Serious Illness of a Former Poster

[PattayaMale]

It has been a very long time since I read or posted on this forum. A friend told me someone mentioned my friend David Brendel and his passing. Since some mentioned they did not know him I would like to note that David came to Pattaya first in the 1990's. He came back and forth for years before deciding to sell his property and moving to Pattaya just over a year ago.

 

After being here a short time he had to return to the USA due to cancer. He had surgery and returned Pattaya, bought a car, and was enjoying life again when he experienced stomach pain and returned to the USA where more serious surgery was done. Recovery was very slow and painful. He started chemo but stopped it when the doctor suggested that it might only prolong his life for a short time.

 

It was then he decided to return to Pattaya. He preferred to die in Pattaya even though he would not have insurance and VERY limited funds. He felt if time came and he ran out of funds, he would prefer to take his own life. He really loved Pattaya and had many Thai friends. Over the many years he visted Pattaya, he was as kind as he could be to those that worked at the beach and in the entertainment zones. He took groups of boys to the beaches in Satahip and bought the beer and food. He did not have money to pay offs for them and the guys understood it. Many times the Thai guys would call him late at night just to go over and crash on his couch. He was that kind of guy.

 

He was not one to brag about what he was doing or gossip about others. He was not political and HATED the boards early on and never posted for years and years. He justed liked to be with the Thai boys. He could understand how people at the different bars and boards would talk so much about others. He only knew about the postings on the boards because people would sit around and complain, at which point he would get up and go to another bar to visit another Thai guy and buy them a drink.

 

It is my opinion that is why he did not have that many farangs who knew him. But if Dave could help someone he would do what he could. He did not judge others. He was too busy living his own life.

 

Maybe a lesson in this. I am reflecting on his philosophy of life. Something I can learn from.

[Guest fountainhall]

Thank you PattayaMale for taking the time to write about your friend David Brendel.

 

Your post dies raise one interesting issue - finding a way to ensure that we depart this life in surroundings where we feel ' at home' and amongst those who are close friends. I am now far closer to the end of my life than the beginning and I find myself increasingly thinking about the manner of how I go. Part of this is ensuring that I don't leave my affairs, such as they are, in a  mess so that someone has to spend ages - and cash - trying to sort them out. The other is the actual manner of death. I'm sure we'd all prefer to go out like a light, and that's it - the end! But as we all know that often does not happen. Living wills (I think that's what they are called) are one thing. How many have them? Are they valid in Thailand? Knowledge of impending death is another and how to spend that remaining time being as happy and comfortable as possible with those we love and care for without being too much of a burden on them.

 

I have no answers. Merely questions.

[Bob]

Part of this is ensuring that I don't leave my affairs, such as they are, in a  mess so that someone has to spend ages - and cash - trying to sort them out.

 Very important.....and, yet, so easy to do.  I can't count the times that there was a nightmare and extra expense after death while the heirs attempted to sort out what the decedent owned, where the heck his/her Will (if any) might be located, where the paperwork for some real estate might be, etc.  I sincerely think it is very incumbent on all of us not to depart and then require our heirs to play "where's Waldo" or some such trivial game trying to figure out what's there and where it might be.  And it's so simple to do - just sit down at a typewriter (whoops....computer) for 30 minutes and go through a list of all your assets, where same might be located (not counting the miscellaneous personal property in your home), and any other information that you might think the heirs might want to know (location of bank accounts, life insurance (if any), location of your Will (if any), location of a safety deposit box (if any), combination to any combination locks you might have, what real estate you own and where the paperwork is for same, etc., etc.).  You might also want to advise them of your email addresses (along with usernames and passwords) and other relevant internet information that you might want somebody to know. 

 

And, of course, make a Will and include specific instructions as to what you want done with your body.  Don't make your heirs guess what you want.  And, given funerals often occur before anybody bothers locating or reading a Will, it'd be wise to make sure your executor (and/or close friends) know your preference for a funeral (repatriation to your home country, burial or cremation, etc.).

 

As for Living Wills (which, frankly, is a rather weird name for your instructions for end-of-life care), I understand they are not technically valid in Thailand; nevertheless, there's no reason you can't make some written instructions so your heirs or close friends will feel a bit less guilty about make some tough decisions. 

[kokopelli]

Wise words Bob, but yet there are those who believe that writing a Will is asking for Death. I know someone who is close to 60 yo and refuses to consider a Will. Even though he is now an Executor of his uncle's Will which has been in probate for 3 years. He knows the importance of a Will but can't/won't prepare his own.

[baobao]

First of all, my condolences to PattayaMale and all who cared for David. May more of us be fortunate enough to be remembered as kindly as he has been. I never knowingly met the man - and suspect that, being human, he had his moments - but it was good to read of his willingness to make what sounds like a genuine effort to spread some good will. My hat's off to you, David, wherever you are now.

 

Arranging things in advance is the only logical thing to do, unless you don't care what happens to your spent body or anything you leave behind - property, land or monies. If you own land or a house in the U.S. the most common way of protecting things is via a living (or revocable) trust. This avoids probate and legal fees that can run as high as 40% for a single gay man. Having helped set up two of these for single relatives that I later served as executor for that's been my experience, anyway. It bypasses probate and directly transfers many things to those you wish to have them after you're gone. A trust can be changed as long as you're "competent".

 

I can't speak to the legalities U.S. citizens who hold foreign accounts or own land in Thailand, for example, but they DO offer significant protection from fees and taxes here in the U.S..  A simple trust (which includes a will, by the way) will run you anywhere from $1,200 to twice that, depending on the complexity - but for many it's a very good idea. A late (and very frugal) uncle of mine didn't want to spend the money on one until I reminded him that if he didn't he was leaving 30-40% of his estate to the government... and he signed the papers as soon as they were prepared. 

[kokopelli]

bao-bao; you must live in California!

 

In some other states Wills are more common and easier to probate especially in simpler estates.

[Guest travelerjim]

It has been a very long time since I read or posted on this forum. A friend told me someone mentioned my friend David Brendel and his passing. Since some mentioned they did not know him I would like to note that David came to Pattaya first in the 1990's. He came back and forth for years before deciding to sell his property and moving to Pattaya just over a year ago.

 

After being here a short time he had to return to the USA due to cancer. He had surgery and returned Pattaya, bought a car, and was enjoying life again when he experienced stomach pain and returned to the USA where more serious surgery was done. Recovery was very slow and painful. He started chemo but stopped it when the doctor suggested that it might only prolong his life for a short time.

 

It was then he decided to return to Pattaya. He preferred to die in Pattaya even though he would not have insurance and VERY limited funds. He felt if time came and he ran out of funds, he would prefer to take his own life. He really loved Pattaya and had many Thai friends. Over the many years he visted Pattaya, he was as kind as he could be to those that worked at the beach and in the entertainment zones. He took groups of boys to the beaches in Satahip and bought the beer and food. He did not have money to pay offs for them and the guys understood it. Many times the Thai guys would call him late at night just to go over and crash on his couch. He was that kind of guy.

 

He was not one to brag about what he was doing or gossip about others. He was not political and HATED the boards early on and never posted for years and years. He justed liked to be with the Thai boys. He could understand how people at the different bars and boards would talk so much about others. He only knew about the postings on the boards because people would sit around and complain, at which point he would get up and go to another bar to visit another Thai guy and buy them a drink.

 

It is my opinion that is why he did not have that many farangs who knew him. But if Dave could help someone he would do what he could. He did not judge others. He was too busy living his own life.

 

Maybe a lesson in this. I am reflecting on his philosophy of life. Something I can learn from.

GT Friends,

 

I have posted over on Gaybutton's a photo essay of David Brendel in his rememberance.

May he rest in peace and look over his beloved Pattaya and Thailand....and his loved one too.

God Bless David Brendel...he is missed by his friends in Thailand & USA ...

and a very special loved one in Thailand.

http://www.gaybuttonthai.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=5605&p=54080#p54080

 

tj

[baobao]

bao-bao; you must live in California!

 

In some other states Wills are more common and easier to probate especially in simpler estates.

Yes, California. Sometimes it seems we go miles out of our way to make things more complicated!