Londoner

Yes....on a clear day! We've been there three times; on one of those trips, we might as well have been in Bangkok so thick was the mist! Except for the fact that it was rather chilly, that is .

This isn't a gay issue but I must recommend a visit to the charming village of Maekampong, an hour or so drive from Chiang Mai. My partner arranged this trip for me without explaining anything about it; he knew I'd like it and wanted to surprise me. He did. In short, it is situated in a beautiful, unspoiled and mountainous country and is distinguished by its wooden houses, tiny temple, numerous restaurants and a commitment to eco-tourism. I didn't see many other falang visitors but it is evidently popular with Thais.

What is worse? the guy who "isn't" the guy you chose? Or the attractive one you offed in a bar who turned out to be a complete dud in the bedroom. I'm not sure, and I have experienced both in my career. The worst in the second category - as handsome a young man as I've ever encountered- had no intention of performing in bed. My futile efforts to arouse him were interrupted by his phone. "It's Mama," he said jumping out of the bed. Something of a passion-killer , not that there had been much of that before Mama phoned. I called it a night. But here's the relevance to the thread. Despite my irritation, I paid him for his twenty minutes, not generously but the minimum of what was the going-rate of that time. Even in those early days of my Pattaya Adventure, I understood that offing a guy isn't like buying a car; you are dealing with a human being in an intensely personal way which makes both parties vulnerable. I count myself fortunate to have experienced nine years of such activities , the vast majority of which were profitable for both parties. If a few haven't been, well, like Oscar Wilde I've been "feasting with panthers". And I'm still with one of them after twenty years.

There can't be many of us who haven't experienced this phenomenon. Tempting as it may be to dismiss the guy angrily, my advice would be to do as OD did and close the appointment without anger. Life is too short- particularly holiday- life in Thailand- to make enemies and although the "correct" thing to do is, as others have said, to express anger and discourage the offender from repeating his transgression, my advice, particularly to the elderly and less robust, is to be be neutral when turning him away. You do not want to encourage hostility from someone who may be "high" on Yaba or for that matter desperate for money. We are, as Oscar Wilde said of his commercial friends, "feasting with panthers". Did I say panthers? Nearly all of the many whom I met in my offing days were pussy-cats. And honest ones. .

There's nothing better than a walk along Jomtien Beach at sunset after a tasty chicken and cashew nuts at Dick's. Then stopping to watch the fifty or so dancers, of varying abilities, putting on a show for their own enjoyment and fitness and for us envious spectators. My genuine admiration is for the handful of elderly falang dancers who gamely go through the motions of trying to keep up with the music by jigging from one foot to another. No one mocks them; their participation, however ungainly, is welcomed Just what the doctor ordered for elderly men.

We lost in Thailand yet again....P and his mates are devastated. The rich, the Bangkok elite and the powerful always get their way. We thought that this time, maybe.....

As Vessey says, it is not a question of physique. My friend began his journey as a "funny khatoey", that is participating in Thai-orientated khatoey shows. I saw one in Pattaya; it presented not only the attractive but competitions for the ugly, for the over-thirties, for the overweight- "Ms Jumbo"- and for the comic. He won the "comic" prize. Another strange manifestation of this phenomenon is in the rural area where P lives, where two very young boys- I mean pre-pubescent- are accepted by the community as prototypes for ladyhood. I was astonished also to hear that the school he attended as teenager held a khatoey show. This was thirty plus years ago; I suspect that attitudes may have changed.

The Internationale , sung in Thai.

Two straight men I know- yes, I do mix outside my community- are obsessive about Thai ladyboys....at a distance I must emphasise. I'm no expert but I have watched the two-way transition of P's cousin, whom I first met as a twenty-three year old in 2006. He was a good-looking, rather femme gay guy. Over the next eight years I watched him slowly but inexorably become "a lady". Hair, jewellery, dresses, speech, behaviour... step by step he was transformed. About thirteen years ago he became a mamasan in one of the "men for ladies" clubs in Third Road, even appearing on Thai TV. Then, when he reached forty, he started moving in the opposite direction and now dresses as a man, if a little eccentrically; and the cosmetics and the dresses are gone. P tells me he still uses Khatoey Argot, of which I understand not a word, but this remains the last vestige of his rather odd gender-journey.

One poster commenting on another topic mentioned an unfortunate experience in a straight hotel; this set me wondering whether such behaviour is commonplace in Thailand. I think not; it is true that when I'm with P in a hotel we don't look like a typical bar-boy and his client; he's now forty-three and I'm.... a little older. However, even considering our earliest trips to hotels outside Bangkok and Pattaya we never faced problems even when he was in his youthful-twenties. Planes, airports, restaurants, hotels....nothing. The only time when we have felt uncomfortable - and I stress felt- was when we were on a Phi Phi Island boat trip from Krabi which included a shared lunch for groups of eight or so tourists. Even then, it was hard to put our collective finger on why we both felt that way and both wanted to leave the table. It certainly wasn't the young Chinese (and noisy) girls who constituted the majority of the passengers. The people whom we felt were embarrassed by us were middle-aged, white and English-speaking. Only outside did we discover that we both felt the same way. An elderly Italian guy on the boat later went out of his way to be friendly to us. Perhaps he had noticed a frisson. A question; would a falang visitor in his fifties with a twenty year old Thai girl arouse cold looks or comments? Was it our sexuality or the assumption that our relationship was commercial that aroused the discomfort?

Your wish is my command....I'll be there in a few weeks. With P. And the squirrels.

I note Travellerdave's comments about the gay clientele at Zing. He recommended Agate to us about six years ago and we've been happy there ever since. I'm sure he's right; Agate's guests are more likely to be families than single gay men or couples like us, particularly in High Season. There was a higher proportion of gay customers when we started staying there. However, we're not bothered; we are left alone, indeed, we seldom come into contact with others even at breakfast where we eat earlier than most. We've never had any issues in any of the Thai hotels we've stayed in, from Krabi to Chiang Rai. Speaking of breakfast, Travellerdave is correct; Agate's breakfasts are predominantly Thai-based, which is why P likes them so much. He thinks the quality is high and he has exacting standards. As for me, I never want a cooked breakfast anywhere and so I'm not concerned.....and the coffee is good. We like sitting on our own near the waterfall just outside the restaurant. Our only companions tend to be the squirrels who nest above the waterfall. I wish I were there now!

See above.