Are You Happy?

[Gaybutton]

Many of us are currently in, or have been in relationships with Thai guys. Some are working beautifully. Others turn out to be nothing but problems and horror stories.

 

Where do you fit in? Are you currently in a relationship? Did it begin fairly recently and you're not really sure yet where it's going? Are you in a relationship that you consider to already be long-term?

 

If your current relationship is working, have you been in past relationships that went bad?

 

If yes, are you happy you did it? Some are probably very happy and would do the same thing tomorrow. Others wish they never got involved and are about to end it or they feel trapped and can't find a way to get out of it.

 

I have no idea what the statistics might be. Are most of you who are in relationships glad you're in it and are truly happy - wouldn't have it any other way or do you wish you never met the guy in the first place?

 

In my case, I've been involved in live-in relationships with Thai guys twice. Both went sour in the end. Part of it was their fault and part of it was my own fault. In the second relationship I was one of those guys who everybody else but me could see that I was definitely with the wrong person. I was blind to it and it took me a long time to finally wake up and accept the reality of what I had gotten myself into.

 

It was difficult, very difficult, to end it both times, but I knew that despite the difficulty and heartbreak it nevertheless had to be done. We'll never be in a relationship again, but with the first one, now years have passed. We're both over it and we're still good friends. The second one, if I never see him again it will still be too soon.

 

I've vowed never to get into a relationship again. Up to now I'm living up to that vow and I prefer it this way. Of course, I fully expect the day will come when I meet the guy I think is finally my Mr. Right. If that happens, I hope I'll be lucky this time. But, more likely I'll be stupid again.

 

So, where are you in the relationship thing?

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SnxaNt64PE

[Guest luvthai]

Not happy at all.

[kokopelli]

Happy yes, but not quite as happy as a pig in shit.

 

That was a very forthright evaluation and confession, if I may use that term, GB.

 

Years ago I was in a short 2 year relationship that I had to end, but the current one has been much longer than that.

 

Yes happy with the current one and no regrets at all. Oh, always some concerns and problems but no horror stories and no desire to end it. Just the opposite. Till death do us part or until the money runs out. Just a little joke!

[Gaybutton]

Not happy at all.

Can you elaborate a little bit?

 

 

if I may use that term, GB.

You may. I don't think of it really as a confession. More like simply being honest considering I started this topic. I was dumb twice. I hope there won't be a third time.

 

Your joke about until the money runs out is no joke. That happens to a lot of farang. Despite the emotional attachment, and the attachment they have convinced themselves the boy also feels, in plenty of cases if the money runs out, so does the boy.

[Guest RichLB]

Yep, I'm happy in my relationship. It's hard to answer, though, since everyone has a different idea of what happiness in a relationship means. For me it's friendship, security, and just enjoying being together. By those criteria, I'm happy. On the other hand, that flush of excitement every time we both get into bed together isn't there any longer - but if I had to choose between nightly cuddles or wild sex I guess I'd take the cuddles (most of the time).

[Guest jonwesley]

Yes, I'm happy after 15 years I would do it all over again

[Guest lvdkeyes]

Not long after I moved to Thailand I got involved in a relationship. I jumped in too soon and foolishly overlooked some warning signs of trouble ahead. Then the trouble started, little by little. Ultimately, I had had enough and threw his lying cheating ass out. I vowed to not have another live in relationship. I kept that vow for 3 years. I had met a great guy a year after the breakup. He was from CM, but lived in Udon. For nearly two years he would come to see me periodically. The more I got to know him the more emotionally involved I got. Just a little over two years ago, after two years of increasingly longer visits, he moved in with me. I have not regretted it for even once second. He is a wonderful caring, generous guy and never comes up with the "stories" to get money from me. He makes friends easily and people like him instantly. Maybe it is because of his maturity (he is 43) and the fact that he spent much of his life in the temple, first as a novice for 8 years, and then as a monk for 4 years. After leaving the monkhood to earn money to help his mom, he remained living in the temple doing paintings for various temples throughout Thailand. He earns money by selling his beautiful paintings and never asks me for money to send home to mom. I provide him with whatever he needs, but I do not give him a "salary". Our life together is peaceful, calm and fun. I trust him completely. He has never given me a reason not to. So, I can say, YES, I am happy, happier than I have ever been in a relationship and have no plans to change it at all.

[Guest fountainhall]

Since this is a thread where we either have to open up or pass it by, I’ll jump in. I am not in a relationship at present. I recently met a guy from gayromeo with whom I’d been chatting for months (not a bar worker or money boy, just a lovely guy with a job looking for friendship and love), whom I like and it seems to be reciprocated. Where it will go, I don’t know. I hope it goes somewhere, because whilst I am a pretty independent person and have little trouble living on my own, I prefer to be with someone. Time, as they say, will tell.

 

As for the past, I guess my experience is a little like GB’s. Long before I moved to Thailand, I met a Thai guy in Babylon when I was on the rebound from a bad break-up with a Chinese guy in Hong Kong. He was tall, slim, spoke fluent English thanks to an education in Australia, and we seemed to like each other from the start. It seems he was also on the rebound, but I discovered little about the other party, except that he was farang and lived in Bangkok. Partly thanks to my job, I was able to visit Bangkok every couple of weeks. He’d meet me at Don Mueang and we’d spend the weekends together. I became convinced that he was ‘the one’. I had just resigned from a job and was on the point of accepting another offer. I told him I’d turn that down and instead come to live in Bangkok for a year so we could be together. I guess a red light should have flashed at that point. No, he said, he hated Bangkok and really wanted to live in Hong Kong. We went through the difficulties. He’d have no ID card, would find it extremely difficult to find meaningful work, etc. But he insisted. I wished later I’d thought more about why he felt that way.

 

The first few months in Hong Kong were near idyllic. To help get him an ID, I started a company and advertised for a Thai-speaking translator. He ‘applied’ but then would not sign the simple letter of agreement that would have ironed out some of the problems. He began to have concerns about his ex in Bangkok. We spent a day with his sister and her family who lived in Hong Kong. I suggested we buy them some cakes. No, he didn’t want to do that, but I did it anyway. The kids loved them!

 

We had talked about what to do at Christmas. The head office of the new company I was working for was in Sydney and I could engineer a trip around some business. He loved that idea. Before Sydney, we went to Melbourne. I noticed he then started acting very strangely. It was like he had suddenly switched off. On our third morning, there were several faxes by the door. Since faxes were always for me, I totally failed to notice his name on one of the envelopes (unsealed) and opened it. It was from a former friend in Sydney saying how much he was looking forward to his arrival and, yes, he could stay as long as he wished! We were due to stay just 3 days in Sydney before flying home. It was more than clear that he did not intend to be on that flight. Feeling terrible and thinking about it for hours, I finally decided to call that other guy (as his number was on the fax). It turned out that my bf had been in touch with him ever since we decided to visit Sydney, had not told him he was in a relationship, and was planning to stay for several months!

 

I then decided to face reality head on and tackled him on the matter. I know I had made him lose face, but it was like he was a different person. He became angry (perhaps understandably), emotional, almost vindictive, said he never really loved me - and on and on. Even though my heart was breaking, when we got to Sydney I handed him his return air ticket, gave him some taxi money and left him at the airport.

 

That experience made me realize I had a lot to learn about Thais and Thai thinking. For whatever reason, I had never had anything like that kind of issue with Chinese guys. Indeed when I moved to Thailand I had been in a relationship with a Taiwanese for 5 years. We’d had our ups and downs, but had worked our way through them. Whilst I have had shorter relationships with Thai guys since then, I often wonder if that first experience now makes it more difficult for me to settle down here.

 

I would never vow not to be in a relationship again. I sometimes look with a touch of envy at farang friends who have been in happy, loving relationships with Thais for 8 - 10 years. I just wish I could find some nice guy from China or Taiwan here in Bangkok!

[Gaybutton]

He earns money by selling his beautiful paintings and never asks me for money to send home to mom.

As an aside, if you wish to post some photo examples of his paintings, feel free to do so. Maybe some board users would be interested in buying paintings from him.

 

 

I handed him his return air ticket, gave him some taxi money and left him at the airport.

After realizing the way he had been lying, using, and abusing without giving a damn about how you felt or what it was doing to you, if it were me, I would have given him nothing. I would have just left him there and let him deal with his situation by himself.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

As an aside, if you wish to post some photo examples of his paintings, feel free to do so. Maybe some board users would be interested in buying paintings from him.

I think I have posted his website address before, but in case I haven't here it is:

 

Wichan's Site

[Guest fountainhall]

After realizing the way he had been lying, using, and abusing without giving a damn about how you felt or what it was doing to you, if it were me, I would have given him nothing. I would have just left him there and let him deal with his situation by himself.

It was tempting, but it was a non-refundable ticket and so I would gain nothing by hanging on to it. Perhaps also by that stage my feelings had mellowed and I still thought, stupidly, that things might eventually work themselves out.

[PattayaMale]

Happy, Happy, Happy! I live in Thailand. How could I not be happy?

 

Some days I am happier than others. Just like for all of us, challenges crop up now and then. Without these challenges life might be a bit boring.

 

I am very happy with my relationships. I have more great farang friends my own age who like many of the things I like too. More than any single time in my life. They are very interesting, intelligent, fun guys. I am constantly learning things from them since they all have had varied life experiences. We can sit for hours talking about things, having a good time.

 

Having or not having a boyfriend is a personal choice I feel. If it is what you want, don't worry how it will work out or doubt that it will. We ALL have had regrets and will have regrets. Everyone has had a broken heart or broken dream. But just because we might have had a bad meal, maybe even gotten the "runs", we go back out and eat!

 

And if you feel you aren't happy for too long a time, talk to your friends, seek professionals who are trained to help. Those of us over (50?) are lucky. We have knowledge and experience that our younger "friends" still are striving to learn.

 

I am so happy it sometimes scares the pee out of me. So if you see me walking around with a wet spot, understand it is just my happiness showing through.

[Guest Geezer]

I am the luckiest guy on Earth! When It comes to boyfriends I won the lottery.

 

In the eleven years we have been together my boyfriend and I have never even started down the path to the first cross word. For that I take no credit. It is certainly due to his forbearance.

 

I sometimes I tell him I bought a car, and when I got it home and opened the trunk (boot) I found it was full of gold.

 

Ours is not a 50/50 relationship. It is a 70/70 relationship.

[Smiles]

'Happiness' may be relative, but I know it when I see it . . . if, at the very least, only because I know ~ probably better ~ what unhappiness is. So, as a short and sweet answer: extraordinarily happy.

 

The 'why' is of course the the more difficult part, but I can truthfully say he is at this point everything that a great partner could ever be: not perfect but close enough; not the Best Sex I've ever had but top 5; smart, street savvy, generous, a cheap date, not needy, gentle, tough, funny, (to me) most handsome etc etc etc.

 

This year in fact is our tenth together ... 7 years of long distance discovering and now into starting our fourth year of living together.

Things are better this year than last, and last year was better than that before. I can hardly think of a better criteria for measuring happiness together.

 

If I may indulge myself a bit ... and kind of public celebration of our 10 years together:

 

 

This shot was taken in Bangkok in 2000 (at Wat Arun. You can just make out the spires of the Grand Palace in the background acfross the river). Obvious younger then ... a baby faced 30 years old. Not sure if you see what I see now, a sly twinkle in eye and smile. It's still there.

 

 

 

 

This picture was 'around' 2005. Taken at Hua Hin, we are standing on some rocks surrounded by a low tide. By this time we had already begun talking ~ vaguely ~ about the future, about how much we liked Hua Hin and possibly a great place to start a business and how clean the beach was and how 'not-on-the-farm' it was and what do you think? and what do you think? and what do you think?

 

 

 

 

 

And then, we got old! Together ... always a happy thing.

This shot was us again, last year. This was not posed, snapped by my Australian cousin, and the body language and the smiles and the leaning in and leaning on and close and comfortable seem ~ for me ~ to tell all.

When I showed him this photo, blown up because I liked it so much, his first quick reaction was this: " ... good good. We look so happy ... "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rich's comments above hits most of the marks on the 'happiness' metaphor. He was very honest to add in the part regarding the Sex Thing: his, not uncommonly, seems to have settled into that oddly comfortable landscape where a lot of men and women in long time relations gradually let sex slide into 'just cuddling' and seem quite OK with that. Mine has not gone in that direction, thankfully. We've had many excellent converstaions about this and seem to have come the conclusion that sex is part and parcel of a healthy relationship, and both of us do our best to keep it that way.

Nobody on this earth turns me on like him ... and ~ and this is the best part ~ the same seems to be the case for him. Inexplicable I know, but there you have it.

 

This dude ~ like Maggie Thatcher ~ is not for turning, away that is, at this stage in the drama. You will not see me stamping off into the wilderness and away from This Excellent Life we've built together . . . I'm just too damn lazy to start all over again.

It (and he) are keepers.

 

 

 

 

I agree very much with Geezer above (although a lucky man to have never had crossed words ... I cannot say the same for me the pig-headed and he the Thai Expert): I also feel hugely lucky ... to have taken the chance and grabbed at the most serendipitous way we originally met. Suphot feeling the very same way is quite one of the best inner psychic tendernesses one can ever indulge in.

[Bob]

a cheap date

 

 

Hmmmmm.....well, now I'm thinking what it'll take for me not to tell Pot you called him a "cheap date." Certainly more than a single bacardi coke (I have my standards!). I shall let you know.

[Bob]

The topic and Smiles' post reminded me of a dinner I had with Smiles, Khun Peter (I'm hoping I recall the name correctly), and myself - along with (I think - again, if I recall right) both Smiles' and Peters' boyfriends (mine was back in school in Chiangmai at the time). Smiles pointed out that Peter had been with his boyfriend more than 11 years and both Smiles and I had been with our respective boyfriends more than 9 years at the time. Smiles noted that, between the three of us, we had more than 30 years of relationship with the same guys.....and he suggested that this was likely damn near a record for three falang in Thailand...hehe.

 

In any event, I'm not much on the "happy" quotient and have always had difficulty thinking of life that way. Some falang I know express undying devotion and rapture with their boyfriends and then, when looking at me for some type of explanation of my life, I usually say something like "well, we've been together just shy of 10 years, we get along most of the time, we only get pissed at each other once a day or so, neither of us have tried to kill the other (as yet), and I guess it's sorta like we're "married" (with all the positives and negatives that relationship might imply). Best I can say is I'm not "unhappy." Just taking one day at a time and not worrying about where it's been or where it's going.

[Guest GaySacGuy]

I am very happy in a relationship that is a little over three years old. You can see him...he is my avatar.

 

We have moved to Ubon Ratchatani and are living in a new home in a gated subdivision. We are comfortable, having a good time with a house, yard, two dogs, etc.

 

I realize how very lucky I am, but I think GayButton can attest to how happy I am in this relationship!!

[Guest beachlover]

It turned out that my bf had been in touch with him ever since we decided to visit Sydney, had not told him he was in a relationship, and was planning to stay for several months!

 

That's a very sad tale. The guy was very cold. You must have been very depressed to be hurt like that. But he will probably feel very guilty about what he did for a long time... It would have been lingering in his mind, even when he was with his other partner there.

 

But I do hope you don't turn down the love of your life in the future because of what this guy did!

[Guest fountainhall]

That's a very sad tale. The guy was very cold. You must have been very depressed to be hurt like that. But he will probably feel very guilty about what he did for a long time... It would have been lingering in his mind, even when he was with his other partner there.

 

But I do hope you don't turn down the love of your life in the future because of what this guy did!

Thank you for the kind thought. It took a few months, but I bounced back. And it certainly did not make me give up on relationships. It did make me realise, though, that as a person I needed to train my brain to look out for potential red-lights rather than depending on my heart to give me directions.

 

But thinking about GB's title for this thread (as opposed to its meaning), there have been few posts about other forms of happiness than being happy in a relationship. Central though that is to many of our lives, I believe one can enjoy great happiness even with no current relationship. I recall as a child in a small town in Britain wondering about the world and dreaming that one day - perhaps - I could see a small part of it. After a school trip to Switzerland (30 hours on trains to get there!), the travel bug really bit. Dawn slowly breaking over the Alps and turning the mountains different colours literally took my breath away.

 

So, thinking back, I am amazed that I have been able not only to work in the field that always interested me, but thrilled to do so in a part of the world that I never thought I'd see - and in so doing be given the opportunity of travelling around the globe more times than I care to remember. My tripadviser travel map already has 380 destinations on it! Many of the most amazing times in my life have come from those experiences - like having dinner on a quiet beach in the Maldives, looking up and seeing a gazillion stars in the blackness above. I guess if there is one 'happy' goal I have failed to achieve it is going into space.

 

As is obvious from reading many posts, enduring friendships are almost more important than lovers. Many of my happiest times have been from simple gatherings of old friends, the most recent in Shanghai last week-end.

 

I am not a collector, and so have never found happiness from gathering 'things' around me. Others I know, are passionate about it.

 

Some of my happiest moments have come from just normal day-to-day life in the countries I love most - greater China and Thailand. Seeing a beautiful young man, his eyes alighting on you and a gentle smile breaking on his face. Nothing more than a simple gesture of acknowledgment, but surely one of the loveliest, happiest reasons to be alive!

[Guest beachlover]

Yeah, sometimes your heart doesn't want you to believe those red flags.

 

380 destinations!... I hope I get to that many in my lifetime.

 

Yeah, I'm not a collector either. I can live out of a suitcase for months at at time.