Thoughts on Ageing

[Guest fountainhall]

There's a "send this to ten others . . . " email doing the rounds. It's rather saccharine, but also I think frequently true.

 

"As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

 

"I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with ageing.

 

"Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .. I will.

 

"I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

 

"They, too, will get old.

 

"I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

 

"Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

 

"I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore..

I've even earned the right to be wrong.

 

"So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it). "

[Rogie]

This lovely poem makes me grateful I'm not a woman, but who is to say my fate will not be even worse, I'm already exhibiting some eccentricities!

 

WARNING

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens

and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph

[Guest fountainhall]

and gobble up samples in shops

Haha! I don't have to grow old(er) to do that! It reminded me of my years in Tokyo when I'd often wander down to the basement supermarkets in the major department stores and have my lunch by just taking little 'samples' from the many on offer. Most were delicious! It's a great way for people to eat in Japan when they are on a tight budget.

[Guest thaiworthy]

. . . by just taking little 'samples' from the many on offer. Most were delicious!

Can you do that with the Japanese boys in gay bars?

 

----------

 

I have always liked the poem by Robert Browning: Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!

 

Here are some quotes I like:

 

Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old. -- Franz Kafka

 

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. --Chili Davis

 

And from Mark Twain, comes an exceptional and famous one in typical Twain fashion: Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

 

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art. --Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

[Rogie]

A few more! Can you guess who said any of these?

 

1. One should never make one's debut with a scandal. One should reserve that to give an interest to one's old age

 

Clue: Very well known - English 19th Century

 

2. Experience teaches that no man improves much after 60, and that after 65 most of them deteriorate in a really alarming manner. I could give an autobiographical example, but refrain on the advice of counsel.

 

Clue: Very well known - American 20th Century

 

3. How foolish to think that one can ever slam the door in the face of old age. Much wiser to be polite and gracious ans ask him to lunch in advance.

 

Clue: Very well known - English 20th Century

 

4. Growing old is like being increasingly penalised for a crime you haven't committed.

 

Clue: Not so well known - English writer 20th Century

 

5. I don't need you to remind me of my age, I have a bladder to do that for me.

 

Clue: Well known contemporary English actor and humourist

[Guest]

Can you do that with the Japanese boys in gay bars?

 

If it's a host bar, one can off a host for about 15000 yen an hour, yes (

[Guest thaiworthy]

A few more! Can you guess who said any of these?

 

I am going to make an educated guess, although I am probably wrong. Answers in red.

 

1. One should never make one's debut with a scandal. One should reserve that to give an interest to one's old age

 

Motel69

 

2. Experience teaches that no man improves much after 60, and that after 65 most of them deteriorate in a really alarming manner. I could give an autobiographical example, but refrain on the advice of counsel.

 

Bob

 

3. How foolish to think that one can ever slam the door in the face of old age. Much wiser to be polite and gracious ans ask him to lunch in advance.

 

Fountainhall

 

4. Growing old is like being increasingly penalised for a crime you haven't committed.

 

Kokopelli

 

5. I don't need you to remind me of my age, I have a bladder to do that for me.

 

Gaybutton

[Rogie]

I am going to make an educated guess, although I am probably wrong.

My comments follow:

 

1. Motel 69 is ageing well considering he was born in the 19th Century.

 

2. That's a reasonable guess and you have the right nationality.

 

3. Another fair guess and again it fits the nationality.

 

4. oh dear, as far as I know Koko is American so that definitely a bad guess.

 

5. well your guess is American so it's not looking good - but, is he a humourist? I've no idea but he'd better have a good sense of humour or you'd better make yourself scarce next time you're in Pattaya!

 

 

 

[Gaybutton]

5. I don't need you to remind me of my age, I have a bladder to do that for me.

 

Gaybutton

That one is probably right. That sounds like something I would say and although it sounds very familiar, I can't remember whether I actually said that or not.

 

Something I know I said, because I've said it many times and still do:

 

"When I was young my grandfather took me aside and said, 'The best grandfatherly advice I can give you is - don't get old.' I should have listened."

 

Here's another one I like:

 

"I'm not afraid. At my age there's not a lot left to be afraid of."

- Helen Hayes (Ada Quonsett), 'Airport'

[Bob]

2. Experience teaches that no man improves much after 60, and that after 65 most of them deteriorate in a really alarming manner. I could give an autobiographical example, but refrain on the advice of counsel.

 

Bob

 

Hmmm, thanks for the compliment (I think) but, in reality, I lack the capacity to express the same sentiments in such an intelligent manner (such as might be said by H.L. Mencken?).

 

I do remember my father when being asked after a doctor's appointment how he was doing and his remarking: "No problem but the doctor did tell me not to buy any green bananas." Most likely he stole that line from somebody else.

 

I used to have a lot of thoughts on aging but I've forgotten most of them.

[Guest fountainhall]

A few more! Can you guess who said any of these?

Some pure guesses (without cheating!)

 

1. Surely this has to be Oscar Wilde?

 

2. I know this has to be wrong, but it sounds a bit like either Jack Benny or George Burns.

 

3. Stephen Fry?

 

4. Stumped on this one. Thought it might be Noel Coward, but he'd be well-known. Dame Edith Sitwell?

 

5. Could be Stephen Fry again, I suppose, but not if he is No. 3! John Cleese?

[Rogie]

Some pure guesses (without cheating!)

 

Comments in blue

 

1. Surely this has to be Oscar Wilde? Correct!

 

2. I know this has to be wrong, but it sounds a bit like either Jack Benny or George Burns. Good guesses but I am afraid Bob's guess was the correct one!

 

3. Stephen Fry? Wrong! You will kick yourself because it is in fact Noel Coward!

4. Stumped on this one. Thought it might be Noel Coward, but he'd be well-known. Dame Edith Sitwell? Good guess but wrong I am afraid. I will tell you because it is a hard one this. It was actually said by the English writer Anthony Powell, but not in speech; one of his characters said it in his very long series of novels A Dance to the Music of Time.

 

5. Could be Stephen Fry again, I suppose, but not if he is No. 3! John Cleese? Correct! Stephen Fry it is, although a special commendation to Thaiworthy is in order because Gaybutton concedes he might also have said it!

Without cheating, I think 2 out of 5 and a near miss is excellent!

 

NB. All quotes were taken from The Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations, edited by Ned Sherrin.

 

The Oscar Wilde quote comes from The Picture of Dorian Gray (1891)

 

H.L.Mencken wrote those words in the Baltimore Sun in November 1948

 

Noel Coward's lines come from his diary entry from 3 June 1956

 

and Stephen Fry's from Paperweight (1992)

[Gaybutton]

"He was so old, when he was in school they didn't have History."

- Rodney Dangerfield

[ChristianPFC]

5. I don't need you to remind me of my age, I have a bladder to do that for me.

 

Gaybutton

I wanted to say the same.

[Guest fountainhall]

Noel Coward's lines come from his diary entry from 3 June 1956

That marvellous Broadway star, Elaine Stritch, once claimed that Coward was one of the saddest men she had ever met.

 

Stephen Fry's from Paperweight (1992)

His latest, The Fry Chronicles, is on my desk waiting in line to be read!

[Rogie]

His latest, The Fry Chronicles, is on my desk waiting in line to be read!

I'm seriously lagging behind!

 

I haven't read a Stephen Fry book since The Liar in 1994. That book came out in 1991. Here is a hilarious comment written by Hugh Laurie on the back page of the paperback edition:

 

"It's very unfair! It took Joseph Heller seven years to write Catch 22. Stephen seems to have knocked this one off on a couple of wet Wednesday afternoons in Norfolk"