Things Newbies Might Not Know about Thai customs

[Guest RichLB]

In another thread we've been talking about the Thai custom of lower status people keeping their heads below the higher status person. I thought it might be fun to share some of the other things Thai we've learned that are different from what we've learned in the West. Please add to the list and not be afraid if your input seems overly obvious - it might not be to someone else.

 

1. Many Thais will see older farang men as occupying a higher social status than they do. This is often expressed by a lowering of the head (and sometimes the whole body)

 

2. Thais think of it as impolite to wai children. I've been told it is akin to wishing the child bad luck - no clue why this should be the case.

 

3. When receiving wrapped presents, it is customary to not open them in the presence of the giver. Supposedly, it betrays a greater interest in the contents of the package than in the act of giving. This can be vexing come Santa Claus time.

 

4. Picking your teeth in front of others or even holding a toothpick in your mouth is considred rude by many Thais. Somehow, they don't seem to see picking your nose as particularly offensive, though.

 

5. Touching a Thais head is a no no. I always thought it was a sweet thing to do with a child until I was told that some Thais think they have a personal spirit that hovers over them and touching a head might shoo it away.

 

6. Thais do not "believe" in ghosts - they KNOW there are such things. I suppose the more educated know better (?), but spirits, ghosts and other ghoulies are a fact of life to many Thais.

 

7. When in a restaurant, the waiter will not deliver the bill until it is asked for. I think this may be the custom in some European countries, but as an American when I first came to Thailand I remember being vexed that the waiter delayed delivering my bill.

 

8. The feet are not used for anything but walking or standing. Again, it is considered rude to point at something or move something with your feet.

 

9. Thais care A LOT about odors. Even if you shower 3 times a day, it is possible a Thai will find your body odor offensive. How this can be when they gobble up smelly durian, cha om, and ga pee is beyond me.

 

10. When meeting a new acquaintance, Thais are reluctant to initiate any conversation. While we Westerners consider it rude to not engage another when irst meeting, many Thais can sit silently for hours and see themselves as being polite.

 

11. One's personal finances are not private in Thailand. Most Thais see nothing wrong with admiring something and asking you how much you paid for it.

 

12. Your body shape is not a a private affair. Many of us have experienced being in an elevator with a total stranger and having our stomach patted and told, "You are very fat" or "You have baby soon". It is not meant as an insult, but as a statement of fact (except in my case, of course).

 

13. Thais do not accept the Western practice of women first, in fact it seems just the opposite. While we in the West allow women to precede us when walking down the street, at least in rural areas, women expect to walk behind the men.

 

Well, that's a starter list. Since there are many people who are coming to Thailand for the first time (we hope!!), please add to the list. Your inputs might even help some of us old timers who think we know everything.

[Gaybutton]

The first thing I would add is that these customs do not necessarily apply to all Thais and do not necessarily apply to the same degree. I've seen plenty of exceptions to every one of these on the list and I've also seen plenty of times when many of these customs are considered highly important.

 

One thing I don't see on your list is the custom of removing shoes when entering a home, even if it's a dumpy hovel of an apartment. You are also expected to remove your shoes when entering places of worship.

 

It's also considered good form to wear long pants when entering places of worship, but again the degree to which that is enforced or cared about is quite variable. But entering a place of worship in shorts and a tank top is definitely frowned upon at best.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

Regarding waing a child - Older should not initiate the wai to a child, but it is ok to wai back, but not necessary.

 

It is ok to pick your teeth, but you should shield your mouth with your other hand.

[Guest RichLB]

Ah, just thought of another one. Pedestrians do not have the right of way in Thailand. In fact, some of us believe those on foot just represent sporting targets for motorcycle and other drivers.

[Gaybutton]

Pedestrians do not have the right of way in Thailand.

Is that really a custom, though? I see it as peeve more than a custom.

[Guest RichLB]

Is that really a custom, though? I see it as peeve more than a custom.

Nope, not really a peeve. In some states in the US and I believe in some countries in Europe and in Thailand pedestrians do NOT have the legal right of way. Pedestrians are expected to yield to oncoming traffic and have no expectation drivers will slow down or stop to let them pass. If you have lived in a place where you are accustomed to traffic slowing for you, it can be a shock and downright dangerous when they don't.

[ceejay]

Perhaps not so much a custom as a mannerism, but something I have learned to look out for anyway. One of the many reasons Thais smile or laugh is to cover embarrassment. If you are fooling around in the USA or Europe and the people around you are smiling and laughing, it usually is taken as a sign to carry right on. If the people around you are Thais, it can be a sign that you are being toe curlingly embarrassing.

[Gaybutton]

In some states in the US and I believe in some countries in Europe and in Thailand pedestrians do NOT have the legal right of way.

I suppose a question of legality kind of negates whether it is correct to call it a custom, a peeve, or anything else. The real point is you better be very careful when crossing streets as a pedestrian in Thailand.

[Guest kjun12]

In some states in the US and I believe in some countries in Europe and in Thailand pedestrians do NOT have the legal right of way.

This statement is completely bogus. Absolutely nowhere in the US or Europe is a pedestrian not granted the right of way. And, if you don't believe it, let me know how much you paid the next time you hit a pedestrian.

[Guest fountainhall]

I am always curious about these striped pedestrian crossings. In the UK they're called zebra crossings and have flashing yellow lights (called 'beacons') either side of the road. My understanding is that traffic must stop if a pedestrian is crossing.

 

Here in Thailand, a year or so ago the relevant government minister started a campaign to have pedestrians who cross the road fined unless they do so on the 'official' striped crossings or at red traffic lights when the green man signal is flashing. Trouble is, it's almost impossible for drivers to see these crossings until they are a few yards from them, and no one seems to have told drivers, because traffic never ever stops for pedestrians crossing on them!

[Guest RichLB]

In an effort to avoid a petty squable over what is a custom, peeve, more, or whatever and to avoid rising to the bait dangled by Kjun12, let me add another one Newbies might not be aware of.

 

When in a Thai restaurant and ordering Thai food, you are often ordering for all at the table and your Thai guests may just dip into the dish you thought was for you alone. A rule of thumb is if the ordered item is placed directly in front of you, it's for you alone; if it is placed in the center of the table, it's for all.

[Gaybutton]

A rule of thumb is if the ordered item is placed directly in front of you, it's for you alone; if it is placed in the center of the table, it's for all.

I'm not so sure. When they want something I'm eating, it doesn't seem to matter where my plate is. And don't get upset if they don't ask first. Also, if there is only one item left on a serving plate, we usually ask if anyone wants it before we take it for ourselves. The Thais usually just take it if they want it.

[Guest gay_grampa]

I would like to add another. Open displays of affection.

 

A quick peck on the cheek is sometimes acceptable when meeting someone if you already know them very well.

 

Sitting in a bar or restaurant engaging in prolonged French kissing with someone and groping, feeling their body is definitely taboo and considered very impolite.

 

Leave it for the bedroom!

[Guest RichLB]

I would like to add another. Open displays of affection.

 

A quick peck on the cheek is sometimes acceptable when meeting someone if you already know them very well.

 

Sitting in a bar or restaurant engaging in prolonged French kissing with someone and groping, feeling their body is definitely taboo and considered very impolite.

 

Leave it for the bedroom!

 

Actually, I think it goes even further than that. I've been told Thais do not customarily publically display affection - even walking arm in arm or arms around the waist. And, yes, I know in gay areas you see that quite often, but I suspect it is done because the boys have learned the farang expects it and it is still uncomfortable for them.

[Guest RichLB]

The previous posts have reminded me of a couple more differences.

 

When crossing a street, a first time visitor should not be surprised if a Thai of either gender will take their hand and cross hand in hand.

 

And in terms of restaurant protocals, I've noticed Thais do not normally ask for a "doggy bag", even when there is considerable food left over. My bf is always embarrassed when I do that, but I am not sure he is typical.

 

Another restaurant habit I've noticed concerns The consumption of soups and dishes served with lots of broth. We in the West usually eat all the solid morsels and if full, leave the liquid. I've observed Thais do the opposite. They see the dish finished when the liquid is gone - often leaving lots of solids in the bowl.

 

And one more Thai food notion...My Thai friends do not consider food a meal if it does not have rice or noodles. They call such dishes a snack, not a meal.

[Guest fountainhall]

Actually, I think it goes even further than that. I've been told Thais do not customarily publically display affection - even walking arm in arm or arms around the waist.

Yet another "I'm not so sure!" It is actually not uncommon to see young men (or girls), especially from the countryside, with an arm over a Thai friend's shoulder. It in no way denotes anything other than friendship.

 

I have another Thai custom for the list. In most toilets, it is customary to place 'used' toilet paper into the bucket at the side of the toilet rather than into the bowl for flushing. Even after years living here, this is still something I find difficult.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

My experiences seem to be a bit different. The Thais I know are reluctant to take the last bit of food on a serving plate. Also, regarding soup I see the opposite, they eat the solids and leave the liquid.

 

Regarding rice - Awhile back my bf, a friend of his and I ate at Pan Pan in BKK. We had a substantial amount of food and we all ate quite a bit. When we got back to the hotel my bf's friend said he wanted to go for a walk. We went to our room. The next morning at breakfast my bf asked him where he had walked the night before. He said he had to have some Thai food with rice.

 

My bf and were talking this morning about some Thai customs. He told me that Thai families aren't used to saying good morning and good night to one another. He said if he lived with his mom and said good morning or good night she would ask him if was crazy trying to act so HI SO.

[Guest fountainhall]

He said if he lived with his mom and said good morning or good night she would ask him if was crazy trying to act so HI SO.

I think that's so funny! Do Thais say anything at all - like "sleep well" or "happy dreams"?

[Gaybutton]

In most toilets, it is customary to place 'used' toilet paper into the bucket at the side of the toilet rather than into the bowl for flushing.

Where are you even finding toilet paper? I never see any other than in hotels, some shopping malls here and there, and on dining tables used as napkins.

[Guest fountainhall]

Where are you even finding toilet paper?

I generally do not frequent public toilets. On the rare occasion when nature calls, I have found dispensing machines with small boxes of tissues for 2 Bt. If you are likely to feel 'desperate' when visiting a Bangkok shopping mall, I recommend making sure you have 2 Bt. in your pocket before visiting the facility. Otherwise . . .

[Guest RichLB]

I have another Thai custom for the list. In most toilets, it is customary to place 'used' toilet paper into the bucket at the side of the toilet rather than into the bowl for flushing. Even after years living here, this is still something I find difficult.

This one made me laugh. But for the sake of the Newbies, let's remind them that the tissue is only to dry their ass, not wipe it as is the custom in the West. Thais use the butt hose or a ladle of water to clean up. That bucket is for "relatively" clean tissues.

[Guest RichLB]

My bf and were talking this morning about some Thai customs. He told me that Thai families aren't used to saying good morning and good night to one another. He said if he lived with his mom and said good morning or good night she would ask him if was crazy trying to act so HI SO.

Maybe this explains another "custom" that often irks me. I've noticed that when Thais are finished with a conversation on the phone, they just hang up - no ritualistic goodbyes or see you soon. I've had to explain to my bf that we Westerners find that rude and all I get is a bewildered look and a "Why? I had nothing more to say."

[Guest kcampb49]

I happened to be talking today to a young (mid-20's) guy from Australia who has lived in Thailand for 5 years. He had several deep scrapes on his legs and arms from a motorbike accident. I told him that I had stopped using a motorbike in Thailand because I was so anxious when I was on the road. Not because of my driving but because of all the crazy, especially young men, motorbike drivers zooming around me.

 

He just laughed and said he was sure he was one of those young male drivers I was talking about. He said you just have to remember that in Thailand it is the person behind you who is responsible for avoiding anything you do. "Don't you notice that Thai drivers never look behind them before they change lanes, slow down, stop, etc. etc. but always just stare straight ahead? That's because no matter what they do, it is the person's responsibility behind them to avoid an accident and it's also their fault if there is one. So just stay on the side and drive slower and there won't be anyone in front of you to worry about and the drivers behind you will avoid you no matter what you decide to do."

 

I'd never heard it explained quite that way, but it did seem to square with my observations of Thai driving (as well as drivers in other Asian countries). Newbies that venture on the road should not expect that a driver in front of them will give any indication when they decide to change lanes, etc. or otherwise engage in what in other countries is called "defensive driving." Excepting for the vehicles right in front of them, I guess

[Bob]

My bf and were talking this morning about some Thai customs. He told me that Thai families aren't used to saying good morning and good night to one another. He said if he lived with his mom and said good morning or good night she would ask him if was crazy trying to act so HI SO.

 

Somewhat related to this is what appears to me to be a lack of any open affection between adult Thais and their adult children. For example, when I first visited the bf's home many moons ago, I was somewhat surprised that there was no affectionate greetings or goodbyes. In the west, we normally do that (often accompanied by at least a hug or kiss for your mother)and I was rather startled to see almost nothing between my bf and his mother (who he in fact loved). A couple of times during early visits, I'd even say something like "aren't you going to say goodbye to your mom!?!" and I'd usually get the "huh?" look from him in return. After more visits, it (the lack of affection) just became routine and normal for me.

 

Another thing I've noticed and actually find endearing is how affectionate Thais are with their own young children and even the young children of total strangers. On more than one occasion, I've seen strangers approach a young Thai child and actually pick them up and cuddle or play with them and then watched the child's parents simply smile about it. In the west, we're a hell of a lot more cautious about something like that (i.e., while I might smile at a stranger's young kid, I certainly wouldn't approach the child or touch them without the parent's clear consent).

 

Finally, I have noticed in the last few years some (not many) boyfriends and girlfriends holding hands or showing other signs of affection in public. I have no problem with it but it's something I've noticed that's a bit out of the ordinary (I never saw that a decade ago).

[Gaybutton]

I get is a bewildered look and a "Why? I had nothing more to say."

I've tried many times to explain that I had more to say, but ended up talking to myself. Sometimes that works.