How have you dealt with religious/disapproving families?

[unicorn]

I thank God 😉that I was brought up in an atheist family, but the opposite was true of my husband, who's also atheist but brought up in a highly religious family. They kicked him out when he was 18, and only one set of grandparents supported him (to an extent). Almost none of his family attended our wedding, other than some 2nd/3rd cousins and one first cousin. One added to the decline that marrying a man was not "God's will." Only the grandparents and one cousin had a legitimate excuse (the grandparents said they'd have come were it not for recent knee surgery, and one first cousin was undergoing chemotherapy). Well, one brother stated he had a midterm 2 days after our ceremony (veterinary school), though it was certainly very early in the semester to be having a midterm, and I personally don't believe it. 

For our honeymoon, we enjoyed a luxury cruise in the Galápagos. All of the guests in the dining room clapped and sang to us the Mexican song "Cielito Lindo" to celebrate our honeymoon, waving their napkins around their heads in the air. We've both enjoyed that campy movie Mommie Dearest, and after seeing the entire complement of guests and crew celebrate our wedding, I told him that the scene reminded me of when Joanne Crawford asked her daughter why her own daughter couldn't give her the same respect given to her by any random people on the street:

 

Well, my husband was not about to strangle his mother, but he told me that she texted him (after the honeymoon) and wished to communicate with him again (he stopped all communication with those who refused to come to the wedding). He said he texted her back and said that she would remain incommunicado until she apologized on social media and sent him the same amount of $$ she spent on any of her other children's weddings. I advised him not to hold his breath. I doubt that day will ever come. 

It's difficult for me to put myself in his shoes, since my family background was polar opposite, with both parents having scientific doctoral degrees, and eminent scientific careers. I'm curious if any members here came from families with religious/disapproving backgrounds, and how you may have dealt with that. 

[Latbear4blk]

I grew up in a religious family, Catholic. One of my brothers is a Jesuit priest. 10 out of my K12 years were in Catholic schools. I, myself, briefly considered becoming a priest when I was in High School.

When you come from a religious background, the challenge is to question and erase years of indoctrination. Once you remove the garbage out of the way (even if you will have to deal with subconscious leftovers throughout your entire life), confronting your relatives may be hard, but comparatively a piece of cookie. 

[Olddaddy]

Yes my Filipino boyfriend ( lives in Australia) ran off from a religious cult whilst stationed in Sydney 

He met me on Tinder whilst still part of it 

We used to meet secretly whilst he was out selling chocolate for the "church " ✝️

After a month of only knowing each year  2021 other he turns up at my door 🚪 one night ,with his bag 

"I had to leave he said " they wanted to lock me up for a 3 day water fast " 

Ever since then he has lived with me and obtained a partner visa 

We have a open relationship 

And get this....his parents at first disowned him because the church banned him ,and they found out he was gay ....BUT as soon  as he started sending  money💲 to his parents they now ring him weekly and are happy 😂he is gay 

They even say hello to me on WhatsApp 

 

[unicorn]

6 hours ago, Olddaddy said:

...as soon  as he started sending  money💲 to his parents they now ring him weekly and are happy 😂he is gay ...

Isn't faith wonderful? I feel a song coming on.

 

[Ruthrieston]

I was brought up in Scotland as a Presbyterian, the Minister arrived at our house when I was 12 to say that as I had not been baptised I could not attend Bible Study classes until I was baptised, all news to me. I started visiting other religious groups, with the help of my Religious studies teacher and chose to become a Roman Catholic at the age of fifteen. When I left school I entered an enclosed, silent Benedictine monastery in a semi-ruined building built in the year 1230, Latin Office and Latin Mass sung in Gregorian Chant, seven times a day in the church, no school or parish. I was so happy there, a good community who respected each other, but kept silence and we had separate cells (rooms). After seven years I chose to leave and start a new life and trained as a nurse. I am convinced that though it was never mentioned the community knew I was gay but no one ever spoke of it, I simply felt accepted. As a teenager I tried to commit suicide three times because I could not cope with being gay, and I feel that the community of monks who accepted me gave me the courage to leave and live my life openly and freely. 

[Olddaddy]

1 hour ago, Ruthrieston said:

I was brought up in Scotland as a Presbyterian, the Minister arrived at our house when I was 12 to say that as I had not been baptised I could not attend Bible Study classes until I was baptised, all news to me. I started visiting other religious groups, with the help of my Religious studies teacher and chose to become a Roman Catholic at the age of fifteen. When I left school I entered an enclosed, silent Benedictine monastery in a semi-ruined building built in the year 1230, Latin Office and Latin Mass sung in Gregorian Chant, seven times a day in the church, no school or parish. I was so happy there, a good community who respected each other, but kept silence and we had separate cells (rooms). After seven years I chose to leave and start a new life and trained as a nurse. I am convinced that though it was never mentioned the community knew I was gay but no one ever spoke of it, I simply felt accepted. As a teenager I tried to commit suicide three times because I could not cope with being gay, and I feel that the community of monks who accepted me gave me the courage to leave and live my life openly and freely. 

Beautiful story ♥️♥️♥️♥️

[unicorn]

3 hours ago, Ruthrieston said:

... I am convinced that though it was never mentioned the community knew I was gay but no one ever spoke of it, I simply felt accepted...

I'm not sure how this relates to my hubbie. His family knew he's gay and "accepted" him only on the condition that he never spoke of it. That doesn't seem like real acceptance to me. One doesn't have to agree with the way a person is or what he believes to accept them. They literally believe Bible stories about the earth being created in 6 days, Noah's arc, and Jonah and the whale. I went to a couple of his cousins' weddings, and thought their talk of one spouse being "God's choice" for the other to be ridiculous. While I personally find their beliefs inane and preposterous, I can respect their differences in belief. I certainly have never challenged their beliefs, much less voiced an opinion that a marriage wasn't "God's plan," unlike members of his family. For what it's worth, my hubbie said he's never been happier, and it shows. 

[reader]

From CNN

After their son came out, this conservative Christian couple went into a closet of their own

As soon as Greg McDonald Jr. saw his parents, he knew he was in trouble. His father stood waiting for him with his arms folded and his brow furrowed. Beside him was Greg’s mother, her eyes red and puffy.

“Quick, pretend you’re interested in me,” Greg Jr. told his friend Betsy as he steered the speedboat toward the dock at his parents’ riverfront home outside Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Greg Jr. had just taken a group of friends out for a rollicking boat ride. It was late in the summer of 2001, and he was about to head off to his first year of college. In just a few weeks the 17-year-old thought he’d be free.

 

But while Greg Jr. was away his father, a conservative Christian, had checked his computer’s search history. He’d heard stories of young men being corrupted by the internet and had discovered his son’s secret: visits to gay porn sites.

As Greg Jr. stepped off the boat with his friends, his father looked sternly at the group. “You need to leave,” he said to the other teens.

Once they were alone, the father turned toward his son.

“Are you—?” he asked.

“Yes, I am,” Greg Jr. said, cutting his father off as he walked past his parents toward their house.

“You could be an axe murderer, and we would always love you,” his father called out after him. “But we need to get you fixed.”

You may think you know what happened next. Greg Jr. prayed to God for deliverance. Pastors condemned him. Church members shunned him. Longtime friends disappeared, and he wrestled with shame because he felt like he had failed God and disobeyed the Bible.

But that’s not what happened to Greg Jr. That’s what happened to his parents, Greg Sr. and Lynn McDonald.

Their son’s admission would send the McDonalds on a journey that forced them to make agonizing choices about their faith and family. They would be thrust into the middle of a hidden crisis afflicting the conservative Christian community. And how they responded to their son’s admission would mushroom into a scandal — one that prompted two of the most prominent evangelical pastors in America to publicly question each other’s faith.

Continues at
https://edition.cnn.com/2024/11/03/us/conservative-christian-coming-out-gay-cec/index.html

[a-447]

All this drama involved in coming out is so sad.

When I told my parents during dinner, my father said: "Really? Can you please pass the salt?"

[unicorn]

4 hours ago, reader said:

...

Their son’s admission would send the McDonalds on a journey that forced them to make agonizing choices about their faith and family...

I'd send the book to his parents if I thought it'd help. I've noted this among some of my friends. Either the parents reject their children or their faith's teachings. Some faiths have some leeway, but others, such as Mormonism, are quite inflexible: either you shun your child or leave the church. I know one LDS couple, for example. One parent is supportive, and left the church, the other has no contact with her son. Churches which are maladaptive will lose membership. Since we came back from the Galápagos, I'm reminded of one of Darwin's truisms:

The trend is especially evident in Western countries, such as France:

Spain:

Germany:

[vinapu]

6 hours ago, a-447 said:

All this drama involved in coming out is so sad.

When I told my parents during dinner, my father said: "Really? Can you please pass the salt?"

Most likely thay already knew so no news were spilled other than roast was not salty enough

[a-447]

4 hours ago, vinapu said:

Most likely thay already knew....

No, most unlikely.

I even managed to conceal it from my classmates all through high school. If they had known I would have been crucified. I came out to all my friends after I'd graduated and they were shocked, to say the least.

We are all still close friends today - apart from a couple who found it too hard to accept - and over the years I've flown back and forth to Japan to celebrate their wedding anniversaries and the major milestones in their children's lives.

The one thing in common they all have is a lack of any religious beliefs.

[unicorn]

5 hours ago, vinapu said:

Most likely thay already knew so no news were spilled...

 

1 hour ago, a-447 said:

No, most unlikely...

I feel a song coming on 😄

 

[reader]

No matter what we think or how well we tried to conceal it, our mothers always knew..

[bkkmfj2648]

8 minutes ago, reader said:

No matter what we think or how well we tried to conceal it, our mothers always knew..

And how true this is.

My mother told me that she knew when I was only 7 years old. 

I said, how ma?

She said that I could not throw the baseball properly like the other kids my age.

When did she tell me this?

When I was 24 - she made a special trip into NYC (she hated the city) from the far suburbs to meet me at my flat.  And then she said to me:

 

If I had a gay son I would still love him.  Are you gay?

Like wow!!! What a burden she took off of my shoulders, as I was still dating a girl to please my mom.

Soon afterwards, I broke up with my girlfriend and I jumped fully into my already existing exciting gay life in Brooklyn.

I was no longer a "fake" bisexual.