Guest fountainhall Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Is living a gay lifestyle a choice? Can one really be either gay or straight more or less at will? Sex and the City actress Cynthia Nixon, who had a 15-year relationship and two children with a man she met in high school before starting a long-term relationship with her present partner Christine Marioni, faced a backlash recently from the gay community when she implied in an interview in the New York Times that being gay was a deliberate choice she had made. “I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice.” As she added, “A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not. Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate?" Gay activist and political blogger John Aravosis, along with many in the gay community, strongly disagreed with Nixon’s choice of words. "If you like both flavours, men and women, you’re bisexual, you’re not gay, so please don’t tell people that you are gay, and that gay people can "choose" their sexual orientation, ie will it out of nowhere. Because they can’t," he wrote in AmericaBlog Gay. “And when you tell the NYT they can, you do tremendous damage to our civil rights effort. Every religious right hatemonger is now going to quote this woman every single time they want to deny us our civil rights. Thanks.” http://www.nytimes.c...ef=cynthianixon http://www.fridae.as...ne-debate?n=sec The right of freedom of speech probably means she can say almost anything about herself. But on this issue, I reckon she's talking through a hole in her head! Quote
KhorTose Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 I did not choose to be gay, My boyfriend made the choice for me. Quote
Guest Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 I think it's frequently a choice & have not seen any credible evidence to the contrary. What I have seen is many gay people who used to date or be married to the opposite sex. That implies choices have been made. Quote
Rogie Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 I've had relationships with women as well as men. How do I regard myself? Confused! I'm still, despite what I write below, a little bit envious of those who are firmly and happily in one or other camp - gay or straight. What I do know is that over the years I've developed a fond regard for Alfred Kinsey. His KInsey scale has been an enormous comfort to me. Now I know it's ok to be in the middle somewhere, or right of centre or left of centre, whatever - provided you are comfortable in your skin (by which I include your whole self, your whole being, not just who you may happen to sleep with) that to me is what sexuality is all about. I wonder if some of those who aren't comfortable in their skins are often the ones who are the most vociferous. I do not include Miss Nixon in that category, but people in the media spotlight do need to be extra careful what they say on the record. It may well sound corny, but the old saying honesty is the best policy still makes sense for me, that's why I'm sticking my head above the parapet . . . Quote
Guest thaiworthy Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 What I have seen is many gay people who used to date or be married to the opposite sex. That implies choices have been made. This is a very good point, but I don't think anyone can generalize about choices. On the surface it may appear as if a choice is being made among formerly straight people, but some simply don't know what they want anyway or deprive themselves of their true feelings until later in life. Whether this can be defined as a choice may be more complicated. There are also political implications by citing a choice is made. The bottom line is, if you possess such tendencies by birth, but suppress them, is that really a choice? It just seems to me that the choice is in the denial, not the orientation. Quote
Guest fountainhall Posted February 4, 2012 Posted February 4, 2012 My boyfriend made the choice for me. He clearly has good taste! It just seems to me that the choice is in the denial, not the orientation. Based on the comments so far, I would agree. If you happen to be gay and decide not to come out, that may effectively be your "choice", but very definitely it is also denial. Equally, if you are gay and you choose to be married in order to comply with social conventions and mask the fact that you want to be with members of the same sex, then that is Hobson's choice - i.e. no choice. In this part of the world, that is the "choice" which still faces many tens of millions of young men In Ms. Nixon's case, we don't really know how she felt when she was with her male partner for such a long period of time; nor if, now that she is in a long-term relationship with a woman, there are times when she feels she wants to be with a man. Since she says she now "chooses" to be with a woman, what, I wonder, persuaded her to change her choice? And if I were here partner, I'd be a bit worried that perhaps she might once again choose to switch sides! Quote
