Should i pay his rent?

[Guest fountainhall]

Mystery solved and the other posts found! Clearly there is a minor glitch somewhere in the software. Funny, because I usually find the Search isn't 100% reliable!

[Rogie]

He has a profile here and a picture that looks nothing like the one in that thread.

 

I disagree! The one in the thread shows a handsome mixed race guy. The one on his profile just shows his back (he's a bit of a show-off, and why not as he's probably spent a fair few bucks getting 'em done). I agree you cannot say they are definitely the same person, but equally, to say there's no resemblance seems unfair to me.

[kokopelli]

Regardless of the OP's lack of response, this topic does resonant a chord with all of us who likely have had similar requests for "rent" money and thus the number or responses and opinions that were generated. For me they don't ask for rent money any more; they just ask for "help". And true, once you start helping there is no end to the request. Chuay duay!

[Guest timmberty]

i have the probable answer to the problem .. if what i have heard is correct .. then it must be true .. the OP did infact send his boy the rent money ,,, he then got a request for more .. and more and more .. anon .. hes had to sell his computer and is currently in the proccess of selling his house, therefore he hasnt been able to reply since his opening post ...

[TotallyOz]

i have the probable answer to the problem .. if what i have heard is correct .. then it must be true .. the OP did infact send his boy the rent money ,,, he then got a request for more .. and more and more .. anon .. hes had to sell his computer and is currently in the proccess of selling his house, therefore he hasnt been able to reply since his opening post ...

 

A kindred spirit. I knew I liked him already!

[Guest snapshot]

i met a guy in Bangkok

gorgeous beautiful sweet (a little moody lol)

We spent 10 days together

He never asked for money but i did but buy him a 4ooo baht birthday gift

Now im back home in the states and he says he needs money to pay his rent

i dont if its get farang money or he is really in trouble

its only 154 dollars but i don't want him to think I can pay his rent every month

at the same time if he is in distress i don't want to not help him

Was it a genuine thing or a moneyboy thing?

 

If genuine, then the answer is no... He should be able to look after himself and shouldn't let his problems become yours (and neither should you).

[BigTopMe]

Sorry you guys for getting back so late.  I have a little trouble navigating this site.

 

Here is the update:

I paid his rent, I figgered what the fuck, he is so cute and I wanted to make him happy

I told him I wasnt going to do it and just measured his reaction, then I sent the money in a package with the money hidden inside.

When he got it I told him the money was hidden in the package and he was very grateful

To clear up some things:

I didnt meet him in a bar (met him online) and he never requested money (at all) he only wanted a BDay present (which he got)

and it was his birthday he showed me is passport.

 

The reason I asked for you guys advise is because I dont want to be anybodys sucker

I like when people are honest and blunt, lies and BS make me hate you quick

To be honest I would pay his rent every month if he really needed it and he was always truthful with me

I was with him for a while but I DONT KNOW HIM (is he playing alot of guys?) either way I sent the money

He is way too pretty to suffer lol

 

I dont like orgies or multiple sex partners just being with him was nice,  I will go back and see him in April

 

 

If you guys have any questions or addition comments I will answer them - Thx

[BigTopMe]

Reading the other posts:

 

LOL you guys are funny such speculation on me because I didnt reply (totally my bad).  My honest answer is I find this site hard to navigate.

It took me 10 mins relocate this posting after receiving a PM from one of you guys that there have been alot of responses.  I guess the more I am on the easier it will become.   To assure you my pics are real and so am I.  I think some people are very stupid and shun the advise of anyone who is more experienced then themselves on any given subject, I am not that stupid.  I want all of you guys knowledge on the beautiful men of Thailand, and what I as a Farang , should expect and respect while in the country. I will be back in Bangkok in April.

[Guest thaiworthy]

BigTopMe, thank you for your reply. I am looking forward to hearing from you again.

[Guest joseph44]

This month it's the rent; next month it's a motorbike accident and daily visits to the hospital, the month after that a life saving operation on the buffalo followed by the tax payments for the leased rice fields.............it's a never ending story.

[BigTopMe]

He has not asked for any more money since then and we talk every few days.

 

He has a job and yes he stayed with me at the hotel but he went to work during the workweek.

 

We also hung out at his apartment in Amphoe Dusit Nonthaburi.

 

I have decided, for the time being, to give him the benefit of the doubt

 

If he turns out to be 100% genuine, and not a Farang player, Ill do whatever I can for him.

 

 

 

 

[Guest fountainhall]

As 6 weeks have passed since the first request and I assume he pays rent monthly, obviously he didn't need your help for his January rent. So giving him the benefit of the doubt appears to have been the right course.

 

I do think it's dangerous to send cash to Thailand in any form of package though. Even when I get books from amazon (no, I don't have a kindle or iPad yet!), more often than not the packages have been opened and resealed. Same with little presents from family at Christmas. I strongly urge you to find a safer form of payment should you decide to make another in future.

 

No need to refer to Amphoe Dusit Nonthaburi, That's the postal address I guess. Usually it's just referred to as Dusit. 

 

 

I like when people are honest and blunt, lies and BS make me hate you quick

 

I fear you will have to get used to what appear to farang as the little white lies that seem to be part of the character of most Thais. It's a cultural thing. They do not intend them as lies - but they often come across to non-Thais as such.

[Guest Jovianmoon]

This month it's the rent; next month it's a motorbike accident and daily visits to the hospital, the month after that a life saving operation on the buffalo followed by the tax payments for the leased rice fields.............it's a never ending story.

 

Indeed. Cynical as it may appear, I made this post earlier in the thread in which I quoted "The Wallet" which was written by a Thai named Somak Keolamai. I think it's worth a read if you didn't catch it before 

 

I'm not saying there aren't exceptions to the hypothetical guy in the quote, but I do think exceptions are few and far between. I may be wrong, of course, because quotes like this and even lots of anecdotal evidence always have the potential to lead to spurious conclusions.

 

Fountainhall, in another thread we jested about the phrase 'professional rice queen' (coined by my Singaporean friend at uni). It occurred to me that there is a person who could legitimately fit that bill (link is to an interview with "Doctor Peter Jackson, a Research Fellow in Thai History at the Australian National University and author of Intrinsic Quality of Skin and Dear Uncle Go: Male Homosexuality in Thailand").

 

Maybe he might be the man to enquire with on these issues, if he is willing to be contacted by people outside academia?

 

Cheers   

 

[Guest fountainhall]

I had heard of both those works. I note that the interview was written quite some time ago in 1997, but I agree with a lot of his conclusions.

I like what he says about the category “gay” not existing in Thailand 100 years ago. Wasn’t that true of most Asian societies? Throughout much of Chinese and Japanese history there were lots of men who had sex with other men, often older with younger, as many woodblock prints make clear. But most would almost certainly have gone on and got married.

In Thailand, most men and women dressed alike at that time and it was often not possible to tell them apart. I’m sure sexuality had a similar lack of definition.

He is surely absolutely right in saying ¬–
 

 

Thailand is fairly tolerant of same sex activity compared to many other societies, but it is still fairly unaccepting of homosexuality. This means that there is comparatively little active intervention to prevent or punish same sex activity, but there is a tremendous amount of gossip and innuendo, slander and other forms of character assassination that make it very difficult for the vast majority of Thai homosexual men and women to come out.

And I also agree with his views on the current gay community in Thailand –
 

 

I do not think that Thailand or Bangkok has a gay community in the sense of a group of people who 
share common goals, aspirations, rituals, celebrations, etc. Most gay men in Thailand remain very closetted and until many more are prepared to be visible in public I do not think a true gay community will develop. However, there is a definite gay subculture and there are many networks of friends, and so on.

Hopefully, as he suggests, one may develop as time goes on.

[kokopelli]

Sending cash is a risky way to send money. Check out MoneyGram; can do on-line or in person at reasonable cost.

 

 

I re-read The Wallet and agree with just about everything is that essay based on personal experiences.

[BigTopMe]

Generally speaking:

 

The "hustle" its been going on for hundreds of years in every race country and sexual pairing.

Handsome young Thai men did not invent the "hustle" 

The older more financially secure man and the young beauty both know what they are getting into initially.

The situation is mutually beneficial to both

BUT.....

That unspoken business arrangement gets confusing the more time you spend together.  

Human feelings and emotions know nothing of your "business" arrangement".

[Guest thaiworthy]

Generally speaking:

 

BUT.....

That unspoken business arrangement gets confusing the more time you spend together.  

Human feelings and emotions know nothing of your "business" arrangement".

 

Perhaps, generally speaking, you are right. But I have found that the more time you spend together, the more you get to know that person and are able to decide whether they are taking you for a "ride" or not. If not, and you are still speaking of it as a "business arrangement," then something may still be wrong.

 

You should never luxuriate in the kinds of emotion that may damage you. Your assessment of the relationship should improve remarkably as time goes by, not the reverse. If it is confusing so much of the time, I would have doubts about the relationship. Short of normal bits of paranoia, everything should be crystal clear and lacking in trepidation. Unless someone is suffering from some other insecurity, emotion and happiness should co-exist unfettered by any confusion. Communication is primary and essential to avoiding such confusion.

[BigTopMe]

Haha I guess you guys were right he contacted me today:

 

 

" Dear this mount can u help me 5000. Bath.

For pay room rent

 

Becoz this mouth i no money to pay for room rent"

 

 

[Guest fountainhall]

So now you have a decision to make! What do you reckon that will be? More money - or not?

[BigTopMe]

Fuck,

I am going back and forth about it.  

If I help, then I'm on the hook for the long haul.  Is he worth it?  

Should I just forget him and find a new boy when I come in April?

I feel like a big indecisive pussy, but I will make a definitive decision this weekend.

[Guest thaiworthy]

I thought you had already told him it was to help him one time and one time only. Are you surprised?

[BigTopMe]

No, I am not surprised

He seems to be exactly what you guys warned me of

I wanted him to be different

I am idealistic like that

Should I be pissed cause he is trying to survive? or because he is trying to play me?

Ahhhhhhhhhhh what to do!!!! 

[BigTopMe]

See why I'm conflicted? He is so beautiful

[Guest fountainhall]

I wanted him to be different

I am idealistic like that

 

I suspect most of us were at one time - and have also been in that situation. But if you pay a second month, as you suggest you are going to be in the subsidy business for a long time - like it or not.

 

You know the danger - that you'll pay more, and then more, and when the money stops, he'll disappear. I realise that does not always happen, but I think it's fair to say it happens a great deal. I've told the story here of a guy I met. Also not a money boy, but one with a solid job in a company's marketing department. He's a friend of a friend's boyfriend and I met him at a party. I liked him. My friends were pleased it looked as though we might develop a relationship.

 

We had dinner several times. He'd never seen a musical, and so I took him to Singapore to see Mamma Mia! He adored it, and I spoiled him further by getting him a lot of the show's merchandise to take home. Then at the airport, he'd run out of cash and asked if he could borrow a small amount of money to buy his boss some whisky. No problem. A week later we were having coffee when he told me about his mother requiring an eye operation in Chiang Mai. He was Bt. 10,000 short. Could he borrow from me and it would be paid back a month later after the insurance money came in. He showed me documents from the hospital and the insurers. It all seemed genuine (although I don't read Thai).

 

Three weeks later, he asked if we could have coffee again. This time his sister joined us. They were moving their room and were desperate as they were short of Bt. 10,000 for the key money. The mother's insurance money would arrive in a week or so, but they needed the cash that evening. Could I help?

 

I liked the guy a lot. We had mutual friends. So I gave him the Bt. 10,000. That was the last time I ever saw him. He changed his phone number and email. I got a message to him through his friend, but I got nothing back. So, as the Asian proverb goes: never lend money to a friend or you will lose both the money and the friend.

 

Frankly, I was not concerned about the cash. I was much more concerned that a guy I liked a lot had used me and then dumped me. Not an uncommon tale, I fear!

[Guest abang1961]

Reality hurts.

I am a college-educated Asian and I try my best to understand why White man falls for the gorgeous gay Asian man .

 

 

May I offer this analysis/hypothesis:

Most White man are much more older and had retired/semi-retired/on the verge of retirement. 

Youth is no longer on your side and it is really frustrating to be ignored by the fellow gays in your respective country.

 

Just like maternal instinct, the matured group develops a paternal instinct.

Imagine a man half your age, naive to the core - never had much experience in life becomes your ward suddenly.

You want to take good care of him.

In return, he offers his body (and the so-called L-O-V-E) to you.

 

It is no longer to give or not to give.

The young lad has got us worked up.

We are victims of our own demise, prisoners here of our own device.

 

Sigh... give him and we slip into the vortex..

Don't give him.. we will miss him forever...

Life sucks... (pun intended) and welcome to Amazing Thailand (Asia as a whole).

 

Just as the song, Hotel California (and the money-asking Asian) sings:

"We are programmed to receive. You can check-out any time you like, But you can never leave! "

 

Enjoy the guitar solo/intro by Eagles.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYf4kqnAWos