My guy's grandmother passed away 2 years ago. He was very distraught and asked me to book an air ticket for him from Bangkok to Vietnam immediately the next day. I did as he asked and I offered my sympathies and condolences.
After he arrived in Vietnam, he asked me for US$3500 to pay for the funeral. I declined to send him the money.
I felt that I had already done my part by booking air ticket for him (about US$300 as it was an urgent booking).
I reasoned that the rest of his family should contribute to funeral expenses and not just him. I believe that he feels responsible based on Vietnamese tradition because he is the only son (he has older and younger sisters) in the family. His father is a retired soldier and currently farms on their family land and earns enough just to get by.
Finally, my last reason was why do you need such a grand funeral? I felt that my guy and his family wanted a grand funeral for the matriach to impress relatives and neighbours and follow the Asian custom of "saving face".
However, I have always been a thrity person and don't believe in extravagant events - whether weddings or funerals. So it was very much a personal stance of mine not to overspend and I stood firm.
I did not say my reasons to my guy of course. I just told him that I was unable to provide additional financial help.
Our Line conversations became awkward for the next few weeks but we still stayed in touch. There were times when I felt guilty and I questioned myself whether I should have helped him.
When we met again in Bangkok a few months later, I said sorry in person to him for not giving him that money for a grand funeral. He said it was ok.
He observed the traditional one year mourning period. He avoided celebrations including a birthday celebration I had planned for him in December later that year.