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Guest thaiworthy

The Jokes Thread

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Guest Jovianmoon
Posted

For me, it's acceptable to joke about everything and everyone, ESPECIALLY races, nationalities, religions, homosexuals, women, disabled ... Not at all abhorrent!

 

This includes pedophile jokes like this:

 

A pedophile is walking with a child in a forest. The child says: "I am scared, it's so dark here." The pedophile replies: "And I? I will have to walk all the way back alone!"

 

(My translation from the German version.)

 

A guy pulls up in his station wagon alongside a boy walking along the road and winds down the passenger-side window:

 

"I have a bag of lollies, son. If I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?"

 

The little boy replies:

 

"If you give me the whole bag I'll come in your mouth".

 

Okay, perhaps now I've gone too far with the bad-taste jokes...  :o

Guest Jovianmoon
Posted

Sorry, I'm on something of a roll...
 

This is an old one but:

 

Q: How do you define a dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

 

A: Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog...

Posted

Two nuns sharing a bath, one Nun says to the other Nun "oh where's the soap" the other nun smiling mischievously as she rubs herself under the water looks up and replies "yes, it does doesn't it" :-)  

Guest thaiworthy
Posted

You are old when you start to have dry dreams and wet farts.

 

Why is it so difficult to solve a redneck murder? No dental records.

 

Why does Mike Tyson cry after sex? The mace.

 

What is 6.9? 69 ruined by a period.

 

Did you know that Viagra now comes in a nasal spray? It’s for dickheads.

 

My cousin’s taking Viagra and iron tablets. He’s always pointing north.

 

What should you give a woman who has everything? Penicillin.

 

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with a five- course dinner and a bottle of wine. 

Posted

I am sorry Thaiworthy, if you won't post cat pictures i will.  i love my pussies.

 

post-391-0-91782700-1362927570_thumb.jpg

 

 

Guest thaiworthy
Posted

I already had that picture and was waiting for a exemption from that nasty meanie Khun Fountainhall. But it never came. I'm glad somebody got to post it. Looks like some dyke already had a nibble at her other ear. Poor thing.

Guest thaiworthy
Posted

DO NOT wash your hair in the shower!!


It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!!


IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT. WARNING TO US ALL!!!


Shampoo Warning! I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning, "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME."


No wonder I have been gaining weight! Well! I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn Dishwashing Soap. It's label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."


Problem solved! If I don't answer the phone, I'll be in the shower!

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