Can Conservative Evangelicals Change Views on Gays?

[Guest fountainhall]

A lot of conservative evangelical Christians are taught that being gay is an abomination before God. A lot of gay men view conservative evangelical Christians as brain washed, hateful bigots. There the matter usually ends. Two diametrically opposing views.

 

Now, a new book makes some interesting revelations. Timothy Kurek, a conservative bible-belt Christian graduate from Liberty University grew up hating homosexuality. Meeting a Christian friend in a bar who told him she had been thrown out of her home because she was a lesbian, Kurek started to question his beliefs and religious teaching. He then decided to go “under cover” and spend a year as a gay man. It changed his life and some of his beliefs. Here are some excerpts.

 

For an entire year Kurek lived "under cover" as a homosexual in his home town of Nashville. He told his family he was gay, as well as his friends and his church. Only two pals and an aunt – used to keep an eye on how his mother coped with the news – knew his secret. One friend, a gay man called Shawn – whom Kurek describes as a "big black burly teddy bear" – pretended to be his boyfriend. Kurek got a job in a gay cafe, hung out in a gay bar and joined a gay softball league, all the while maintaining his inner identity as a straight Christian . . .

 

Kurek's account of his year being gay is an emotional, honest and at times hilarious account of a journey that begins with him as a strait-laced yet questioning conservative, and ends up with him reaffirming his faith while also embracing the cause of gay equality.

 

Along the way he sheds many friends, especially from Liberty, who wrote emails to him after he came out asking that he repent of his sins and warning that he faced damnation. He does not regret their loss. "I now have lots of new gay friends," Kurek said . . . He became active in a gay rights group and wound up joining a protest outside the Vatican's embassy to the United Nations . . .

 

In order to gauge his mother's true reaction to the news that her son was gay, Kurek read her private journal. In it he found that she had written: "I'd rather have found out from a doctor that I had terminal cancer than I have a gay son." But Kurek's journey also became her own. Eventually she too was won over and changed her views. "My mom went from being a very conservative Christian to being an ally to the gay community. I am very proud of her," he said . . .

 

Finally Kurek's journey ended when he revealed his secret life and "came out" again, but this time as a straight Christian. However, he says that one of the most surprising elements of his journey was that it renewed his religious faith rather than undermined it. "Being gay for a year saved my faith," he said.

 

Kurek also said that he felt his experience not only should show conservative Christians that gay people need equal rights and can be devout too, but that it can also reveal another side of evangelicals to the gay community.

 

"The vast majority of conservative Christians are not hateful bigots at all. It is just a vocal minority that gets noticed and attracts all the attention," he said.

http://www.guardian....vative-year-gay

 

The Cross in the Closet by Timothy Kurak: Bluehead Publishing

[TotallyOz]

I have not seen this book. Thanks for pointing it out to me.

 

I am from an area very close to Nashville and have many friends from there. I don't think true evangelicals will ever change fully. I am constantly told by my friends in that part of the world they love me but hate my sin. LOL These are people I spent most of my childhood with and know that I am a good person.

 

Churches change over time and I have seen the sermons change from "gays are going to hell" to "we love them as long as they don't practice." It is pretty typical of this area and the religion they were taught is "the way."

 

I still enjoy my church back home and I still go there when I am in town. I am totally welcome with hugs and kisses from everyone and everyone knows I am a big gay guy. They do not care to my face. What they say behind my back is often different.

 

I was lucky. I had a very loving and caring mother who when I told her I was gay at 28 was pissed at me not for being gay, but for lying to her all my life. She was totally open and accepting and visited me and the BF's in NYC every year. My BF was always welcome in Alabama for Xmas and was a true part of my family. My aunts and uncles never mentioned the word boyfriend. The would always say, "is your special friend coming for Xmas?" LOL To this date, they always think of him as a special friend and not a boyfriend.

 

When I brought my two VERY conservative aunts to Thailand many years back my boyfriend spent the entire 3 weeks with us touring around. My one older aunt (near 70) looked at the younger one on the plane ride back to USA and said, "what are we going to say about this boy in all our photos?" My younger aunt said, "hell, I am going to say this was Michael's boyfriend. He was good to us and that is the end of it. You tell them what you want but I'll tell them the truth." LOL

 

Still, that was 10 years ago and both Aunts always ask about him and have fond memories. All my Aunts visited NYC with my two long term boyfriends there and loved them. They all still go to very conservative Christian churches and still love me very much.

[Guest thaiworthy]

Very unusual and interesting story, Fountainhall. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I think we all need to learn to live together and this man's experience has proven that can be done. I am much more enthusiastic in my beliefs that people can change, having read this now. The last sentence says it all, and blinds us from a view that is more positive and focused.

[Rogie]

Thank you Michael for a wonderfully honest snapshot of your life and family.

 

The last sentence says it all, and blinds us from a view that is more positive and focused.

 

If this is the one you are referring to TW, I couldn't agree more.

 

Quotation from the Guardian article in the OP:

 

"The vast majority of conservative Christians are not hateful bigots at all. It is just a vocal minority that gets noticed and attracts all the attention,"

 

Neither are the vast majority of gay, lesbian and bisexuals!

 

Just as the man in Fountainhall's OP, after meeting a lesbian friend in a bar "started to question his beliefs and religious teaching", which flung him wholesale into a completely unexpected and quite astonishing direction - which could have ended in disaster - came out the other side a changed man, so too did fate completely change another man's life. I first read this account two or three weeks ago and it made such an impression on me I saved it as a bookmark.

 

Andrew Marin was "the biggest Bible-banging homophobic kid you ever met", and it was absolutely clear (to him) that Christianity and homosexuality were incompatible. But over the space of three months, three of his closest friends told him they were gay. "One by one, each friend told him that they were gay - and he says the news came as a complete surprise".

 

Those encounters challenged his comfort zone utterly. He could have beat a hasty retreat, and I guess most men with such a background would have done so; effectively a victory for their religious beliefs over tolerance and any effort to try and understand lifestyles different to their own.

 

In his own words:

 

"I didn't know what to do. I thought there was no way my theological belief system could ever line up with my friends' way of life, so I ended up cutting ties with them.". But Andrew Marin says that over the following months, he believed God was asking him to get back in touch with his friends and apologise to them.

 

Here are a few exerpts. See the link to the BBC website for the full article.

 

Can one man build effective bridges between evangelical Christians and Chicago's gay community?

 

That is the hope of Andrew Marin - who has spent the last decade living in Boystown, Chicago's officially-designated neighbourhood for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) residents.

 

He works to try to bring Christians and gay people together in open conversation about sexuality and spirituality - and that includes running a large-scale meeting four times a year at Roscoe's, one of America's most famous gay bars.

 

That is no small achievement in a culture where openly gay people and evangelical Christians have long viewed each other with suspicion.

 

But Andrew Marin's determination to bring polarised opposites together in dialogue has grown in ways he never imagined.

 

From small beginnings 10 years ago, he now takes his message around the world and has worked with governments as well as churches.

 

But the Marin Foundation believes that polite, honest conversation between people of all perspectives is essential if Christians are to address questions about sexuality more effectively.

 

Not everyone is convinced that Christians are ready - or able - to have many such discussions.

 

At Harvard University, a theologian who specialises in Christian understandings of sexuality has convened an international group of scholars to try and get beyond what he calls an "impasse" in current debates about religion and sexuality.

 

Professor Mark Jordan suggests that it may be time for "a kind of ceasefire - a disengagement, where we stop spending all of our time sniping at each other".

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-15034651