appreciated not having to zoom in to compensate for failing eyesight 😂😂

Maybe he didn’t enjoy the massage

Perhaps that wheelchair may move to Thailand

100% but so many shades of grey to this topic and a mutually beneficial relationship isn’t always an insincere one

I don’t think so. Everything you’ve mentioned would be a cause of concern to me. I’ll preface my comments by saying this isn’t a criticism of you but notes from personal experience. Attributing relationship red flags to “cultural differences” and overlooking them is at best naive, at worst dangerous. You’ve given us little information to go on. Where did you meet him? In a bar? Was he formerly or even currently a working boy? Or if you met him on Grindr, has he ever accepted payment for hook ups? Does he have other “partners”? This could be cultural or simply down to personality. I’m inclined to say it’s only partly cultural. Thai people are known to be indirect or suppress their feelings (especially when it’s confrontational or uncomfortable) but while not communicative, they’re known to be affectionate and if not by words, by actions. Such as showing commitment to the partnership, never flaking out or making unexpected changes, being contactable nearly all of the time, transparent about who they’re going out with. It could be personality, there’s nothing wrong with being emotionally reserved. But combined with your suspicion he’s not being honest and being uncontactable on nights out, clearly you feel something isn’t right otherwise you wouldn’t be posting here. Gut feelings shouldn’t be ignored. What’s the worst case scenario? He doesn’t have sincere feelings for you at the moment and is with you for his own reasons. Then, do you think he’s genuinely open to building a foundation where his feelings can blossom over time and your worries are slowly erased? There is nothing wrong with this either. I’m in agreement with their other members here who have responded. Unless you’re ready to cut things off, there’s no point overthinking things but for your own sake, be observant and don’t keep giving him a free pass based on “cultural differences” I expect many of your questions will be answered after spending time together in two weeks.

If you maintain contact, I’m sure you’ll see him again and then you can hug and spoil him to your heart’s content! How well I know this feeling and many others here too I’m sure!!

Thank you for asking, it’s been a year and half now (before I met him) and while the grief has subsided there are emotional scars. He still gets choked up talking about his father, was depressed for a long time after, and when I first knew him he had signs of clinical depression. Now he’s back home for an extended period because greedy relatives were bullying his widowed mother and trying to seize their land. All his female siblings work in Thailand too (not in bars) so his mother was alone.

You sound like a great guy with a good heart but based on what my regular guy told me about his father’s passing last year, I personally would not send for these reasons: If he were truly in need he would have taken you up on the offer when you asked, or reached out again once the offer sunk in Since he is not respnsive to your offer, asking him again might make him feel pressured to accept out of courtesy. Then you would have to coordinate logistics of getting bank details or him to do cash pick up from Western Union or similar. You do not know if it’s possible to send money to Laos bank account or (if he is from a rural family) if he is anywhere in proximity to a cash pick up point. Your goodwill may instead become a hassle to him especially if you only plan to send a small amount. If you send to his Thai bank account (assuming he has one) I’m sure it would be gratefully received but may not have much impact as his mind is focused on his family and being with them in Laos. Of course if you plan to send a significant amount of money to make the hassle worthwhile, please ignore me but would advise against since you have only met him 3 times. When my guy’s father passed unexpectedly his life was completely upended. He felt a tremendous amount of guilt for not being by his deathbed, worry for his widowed mother and mental stress from suddenly becoming the only man in a rural farming household…and he was just a bar boy who had been away from the farm for years. I don’t know your boy’s situation but grief and worry can be complicated. My advice is to send him a message saying you’re thinking of him, would like to see him again, and to let you know when he’s back at work. This way he can feel reassured knowing he can make up loss in earnings when he’s ready to return, and his customers haven’t moved on. But this is just my two cents and no matter what you choose (even if you’ve already sent money) as vinapu says, a kind heart and good karma will find its way. No wrong choices here.

Would a short trip to a neighbouring country trigger a reset ?

Don’t worry we will all be jail with you 😄

You just can’t let it go can you? Because I have lived with a Cambodian boy, who went on multiple visa runs, usually with the express visa fee paid by me; and was shown the passport and visa on his return. I also knew his cousin and many Cambodian friends who overstayed their visas even before border tensions, because they were too busy/lazy/didn’t want to pay the visa fee to make the visa run. One boy had been in Thailand non stop for 3 years without returning to Cambodia because he couldn’t be bothered to renew his visa as he never encountered any problems. They arrive legally at first because they want to open bank accounts, sign rental agreements etc. My guy was a stickler for renewing his visa because I insisted on it and he had me to pay the express visa fee (I don’t recall exactly - was likely 8000) which is more than the other guys without sponsors wanted to pay every 60 days, along with the weeklong trip that meant no earnings. My use of overstaying is specific to Cambodians. You will notice I referred to my current guy as undocumented which is accurate for his case. They aren’t from going home. They are from returning to Thailand by Thai border officials and the Thai embassy in Phnom Penh clamping down on the issuing of 60 days visas (or any visa tiers that the bar boys could easily access). My sense is you have limited or no actual understanding of the Cambodian visa process. This is the final time I am responding and only because you asked a direct question. But I will also say that I appreciate your comments came from a good place to help a forum member safeguard himself.

Nearly all Cambodian money boys entered on legal visas and overstayed when the border conflict became too severe for them to easily return home to renew. I had a Cambodian boy for some time and witnessed his multiple visa runs. He returned home before the border tensions but his cousin and roommates are all currently overstaying and continuing to work in bars. Jimmie has already clarified Cam first entered legally. I won’t make assumptions but from what I’ve been told from various bar workers; this happens when the owner does not pay off the police right from the start to not raid his bar. My guy’s bar in Bangkok pays 70,000 monthly. As I’ve said, whether under table money, or a fine, money still solves the issue and no one yet has been hauled off to jail. I don’t see Jimmie planning to operate a Jomtien bar that chooses not to buy into the local protection racket, so perhaps this debate is best paused here and we can return the topic of how to save Jimmie’s wallet if not his heart ….

As I was typing the above message my regular guy called me on a Line. He was undocumented for part of last year. I asked him if his bar minded if he was undocumented and allowed him to work. His answer was succinct: “They not care I no passport. They care I fat or not fat.” Hope this gave everyone a laugh. Happy Tuesday!

For goodness sakes I wasn’t suggesting Jimmie or any forum members help a boy “evade arrest”. If there is an actual warrant out for arrest then clearly harboring is illegal. My point is simply to stop overdramatizing matters and clutching pearls. Silom is stuffed full of overstayers, even at the bigger bars. These same overstayers have hundreds of customers, Thai and foreign. There have been multiple cases of police checks and an accepted system of payments. I have yet to hear of any boy being flung into prison. Neither have I heard of any farang getting in trouble for engaging an overstaying money boy. If anyone wants to be pedantic about it, prostitution and solicitation are prohibited under Thai law too so let’s just shut down the whole industry while we’re about it. The Prevention And Suppression of Prostitution Act states: Anyone who associates with another person in a prostitution establishment for the purpose of prostitution will be imprisoned for up to 1 month and fined no more than 1,000 THB. Penalties increase after repeated offenses, and deportation and blacklisting from Thailand are also possible. Furthermore, should the solicitation violate other laws and codes, as detailed below, the penalties can accumulate.

I’ve had this arrangement before. The bar permitted it as more boys on stage meant attracting more customers, but they were far from thrilled. My guy asked me every now and then to go into the bar for drinks to demonstrate he was still bringing in income. Naturally this included tips to mamasan and bar manager to keep them happy. He ostensibly took offs to drink with customers at other bars, DJ or GOD, or when invited for karaoke. So he wasn’t entirely off-less. This was of course a slippery slope and descent into the sheer madness of trying to unpick truth from lies. I do believe for what it’s worth he did enter into this arrangement in good faith and tried to maintain his end of the bargain…for a while. I have mixed feelings about this kind of arrangement. It’s the most logical set up as it prevents the boy from getting bored and lets him earn some side income. But the level of trust has to be off the charts and I wouldn’t recommend it for the heartache it can cause when it inevitably fails.