Being lonely on your trip

[Olddaddy]

I must admit ,whether that means I'm weak , is that my last long trip to Thailand I became "lonely" 

This time my Filipino partner will arrive with me for a week during my 3 weeks 

I did at times substitute the word "boredom" for lonilessness 

Your thinking shock 😲 horror how does one become lonely on a trip to Thailand with all those boys ?

Long trips or trips where I stay the same room, my weakness seems to be gloomy thoughts or boredom 

Hard to explain 

But this trip 3 weeks duration my Filipino friend will come along 

I will write more into later ,at the moment I'm heading to the gym before I think of an excuse not to go ☺️

[TMax]

I never feel lonely nor bored on any of my many trips as I always find something to do or see, being that I only travel alone I have always found it easy to do things (and without arguments) and on a quiet day I check out the cinemas and after go for a sex filled couple of hours at a massage shop. I usually like to do day trips out of Bangkok as that helps to pass time, Ayutthaya is a favourite, I can enjoy the ruins all day long if need be and if booked on the right tour the river journey back to Bangkok (with buffet lunch) is quite a good time too. 

[jason1975]

I was lonely during my first few visits many years ago because I only interacted with the guys in bars and massage shops.

But after I met some of forum members here, I have not been lonely. I meet forum members and we go for dinner and bar visits while exchanging latest news.

[bkkmfj2648]

9 hours ago, Olddaddy said:

I must admit ,whether that means I'm weak , is that my last long trip to Thailand I became "lonely" 

This time my Filipino partner will arrive with me for a week during my 3 weeks 

I am confused.  

I believe that you wrote in a previous post from a previous trip that you did not like the fact that you brought your Filipino partner with you to Thailand because it was limiting your ability to have fun.

Is the purpose of your Filipino partner to fill the empty void that occurs when you might feel lonely ?

I am curious because over the years I have had friends who dreaded to feel lonely and could not do anything alone and would often call you to fill their void to feel lonely - I never liked the feeling of being an NPC to fill the role of substituting someone's fear of the void / loneliness - instead of them wanting to genuinely be with you - and not because instead they needed to avoid the fear of the void and loneliness.  It made me feel as a place holder because the friend was not willing to discover the source of this fear of the void = to be alone and where it comes from.

I love being alone - I recharge when I am alone and I do not fear it.

Some of my best vacations have been when I was alone, as it forced me out of my comfort zone and I was challenged to meet new interesting people and to see new exciting places.  Often in the past, when I vacationed with friends - we often only hung out together with each other and we never met any new interesting people and these types of vacations were more bland (harder to remember) than those when I was alone.

[Kiwi306]

I prefer to do my own thing in a lot of ways because then you're free to do whatever you want, without having to fit in with other people's plans. I've just returned from a 2-week holiday around various parts of Thailand with family members and a lovely Thai lady who married into the family. I went to various locations I would never had visited otherwise and I had good company, so I don't begrudge that, but I was very restricted in what I could do. So I was so pleased to return to Bangkok and I have already rung up  a The One guy and will meet him shortly after a bit of a sexual drought.

I like the idea of meeting up with others in the forum. I myself find it quite intimidating to enter an unknown bar for the first time and, as you say, it's great to have the company of others from time to time.

[vinapu]

Lots of good comments above.

Advantage of travelling together is indeed avoiding boredom and loneliness is somebody is bothered by that. Another bonus is monetary as it allows for savings on accommodation , taxis, often other things too lime family sized meals.

Disadvantage is usually need  to accommodate others, particularly hard if one is determined to do / see something and others not only are not interested but actively protesting. Travelling in group generates a lot a lot of time waste, toilet breaks , strange meal orders when everybody is finished and one person is still waiting for her fish baked in oranges. 

I have life time friends I would never for for vacation together with other that fully organized trip. Also have people I don't keep much of social life with but gladly  go for any trip with them.

To alleviate that problems in university years our pack devised smart rule - we  travel together but everybody it's on own vacation. That means no fuss if somebody decides to go own way for hour , half day or whole week. 

I can't envision how one could feel bored in city like Bangkok but since some people are I guess t's possible. 

OP mentioned being bored with the same room. Old vinapu long ago devised cure for that i.e. hotel jumping every 2-3 nights, sometimes even changing rooms in the same hotel. This way we change not only room but also scenery around hotel . One of our members make a point on every trip to stay few nights in different , sometimes far away areas of Bangkok just to get a feel of the city. Often difference in prices more than offsets additional  cost of transportation to the core.

Like Jason1975 I found that befriending and meeting members eliminates loneliness, allows for company and even some savings on taxi to Jey Spa together  . In bars bonus is that we can pretend we are boyfriends to keep pushy mamasans and boys at bay. Nobody believes but everybody gets' stay away message. For shy types it creates additional shield in bars. Almost always there's somebody visiting or soon arriving willing to meet. On another hand no offence if somebody declines - see 'everybody on own vacation' rule. People may want to remain anonymous or just left alone for many reasons.

 

[vinapu]

3 hours ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

 

I love being alone - I recharge when I am alone and I do not fear it.

Some of my best vacations have been when I was alone, as it forced me out of my comfort zone and I was challenged to meet new interesting people and to see new exciting places. 

+1, no +27

[floridarob]

8 hours ago, jason1975 said:

But after I met some of forum members here, I have not been lonely.

We haven't met before....otherwise you might yearn for the loneliness again 😉

 

 

4 hours ago, vinapu said:

In bars bonus is that we can pretend we are boyfriends

I tried that when we went to the bar in front of Hot Male..... and the guys said you go with a lot of boys.....I told them you were the whore in the relationship, they said OHHHH, I see  😝

[Kiwi306]

As Vinapu said, a change of location can be beneficial, especially if you can find a hotel where you are able to store luggage, particularly in my case, as I don't know how to travel light. During my current trip I've stayed at Quarter Saladaeng, Quarter Silom, Siam Heritage and 2 hotels in On Nut. I'm seriously considering staying for a couple of nights at Tarntawan, as the Quarter Silom rates can vary significantly from day to day.

[vinapu]

1 hour ago, Kiwi306 said:

 as I don't know how to travel light. 

that's simple, take half things and twice as much money

[siriusBE]

16 hours ago, bkkmfj2648 said:

Some of my best vacations have been when I was alone, as it forced me out of my comfort zone and I was challenged to meet new interesting people and to see new exciting places.  Often in the past, when I vacationed with friends - we often only hung out together with each other and we never met any new interesting people and these types of vacations were more bland (harder to remember) than those when I was alone.

This is exactly why I prefer to travel alone. It forces me to interact with the locals and other travelers, find solutions for transportation and so on. I can f.ck around as much or as little as I want. But it can also be nice to have a traveling companion with whom you can share impressions and dinners (eating alone in a restaurant is sometimes a bit depressing for me) and with whom you can share room/car rentals (this was the case on the last trip to the southwestern US, for example). But then you need someone you can rely on and both need to be flexible so you can do things independently if both are in the mood to do so.

[vinapu]

Thing I hate the most when travelling with other people is when they ask for solution and then immediately propose some contradictory proposal instead doing it in first place.

him : " What we  are doing now?" ,me ": 'Lets's go to Empire State Building", him : " Why don't we go to see Frick Collection first  ? ", this type of exchange

[Keithambrose]

As Sartre said, 'Hell is other people'!

[vinapu]

3 hours ago, Keithambrose said:

As Sartre said, 'Hell is other people'!

problem is that to many we are those ' other people" and better we try to remember that and behave

[donJ]

On 8/13/2024 at 9:31 AM, bkkmfj2648 said:

I am confused.  

I believe that you wrote in a previous post from a previous trip that you did not like the fact that you brought your Filipino partner with you to Thailand because it was limiting your ability to have fun.

Is the purpose of your Filipino partner to fill the empty void that occurs when you might feel lonely ?

I am curious because over the years I have had friends who dreaded to feel lonely and could not do anything alone and would often call you to fill their void to feel lonely - I never liked the feeling of being an NPC to fill the role of substituting someone's fear of the void / loneliness - instead of them wanting to genuinely be with you - and not because instead they needed to avoid the fear of the void and loneliness.  It made me feel as a place holder because the friend was not willing to discover the source of this fear of the void = to be alone and where it comes from.

I love being alone - I recharge when I am alone and I do not fear it.

Some of my best vacations have been when I was alone, as it forced me out of my comfort zone and I was challenged to meet new interesting people and to see new exciting places.  Often in the past, when I vacationed with friends - we often only hung out together with each other and we never met any new interesting people and these types of vacations were more bland (harder to remember) than those when I was alone.

Interesting how everyone is different...I'm always much more adventurous & meet me many more new people when I have even one friend accompanying me, & I'm usually the social instigator. I use my alone time to recharge too, but usually in the comforts of my own home or somewhere familiar, even yesterday I was by the beach for a few hours by myself after everyone else had gone on with their day & I didn't know what to do with myself. But I've never traveled outside the country alone. My opportunities are too far & few between but as I save money with time that will change. Nothing wrong with being there for someone when they need it--not every need we fulfill is also gonna fulfill our ego, but I get where you're coming from, especially if you're used to dealing with the feeling on your own & have actually learned to embrace it.

Although always having company definitely makes the fun harder lol That's why I've always been on the lookout for that evasive 'friend' who's down for some hedonistic adventuring

[FunFifties]

Hi, new to these forums, but have been eavesdropping for a while

Interesting topic. I love travelling alone and have been fortunate enough to do a couple of two-month trips in recent years. I wouldn't say I get lonely but sometimes I miss company at meals or to have someone to share interesting experiences with. I basically have three methods to fix this.

Number one is booking a seat on guided tours in small tour groups. In small groups people quickly get introduced and you find out if anyone else is travelling solo. You ask people if they have plans/suggestions for lunch or dinner and there is a good chance you will have company for your next meal.  One time this approach actually led to a nice holiday fling with a cute young fellow tourist. Cooking classes, diving courses etc. will also do the trick.

Number two is staying in hostels. Many hostels offer private accomodation for solo travellers and you can use the communal facilities like bar, lounge, and kitchen where people are often eager to share stories and tips about travelling.

Number three, my favourite method, is dating the locals. Get on the apps but don't get straight to business. Take a guy out or let yourself get taken out for dinner, drinks etc before the naked business. I had great times with locals in and out of bed when I visited Australia and SE Asia for two months last year, and I hope to reconnect with some of these guys when I visit again for a month early next year.

 

 

[Marc in Calif]

I've found that internations.org  — a global social organization for locals, expats, and other visitors — has chapters in all major cities. I've attended many of its events around the world, especially in Barcelona and California. 

The Bangkok chapter seems very active with activities for a variety of interest groups. If you are looking for social activities (and not dating or sexual flings), I suggest joining internations.org.

Here's a group that I would join if I was in Bangkok:

Bangkok Arts & Culture Group

(There's also a Bangkok LGBTQ+ & Friends Group, but it's pretty small and seems to have poorly attended events.)

[Pantherz]

On 8/14/2024 at 8:43 PM, FunFifties said:

let yourself get taken out for dinner

Have you had much luck with that in Thailand?

[Londoner]

When I was single, I found the afternoons in Pattaya difficult to fill. Jomtien beach was fine for a couple of hours but no longer than that for me, and the go go didn't start until 2100. There were only two gay massage places, both far away from Boyztown but with only a handful of masseurs available; and no apps in those far-off days, obviously. 

Even TV was limited, very limited in the sort of hotels I could afford.  No mobiles. Nor laptops. Royal Garden was newly-open  (two floors of it) and there was some cruising there but I was much too shy; I needed gogo bars.

I suppose I was lonely. The only people I knew in Pattaya were "short-time" friends. And of course, that particular tribe only comes out to play after dusk. This was the time I stopped being lonely. 

So , all I can say now to younger guys is "count your blessings". The internet, the numerous a/c-ed malls. Even TV. Hotels that are probably more comfortable than they were thirty years ago  in my price range. Massage guys and willing visitors to hotel rooms are available twenty-four hours a day.

No time to be lonely!

 

[Travellerdave]

My first two visits to Pattaya were in 2001 when I was accompanied by a gay friend from home who like me had never been before. The trips were of relatively short duration, 2 or 3 weeks and were nearly 100% boy orientated so I don’t remember any periods we were bored or at a loose end. Later trips l travelled there on my own and was able to stay for much longer, around two months, even one of ten weeks. Compared with the shorter ones my “pace” was much calmer residing in condo apartments including periods.with “boyfriends” , with whom I did some limited travelling within Thailand. I did meet other long term visitors, both str and gay, during my keep fit activities (gym, running and cycling). I can’t say that I ever felt lonely.

[floridarob]

11 hours ago, Travellerdave said:

I can’t say that I ever felt lonely.

Robert De Niro said on the movie Heat, I'm alone...I'm not lonely. That describes me very well....when I am alone.

Also because of traveling alone the majority of times, I've been invited to some incredible homes, parties and dinners that I don't think I would've been had I been with someone else.

[Keithambrose]

1 hour ago, floridarob said:

Robert De Niro said on the movie Heat, I'm alone...I'm not lonely. That describes me very well....when I am alone.

Also because of traveling alone the majority of times, I've been invited to some incredible homes, parties and dinners that I don't think I would've been had I been with someone else.

Good point. No problem, necessarily,  with being alone, being lonely  is different. 

[FunFifties]

On 8/16/2024 at 12:01 PM, Pantherz said:

Have you had much luck with that in Thailand?

Just once Most times I pay, but my date takes me to the restaurant by car or bike sometimes.

[Londoner]

I very much support the views of those who speak of the benefits lone-travel. The one thing I'd add is that it helps enormously if there are plenty of English speakers around.

I loved my single-travel in northern Thailand before I met  P but I'd have loved to have been able to speak with the locals. So limited was my Thai (it's even worse now) that I couldn't  even explain to a shopkeeper on the way up to Doi Inthanon that I desperately (really desperately) needed a ching-chong. My physical actions to describe the agony I was in would have caused my arrest in Bangkok.

I found in West and East Africa plenty of English speakers, thanks to  British colonialism and the teaching of the  language in schools. However when I went in-land, away from tourist areas, it was more difficult. I remember being less successful in Morocco "off the beaten track" where my appalling French encouraged pity.

In Palestine, so many people spoke good English that I was able to travel by bus anywhere. And, obviously, everyone had a story to tell and a demand that I repeat it when I arrived home. The children had been taught in school to welcome us, even though my country had  betrayed Palestine  continually for ninety years. "Welcome to Palestine; you are most welcome here," was  a constant. It must be be in some school text-book.

Overall, the vulnerability of  being alone, strangely enough, was often a bonus in foreign parts. My experience is that wherever you go, you can make friends by being open , willing to listen, interested and courteous. And, it goes without saying, being sensible and following local advice.

Here follows my usual banality; "the poorer the people and  the more  disadvantaged, the warmer the welcome you receive. "

 

[Keithambrose]

51 minutes ago, Londoner said:

I very much support the views of those who speak of the benefits lone-travel. The one thing I'd add is that it helps enormously if there are plenty of English speakers around.

I loved my single-travel in northern Thailand before I met  P but I'd have loved to have been able to speak with the locals. So limited was my Thai (it's even worse now) that I couldn't  even explain to a shopkeeper on the way up to Doi Inthanon that I desperately (really desperately) needed a ching-chong. My physical actions to describe the agony I was in would have caused my arrest in Bangkok.

I found in West and East Africa plenty of English speakers, thanks to  British colonialism and the teaching of the  language in schools. However when I went in-land, away from tourist areas, it was more difficult. I remember being less successful in Morocco "off the beaten track" where my appalling French encouraged pity.

In Palestine, so many people spoke good English that I was able to travel by bus anywhere. And, obviously, everyone had a story to tell and a demand that I repeat it when I arrived home. The children had been taught in school to welcome us, even though my country had  betrayed Palestine  continually for ninety years. "Welcome to Palestine; you are most welcome here," was  a constant. It must be be in some school text-book.

Overall, the vulnerability of  being alone, strangely enough, was often a bonus in foreign parts. My experience is that wherever you go, you can make friends by being open , willing to listen, interested and courteous. And, it goes without saying, being sensible and following local advice.

Here follows my usual banality; "the poorer the people and  the more  disadvantaged, the warmer the welcome you receive. "

 

The last comment  may be a banality, but it is often so!