traveller123

I certainly didn't write it and I hope the last two lines make that clear (I copied and pasted the article in it's entirety). I am always aware that my language skills are zilch so I just enjoyed the read and didn't worry about the English grammar or spelling. I thought it might sound familiar and bring back memories to those of us who have made a similar trip to boyfriend's village.

I have been caught out by UK companies applying the 90 day rule to Pay As You Go. Landed at Manchester airport switched on my mobile to call the car hire company and it didn't work, as I found out later because I hadn't used it for 3 months and my number had been terminated

It’s inevitable. At some stage you will be summonsed. Your presence will be requested. You shall be subpoenaed, called for, ordered to make an appearance. Indeed, the time has come to advance into the breach and visit the in-laws. In-laws. Who knew a mere compound noun would be potent enough to strip paint? Make flowers wilt. Turn sunshine into rain and extract all the happy from your heart. But, boarding the 06.40 bound for Bumfuck Nowhere – population 16 (five of whom are chickens) – it’s easy to get excited about the journey. Although at the other end of the line waits a collection of relatives masticating on betelnut parcels and jungle rat jerky, the actual event of getting there on the train offers a unique snapshot into Southeast Asian life. Trundling out of the city now, leaving behind Hualamphong station and Bangkok’s bricks and mortar, the landscape begins to open up and a carpet of hi-viz greens – tinged with flecks of yellow from the morning’s rising sun – stretches out to the horizon. Beautiful would be the wrong word. The scene out of the window is utterly bewitching. And finally, as an Asian openbill swoops down and with one deft snap of the beak plucks his breakfast from the paddy, you come to from your trance and start thinking about your own stomach. A somtam pedaller who walks up and down the train with her wares has piqued the interest of your better half, and into the mortar goes a liberal fist of fresh chillis. Somtam for breakfast? You’d be sectioned for that type of behaviour in Stevenage. Plumping for a plate of khao pad gai, you add the accompanying sachet of chilli-infused fish sauce and gorge while the train continues to plough a slender furrow through rural Thailand. After having complemented the final hour or so of the journey with a six-pack of regional lager, you alight from the locomotive well equipped for the onslaught of in-laws. They greet you at the station in a pick-up truck into which both yourself and your luggage are unceremoniously deposited. In the rear you sit with Por – your father in-law. He smokes a hand-rolled cigarette fashioned together out of thick paper and coarse, stringy tobacco, and swigs intermittently from a M150 bottle whose contents smell akin to turpentine. He offers you a sip. It’s, as expected, vile, but rapidly elicits a warm and fuzzy feeling and you decide that you rather like Por. Along paths and tracks, skirting fields and paddies in varying stages of cultivation, the pick-up eventually comes to a stop next to a dwelling of decidedly rustic proportions and, stepping from the back of the truck with the beginnings of a stagger, your wife/girlfriend takes a hold of your arm and gives you the guided tour of her parents’ house. One large room makes up the lion’s share of the property, on the floor of which are half a dozen makeshift mattresses shod in old sheets. The television, a large antiquated affair, battles with a statue of Buddha for the centrepiece accolade, and a faded selection of printed pictures, sans frames, hang askew on the walls. Atop a bookshelf which currently boasts nary a novel or even a magazine, stands a portrait of a wizened old lady whose age you’d put somewhere in her mid-120s. This, you’d hazard, is granny – or Yai. And on cue she sidles up behind you, tripod-esque with a walking stick to assist her tired gait, and through a maw dyed with decades of betel nut abuse offers up a weak but meaningful Wadee ja. With Por’s turpentine having eroded your inhibitions, you are keen to converse with Yai and introduce yourself in her native tongue. Nobody can understand what the fuck you are saying. Your girlfriend is quick to remind you that in this part of Thailand they converse in a different dialect, but she also assures you that they still wouldn’t understand what the fuck you were saying if they didn’t. With a rapidity exclusive to the tropics, the sun has now set and an inky black night, resplendent with a liberal smattering of stars, sets in. Por and Loong (Uncle) fetch a selection of heavy duty farming implements from a storage area beneath the house and walk with exacting strides – although Por admittedly falls over – to where you sit on the balcony sipping on a glass of Leo beer. Loong holds up a machete with a blunt 18-inch blade and makes slashing and stabbing motions before rubbing his tummy. By all accounts Loong wants to eat you. He wants to bludgeon you to death and feast on your remains. However, he happily turns about face, switches on a head torch and marches forthwith into the neighbouring jungle. He emerges 20 minutes later with three jungle rats, a pair of eels, and some choice vegetation crammed into a plastic bag. Loong’s unquestionable hunter-gatherer prowess has paved the way for Mair (Mum) to demonstrate her ingenuity in the kitchen. And 30 minutes of chopping and gutting and butchering later she has prepared three dishes: Pad pet pla lai (eel curry); Nu yang (roasted rat); and Pad pak (fried vegetables). You eat and drink into the early hours, the internationally recognised language of complete and utter drunken bollocks maintaining the conversational flow throughout the evening. The following morning, with a headache the size of Sakhon Nakhon, you awake early to a whole cacophony of farmyard furor. The putt-putt-putt of a tractor bores deep into your cranium, a pair of roosters scream at each other from opposite ends of the village, a dog barks while Por unleashes a tirade of gibberish aimed at the television, which isn’t even switched on. Village life certainly has its quirks, and maybe one day, who knows? A wooden house on stilts overlooking hectares of lush vegetation; your own small slice of rural Siam on which to grow crops, raise animals, maybe volunteer part time in a temple school; live a life of simplicity away from the marauding masses of the big city. In the meantime it’s back to Bangkok – where the first port of call shall and must be Burger King. This appeared in Whats on Sukhumvit http://whatsonsukhumvit.com/into-is...l&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

NIrishGuy, your posting made me chuckle. I could visualise you laughing at Dad's Army and your poor bf wondering what the hell was funny about that. You could always try Fawlty Towers

Air Asia will start flights Don Mauang to Luang Prabang from March 24th 2016 which means you can now get a much more affordable flight when compared with Bangkok Airways or the Lao Airline. I have booked to go with my partner but there is still very little info on the internet about gay bars etc. They are not essential for our visit but if they are around it would be nice to support them for a few drinks. Has anyone any up to date info? I was last there about 10 years and I'm looking forward to going back,

"upped" and left is British slang for got up and went away. There is no sexual connotation.

In the UK "fairy" was a derogratory term used in an agressive way against gay men in the 1960s, 70s and 80s. I guess Brits don't like the use of the word against a gay lad while other nationalities see nothing wrong with it.

I have flown with Air Asia many times and never had any concerns about safety

You have a fairly wide choice. I have been on a big buffet boat and as I mentioned earlier Loy Nova. The big boats are cheaper and can be quite enjoyable if you get the right table, but by their nature there are a lot of people on board which precludes them feeling romantic. We had two friends over from UK in November when we went on Loy Nova. All the tables were taken which meant is was a little cozy. We went for the boozy option with a lot of drinks included and we enjoyed it. There is a table right at the front of the Loy Nova which seated just two people and would probably be a nice romantic option if you can get it. I am favourably disposed towards Loy Nova as we had booked for the evening of the morning my friends were due to arrive from Manchester. Their Qatar plane developed a fault as they were sat on it awaiting departure from Manchester everyone was off loaded and they flew the following day. Loy Nova at short notice re-scheduled my booking without any hassle. Whatever you book I hope you and your special person enjoy it.

I have been twice and both times I really enjoyed it. My partner and I get to BKK about twice a year and I think it will become a must for dinner on our visits. Booking is essential

I don't know what your budget is, but if you are happy to spend a bit, I can give you 3 suggestions of things I have done and enjoyed in Bangkok, although all are better with a friend. Cocktails at sunset in the bar at the top of The Banyan Tree Hotel Dinner cruise on The Loy Nova on the Chao Phraya River. more expensive than the big buffet boats but in my opinion worth it. Dinner at La Table Du Tee restaurant. A small place, not fancy but great food at a price which is very reasonable for the quality. I would stress I wouldn't do any of them alone, but if you are holidaying with a friend or find a romantic attachment they are enjoyable. I will leave it up to others for suggestions later in the evening.

Alkoe, Sorry for the delay in replying as I have not been able to access the internet for over a week. I think you are getting an idea from the excellent replies on here that you have to take it (very) slowly and be sure. I have posted about the wonderful partner I have now, but the first time I met a guy and took him to England it was something approaching a disaster. I was a classic case of lonely Farang blinded by love and made all kinds of excuses for his demands and behaviour. The second time was totally different in every respect. Do not take him to your country (UK?) until you have spent several holidays with him and given him time, if he is going to do it, to start the financial demands. I would be a little careful if he hasn't got regular work as it perhaps is a sign he is waiting for a wide eyed Farang to show up. My partner worked in the day for an English run bakery and then at massage in the evening because he need to look after his sick mother (genuine story, unfortunately she passed away several months after my first trip to his village). How is your guy's English? If he is serious about you and has some drive he should be improving his language skills. My advice would be, if his English? is not great, do not take him until he has shown you he has studied by book or internet to improve his spoken skills. If he is stranded in your home while you are work he is going to be bored

Gaybutton, Alkoe needs to read your last post carefully. It is full of good advice for him

I hope it all works out for you. My relationship has been going for 7 years and I love every day (well not quite every day), When we met he was 25 and I was 61 and I think it helped that he was that bit older than a lot of the lads. It can be a lonely life alone back in our home countries and if we find the right guy it can be wonderful over here. But you must have a flexible outlook, I know and understand that he needs to see and talk Thai/Khymer with his friends and family often without me being there. Good luck and remember slowly is the route to success, make sure you really know the guy

Two replies here. Alkoe- You should definately go to your boyfriend's village if your relationship is heading in a serious direction. The advice already given mirrors my experience, the first time stay in a hotel, make it a short trip, go with an open mind not expecting Western standards in his village (although you may be surprised, I was with what his now our village, it is very clean with little or no rubbish) and expect to spend some money on entertaining. On my first visit we hired a mini bus and took his family on a trip to see some local sights. It was also my birthday and my boyfriend enjoyed putting on a wonderful party for family and friends, he worked really hard and made me very proud. Of course I paid for it but it is one of my happiest memories. Do not worry about the age difference, he will already have talked to the family about this and hopefully have got the response my bf got of " if you are happy, that is what's important". And keep smiling. (If by any chance you are heading to or near Surin let me know. Only serious. With my boyfriend we planned and do live in Thailand but we decided if our relationship was to work we had to understand each others lives and spend more time together than was possible on 2 week holidays. After I had had four holidays in Thailand with him we therefore planned for him to come to England and his first visit was for 4 months. I was still working but had planned my holidays to spend as much time as possible showing him the UK, fortunately I worked flexi time and could maximise the holidays. I was lucky in that I lived on a small road and the neighbours were very friendly even teaching him to bake, I also got him a gym membership. In the last week of his stay we went to a Thai Temple about 30 miles away where he met a lady from my town, he is quite outgoing and when he came back to the UK for our second visit he got into a good crowd of Thai ladies married to Farangs and loved his second stay which was for one and a half years (we had a civil partnership and eventually he could work - only cleaning but he enjoyed earning money and the bit of independence it gave him. My advice is take it slowly, make sure you know him and his family before he goes to your country and take him to the nearest Thai Temple early in his trip and ask about Thais in your town.

Thanks for the advice. I will contact him next week to make an appointment for the following week

Yes guess I will book a massage.

Guess that rules me out too

I have come across a masseur called Nick on the internet and as I am shortly coming to Pattaya I'm considering contacting him for a massage. Has anyone had a massage from him, and does he provide a happy ending?

Agree with the previous poster about Baan Souy. It's not the cheapest hotel around but you get what you pay for in terms of large comfortable rooms, very nice pool, well run and pleasant staff. Mainly but not exclusively gay. Take a look at the reports on Trip Advisor

I suspect it won't make you feel any better but I would like to re-assure you that there are decent loving Thai guys out there. I started coming to Thailand on holiday about 8 years met a couple of guys who I very soon realized were only interested in money. 5 years ago I met my current partner who is 35 years younger than me. He never asked me for money, but one evening I phoned him from the UK and asked him where he was - he told me he was in a bar where he used to work and when I asked why, he said he was borrowing money because his mum was very sick and he wanted her to go to a private hospital I told him I would send him the money (20,000 baht) - I don't know why I did it, but I instinctively knew he was different from the other guys. It was the best money I have ever spent. When I returned to Thailand 6 months later he took me to visit his mother and she was very sick and passed away 5 months later. We took our relationship very slowly until we were both sure. He came to live with me in the UK for 2 and 1/2 years where we had a Civil Partnership ceremony. When I was sure we were both committed and he, as well as me, knew our good and bad points we bought land (in his name with a 30 year lease for me) in Isaan and a year ago built a house. He is a great guy and really considers me and for my part I have to be prepared to trust him and appreciate he needs to see his friends and speak Thai or Khymer without me around. For what it's worth, my view is don't give up on Thai men, its possible to meet 'the real deal" but take it slowly particularly with the financial side of things.

Really enjoyed your report on Chiang Mai. I now live in Thailand (Isaan) with my partner and we had been discussing taking a trip to CM. It sounds like a tour with your guides would definitely be a good way to see the surrounding countryside.