How to approach a "straight" guy

[chum_soccer]

So I have met this "straight" young guy from Sydney (mentioning this in case it is a cultural thing) in our condo gym and sauna. He doesn't know that I am into guys. Anyways, the first week I met him, we would always cross paths in the gym and go to sauna / hot bath together. We went out one weekend and smoked weed and he got pretty high. Sometimes I could see on my hindsight that he is looking straight at me (but then again, this could be just normal between straight bros). After we got home and went to my bed around 3am, I was super happy that I opened my whatsapp and tried to re-read his messages. He was online and started writing a message, he asked me if I wanted to go to the hot tub. Of course I said yes lol. I got there first and when he arrived, he closed the door (normally we just leave it open). At this point, I am getting mixed signals because why would a straight guy invite me to go to hot tub when its already dark and closed and at 3am. Also, when we were in the elevator when we got home, I am not entirely sure but I think he was looking at me as if he wants to say something. Sometimes I would see him look at my face when I am looking away. One time while we were in the tub, I was looking outside and I could see from the reflection on the window that while he was lying on his back, he would elevate his head just to look at what I am doing.

I asked him why he wanted to go to tub and he just said that he thought the water would still be hot. Nothing happened lol.

The next day, I tried to text him and asked what time he was going to gym. He told me the night before that he was going to go with me to work out in another gym but for some reason, he just replied that he was unsure and that he cannot go that day.

After this, he hasn't texted me or saw him in the gym. I checked up on him the next monday, I got some replies but I was just disappointed with the lack of enthusiasm of going out again.

I haven't seen him on the gym that week. I tried to invite him the next friday night but he said he has tons of work to catchup on. Well, this guy really works a lot and never goes out. He had been here for three weeks and the night we went out was the first time he went out in Thailand. Around 11pm that same night, I asked if he would like to smoke and go to sauna but I got a reply the next day around 4pm and said he worked until 5am. He still said that "we should go to that gym I told him about soo " and asked if I went out that night but never read my reply anymore and I couldn't see his "last seen" status anymore. 

Now, I started to feel like he was avoiding me. We had a great night that night and I just couldn't understand why he would avoid me.

 Anyways, I saw him in the gym last night. I purposedly worked out late that just to see if he works out late and voila, he went. At first, we just nudged at each other and thats it. He went straight to the threadmill and ran the whole time while I was working out and chatting with other guys (this guy never runs, first time he ran was when he saw me ran that friday night we went out). I kind of confirmed at this point that yes, he is avoiding me. After he finished running, I was just at the corner pretending to text. He went to me and chatted and told me that he went out with another friend that week and he got pretty drunk and all of my worries suddenly went away. He was very chatty and wanted to catch up. I introduced him to my other straight guy friend and we all went to Sauna and hung out at the pool together. We hung out for about 2 1/2 hours together talking about sex and girls.

We just all had a good time together. I could feel that he was enjoying my company and even thinks that I am funny and kept laughing at my jokes.

So here are the things that I found out the whole conversation. First, he admitted that he felt guilty the next day as he felt lazy the whole day (this guy is very driven and works everyday and usually works on a friday and saturday night). He said that he loves weed but he knows that its not good so he tries to avoid it as he wants to focus on making money. This could be the very reason why he might be avoiding me. He probably sees me as a distraction or bad friend or a person he wouldn't like to spent time with as I bring no value to him in his ambitions. He also thinks of girls as distractions and he seems to be not interested whenever I try to points girls at him.

Second, he said he doesn't like thai girls as he has high standards and he only likes white girls. If this is true then this might be the reason why he was not interested in all the girls I was pointing at him.

Third, he seems to be interested on small details about my sex life. I told them a story about me hooking up with a ladyboy and he asked me if I fucked her or if she gave me a head. Then, I told them that I am not going to be sleeping around girls (well, duh) and that I would prefer to just buy an apple VR and jack off. He then asked me if I do that? like if I jack off. There were a few more questions (like if I ever had stds, etc.)  that I couldn't remember anymore but I have never met a straight guy so interested with my sex life.

 Fourth, he said that he would never do it with a ladyboy like if ever he finds out that the girl he took home has a weiner, he will run away immediately. So this kind of confirms that he might be really straight and wouldn't want to do anything sexual with another person with a dick but what if, just what if this is just a lie. I already caught him with a couple of white lies he told me although those are just small lies but yes, he does lie a bit.

I am defintely overthinking and could be misinterpreting things but what should I do? I am interested to know what do you guys think of the situation. I am aware that I am overthinking and obsessing but am I misinterpreting things or do you guys think that there's a chance that he might be into me or would do anything sexual with me - given the right environment (high and drunk).

 If we ever got the chance to be in the hot tub together again at 3am, what should I do?

[reader]

All the guys I've really been attracted to were/are otherwise straight. My best advice is to continue to take your cues from him. He definitely sounds curious.

That he says he doesn't like ladyboys may be his way of telling you he likes men who aren't effeminate.

If you find yourself in hot tub together at 3a.m., I'd jump on whatever pops up. Not an opportinty to pass on.🙂

[vinapu]

reader is right, guy is interested in you  but it looks he is not sure whether he wants to follow up in his attraction. Inviting other guy to  a tub at 3 am is non standard straight behavior so go for it and see if your knees or elbows meet under water somehow. Don't be first to pull your back 

 

 

[12is12]

How do u not get aroused spending time at such places with a guy who attracts u ( and talking about sex to boot)?

If u did get aroused, maybe he was eyeing u bcs he had noticed....

[ToTheCore]

You should man-up and tell him your interest is in guys, not girls. 

If he thinks you're straight, it's deception carrying on with him, getting him high, hanging out in the hot tub, etc. without him knowing you're gay.  

It's 2024.  Playing games, being coy and beating around the bush is creepy.    If you're gay, you're gay.   Pretending is cowardly and unfair to him.  He should know the truth.  

THEN he can decide whether to continue to hang out as bro's or even tell you he thinks you're cool. And sexy  And Interesting. 

Or not.  

[fedssocr]

Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought it would happen to me...

[chum_soccer]

5 hours ago, reader said:

All the guys I've really been attracted to were/are otherwise straight. My best advice is to continue to take your cues from him. He definitely sounds curious.

That he says he doesn't like ladyboys may be his way of telling you he likes men who aren't effeminate.

If you find yourself in hot tub together at 3a.m., I'd jump on whatever pops up. Not an opportinty to pass on.🙂

But do you think that that ask to go hot tub at 3am is a big give away?

When that happens again, how do you initiate it without making it look super awkward in case he is really straight?

 

Another question, do you guys think he is avoiding me or am I just over thinking? And should I text him or invite him to do something again? I feel like I am always the one who text him first except for that night that when we were really high.

[chum_soccer]

4 hours ago, vinapu said:

reader is right, guy is interested in you  but it looks he is not sure whether he wants to follow up in his attraction. Inviting other guy to  a tub at 3 am is non standard straight behavior so go for it and see if your knees or elbows meet under water somehow. Don't be first to pull your back 

 

 

True and I have never met a straight guy who has never shown interest in girls. Although he is the type that seem to be doing the extreme to achieve success (this guy only eats once a day to keep himself fit, for example) but even the nerdiest straight guy that I have met shows some slight interest on girls

[vinapu]

46 minutes ago, chum_soccer said:

True and I have never met a straight guy who has never shown interest in girls.

that is your hope, Just don't waste next meetup with him 

[ichigo]

17 hours ago, chum_soccer said:

Second, he said he doesn't like thai girls as he has high standards and he only likes white girls.

Call me "woke" or whatever, but if someone said this to me in conversation, I would be instantly turned off.

[chum_soccer]

21 minutes ago, ichigo said:

Call me "woke" or whatever, but if someone said this to me in conversation, I would be instantly turned off.

Exactly what I felt. I was like "this guy is a bit arrogant and borderline racist". He actually didn't say thai but "asian"

[reader]

12 hours ago, chum_soccer said:

But do you think that that ask to go hot tub at 3am is a big give away?

READER: Yes

When that happens again, how do you initiate it without making it look super awkward in case he is really straight?

READER: Follow your gut instinct: knee wonders; eyes lock; and my favorite and most reliable indicator, erection occurs.

Another question, do you guys think he is avoiding me or am I just over thinking? And should I text him or invite him to do something again? I feel like I am always the one who text him first except for that night that when we were really high.

READER: Faint heart ever won fair athlete.

 

[vinapu]

19 hours ago, chum_soccer said:

 

Second, he said he doesn't like thai girls as he has high standards and he only likes white girls.

those two doesn't go well together indeed. It's one thing to like only certain races but attribute it to any standards it's outright racist.

Although I suspect if he said " I have high standards and like only Asian girls" we, including myself would be less riled

[chum_soccer]

9 minutes ago, vinapu said:

those two doesn't go well together indeed. It's one thing to like only certain races but attribute it to any standards it's outright racist.

Although I suspect if he said " I have high standards and like only Asian girls" we, including myself would be less riled

maybe that is just his defenses falling into cracks.. i mean, what better excuse would there be not to like girls apart from saying you do not like the race of 95% of the girls around you 😅 sometimes when we lie, we tend to say such extreme things .. 

 

This is a little off topic but the other straight guy said something along the lines of, he is looking for a thai girlfriend so that he can have someone to clean the house for him .. The bigotry of these straight foreigners here in Thailand never fails to shock me

[vinapu]

48 minutes ago, chum_soccer said:

maybe that is just his defenses falling into cracks.. i mean, what better excuse would there be not to like girls apart from saying you do not like the race of 95% of the girls around you 😅 sometimes when we lie, we tend to say such extreme things .. 

 

you are making very good point any cheap Charlie would like " I don't go to bars anymore because AC is too low and music too loud" while real reason was that last boy lusted was firm asking for 2000 tip or whatever.

[vinapu]

53 minutes ago, chum_soccer said:

This is a little off topic but the other straight guy said something along the lines of, he is looking for a thai girlfriend so that he can have someone to clean the house for him .. The bigotry of these straight foreigners here in Thailand never fails to shock me

I wouldn't single out straights nor foreigners. I suspect many Thais  are looking for girlfriend for exactly the same reason