Should i pay his rent?

[Guest thaiworthy]

Just curious. Does it hurt to be aghast?

 

Only when I laugh, which I did after reading this. Thanks for the chuckle!

 

Ditch the paranoia, the fear that you might be taken for a ride, the dread of being sucked into a whirlpool of future commitments. You had fun with someone who, by the very nature of living in Thailand, has a much lower earning threshold, who, never having asked for anything since you have known him, asks for a little help............

 

Help him NOW! And don't labour the "it's only once" bit either! Just make light of it. "I've never paid anyone's rent before, but making an exception this time....." and do it NOW, what's to think about?!

 

Exactly.

 

Had you bothered to read Koko's immediately prior post (which part of my comments concerned), you might have understood the thinking.

 

If it were irrelevant, I don't think I would've responded to it.

 

Neither you nor I (or maybe even the OP) knows enough to suggest one way or the other whether any payment should be made (which, of course, was the point I was trying to make relating to the original post).

 

More importantly, was the point you made by assuming that point-- your whole point? If not, what's the point?

 

There are small, reasonable assumptions and grandoise ones. OP seemed to be asking for reasonable advice. But touche, that's a mighty big assumption there too, I guess!

[Bob]

There are small, reasonable assumptions and grandoise ones. OP seemed to be asking for reasonable advice. But touche, that there's a mighty big assumption, too.

 

Where the heck is the OP that started this? Perhaps, as an assistance to prevent little or big assumptions, he might fill in some of the details so that there actually might be an ability to provide the informed advice he is seeking. Like:

(1) Was the boy a barboy and, if so, is he still working there? Or, if not a barboy, is he working anywhere? [since you mention he "never asked for money", that doesn't sound like a barboy. And, if he spent 10 days with you, that also sounds like he isn't working. What's his background if you know it and how has he historically earned money for food and housing?]

(2) You mention you gave him 4,000 baht as a "birthday present." Did you otherwise pay him for the 10 days you were with him?

(3) Does he live in Bangkok and does he live alone?

(4) Did you have any discussion with him as to what might happen in the future (that you wanted to be his boyfriend or see him again or whatever)?

 

Without some of those details, I'm doubtful that you (BigTopMe) are likely to receive much relevant advice.

[Guest HeyGay]

I'll introduce you to my friend from New York. He visited here about 7 years ago and met a boy he liked. Spent whole time with the boy who, oddly (hah!), refused to take any money. Today the boy has a house full of furniture in his hometown, a motorbike, a plot of land and god knows what else! A smart boy can judge the future potential of a farang! Sort of like opening a department store with massive discounts, counting on future sales

 

Was his name Michael he use to buy motorbikes by the dozen, until he became a grand father now it seems to be school educations by the dozen

[kokopelli]

Agree with Bob, now that a great deal of "advice" has been proffered it would be nice to hear from the OP before any more pearls are cast.

[Guest fountainhall]

i can't understand why a 50 year old would think a 20 year old has fallen in love with them

 

Again, I seem to have missed something. Who is 50? The OP? Where does it say that? Perhaps timberty is acquainted with the OP. Or is this another assumption? I sometimes enjoy timberty's cynicism, but there do happen to be some posters on this Board in their 20s and 30s - myself excluded!

 

can you say why he deserves it ?? he got paid for what he did .. id be more inclined to say the o.p. deserves a reward for looking after the boy .. rather than the other way around..

How do you know he got paid for "what he did"? A birthday present ain't no pay, in my book.

 

Seems to me there is little point discussing hypothetical situations until the OP responds to at least some of the responses to his questions.

[Guest fountainhall]

Was his name Michael he use to buy motorbikes by the dozen, until he became a grand father now it seems to be school educations by the dozen

 

Haha! So funny!

[Guest jomtien]

Was his name Michael he use to buy motorbikes by the dozen, until he became a grand father now it seems to be school educations by the dozen

 

 

 

No. His name was not Michael. And his name is still not Michael.

[Guest]

For all we know, the boy might be older and more wealthy than BigTopMe.

 

He may be genuine, or he may be making a tidy income by milking several farang for $150 here and there.

[Guest terrychris]

He may ask you again further down the track to help him out with money.

 

Recently I sent 5000 baht to a boy who phoned me in a distressed state,pleading for me to pay his rent in which I sent him the money via Western Union.

The next night I called him,to check if the money had got through ok,I could hear Karaoke music blaring in the background.He admitted to me he was in a Karaoke Bar however seemed he didnt wish to elaborate further it seemed and I did not question him any further as how he had paid for his entertainment.

He obviously did not want to talk so we more or less terminated the conversation.

 

I did make a point of explaining it was a once only payment and there would be no more .

I hadnt heard from him after this for several months,I then received a phone call with all the usual "niceties" how are you,etc etc then the plead again for more money.

I decided then to hang up the phone,of course he kept calling but I decided to be more firm,told him no,and then terminated the call.Havent heard from him since.

[Guest fountainhall]

WIth respect, haven't you now answered the question you posed about the second boy's request for rent money?

[KhorTose]

What is the all this talk about? The man asked if he should pay his boy's rent. Simple---Yes, once and then tell him because of the high incidence of drug use in Thailand you will not send any more money until you see him with your own eyes and make sure it really is money he needs.

[Guest timmberty]

FH i to am in my 20's - 30's unfortunatly you have to ad them together ...

yes im assuming the op is around 50ish .. its a guess, i dont know him ..

so you was right to assume i was assuming ..

the reason i assume the boy is a barboy is because he was taken on holiday for 10 days , i would imagine most companies would not allow a member of staff to just bugger off for 10 days ?

he didnt ask for money as he was being paid his daily rate .. plus food - drink - a place to stay .

its all a game .. now the farang is home its time to ask for money .. again its all an assumption on my part .. but i bet its as close to the truth as anyone else ..

[Guest fountainhall]

the reason i assume the boy is a barboy is because he was taken on holiday for 10 days , i would imagine most companies would not allow a member of staff to just bugger off for 10 days ?

 

A very fair point which I had failed to notice!

[Guest abang]

Yes, do we all smell a rat here?

Imagine you are a much-older, physically not that attractive white man from far far away.

How and why should an attractive 20-something showers his adoration towards you.

 

It is a financial arrangement, period.

TS, give if you want and vice versa.

[Guest Jovianmoon]

It's my opinion that Thai guy/girl requests for money from farang overseas are almost never for what the Thai guy/girl says the money is for, whether that be rent or to replace a dead water buffalo. It is also unlikely that there will be only one request. I believe the common parlance is 'getting the hooks in' or something to that effect - slowly and gradually leading, in many cases, to big expenditure down the road. I do not believe I am cynical at all in this view as I have heard and read countless anecdotes on this scenario (and even mainstream news stories in the worst cases), as I'm sure most members of this forum have.

 

Nonetheless, when I enjoy the company of a great Thai guy, I try to be as generous as I can when I am actually in his presence in Thailand (drinks, dinner, shopping, some cash here and there) but to the two guys I have gotten 'involved with' over the years, I have made it very clear (in the most respectful and non-accusatory tone I can muster) that on no account will I ever send money to anyone in Thailand from overseas. Further, as a non-resident on holiday, I enjoy Thailand and its people in that context - that is, the holiday stops when I disembark at home, as does the spending on that holiday. I will keep in touch and see a guy again and he won't ask me to send money because he knows he can expect the same generosity from me later - when I return on my next holiday.

 

To the OP, I suggest you do as you will, but I think you should not expect that he will accept your provision that it is 'just this once' and that he will never ask again. I think he almost certainly will, again and again. I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

 

I hope admin won't mind me quoting this, written by a Thai:

 

 

"The Wallet" - By Somsak Keolamai

 

Young Thai guys are attractive, sexy, cute, hunky, charming and very, very devious. What's that you say? Yes, I know all you western men out there think the sun shines out of our.....white teeth, but it's not all sunshine and roses you know. Most of us are just out for what we can get.

 

I know you've got the hots for me and I can use that to manipulate you in all kinds of ways... from persuading you to buy me a Pierre Cardin shirt to paying for me to go through school. If I told you my mother needs an operation and wrote a sad letter, you'd send me the money, (which I'll use to have a good time and buy some clothes and a gold chain). Of course, if you live here in Thailand, then I can tell you I am in trouble and have to repay a debt which happen because I don't earn enough to live on. Once I got two or three guys on the hook, why should I work when I can spend my time in bars and discos having fun and picking up any man I want?

 

Then, if I get caught telling a lie or some such, I can lie half naked on the bed crying and say you misunderstand me because my English is no good; why don't you help me go to English classes so we don't have this problem again?

 

My big smile and my 'sweet mouth' can get me what I want. My sexy body and my tears can get me out of awkward situations with difficult foreigners. I'll compare notes with my friends to see which of us has the best story and who got the most from that stupid fat farang.

 

Now, not every Thai is like me, there is one I've heard about who knows the meaning of the words honesty, sincerity, respect and love, in any language. But it is going to be hard find to find him because he doesn't go to the places you go to.

 

In the meantime, one look in my big brown eyes and you'll go weak in the wallet...

 

And now you're done reading that, you might consider reading Private Dancer by Stephen Leather. It's straight rather than gay, and it's about an expat living in Bangkok rather than one who goes to Thailand for holidays, but the financial/emotional risks may be similar - and it's a great read in any case.

 

Cheers.

[ChristianPFC]

I have a principle not to send money from abroad. I support Thai friends with reasonable amounts of money when I am in Thailand an we are together, i.e. only cash from my hands into his hands.

 

How did he pay his rent before he met you, how would he pay his rent if he hadn't met you?

 

I would answer your question based on your financial situation: if 154 USD is peanuts for you, you should offer to pay his rent continually, that's to make sure he is happy to see you again when you return (and you could even stay with him in the room your pay the rent for).

 

If you have to think and consider circumstances or ask others if you should pay his rent: don't.

[Guest thaiworthy]

Where the heck is the OP that started this? Perhaps, as an assistance to prevent little or big assumptions, he might fill in some of the details so that there actually might be an ability to provide the informed advice he is seeking.

 

So where is the OP? Is one week not enough time? Bob's post appeared 6 days ago. If the boy needed rent, he might have been already put out on the street by now, but I am starting to care less and less.

 

That's the problem with having a dating site as a front-end to a forum. You get all these party crashers stumbling in here on their way to the free boy buffet. I'm not sure I'm going to give any more advice to freeloaders that don't have a reasonable posting count and especially newbies that are getting their jollies by watching us trip over each other with our versions of "advice." People can become trolls by what they don't post as well as by what they do. In effect, who is the most guilty, the OP or this fool who responded?

 

Peeved? You bet! This thread is 3 pages long!

[kokopelli]

So where is the OP?

 

Perhaps he is under a bridge laughing his ass off.

[Guest]

We do get quite qa few people who ask o

So where is the OP?

He's not logged on since the Opening Post.

[Rogie]

He's not logged on since the Opening Post.

 

I'll stick my neck out as I think he's genuine. Why so sure? Well, he posted a pic of himself on another thread.

 

Check out:

 

http://www.gaythailand.com/forums/topic/7366-coming-to-bangkok-for-the-very-first-time/#entry52769

[Guest fountainhall]

Ahem! On that other thread - the one with the photo - there were 14 responses, and yet no other word from the OP. On this there have been 45 - and no response. As for the photo? It could have been genuine. On the other hand . . . !

 

But there is something a little strange here. The OP's profile mentions he joined as a member on 30 September 2011 and has made 9 posts. Check his posting history and there are only 3 posts. Were 6 deleted for any reason? Can our mods kindly advise if a post is deleted, are posting numbers also reduced? I'm just curious.

 

I think I'm with Koko under that bridge swigging some nice champagne

[Guest thaiworthy]

He has a profile here and a picture that looks nothing like the one in that thread.

 

ChristianPFC, I hope you are sitting down when you see his profile picture, knowing your preferences, you may be quite put off.

 

So apparently he is still available for dating, or if you need money to pay your rent.

[TotallyOz]

Do a search for his name on the top forum and you will see 4 threads he has posted in.

 

I have PM conversations with him earlier and it was enjoyable. I do not know anything about him and have never met him. But, some times we are leery of new posters when they don't respond fast enough. I think give him a bit of leeway.

[Guest fountainhall]

Where are you looking, Michael? I clicked on his name at the top of this thread. It comes to a profile page. It gives registration date and says there are 9 posts. I then clicked on content and found three threads to which he made posts. Look through the threads and you find three posts! That's why I am confused!

 

I also clicked on Search guys and found his full profile there. That says his last log in was December 20 - the date of the first post on this thread. No problem with that. But I still can't find a 4th thread and 6 posts seem to be missing.

 

But I'm making too much of it. I agree entirely with what you say about new posters. On the other hand, let's be honest. To post a request seeking advice with comments about a boy perhaps being "really in trouble", and then not return for a week, it does suggest that there really was no great urgency. So the other comments on this thread are equally valid.

 

Hopefully BigTopMan will eventually let us know what happened.

[TotallyOz]

To get the results, I copy his name, go to the very top and paste it in the search and then I search all forums. It reveals 4 threads he has posted in and several times in one or two threads. For some reason, the posts on the profile do not seem to be correct. Not sure why.