Londoner

Olddaddy is correct; sadly. An old friend died recently; I was the only person in the world who knew he was gay, apart from a few mbs I persuaded him to meet on trips To Thailand with me. When I was at his funeral, I looked around at the mourners, family and friends, and realised that I was the only person at that grave-side who "knew" him, including two brothers, one of whom was a twin. It was a feeling both disconcerting and depressing.

Old age has its blessings...possibly...but one problem in store for you youngsters, if you stay healthy, is to see your friends and family die before you. Make the most of these relationships while you can.

I didn't mention this but an old Italian guy was sweet to us....I think he too felt the unease. P and I didn't discuss it until after lunch; we both felt it simultaneously. By the way, P was about thirty-two at the time. I concur with a-447 as regards Pattaya. And Chiang Mai and Krabi though a Phuket khatoey show girl was offensive to him once in Patong's Walking Street.. probably out of jealousy!

As a newbie, in olden times, I was diffident being seen in a MB's company. When I offed a guy, I whisked him into Ambiance or wherever as fast as I could. After years of this, I met P and recall taking him to Tuc Com to buy a phone- yes, yes, I know that's a cliché- and suddenly realised that it was the first time I'd ventured out of Boyztown with a companion. Now I don't give a d**n, whether it be Thailand, Laos, Bali and (I hope) London soon. But the memory of that couple on the Phi Phi trip still vexes me. And P as well, who'd been looking forward to that day for a long time.

I don't blame you; our discomfort was measured in hours, not days. And, so I believe, on cruises you are forced to share a table with the same people for the duration, whether you like it (or them) or not.

I'm sympathetic to Olddaddy's concerns. A few years back, P and I took a boat trip from Krabi to Phi Phi and found being confined to the company of falang straight, elderly couples dispiriting. The jaunt included a lunch on Phi Phi in which we found ourselves forced to share a table with a couple whose disdain was palpable. We made our excuses, as they say, and left. it was the last time that we took a group tour.

Anybody who has a friend who is hiv+, and I have two in Thailand, will warn us not to believe that it has gone, or even more dangerously, that it is no longer a big deal. A variety of problems may continue throughout life, including weight-loss, residual fatigue, problems with teeth and even sight. The recent Covid pandemic , as may other similar ones that follow it, has fed on the vulnerability of hiv+ victims. And I am referring to two people who are fully-up-to-date with their medication. Put simply, it is a lifetime of worry. And so I'd advise insistence on condoms for both partners, including for oral sex, in full knowledge that the chances of infection are small. I've seen what hiv does, not just to the victim but to those who love him or her. I also wear a seat belt in my car, though I've been driving accident-free for over fifty years.

PeterRS's comment about JAL's economy class food interests me because the last thing on my mind when I upgrade to business is the food. I am totally incapable of enjoying it on the flight, preferring to eat prior to departure. As for drink...well, EVA's Business had a splendid wine list on Tuesday and yet the best I could manage was one small glass. EVA no longer have First Class but, many years ago when it was still available on the old 747s, I was "double upgraded" and found myself one of six (?) passengers in First on a BKK-LHR flight. The food and the wine was of luxurious quality, chosen to include the most expensive items available, such as pate de fois gras and caviar. I managed to eat very little of it . And, incidentally no doubt, I suffered stomach pains the next day which have never occurred before or since. Even on Easyjet. I put it down to divine retribution for mixing with the wrong company.

The twelve hour LHR-BKK flight is a trial for me, and bluntly gets more difficult by the year. I promised myself that, after six cancelled trips, this recent trip would include Business, as opposed to Premium Economy, flights. And what a difference this made. It's not just the flight itself but the privileged check-in, immigration and security procedures and then the comfort of a lounge where you can eat and rest in comfort. The only draw back is that after this experience, I shall have to find the money to replicate it for future flights; I'm spoilt!. As it happens, I paid EVA £3000 for the recent ones and £2500 for the next visit. However comfortable the flight, nothing prevents the inevitable jet-lag, from which I'm still suffering after arriving home late on Tuesday. Money doesn't solve everything.

Good point; I'd be interested to know how many retirees have learnt enough Thai to function in rural areas? or whether the thinking is "why bother?"

Olddaddy asks what i would leave behind, well... yes, the NHS was the factor for an ageing diabetic. Particularly when I saw what happened to an American expat friend whose insurance ran -out as he lay in hospital with cancer. Family and friends, yes....though sadly, not really true seventeen years later. But classical music, Chelsea FC (live, not on TV!)and my political activities would all have been deeply missed. And the changing of the seasons- the advent of autumn and of spring in particular. The winter, since you may ask, is ideally spent as much as possible here in Thailand!

But what would we leave behind if we were to locate? I decided back in 2004 when this issue was uppermost in my mind, that frequent visits were the better option for me. And then came Covid.

Yes; this is very much on my mind at the moment. I've also advised P to find an English -speaking lawyer to handle things from his end.

PeterRS can be reassured. I've had a will for decades. The issues of the moment are two-fold; firstly, ensuring that my estate finds its way to two foreign beneficiaries, one in Thailand, the other, possibly complicated, in Palestine. And as quickly as possible in P's case. Secondly, like scott456, , I haven't got family to worry about- the remaining ones do not need my money- but I do have to face the fact that , were I to be disabled mentally in my dotage, I'd need someone to make decisions for me. And that would have to be a lawyer. I'd not wish to burden P with that responsibility. I seem to have turned an amusing and interesting thread into something more dark. Again, sorry.

I listen to music! as a lover of classical music, I know that I shall be without my daily "fix" while I'm away. But I'm not sad about it; i find that I return with renewed gratitude to Mozart, Wagner and Mahler et al and with increased enjoyment. And i nearly forgot; I check my blood-pressure medication for the fiftieth time, having once left some vital tablets at home. Or is it the hundredth?

One of the issues that my generation of Thailand-falangs faces- not youngsters like olddaddy of course- is that now I know that each trip I take may be my last. "Carpe Diem" are the last words I say to myself when climbing into my car for the drive to the airport. It's not just the advent of the Final Curtain, but the increased possibility of ill-health that would make the already arduous journey to BKK beyond my capabilities that haunts me. Then there comes the farewell to P. Will it be the final one? It's not a subject I choose to raise with him directly but the legal and financial implications for him have to be addressed; and he knows that I'm seeing my lawyer about my will when I get home. That embrace as we part company at the airport shortly will be deeply affecting. It always is. So, living each day as if it's your last, something we used to sing, of all places, at Primary School, remains a powerful precept for lovers of Thailand; and even more so for lovers of Thais. i should apologise for adding a melancholic note to an interesting thread but, let's be honest, it has been the elephant in the room, has it not? Or perhaps it's just me.

This thread strikes a chord. And not a pleasant one. I'm in into my third week in Pattaya and am having a great time after thirty months away. Mainly thanks to the efforts of my partner, whose good humour and enjoyment have kept me smiling. However, those thirty months of separation took their toll on me physically and mentally. I lost both my oldest friend and then my brother, both to cancer, and this led to my relationship- my very distant relationship- with P assuming enormous significance. So this trip, on which I lavished time and money, the financial savings from six missed journeys to Thailand , was essential. It has gone well but there have been issues with my stamina. Gone are the late nights; 0300 when I was a butterfly twenty years ago, and 2300 during my nearly eighteen years involvement with P. It's now a 2100 retirement. And I'm always ready. Also gone is my 1800 pre-dinner Singha. Until now, a highlight. A time for reflection. Now that one beer is, bluntly, too much for me. On the credit side, I've swum every day and my bedroom stamina has been excellent. I face the onset of old age with sadness. I was seventy- three when I was last here. Those two missed years have undoubtedly made a big difference to my routines. However, flights and hotels (BKK, Chiang Mai and Jomtien) in November are all booked and paid for, and so I must have some life left in me. The aim is to spend what's left of my existence living as disgracefully as possible!

Even in the Golden Age (for me, that was the late 90s) there were duds. Caveat emptor; we take risks when we invite strangers to our rooms for intimate encounters. Most, in my experience, were either OK or good; a handful were miserable. Mai pen rai.

Green shoots are evident here in Pattaya. Beach Road was almost back to pre-Covid levels in terms of traffic, both human and vehicular, on Saturday night. But that was Saturday when Bangkokians like to visit. Nevertheless, there's plenty here to enjoy, though others can comment on the bars. I'm not sorry I came, despite pangs of sadness at the closure of some favourite places. Back again in November when I suspect that the green shoots will be higher. So my advice to vortexed is yes, come.

Here's the best way......suraksa.p@theagatepattaya.com

We are eating breakfast at Zing. Limited menu but charming service. Unusually good coffee, by the way....and you won't hear me saying that about many places in Thailand. I'd be surprised if any hotel is serving buffet breakfasts when occupancy rates are so low. It's just not profitable to do so. We are booked in Chiang Mai's Amora for November and I was even unable to choose a breakfast option there.

I think you may be right. I remember guys I met in host-bars saying exactly that.

Agate has been our home for recent visits. Rooms in November cost only 1200 bht pn. Gay-friendly with many single gay men enjoying local opportunities. Two swimming-pools, blessedly child-free. East suites are well-appointed but I would suspect that, unlike Agate, subject to noise -pollution from the bars.

I accept that. But in general terms- and of course, I'm writing as someone who has spent much of his life among people of different ethnic backgrounds- I can only note the difference in terms of the level of outrage and compassion expressed in the West when the victims are white. And the national culture is Christian.

I still contribute to Sawatdee. I suppose that the fact that my country has invaded and bombed- or helped to bomb- a number of countries over the past few years makes me wary of casting the first stone at citizens of other countries.