My requirements for a boyfriend

[ChristianPFC]

My requirements for a boyfriend

 

 

 

" ... My friend is another addition to my long list of Thai who are just not my type ... "

Christian' date=' since your Grand Experiment started there seems to be one central theme ... at least that part if it associated with looking, searching, scouring the countryside looking for a '[i']certain[/i]' Thai guy. This quest is, in general, encapsulated by the quote above, which I have read many times in your posts.

 

So help me out:  exactly what is 'Your Type'?

 

Here a brain dump* of my requirements for a boyfriend or fuck buddy.

 

(Update: I decided to make it a comprehensive treatise, that’s why it took so long.)

 

When boys in Saranrom ask me what I am looking for, I reply: slim, brown skin, no facial hair. I mean “no body hair”, but simplify to facial hair as this is usually a good indication and you can see it when they are dressed.

 

When Thais I meet in discos or saunas or on the internet ask me what I am looking for in a boyfriend, I say: no smoking, no drinking, no tattoos.

 

Both paragraphs above are just some basic points that are easy to determine, the full spectrum of requirements is much more complicated.

 

My definition of boyfriend is someone you share a room, a bed and a fridge with and have sex with regularly. One could argue that the main point is the good sex, and it doesn’t matter whether this comes from a boyfriend, a moneyboy or a sex toy.

 

I permanently scan my surroundings for handsome boys. It happens unconsciously, only if I notice someone who is male, age 18-30, slim, dark skin, I switch on my brain and take a closer look to see if he is handsome/cute and fits my other requirements. It’s like in the movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkmc1FNLInM

 

(The interesting part is at 00:50)

 

No smoking, no drinking, no drugs, no tattoos, no piercings.

 

Smoking and drugs are not negotiable.

 

I can tolerate social drinking.

 

I can tolerate some tattoos (religious, asymmetric tribals), others are too hideous to look at them daily (snakes, scorpions, spiders, tattoos on the neck or in the face, on the hip, “arse antlers”, symmetric tribals).

 

He should have a similar taste in underwear like I have. None of the underwear and swimwear at Vinegar (Pattaya, Jomtien Complex) is my taste. I buy all of my underwear on street stalls in Silom. My taste is simple, I like underwear in black, white, red, green, blue, orange, violet, indigo, purple, turquoise or mixtures thereof.

 

Regularly have good sex (every other day would be fine for me).

Sexual compatibility (I am quite flexible in this aspect).

 

No sunglasses, no make-up, no painted fingernails, short fingernails. However dyed hair and hair tattoos are ok, maybe even a plus. No fashion contact lenses, best no glasses at all.

 

No hats except base caps. Under certain conditions, with base cap can look better than without. For all other types of hat, without hat looks much better than with hat.

 

Hair style I like (with short hair you can’t go wrong, longer hair can be great to look at, but these hairstyles require a lot of work). The back of the skull should be spherical, or a hairdo that is spherical.

 

Teeth are not that important anymore. I used to pay a lot of attention, preferring white teeth in a line. But not, as long as he can eat with them, it’s fine for me. Braces are no problem. I can even accept tooth jewellery (or whatever you would call these gemstones glued to the tooth).

 

Muscular/Athletic is fine, but not bodybuilder. Slight six-pack is fine. Important is the ratio of chest or waist width to depth, it should be about 2 (I would have to make some measurements to determine the most attractive ratio).

 

Slim is the ratio between height and weight, I like the type who is 170cm and weighs 50kg. Between 1.5m and 2.0 m I don’t care how tall the boy is, as long as he is slim. Out of these borders we are going into the area of dwarfs and giants, didn’t happen so far, I would have to decide for each case. I prefer the body shape that has the smallest point above the hip, the geometry is close to a hyperboloid, which is the shape of most cooling towers in electrical power stations. I never tried this chat-up line: “I like your body, it looks like the cooling tower of a nuclear power station!” (doesn’t matter for the shape of the cooling tower if the power station is nuclear or oil or coal or gas, but I think nuclear would give best effect), or, if he is mathematician: “I like your body shape, your torso looks like hyperboloid!”. This smallest point is exactly where I want to wrap my arms around.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperboloid_structure

 

 

 

Fig. 1: Hyperboloid structure, geometrical representation

 

 

Fig. 2: Hyperboloid structure, cooling tower in a nuclear power plant

 

 

Fig. 3: Boy in my hotel room in Chiang Mai

 

 

Fig. 4: Boy in my room in Bangkok

 

 

Fig. 5: Arbitrary picture from gayromeo

 

 

Fig. 6: Arbitrary picture from the internet

 

Even in real life, dressed, you can see the body shape through the T-shirt.

 

No facial hair and no body hair, that includes no hair on perineum and scrotum. Shaving can be acceptable, but often facial hair is an indicator for hair elsewhere where I don’t like it. When I feel hair on perineum, scrotum or a crab ladder, it evokes feelings like a big black hairy spider is crawling on my arm or leg. No hair below an imaginary line from ear to eye. Sideburns? Yuck! Clear change from hair to no hair on the neck, no peach fuzz. I especially like the V-shape of hair in the neck.

 

I cannot describe what a cute face looks like, but I recognize it when I see it. But I can say that lips, chin and neck are important, nose and ears are not important.

 

Not in love with his mobile phone (I dislike the permanent calling or messaging some of my friends do). I don’t like missed calls. If he wants to talk to me, he should be prepared to spend a few baht for a phone call.

 

Age range 18 to 25. (And what about ageing? No idea.)

 

South-East Asian. There are handsome boys from Japan to Indonesia, from Burma to the Philippines, but I have no experiences with these.

 

University education would be a plus.

 

Speaking English would be a plus, but I can imagine speaking Thai only. (My Thai is not as good that I could lead a boyfriendship in Thai, but if I had a boyfriend who speaks only Thai I think I could improve my Thai considerably).

 

I am not into the gay scene, so my boyfriend shouldn’t be. (I only go to bars, discos, saunas to look for sex, not because I enjoy them.)

 

I haven’t thought much about HIV. I would prefer a boyfriend who does not have HIV or other diseases.

 

Normal eating and sleeping times. A friend of mine likes to play online games, on one occasion from 10pm to 2am. So let’s rule out excessive playing of computer games as well.

 

Similar interests. I like travelling, hiking, riding by bicycle, running, languages, reading, mountains, forest, architecture. Would be nice if my boyfriend shared some of these interests.

 

I can imagine discussing other subjects (politics, history, science) with friends if my boyfriend is not interested in these subjects.

 

Do not waste food. The last time I left food on my plate was in 2011. A Thai friend used to order more coke and popcorn than both of us could east when we went to cinema (several times). One of the reasons why I stopped seeing him.

 

I don’t need music around me all the time. There is music I like, music I am indifferent to (unless it’s too loud) and music I don’t like (no matter which volume). So my future boyfriend should have a similar taste in music (whatever my taste in music is).

 

I don’t wear sunglasses or jewelry and prefer my boyfriend to do the same. This applies even for fuck buddies, I sometimes have to ask them to take off chains so I can access their neck from all sides and to take of finger rings for mutual wanking.

 

I met a few boys who stood my scrutiny for several days, but usually it takes less than an hour, often just seconds, to determine that someone will not become my boyfriend (but might stay friend or fuck buddy). Pictures on gayromeo are often promising, but insufficient to cast a decision. I had one boy come to me by taxi from Lat Krabang (30 km, I gave him money for return trip), and the second he stepped out of the taxi I could say that we would not have sex. So we discussed Thai language and travelling in Thailand in my room.

 

There is one boy in Classic Boys. I offed him three times longtime already, we get along well, he has a sense of humor similar to mine. But he has a hideous tattoo and his crotch feels like a wire brush.

 

There was Art whom I met at Sanam Luang when I was looking for boys at Saranrom. We met several times (December 2011 to January 2012) and had good sex every time. I would like to meet him again, but he changed his phone number. He was late (1-2 hours) every time we met, could not stay over night and asked for reasonable amounts of money. His English was limited, so we had to communicate mainly in Thai.

 

Friday (14.06.2013) I met a boy who is a perfect match intellectually and by social level. He studies and works part-time as a translator for English-French-Thai and teaches English to Thais. There is a doctor and a pharmacist in his family and he had a look at my medicine (my cold turned into an ear infection, I had to see a doctor on Friday morning) and told me what it is for. Thai-Chinese, pale skin.

 

My friend on Koh Sichang is a fuck buddy, but I could do without the fucking part (sex is so-so). We get along well, I have been to his place about five times already. Apart from excessive computer gaming no real complaints. I just don’t feel that I want to spend more than a few days in a row with him, separated by several weeks or months of absence.

 

As you can see, I put much importance on physical features (cute face, handsome body, hairstyle and underwear I like) than on character (and some Thai friends pointed this out to me when we discussed the subject).

 

My current estimation of time until I find a boyfriend ranges from 5 to 50 years. And should I be lucky, we’lI have to find a way to live together, preferably in Thailand, and to find work for both of us close to the place where we live.

 

To give you an idea how picky I am: 96% of the pictures of nude males bangkokbois post, I wouldn’t sleep with them for free, 2% I would sleep with for free, 2% I would off in a bar. From the defunct blog bangkokofthemind/bkkmindscape, I would take 20% of the boys for free. Nonetheless, up to once per day in real life I spot a Thai guy I would immediately marry and spend the rest of my life with if he was gay, interested in me and half way acceptable manners.

 

My pickiness varies with mood, easily by a factor of ten. There are days where I think: “you, you, and you (can come with me for some fun back in my room)”, and others where I think: “No, no, no”.

 

In the ideal gas law (PV=nRT) you can chose three properties out of four (pressure, volume, mass, temperature), the last one is determined by the law.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ideal_gas_law

 

I think it is similar with a boyfriend: out of body, face, character, love, I can choose three, and have to take the last as it comes.

 

*I don’t remember where I read “brain dump”, but I had to look it up to make sure it’s the right word:

 

2. In slang, it can describe a hurried explanation of a system, job, skillset, or other software engineering subject.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain_dump

 

(We’re not done yet, I will add some pictures of boys who qualify as fuckbuddy or boyfriend when time permits.)

[Guest]

That's one long list, so finding a bf might take years.

 

I would apply some of the same search criteria, although others would not bother me at all.  I would expect him to wear sunglasses outside in the sun, just as long as he's not wearing them in bed.

[Bob]

To give you an idea how picky I am..

I think you already did that, no need to state the obvious!

 

Strictly out of curiosity, Christian, why did you feel the need to lay out your boy requirements here? 

[Guest fountainhall]

I like the concept of a thread focusing on what makes a guy desirable. We each have different tastes (mostly) and I think it’s interesting to know what others look for.

Also I enjoy Christian’s somewhat dry, droll writing style (and I say that in a nice way). It makes his adventures seem almost like a novella, written in the third person rather than from the heart. That’s probably partly because English is not his first language, but full marks to him for writing so comprehensively about his experiences.

It’s also a refreshing change that there is someone writing on the Boards who is not getting what he seeks from living in Thailand. When I was around Christian’s age and had found Thailand for the first time, there seemed to be guys in the few gay bars around at that time that I instantly fell in love with. And that happened every time I came to Bangkok – about 5 or 6 times a year. Granted, what I was experiencing was desire rather than love. I also had a ‘type’ which I favoured. But most guys I saw seemed to fit that type! Hence I had a ball!

My one concern for Christian, as I am sure he knows, is that whereas finding sex in Bangkok is easy, finding a boyfriend is much less so. For some guys, a relationship is difficult because of the lack of communication. I wonder if perhaps Christian starts out with a similar difficulty, in that not many Thais will actually fit his extensive list of requirements, especially those not working in the bars and the sex industry – even casually. Those who have a University education and are in their 20s will likely have jobs and be working long hours most days of the week. So living together may not be practical and the time spent together may be limited to one, perhaps two, days a week.

Which all rather boils down to one ingredient essential in any relationship IMHO – the need for compromise. I don’t sense in Christian’s post much room for compromise.

[Guest]

Strictly out of curiosity, Christian, why did you feel the need to lay out your boy requirements here? 

 

That was in response to a question raised by another member on one of the forums.  Quoted at the top of the thread, although perhaps the name of the originator got lost.

[Rogie]

Nonetheless, up to once per day in real life I spot a Thai guy I would immediately marry and spend the rest of my life with if he was gay, interested in me and half way acceptable manners.

 

 

Your requirements are your own business Christian, and I'm not intending to comment on them.

 

The part of your post I have quoted above warrants further comment though I think. If you are living in Bangkok, with its very high population density, and your radar is switched on, then spotting only one a day (and you say 'up to once per day', so some days you are implying you do not see a single one!) shows extreme discernment. The obvious question to ask is how do you get more than just a passing eyeful - wandering in the park, on the skytrain or metro, in the shopping mall or wherever . . . ? Do you try and make eye contact (and I certainly don't mean 'staring')? Following up with a simple smile may reap rewards. I am shy and find doing that difficult. I can happily smile at anyone I pass on the street, but if it's a person I am attracted to then I feel awkward and may avert my gaze rather than risk the disappointment of an unrequited smile! If you succeed in being able to start a conversation, especially as your language skills sound good to me, and provided you can stay relaxed and friendly, that could lead onto a something more, and a chance over a coffee or if you can get his phone number over a later chat on the phone to find out more about him. If you can make some genuine Thai friends Christian, it doesn't necessarily matter if they aren't gay. Everybody has friends and your new friend may well have many his own age some of whom may be gay. If you can build a 'family' of Thai friends word will soon get out about you . . .  your many varied interests, including the type of person you are looking for. This will take time, plenty of time, but you have said yourself you estimate 5 - 50 years before you find the perfect man. In the meantime, you can just go on as you have been doing, offing the occasional boy or using gay Romeo or whatever works for you when you're feeling horny.

[t0oL1]

http://bangkokbois.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/lifes-a-beach-60.jpg

 

http://bangkokbois.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/lifes-a-beach-60.jpg]

[ChristianPFC]

Anybody still reading this?

 

I should have written “preferences” instead of “requirements”. But there is hope: I sometimes have lucid moments where boys who are far off are very attractive to me.

 

My aversion to tattoos has eroded, I now can accept some tattoos.

 

Before I was focused on face, recently I met a few boys whose face is not that cute, but who have a great body. Now I am more focused on body than on face.

 

But it seems my future boyfriend will have to be twink, no body hair, brown skin.

 

I am cursed with these very specific preferences (see op). If I could change my sexual preferences, I would chose to be heterosexual and attracted to white women, would make life much easier and more socially acceptable.

 

I don’t pursue my targets long, I give up easily. That’s a left over from my time in the closet: you can look (furtively), but not touch; you can think, but not speak.

 

My pickiness is probably a “fox and grapes” case. (The fable: the fox cannot reach the high hanging grapes and finally concludes that they must be sour.) If I know I won’t get that boy into bed, I look for blemishes.

 

I have been criticized for being superficial and focusing on physical attributes more than on character. This is simply because I didn’t get that far with any of my sexual partners.

 

But manners is a problem. I think playing with their phone in my presence is horrible manners. On the other hand, I have seen groups of Thais or entire families in restaurants, everyone absorbed with their phone. Does this mean this is acceptable behavior in Thai society? But looking at it from a more positive viewpoint: all the boys I met who were absorbed with their phones were moneyboys or lo-so, whereas all boys I met who would be a good match for me (intellectual and social status) did not play with their phones. That doesn’t mean that I would chose my boyfriend by intellect and social status, but it would be advantageous if we were similar in this aspect.

 

It takes me one second (under unfavorable conditions up to one minute) to determine if someone is my type, then it takes one minute to one hour to see if there are any negative attributes (smoking, tattoos, bitch, slut, no manners) that speak against having sex with him. It would take weeks to months to get to a point where honesty, cleverness, sense of humor and sincerity play a role.

 

You can interpret these requirements preferences as a sign of sincerity. When I finally have a boyfriend, I will stop going to bars because I know that my boyfriend has a cuter face and a nicer body and sexier underwear and a better character than any of the boys I might meet in a bar. I would not become boyfriend with someone under the premise that this is temporary; the best solution at the moment and secretly looking for someone else who is slimmer or has darker skin or a cuter face.

 

I am not alone with my underwear fetish. I recently contacted an acquaintance from two years ago. He now lives in Hat Yai but sometimes goes to Bangkok. He asked some specific questions about my underwear and wants to fuck me while both of us keep our underwear on. I am happy to oblige (although I prefer to finally take the underwear off).

 

There are other lists of requirements for a boyfriend. I will leave it to gaybutton to post a list of his (if you have been reading the forums carefully, you will know where to find them), but I will link to those of fuel-injected-male, who has a completely different set of preferences:

 

http://fuel-injected-male.blogspot.com/2008/05/another-table-for-one.html

[vinapu]

Hi Christian,

 

I'm reading this right now to answer your question.

 

I think you are less looking for boyfriend and more for an angel, one without tattoo.

 

It doesn't mean you won't be able to find one, not at all.  When you do he will be short of some of your requirements and you will be happy to overlook them.

 

So I wish you well with your search and hope one time your will scream across the boards "I found  him'.

 

As for manners in respect of playing with phone in public I do not think Thais are particularly standing out - this seems to world wide disease.