More Quotes

[Guest fountainhall]

Time to lighten up! A few pithy quotes AND the authors. But who said what?

 

The Quotes

 

"Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."

 

"Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest."

 

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."

 

"Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls."

 

"A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling."

 

"Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast." (the clue is in the text!)

 

"I guess a drag queen's like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect."

 

The Authors

 

Stephen Fry

Compton Mackenzie (British writer and broadcaster)

Harvey Fierstein

Robin Williams

Woody Allen

Groucho Marx

Neil Kinnock (former leader of Britain's Labour Party)

[Bob]

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."

 

I'm not 100% sure but I think Harvey stole that one from a female comedienne (whose name I can't remember at the moment - but could have been as far back as Totie Fields). The way she said it was more like: As for men, there's not enough blood in the world to fill both heads and have them both work properly at the same time.

 

Funny nevertheless (and, like most jokes and funny humor, relies on the fact that there's just a wee bit of truth in the concept).

[Guest fountainhall]

I'm not 100% sure but I think Harvey stole that one from a female comedienne

It may have been stolen, but not by Harvey Fierstein. At least he's not the author according to my source. But I can almost hear him saying it!

[Guest fountainhall]

That quiz clearly bombed. Here are the answers -

 

"Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love." 
- Woody Allen

 

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." 
- Robin Williams (on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair)

 

"Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest." 
- Neil Kinnock

 

"Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls." 
- Groucho Marx

 

"A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling." 
- Stephen Fry

 

"Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast." 
- Compton Mackenzie (author of the popular novel based on a true story and made into a 1949 movie Whisky Galore)

 

"I guess a drag queen's like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect." 
- Harvey Fierstein

[Rogie]

Not having been able to chip in with any guesses until now, I enjoyed trying to work out who said what even though the answers were given, I tried not to look! I would have guessed the Woody Allen and Groucho Marks ones and probably opted for the correct Fierstein one (I had to look up his entry on Wiki because I didn't know much about him and saw that he liked dressing up). I was thrown by the Mackenzie quote because although quickly spotting the word whiskey as the clue I was expecting him to be an Irishman, then I remembered he had written Whisky Galore, so was that a typo or not, as he is definitely not Irish!