Gaybutton

Yes. I wouldn't wait around very long.

I agree, although who knows how crowded it might be this year? I am guessing not all that much. But prices will be lower. The closer to Christmas and New Year, the higher the prices and less chances of getting the accommodations you prefer unless you book well in advance.

If Thailand closes the borders, how are they going to go home? Wouldn't they be stuck here like everybody else? Then they would really need money . . .

I don't know if this story is one you haven't heard before. I've posted it before and it is one of my personal favorites. I knew a money boy who used to carry 5 telephones with him. When I asked him why, his answer was he has 5 different farang, so he carries a different phone for each of them. He has long since disappeared from Pattaya. I always wondered what he would do if he managed to reel in several more farang. In my opinion it is not a question of whether a boy is trying to scam you. The bar boys are money boys. Every one of them would love to have a farang benefactor. They've hit the jackpot if they meet a farang who will not only support them, but their families too. For most of the boys, their families are their first priority. They'll starve before failing to send money to the family each month. That is virtually ingrained into their culture. If you're going to support any of these boys because you want to "pull him out of poverty", that's your choice. First, I don't know what makes you think you are his only farang. Sometimes you are and sometimes the boy has several. If he is one who has several, do you think he's going to tell you about it? If you want to help the boy of your dreams - the one you met on your 2 or 3 week holiday, the safest thing to do is give him a very substantial amount of money when you are ready to leave to go back home - to your world of reality - don't give him your contact information (unless you want to deal with constant pleas for more money, and believe me that is exactly what is most likely to happen), tell him goodbye and maybe you'll see him next trip. Again, unless you are willing to take over full financial responsibility for his life, you're not going to pull him out of poverty, you're not going to significantly change his life, you're not going to become his rags to riches Horatio Alger story, you're not going to become his hero, but you will lose being the one in control and you will end up spending a hell of a lot of money, probably much more than you anticipated, and eventually you will have no choice but to end it with him. That is what nearly always happens. It is not the exception. And again, do you truly believe you are doing him any favors by removing his incentive to find a good job? He can't be a bar boy forever. What becomes of him when the money stops rolling in? Has he found a good career or is it right back to the rice farm? Then comes your next holiday. What are you going to do on that holiday when you meet another "boy of your dreams", go through the same thing all over again or by then will you have learned your lesson - the hard way? Bottom line: Use your head.

I see nothing wrong with helping if that's what you want to do. The trick is to set the limits at the outset and be prepared for him to try everything he can think of to keep the money rolling in. There are two ways to do it: 1. Give him a substantial amount once - just once. Make it clear that is all you will do and he is not to ask for more for any reason. I would again make it clear if he violates that, then he won't get it and the communication ties will be cut. When he runs through that money, now he's on his own. Let the onus be on him, not you. It may be difficult to stick to that, nevertheless it must be done. I think that's the easiest way. 2. At the outset let him know you will help him for whatever period of time you choose. Once a month for one month, two months, six months, a year - whatever you decide. Tell him how much you'll give him and not one baht more. Again, let him know when that time has ended, it will stay ended and, again, after that he's on his own. If he tries to get you to give more and/or extend the time period, the moment he does that any further money will stop. Unless you are willing to take financial responsibility for his life, I don't know any other way to handle it - or at least no other way I would handle it. It is one thing to be generous and willing to help somebody. It is quite another to let yourself become a schmuck. You have to be firm. If you can't do that then you're right - don't help him in the first place. Besides, you're not really doing him any favors by removing the incentive to support himself. Don't forget, your name is Olddaddy (or whatever name he knows you by). Your name is not ATM . . .

How about that! Walking Street became Running Street . . .

You guessed right. Of course he will keep asking. Why shouldn't he? He has nothing to lose by trying. While you might be curious as to what happens to him, do you think you would get a truthful answer from him and can believe what he tells you? You might get an interesting new set of sob stories, but that's all. When you're dealing with a money boy who got used to being financially supported by a well meaning farang, try as I might, looking at it from his point of view, I can't come up with one good reason why he would stop trying. Again, my free, unsolicited advice is to do as I recommended in my post above - and then cut all contact with him. If you don't, who do you think would prevail in the end - the farang or the boy? It may hard to cut all contact, but continuing contact is very likely to end up being much harder.

Just out of curiosity, how do you know that? Didn't he eat and manage to survive all his life until you came into the picture? If he really ends up in the street, which I doubt, why is that your problem? And what's his problem about finding a job? Assuming he is in Pattaya, plenty of jobs are available now. Of course, as long as you are supporting him, what does he need a job for? Your heart may be in the right place, but don't be surprised if the reality turns out that you are being had, which is exactly what I think. My free, unsolicited advice would be not to just suddenly cut him off, but give him enough to support himself for a month or two and let him know this is it. This is the last I'm giving. There will be no more. Your choices are find a job, join the military, or become a monk, but once this money runs out, you're on your own.

If it were me, I would choose Agate.

Are you serious? I would think you know as well as I do that the last place on Earth where you have to be lonely is Pattaya. What do you want? What are you looking for? If you are looking for companionship, nothing could be quicker or easier. If you're looking for a life partner, that's an entirely different matter. You don't need me or anyone else to post "How to find the right partner" lessons. But for sure you're not going to find him by sitting out on the balcony staring at the sea.

I feel just as sorry for them as anyone else, especially when I'm certain their story is true. But I also remember I did not do that to them and I am not responsible for their lives. I do what I can without causing problems for myself. For example, one boy who I had gotten to know very well had gone back to the rice farm. Just last month he needed a sprayer and fertilizer. I knew - not guessed, but knew - he was telling the truth. Not particularly expensive for me, but way beyond his means. I bought the sprayer and fertilizer for him, but made it clear this is all I can do and if he needs anything else, he's on his own. He respected that and he is doing fine. He knows me well enough to know that once I set the limit, that's all he is going to get out of me. He got what he needed and I don't get harassed for more and more money. I have a life too and I intend to live it - at least what's left of it . . .

Not necessary, but I appreciate that and accept.

Me too. Trouble was every month I had to send a bouquet of flowers to my hands . . .

Why are you assuming I meant you? I wasn't even thinking about you. I had someone else in mind - not even a poster on this board, but I'm not going to say who. However, your assumption, although wrong, does amuse me.

"Love is putting yourself last so that he can come first" - Gene Barry, '

Oh yes I do know - only too well. I too lived by myself. I came to Thailand years before living there and went through it many times. For me some of the most terrible days of my life were the days my holiday was over and i had to return to the USA. I clearly remember more than once, when I had to change planes in Tokyo on my way back to the USA, right next to the plane to the USA there was a plane getting ready to go to Bangkok. It was all I could do not to try to board that plane. Personally, though it isn't easy, I'd choose being lonely and realistically looking forward to my next holiday in Thailand rather than get stuck in a money trap with obviously insincere boy. Unfortunately, the choice becomes accepting reality or trying to continue living a fantasy. I hope you make the right decision.

That's right. You never know, so it is best to be very cautious about it. Don't forget, I live in Pattaya and have been here many years. I think I know a little more about the goings on than people who go to Thailand for holidays, even if it is months at a time, and decide now they know more than people who live here. Some of the "expert" posts I see cause me to spend several minutes finishing up having my little laugh. I'm not warning frivolously.

That is exactly the kind of problem I'm warning about. Some might be lucky and it doesn't happen, but believe me that is the exception. The problem is, as I said, no matter how much you give, it's never enough. And the pleas for money never stops. One poster calls my advice ludicrous and says just block him. Really? Try it. Just try it, It won't take long to see how doing that seems like it will work, except for one thing - it doesn't . . . If you want to send money as a gift, by all means send how much you want. No problem about him knowing who sent it if, and only if, he doesn't get your contact information.

How much more of a surprise could it be, unexpectedly receiving a notification money has been sent to you and is available at any Western Union pick up office?

That is what I think, but not in the way you probably think I think . . . He did exactly right and he tried his damnedest to pull it off. This is just the kind of trap I keep trying to warn about. If you're in Thailand for a holiday, enjoy the boys, but don't let the money boys get too close to you. The non money boys either. Enjoy it while you're in Thailand, but don't give him any of your contact information - None. If you made the mistake of giving him your Email address, Facebook page, or anything else, change it as soon as you return home. In Thailand buy a cheap phone and put in a Thai SIM card that you can get rid of when you leave. If he wants your phone number, give him that one. You can get perfectly good, very cheap phones here for as little as 300 baht. If you have a LINE ID, change it to something else when you return home. Especially if you're inexperienced in Thailand, you do not want any of these boys to be able to contact you after you leave. If you think the boy of your dreams that you met here is any different, think again. "Not this boy. He's different." Is that so? If you're wondering why I also said non money boys, I'll try to illustrate why I said that. Many years ago, long before caller ID or any of the modern gimmicks, the phone rang and my father answered it. After saying hello, he simply listened. After several minutes he said, "I can't afford a free vacation" and hung up. Got the idea? I hope you'll heed my advice rather than finding out the hard way that you should have . . .

What about Western Union? Also if you're talking about a money boy, why not let him know you want to send money to him, but you don't know how. He'll know.

Others may disagree with me, but I've learned not to even try to buy gifts for the boys. Instead I give money and let them buy what they want. Most times when farang buy gifts for the boys, the boy will react very happy about it. Later he will either throw it away or give it to somebody else. Giving money may seem tacky to us, but believe me, unless the boy specifically asked for something, he'll appreciate money much more than a gift you pick out for him. And to the boys a gift of money is not tacky at all.

In August I have Christmas plans? Not just yet . . .

I should have mentioned that I saw several customers get very angry about the mandatory dinner and were arguing with reception. I think they were right if they were not told in advance. However, those of you who know how things work in Thailand, you don't need me to tell you how much good their anger and arguments did them . . .

Since Covid I don't know if they are still doing it, but be careful where you stay. Several of the hotels, especially the ones around the beach areas in Pattaya, had mandatory Christmas dinners. Hotel guests would be charged for it whether they ate there or not - and often guests didn't know about it until they arrived. Actually they were very good and I thought well worth it, but I never liked the idea of mandatory. The excuse was they were preparing elaborate, expensive dinners and could not afford for their guests to eat elsewhere. They should have at least informed their guests in advance but few ever did. I don't know if any hotels in Bangkok or other cities were doing that, but I would want to find out before deciding where I want to stay and how much they are charging. Before you commit to a Christmas hotel, ask if they are doing that. Check about New Year's Eve too.