Boyfriends in Gay Thailand and Gay Pattaya

[TotallyOz]

In Thailand, the word boyfriend often brings many different reactions depending on what experiences and motivations one has. I have not quiet fully understood the Thai meaning of boyfriend yet. I keep looking to learn more and I do keep trying to grasp what the word means to a Thai guy.

 

I use the term boyfriend often in Thailand. I realize that in other places, that the paid companion I have would not be considered a boyfriend. But, in Thailand, many often use the word to represent one that is living with you or someone you are taking care of.

 

In another thread, I was asked why I limited my "boyfriends" to having an open relationship with other Thais and younger guy and a closed one with any other farang. I was unable to answer fully the questions because many factors come into place. I have had guys I enjoy and take care of only when I am in Thailand. When I leave, I expect them to go back to work and earn a living. I realize this and I know what they do for money. As long as I am not paying the bills, that is fine for me.

 

I have trouble with "boyfriends" of other faranges that work in the bars. Often they have a customer that comes here once or twice a year and during that time period, the boy is taken care of and is considered not available. When the farange leaves, the boy goes back to work and starts business as usual. That is fine for all concerned. I have seen more than a few times a few farang "boyfriends" come into town at the same time and feelings are hurt and anger flares.

 

I have known boys that tell their farange they are the only one and the farang sends them money on a weekly or monthly basis. When they run out, they look for a way to earn more. This is another type of boyfriend.

 

I have met boys in bars who were the boyfriends of another Thai boy or Ladyboy. These guys are only looking for short times as they have another life and are not looking for the long time off.

 

I have seen boys in bars that are the boyfriends of the bar owner or mamasan. These are also odd, as many times the boyfriend does not want the Thai boy to work and only to be put on stage as eye candy. As long as the Thai boy is at the bar and at work, they don't go off the premises with the customer but often during the day, they will contact other faranges. I have often wondered if a boy is working in a bar and is the boyfriend of the owner if the owner or mamasan really expects when they run into a potential gold mine that they will not succumb to that possibility. I have known many boys that play the role of boyfriend very well and it is outside of the bar that they look for other possibilities. I know one owner who has his boyfriend for years. He has taken great care of him and the two are very happy together. I have seen one couple that took on a Thai boy many years ago and they have a long-term commitment. They seem to be very happy in the 3-way scenario and it is great to see those friendships develop.

 

There are boyfriends of farangs who actively take care of them very well. These are the ones that have the most to loose when they stray. I met a boy that wanted to go home with me last week from a bar. I told him OK. When he got to my place we finished sex and he showered. His phone rang and he answered. It was his boyfriend. This was news to me. He promised the guy he was not with a farang and only loved him. He smiled at me the whole time he spoke. It was quiet uncomfortable for me and I felt guilty. I asked if he had a "boyfriend" and he said yes. I asked why he worked in a bar and he said that his boyfriend did not give him much money when not in Pattaya. I did not see the guy again but I did develop a friendship with him. It turns out that the guy gives him over 30k baht per month and his last trip to town he gave him 100k baht to take care of himself for a few weeks while he was away. I was shocked why the boy would risk loosing such a good catch and he said, no problem, he loves me too much. He has also made it clear that he enjoys sex with others and that he would never jeopardize his relationship with his "boyfriend" but what the farang doesn't know won't hurt him.

 

I really don't know where my term for boyfriend comes in all of this. I have a "boyfriend" or two that I adore. I am not in love with them and vice versa. However, we have been together for a long time. I use the word boyfriend often. The more I learn about Thailand and the more I learn about myself in the LOS, the more my definition changes. It is not the same today as it was last month or last year. When I talk to family I often use the term "special friend." In my mind, that is really more what I have. I have some amazing special friends that I adore, care for, worry about and enjoy.

[Guest catawampuscat]

 

I have some personal issues using the word "boyfriend".. Back in the West, we used the terms

boyfriend, lover, partner, significant other, f**k buddy. husband and probably a few more..

 

Since it is somewhat absurd to use "boyfriend" when referring to a man whom one pays for services and who may live with a woman (or ladyboy) and is straight.. I think the Thais use the "boyfriend" word literally.. They all know the word "boy" and in fact it is a common nickname and all know the word "friend"..It is logical to say "boyfriend" for Thais, as they use "boy" for unmarried men up to about 35 y.o. and "friend" also makes sense.

 

In the West, USA anyway, the word "boyfriend" has no age limits and can in some cases refer to men who have not been boys for many decades.. No one past 50 or 60 would refer to his longtime companion as his "boyfriend", but would say partner or lover or companion and if in the closet, roommate or flatmate..By the way guys, when you get past 35 or 40, nobody gay believes he is your roommate..

 

I like using the word "regular".. I will say my "regular" and it fits like a condom (glove).. I think many farangs enter a second childhood here (some missed the first hiding in the closet) and saying boyfriend makes them feel young and gay...

 

Gay men and women are finally making progress and ending the exclusive right of the breeding stock to get married and use the husband/ wife words, same as the straights..

 

Of course, boys (unmarried men up to 35y.o.) say they are straight when they have feminine

ladyboys as their primary relationship..Nobody in the West would think of themselves as straight if their sexual preference had male genitalia, except in prisons or a maybe a priest...

[TotallyOz]

By the way guys, when you get past 35 or 40, nobody gay believes he is your roommate..

 

OMG Do you mean all these years of telling my family I had different roommates in a few different countries that they actuallly knew the truth? I hope I am now able to cope with the family Xmas party. Do you think when I took my ladyboy boyfriend home one year that they actually knew it was not a lady?

 

I have to rethink my next trip home to meet the family. Thank you for the heads up Cat!

[Guest jomtien]

 

I too have problems using the term 'boyfriend' to describe relationships with the boys here. I had a boyfriend back home for 20 years before I moved here. We shared everything, including life expenses. We travelled together, learned about life together, grew together. When my parents died he was there to help me cope. When he suddenly became very successful in his work I was there to share his happiness.

 

My relationships with the boys here are far different. There is far less sharing of emotions. It is all a bit calculated. This is not to say I don't enjoy it. I do, indeed. But it is a totally different ballgame.

 

I am NOT assigning moral judgements. I enjoy being with the boys and fully respect them. But really, they are not boyfriends. There must be a better and non-judgemental word for them.

 

 

[TotallyOz]

I am NOT assigning moral judgements. I enjoy being with the boys and fully respect them. But really, they are not boyfriends. There must be a better and non-judgemental word for them.

 

Very well put!

[Guest rogered]

Jomtien wrote:

There must be a better and non-judgemental word for them.

 

Suggest 'bedpartners'

[JayBee]

But really, they are not boyfriends. There must be a better and non-judgemental word for them.

 

Is there a male equivalent for 'mistress'? Perhaps 'ward' isn't far off the mark; it worked for Bruce Wayne.

 

I've heard a certain type of boy you can encounter in the Silom cafes & discos, but who doesn't work in the bars, described as a 'professional boyfriend,' which I think is quite a good description - though it doesn't exactly fit what we're talking about here.

 

[Guest pepperami]

I too have problems using the term 'boyfriend' to describe relationships with the boys here. I had a boyfriend back home for 20 years before I moved here. We shared everything, including life expenses. We travelled together, learned about life together, grew together. When my parents died he was there to help me cope. When he suddenly became very successful in his work I was there to share his happiness.

 

Hi, I have been reading this thread with interest. This is the kind of relationship I yearn for. So, is it possible to develop a relationship like this with a "money boy" - if it wasn't based on money? Or is a "western" notion of what it is to be boyfriends just completely alien to them?

 

 

[Guest jomtien]

Is there a male equivalent for 'mistress'? Perhaps 'ward' isn't far off the mark; it worked for Bruce Wayne.

 

 

I like ward. That's a good word. I just fear that if I refered to someone as "my ward" people would think I was doing a June Cleaver impersonation.

 

And we know I'm far too butch for that

[TotallyOz]

I had a conversation with my Thai "boyfriends" last night. They seemed to prefer the word boyfriend. However, after much talk, they came up with a new word that I think fit what I was looking for.

 

Sponsor

 

Yes, that is right. Sponsor. I like it. It does not have negative connotations for me and they seemed to agree it says more than just fuck buddy or friend. And, perhaps appropriate?

[Guest stef]

Sponsor

 

They really came up with that word ? Their english is really getting better and better

 

Anyway Sponsor does sound better than client or fuck buddy or even "Daddy"

[JayBee]

Sponsor. I like it. It does not have negative connotations for me and they seemed to agree it says more than just fuck buddy or friend. And, perhaps appropriate?

Hmm, well 'sponsor' would apply to you, not to them, so that still leaves us a word short. I like the honesty of 'sponsor' though, since it acknowledges openly that financial support is, if not all that the relationship is about, then certainly an essential ingredient. I agree it's different from 'fuck buddy' or 'friend' but I'm not sure it 'says more.' In some ways it says less, but it's a better fit.

 

I'd be interested in hearing what Thai word or words the boys themselves use to refer to their 'sponsors' (and how those word/s translate). Or maybe that's how they came up with 'sponsor,' by translating what they already use among themselves.

 

[Guest francois]

This is, indeed, an interesting thread. There are problems with some of the alternate descriptors for boyfriend. I have "regulars" when visiting Thailand but would not put them in the same class as my "boyfriend".

"Ward" is a bit archaic to describe the bf and the corollary would suggest you, the farang, be the "warden". Patron is a nice word but only applies to the farang and not the bf. English does have many words that could be used, like buddy, chum, steady, swain, mate, comrade, paramour, etc but none quite fit. Mexican lads perfer to call their patron, "novio" which can mean boyfriend, groom, betrothed and applies equally to both partners. They often ask the gringo if he would like to become "my novio". French expressions can be "ami/friend", petit ami/little friend", "mon amour/my love" and best of all, "mon petit chou"/my little cabbage/ sweetie/sweetheart". I like that one!