Guest pete1969 Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 An interesting point made in another thread was that most relationships started on holiday don't usually work out while relationships started while one is an expat may have a better chance of working out. I wonder how many people find that true? It stands to reason that a long distance relationship can be trickier than one where the two people live together every day or see one another often. As for me, I know there is a world of difference in my relationship with my first Thai BF and my second one. With the first one, the most extended time we ever lived together was about 20 days. That 20 days was difficult and involved a lot of fighting as did most of my other trips. I think had we been forced to live together for a month or more that we would have never made it. Even though I talked to him on the phone on a daily basis, we never had the time to develop a real relationship together, and had we had that extended time to live together, I'm sure it would not have suited either of us. My last trip to Thailand I came for over four months and had no intention of seeking another Thai BF. However, my current BF sort of wormed his way into my affections, and I asked if I could off him for a month. That month was the best and most relaxing time I have spent with another person. He and I spent three months together on an almost 24 hour a day basis, and we clicked remarkably well. We built a pretty solid start for a relationship based on our time together. With my first BF, it was love (lust) at first site. I thought he was gorgeous and my attraction was almost always based on my lust for him. With my second BF, it was not love at first site, but something that unfolded over a period of time based on mutual interests, compatiability, and looking out for one another. I know for a fact that had I been in LOS on a short holiday that the relationship with my second BF would have never gelled or taken off. It took time for us to grow into our relationship. So, I can understand how a holiday romance might not be the best way to start a long term successful relationship. However, I know of some people such as Smiles, Colmx, and Tricky Rich who have developed stable LT relationships after a holiday meeting. So, it can work, but it is an uphill climb. After my experiences, I will always think that it really takes living together for more than a holiday period for two people to know if they really click. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and nothing, especially relationships can be couched in absolutes. Pete Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest noy9000 Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 I suspect it has got to do with the timing you had sex, and, if you decided to play it nice and slow with your boyfriend. Say what you think, I think if a relationship starts with sex - the possibilities are quite limited & narrowed. I've been with 2 thai guys, now with the 2nd 1, who is obviously better than the 1st. The 1st 1 I'd, don't even have the chemistry, we didn't have much sex either.. there is just no connection. The current guy I'm going out with, well, started in bed as well - I tell you, the sex isn't good at all. I liked some of the nice manner & the overall impression, even yesterday, AUA is a 'too high' school... because only people with money can attend it. (blah blah blah) Don't you just like some humble guy? Of course, it's not limited to money - I'm attracted to him on many factors. I'm sure I don't appeal to him, the way he to me. Okay... I got carried away. The 2nd 1, I met him again after 1 month (when I'm overseas), we met in Siam Paragon for a movie after his work. Late night movie, after movie & dinner - it's time to go back to the hotel or room. "you want me to go your hotel". my answer was "No". Maybe a little relationship 'fishing' in the beginning can make something different. I think there're tell-signs when something is not right. After a while, will the guy start talking about 'i think i go work tomorrow', 'where?','HERO'. This guy just got money from me the week before, which to me 10,000thb is quite good, I only stay with him for 1 week. Ignore the tell signs, it's going to wrong way. My opinion only (can always be wrong). Remember. in the limited time of your holiday you're going to meet mainly working boys, these boys heard too many stories & many know of stories of how to 'deal' with farangs.. I'm not discouraging, but, to them - it probably won't last. They see you as being on 'holiday', not, being a 'resident' - which is somewhat different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gonefishing Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 With my first BF, it was love (lust) at first site. I thought he was gorgeous and my attraction was almost always based on my lust for him. With my second BF, it was not love at first site, but something that unfolded over a period of time based on mutual interests, compatiability, and looking out for one another. I know for a fact that had I been in LOS on a short holiday that the relationship with my second BF would have never gelled or taken off. It took time for us to grow into our relationship. I will avoid repeating what I have said elsewhere so that, hopefully, we can hear from someone (anyone!) whose long term, long distance relationship has actually developed into a stable long term relationship which has withstood the test of time when they have been living together here. Your own experience with both your first and second boyfriends directly parallels my own and, apparently, others. My long distance relationship with my first boyfriend lasted 5 years before I came to live here, then for one further year of hell before I had finally had enough; the financial side of it is only now coming to a costly end after several more years. My relationship with my second boyfriend is now well into our fourth year of living together, monogamously, having known each other for nearly a year before that (not monogamously!) and it is based far more on "mutual interests, compatability and looking out for one another" than on sex (although, at least for my part, that is excellent too!). Whether it is love on both sides or symbiosis is impossible to say with any degree of genuine certainty but, at least for the moment, neither of us care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest francois Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 I have a long term, long distance relationship with my Thai bf for maybe 7 years. It was love/lust at first sight and has continued with no discord from the day we first met. We see each other 2 months at a time a couple of times a year. Like Gonefishing wrote, our relationship is symbiotic (had to look that word up). For me, no more l'amour, my heart is too weak to be broken again. We have a great relationship but I am concerned what will happen to him when I am gone. Dead and gone, I mean. And no, I am not a cheap Frenchy and do provide for him financially to cover his basic needs. Francois Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest francois Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 PS- I forgot to say in my previous post that I met my bf the first time I came to Pattaya while en vacances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aunty Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 I've always had a theory that what sustains a long term relationship is friendship and not lust. Without "mutual interests, compatability and looking out for one another" - which is what friends do - what's the magnet of attraction when the sex goes off the boil? I'm not surprised folks above are having more satisfactory relationships once they've moved to Thailand, and with a different boyfriend! My view is it just takes time to get to know people well enough to know when a friendship is going to develop, or the reverse for that matter. Spending enough time with someone soon lets you know if, in actual fact, you can't stand them! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gonefishing Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 I am concerned what will happen to him when I am gone. Dead and gone, I mean. francois, as your relationship has continued for 4 months a year for 7 years, isn't he worth including in your will? According to many of the posts here this simple step appears to be often overlooked until it is too late. If you have had "no discord from the day (you) first met" then he must clearly mean a lot to you, as you are one of the lucky ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest francois Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 francois, as your relationship has continued for 4 months a year for 7 years, isn't he worth including in your will? According to many of the posts here this simple step appears to be often overlooked until it is too late. If you have had "no discord from the day (you) first met" then he must clearly mean a lot to you, as you are one of the lucky ones. But yes, I am lucky, and I made dispositions for the bf just in case. My assets are not in Thailand and a Will in another country can be tricky depending on the Executor. There are no limites to the greed of some people. I explored various ways of dispositions in case of my death but none of them are a certain thing. This is especially true since 9 Sept 2006 which resulted in restrictions which complicate international money transfers. Even to name a foreign national as a beneficiaire on an insurance policy can be impossible. For the present I must reply on a brother who I trust completely to execute my instructions. I appreciate your comments. Merci, Francois Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaybutton Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 I advise seeing a Thai attorney quite often and when it comes to wills, if you are living in Thailand I advise the same thing. Even if most of your assets are in another country, it still is advisable to see a Thai attorney and perhaps make a Thai will or at least make sure as to what kinds of complications your beneficiary might have to deal with in order to receive your bequest. Also, life insurance policies are available in Thailand. You might want to check into that. Something else to consider is the way assets will be doled out. As so many of you know, the typical Thai boys, even when they get into their 30's, 40's and so on, still have absolutely no concept of saving money. I have heard stories several times about "farang" who left virtual fortunes to the boyfriends and within a year the boyfriends were broke again. They went right through the money, as usual, despite the fact that it was huge sums of money. You might want to consider setting up a monthly allotment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest francois Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 What you say is true GB. That is why I am concerned if I am gone. I think that I may start another thread about this matter to see what others think and did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gonefishing Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I made dispositions for the bf just in case. Good for you. I second GB's comments about seeing a Thai solicitor concerning wills. Advice here concerning wills has been as contradictory as it has been well intentioned and well informed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gonefishing Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 hopefully, we can hear from someone (anyone!) whose long term, long distance relationship has actually developed into a stable long term relationship which has withstood the test of time when they have been living together here. ... apparently not! Although it is only an indicator, it does seem pretty clear - holiday romances and stay together here relationships are two different things, with two different types of Thais. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
