Ake's Heartache

[Guest JamesBarnes]

Ake’s Heartache.

 

We met at a social gathering, in a group but soon found ourselves talking one to one. Despite his bonhomie, it was clear that something was troubling Ake. This slim and attractive 22 year old was friendly but though his smile was frequent, his eyes betrayed a sadness that he could not hide. His body language was nervous, edgy and there were some suspicious marks on his arms. Gentle small talk turned into a few dead ends but there was something about him that revealed that, deep down, he did want to open up. When he did, his story was tragic.

 

Ake was a country boy who had moved to the city in order to work in his sister’s massage shop and it was here that he met an Englishman who invited him out for dinner. Then aged 18, the young man was impressed by the fancy restaurant and even more impressed by the foreigner’s modern and well-appointed house, situated far outside the city. Several dates followed and they became a couple. Soon, Ake had moved into the house and pledged to ‘take care’. He had no savings and no income apart from the pocket money he was given but the man was kind and, maybe for the first time in his young life, Ake felt secure.

 

As is the way with these arrangements, a domestic routine was soon established. They got up quite early in the morning and Ake would prepare breakfast after which the man, in his early sixties, would spend a few hours on his computer while Ake cleaned the house, watered the garden and prepared lunch. The man would always take a nap during the afternoon and Ake passed the time on the computer, keeping in touch with his young Thai friends via Facebook. At the stroke of 4 pm, he would make some tea and knock on the bedroom door, which was kept locked during the siesta- he never understood why but asked no questions.

 

This continued for four years and all was well until one afternoon, the knock on the bedroom door was unanswered. Tears welled up in Ake’s big brown eyes as he told me what happened next. His slim frame met solid resistance from the door but it eventually yielded and the man looked like he was asleep. He was dead. A heart attack was Ake’s guess. He smoked too much, drank too much and took little exercise. Ake had never seen a corpse before and he really did not know what to do. His mind was confused, he was scared, and there were no friends nearby. Then he remembered that the man had a brother in England and the number was in the dead man’s phone.

 

Crying, he made the call and broke the news. The brother demanded to know who he was. Ake told him and did not understand why the man was shouting but did get that he would be in Thailand on the next available flight. It was three days before the taxi drew up outside the house and disgorged the man, his wife and his sister. Three days with just food from the cupboards as Ake could not drive the car. Three days of crying and worry about what would happen. Had he done something wrong? Three days of sharing the house with a dead man. Three days of terror.

 

It was more than unfortunate that the man’s family had no idea that their dead relative was gay. They refused to believe that Ake was his partner and abused him for suggesting it. It was more than unfortunate that there was no will. They threw Ake out onto the street with a knapsack full of his clothes and just a couple of hundred baht in his pocket. He does not know what happened to the man, the house or the family. He does not know why he feels so guilty and has started to self-harm- explaining those marks on his arms. He does not question why the man made no provision for him. I do. Affection and a semblance of security are secondary to respect and responsibility. Is it not obvious that if you have a much younger lover that certain plans have to be made? And how can you tell a heartbroken boy like Ake that his lover was a thoughtless shit?

 

[firecat69]

This is such a valuable post.  It should give pause to many who are in relationships and have not put their house in order.

 

Any one of us can be become deceased in a split second. It can be disease or an idiot in a car or on a motorbike.

 

There is no excuse for not providing for those we love .

 

If that is you or as it was me for too long, then make immediate plans to see a lawyer and set up wills or trusts and make sure your wishes are carried out and not determined by government agencies or relatives who did not understand your wishes!!

[Bob]

I've argued the same themes before to falang friends of mine, most of the encouragement (making a Thai Will, making specific arrangements about what one wants done with one's body if death occurs in Thailand, and, of course, making appropriate financial arrangements for their Thai partners) generally being well-received without any actual follow-up actions. 

 

[James:  Interesting and valuable article, James, but I do wish you would have given us a clue as to whether it's fact or fiction.  I realize that the story's source/reality probably doesn't change the good message it provides but, for whatever reason, I don't like to be left hanging as to whether it's a true story, a copied story from another source, a somewhat altered story to protect some identities, or whatever. So far, based on what I see and know, this is a story you personally wrote but it's obviously not about you (given you're still with us!)] 

[mahjongguy]

I've been accused of being morbid because I take these matters so seriously, but for me it's a considerable source of pride.

 

When I'm gone it may be remembered that I was lacking in social skills but no one will say I was thoughtless. I promised my partner long ago that I would take care of him into the future and I've done everything I can to make that happen.

[Guest JamesBarnes]

Well done firecat69!

 

Bob, it is a true story about a young guy I met in Chiang Mai.

 

majongguy, I do wish that more people had your attitude.

 

JB x

[mahjongguy]

Three things in my life had a strong influence on me.

 

In my 30's I had a gay partner with a similar income to mine. We bought a house together, had a big mortgage. This was long before any kind of domestic partnership was available, not that it would have helped much. So we paid good money for a set of matching wills and other documents to protect each other financially. That relationship ended after 18 years but it ended well.

 

During that time I had a co-worker, a friend, who likewise had a long term partner. When my friend died of AIDS, his partner found out that my friend's faraway family didn't know my friend was gay. The partner ended up on the street and died three years later in a homeless shelter. I found this out much later and was deeply shocked. I still don't understand it.

 

In Thailand, a decade ago, I settled down with a guy who seemed to have lost faith in life itself. The three people whom he'd cared most about had died much too young. His one good friend, his father, his sister. To this day he's distrustful of Fate but he's finally come to trust me when I explain how it's all going to work out for him. Still, it's hard to get him to spend money. He squirrels away in the bank his every baht. Won't let me buy him a new mobile or motorbike or anything else unnecessary. I wish he'd lighten up a bit more, and I guess he has to a degree. Anyway, I've done all I can do.     

[Guest JamesBarnes]

Much good sense from the posters here, thank you for all the positive advice.

 

JB