Londoner

An interesting story relating to the Thai/Chinese relationship has just appeared. https://www.independent.co.uk/asia/southeast-asia/thailand-russian-tourist-viral-video-park-ranger-b2737954.html

I faced this problem occasionally when I was butterflying. Fortunately in "my day" there were plenty of bars ( l'm talking about Pattaya) and no shortage of guys, so if i felt uncomfortable I wouldn't lose out on company. I agree with those who say "tread carefully." If a guy is short of money and sees another dancer chosen by a falang he'd had hopes for owing to a previous "off", he may well react with anger towards his fellow employee. Right or wrong, the guys were (probably still are) in competition. If they see someone else stealing (as it were ) their meal ticket, problems can accrue for both mb and client. Nevertheless, I often saw dancers being very supportive of each other. I have a painful memory- because I come out of it badly- of being in Cockpit and a group of dancers coming to me to ask me to "off" a particular guy. He wasn't attracting customers and had been told by the mamasan that if he failed tonight he'd be sacked. What made this more sad was that he was deaf and so it wasn't so easy for him to relate to punters. I said no because I didn't fancy him. And the fact that I can remember this from nearly thirty years ago illustrates how bad I felt about it afterwards.

Thank you for your posts. I hope others found them as informative as I did. I should like to add three issues to the discussion. Firstly, the belief in the transmigration of the soul. I mentioned some time ago how my partner interpreted our first meeting, claiming that we'd met in a previous life, and how that affected our relationship.. Secondly, a distinctive view of duty of the young towards elders and parents , as expressed by the Thai word "gentanyu". This perhaps influences intergenerational relationships, of which there seem to be many compared to within Western cultures. Thirdly- and this has a relevance to gay relationships and sexual identity as mentioned by previous posters- is the contrast between Eastern and Western religions. The three Abrahamic faiths tend to celebrate the soldier, the crusader, the physically strong. Even Christianity which, once it became an institution, quickly abandoned the pacifism of the New Testament and replaced it with the need to be "a soldier for Christ", "a soldier of the Cross", "a crusader". There is no such requirement in Hinduism or Buddhism, no desire to evangelise, to conquer non-believers (taking their land wherever possible!); in short to be "manly". Instead, the "feminine" virtues of love and tenderness, even beauty, are encouraged. Of course, we can ask how much of this is cultural rather than specifically Buddhist. I write not as an expert but as an observer.

Following an interesting discussion on the "wai", I wonder if posters have any thoughts about, or even knowledge of the Buddhist beliefs held by the Thais they meet casually or with whom they are in LTRs? Do such beliefs impinge on our relationships in any ways? And are there aspects about which we non-Buddhists should be aware and tread carefully?

Me too. The basil is too hot for me. When P orders it, he has to eat it all on his own. Perhaps that's why he likes it so much.

The only time I "wai-ed" was when I met P's parents for the first time. He had spent an hour or so explaining its intracises to ensure that I got the angles right. He was runner- up in the Kamphaeng Phaet District School Wai completion when he was a teenager, so I believe him to be an expert. "Wai competition"? Yes; a reminder of how significant it is in Thai culture. I recall that another surprising inter-school competition back then was one for ladyboys. What a strange place rural Thailand is (or was) for us foreigners! Things have changed; or at least some things have.

No closer, I fear, than I was in my previous posts. I had the chance to consider some properties in Jomtien. Beautiful and costing only 30% of my recently valued house. Do the maths! Huge (by London standards) , lavishly-furnished (too much so for my taste, sometimes!) but- and here's the rub- few available in the locations I want. Nong Prue has many but is too far from the sea. Na Jomtien also has some but there is so much work going on there that it is not the sort of environment we want. And it has transport issues....I want to give-up driving. I'm back there in three months and am being contacted by estate agents daily. So who knows? One thing is certain, I want to relocate and P wants me to relocate, but I am content enough in london to stay here, enjoying three visits a year with my to stay with my beloved. I thought about colmx's idea of buying a bolt-hole....however, it couldn't be in London. A one bedroom apartment here costs the same as a three bedroom villa in Jomtien. And that's not in Chelsea or Mayfair. One of the major benefits of relocation is the money I would have left in the bank to enjoy with P. Which brings me to a forgotten word of advice; if you are going to struggle financially, do do in your home country!

Good advice. I am in the process of deciding whether to go ahead with my proposed relocation. I'd hoped that my last few weeks in Jomtien would have given me an answer; but no, they didn't, serving only to raise more issues.. And unlike the poster, I have thirty years of visits and a LTR of twenty years to help me make a decision, not forgetting the massive financial benefits I'd reap by selling my London house. For a UK citizen of my age, the decision to relocate would be the most significant by far since I retired; and if I were to go ahead, there'd be no returning home if things went pear-shaped for financial reasons. Medical issues? even more vIsa changes? banking? another coup and nationalist government in Thailand unfriendly to foreigners? Yes, unlikely but possible. The fact is that if I move to Thailand, I die in Thailand. What became clear a few weeks ago, is that location is one of the most important issues. Jomtien is our preferred location but not anywhere in the vicinity. There are areas that would not be suitable, too far from the sea, isolated in terms of transport, or too "new" and undergoing construction to be to attractive us. So my advice is to do what I am doing; take your time and, for heaven's sake, make a trial run for few months. Not as a tourist but as a resident. Not in a hotel but in a rented condo where you have to look after yourself and sort out your own problems.

Thanks, Reader , for raising this interesting issue. I agree that the age factor is central; my generation of gay men spent their younger years in a homophobic and legally-perilous environment. To us, Pattaya meant freedom and liberation. Younger guys don't need to travel thousands of miles for that now. Yet today's Pattaya, admittedly bland compared with the past, still offers us an enormous amount, particularly if it means time spent with a loved one. The hotels remain cheap, embarrassingly so compared to the UK, the dining opportunities numerous, offering even better value. Even the beaches are cleaner. It provides an escape from a northern winter, the denizens remain friendly and welcoming and the travel easier from the airport than back in the day. My ninetieth visit is iminent and I am still like a little boy looking forward to Christmas. The Pattaya/Jomtien to which I return hasn't got the "edgy" flavour it once had but probably that makes it even more suitable for someone who has aged in three decades years as much as the city has changed. The question on my mind is what will happen to the gay scene when my generation has gone.

He contributed to the Chiang Mai thread with his usual eloquence.That was less than three weeks ago.

I'm not mocking anyone's travel booking mistakes having discovered only yesterday that our booked flight to Chiang Mai in two weeks left two weeks ago. And Bangkok Air isn't cheap.

A little later in March I'm paying 1600 bht pn , via Agoda. i suspect that OD was being given the price for a deluxe corner room. I note also that Agate is back to 1600pn (direct) after charging 1800pn over the high season. ( Peter RS and I were posting simultaneously, hence the repetition.) Regarding Agoda, I've found their prices excellent with the important (for us) exception of those offered for Agate (Jomtien) where booking direct is the best option.

We stayed twice at the Lavender , in premier rooms. They were dated but priced appropriately. We liked the roof-top restaurant, the attached show bar, Power Boys, infinitely preferable to some we'd seen elsewhere while the massage facility had some cute guys, as well as a fearsome mamasan. The lower floors were often used by Thai guests who were visiting relatives in the hospital next door. A rather odd arrangement, apparent at breakfast when we were outnumbered by Thai families. I liked the position too; near my favourite (and venerable) shopping centre, now alas closed down. Lavender had previously been the Tokyo Hotel and last time we were in CM, the premises was still operating as a hotel. I was disappointed when Lavender closed but CM had long since stopped being a smaller rival to BKK and Pattaya. Its gay bars were too spread-out and apart from the rather questionable places near the Night Market, there was no discernible "gay area." However, I do remember Adam's Apple being packed to the rafters on occasions, the audience including university guys who were cuter than some of the dancers. Some readers will recall that the bar was also a fire-hazard! We still go to CM regularly; but not for the gay scene.

Unless you want to sail across the Gulf of Mexico.....heaven knows where you'll end-up. Mar el Largo?

Thanks; yes, Cigna is one of the two that I am looking at. I particularly appreciate the provision of a private room if admitted to hospital.