Advice on The Education of a 9 Year Old Thai

[KhorTose]

Yes, yes, yes. Please Michael do come out of the shadows and put heygay "out of his misery". You can call it a group Christmas present.

[Guest fountainhall]

It's so hard as a Westerner to accept that parents in Thailand expect their children to support them. This has nothing to do with how old they are or capable of working.

 

This, in general, is very much the Asian way. But I certainly don't agree that all Thais - or anything like 99% - think this way, for I believe there is a difference between the Thais as an ethnic group and the very large group comprising mixed Thai-Chinese heritage, with the latter being far more education conscious - a result, I suspect, of traditional Chinese thinking.

 

One of the reasons China's one-child policy met with such resistance and why, as a consequence, there is now a major imbalance between males and females in the country, is rural families wanted sons to work and also to bring daughters-in-law into their homes, so that eventually their grandchildren could share the burden of looking after them in old age. Daughters were just not much use since they would disappear after marriage and look after their son-in-law's parents.

 

I think the majority of Chinese families differ from Thais in that they very much see education of their children as the key to dragging the whole family out of poverty. When I first moved to Asia, I remember being told that the very poor Chinese then flooding in to Hong Kong knew they would have to work desperately hard just to eek out a living in a hugely competitive environment. Yet, they also knew Hong Kong offered the possibility of a better life eventually. The typical immigrant therefore had three very basic objectives - food on the table, a roof over their heads, and education for their children. Everything else was secondary. I believe almost all Chinese emigrants over recent centuries had a similar ethic.

 

Where the vast majority of Thais in Thailand differ is in the lack of importance given to education. The result, as firecat69 suggests, is that kids still have to look after their parents, but how they get on in life and how they make their money is of little importance. Mai pen rai. It is the money, sadly, that matters.

[firecat69]

What you say may be true but it is evident that the parents Michael has to deal with are not education conscious. And I would venture to say that the overwhelming majority of sex workers do not come from that mixed background you refer to. Because their parents instead of being education conscious are pushing their children into the many forms of brothels at a young age or at least are turning a blind eye.

[Guest thaiworthy]

If they think that money is threatened then they will do whatever is needed to protect the income. I have seen it many times. If the son tells mama this is the way it is or there will be no more money mama will make 180 degree turn to preserve her income.

 

So Michael has to threaten Granny? How does that work? I would love to be a fly on that wall. What happened to honor and trust? Oh yeah, they're slaves of the brothel biz. Forgive me, for a moment I lost my mind.

[Guest fountainhall]

I would venture to say that the overwhelming majority of sex workers do not come from that mixed background you refer to

 

I am sure you are perfectly correct. My apologies - I had read your post too quickly and wrongly assumed it was an all-embracing generality rather than one covering a very specific group.

[TotallyOz]

No boy has ever stayed with me without going to school. It is a requirement. I refuse to just let a guy live with me and do nothing. I work hard and I play hard. I feel those I am supporting should do the same. If not, they need to move on.

 

The boy's father did get an education and finished his high school. He has been deciding which school to go to and it is not the school I would choose but that is up to him. As long as he is pursuing his education I won't dictate how he pursues it. The other guy living me for a long time also finished high school and is currently enrolled in college. Both of these guys have been sent to AUA language school for MANY terms and had tutors. I have no problem paying for an education for them or their girlfriends/wives/children. To me, there is no better investment.

 

As to the 9 year old, I can put my foot down and the boyfriend will make his son go to the school I want. The boyfriend has easily let his mother borrow over 1 million baht over the past few years and with that comes a price. The price may be that the BF's decisions count more than anyone elses. IMHO that is the way it should be but it is hard to tell a Thai boy that.

 

A few years back, I had another problem with the BF and we ended up splitting up for about 2 months. I cut him off completely and the 100,000 baht or so I left to him was gone almost overnight. When the mother found this out, she too kicked him out and said he needed to find a source of income. He realizes who she is and what she wants. He is a smart guy and should he set his foot down, it will happen. That said, I don't feel I should do this without having a consensus. I am working hard to building that up. First, I think I'll get him a tutor to help with his school. Yes, as the boy goes to school 60 miles from me, most likely that money will be wasted or drank up in whiskey. But, it shows I am willing to help. Next year, I have already spoken to the boyfriend about a private school. We can't just uproot him now as it is the middle of the school year. But, if I can get the BF on board with what I want, the rest of the family will follow.

 

I agree with many of the things said in this thread and I appreciate the advice. One of the main reasons I post on this forum is that from time to time, I really do need some input from those that have been or are in a similar situation. When that happens, I find I get lots of "food for thought" and this case was no exception.

 

Thanks to everyone that gave advice both on the board and in private. Education is very important in my life and it raised me out of poverty. I grew up very poor and not unlike many Thais with no hope of getting out of that life. Luckily, I was smart enough to make opportunities happen and put my life on the path where I could get a full scholarship in school and then a few graduate years. It saved my life. Perhaps it will not do the same for every guy that lives with me but I try my best to give them that opportunity as I know how valuable it was for me.

[Guest fountainhall]

I try my best to give them that opportunity as I know how valuable it was for me.

 

I know many posters here try to do the same for their bfs as best they can and within their means.

 

Many thanks to Michael for his frankness and his sincerity.