Breaking up is Hard to Do

[TotallyOz]

I am not breaking up with my beloved. He and I get along great when I am out of LOS. However, my best friend in USA just broke up with his BF and is having a hard time.

 

How do you recover from a bad break-up? The proverbial pint of ice cream? Quality time alone? Going out with friends? Getting laid? Going to the bars? What are your personal healing strategies?

[Gaybutton]

What are your personal healing strategies?

In my opinion there is only one strategy that heals - time. The more traumatic the breakup, the longer the time required to get over it. Sometimes you can never really quite get over it, but given enough time you can at least live with it.

 

Life goes on.

 

I think the worst thing to do, if you know a breakup is inevitable or it at least should be, is to put it off. As difficult as it may be, if it needs to be done, then get it over with. I think many of us have been there, and that includes me. I seem to be great at learning the hard way. In my case I delayed and delayed, forgave and forgave, and meanwhile everyone I knew could see that I was in a relationship that was spiraling from bad to worse and there was no end to it. Everyone could see it, that is, except me.

 

When the moment finally came, it was one of the most difficult things I've ever been through. The guilt feelings I went through were terrible, even though I knew I had nothing to feel guilty about.

 

Then, about a month or so later, that's when it began to change to 'what in the world was I waiting for?'

 

Your friend will go through hell for awhile. But that will pass. Believe me, the hell of breaking up is a lot better than the hell of trying to continue a destructive relationship.

 

Supposedly, when he was waiting for Eisenhower to decide whether to keep him on the ticket for Vice President or drop him, Richard Nixon finally confronted him and said, "Mr. President, there comes a time in every man's life when he has to either shit or get off the pot." I think the same holds true if the time comes when it is necessary to break up.

 

I think the best thing, really the only thing, you can do for a friend who is going through it is to be there for him when he needs you and especially when he needs to talk. And if you're a true friend, that means you're available 24-7 until he can cope.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

Having gone through an extremely traumatic breakup while I was still living in the US and sinking into depression over it, I finally went to see a therapist to help me deal with the depression. He was a tremendous help and I came out of it much better off than I was before the breakup. He helped me to see a lot of things that were in plain sight.

[Guest]

I fall in love easily so I find that a cute boy always does the trick for me. However, with my beloved of 7 years, I think I'll need major therapy as I seem to be addicted to him. Perhaps a 12 step program?

[Gaybutton]

with my beloved of 7 years, I think I'll need major therapy as I seem to be addicted to him. Perhaps a 12 step program?

Your post is making it seem as if you want to break up with him, but can't bring yourself to actually do it. Am I interpreting that correctly?

[Guest]

Your post is making it seem as if you want to break up with him, but can't bring yourself to actually do it. Am I interpreting that correctly?

 

Not trying to break up with him at all. I have tried that in the past and it doesn't work for either of us.

[Guest fountainhall]

In my opinion there is only one strategy that heals - time. The more traumatic the breakup, the longer the time required to get over it. Sometimes you can never really quite get over it, but given enough time you can at least live with it.

I think your reaction depends in part on the circumstances. Is it you who wants out of the relationship? Is it him? Or has the relationship just gone sour and one of you has to take the decision to break it off?

 

Time, as they say, has a habit of healing most things. But time can seem like an eternity when someone you adore tells you "it's off". When my first real boyfriend gave me that news, I was devastated. When he then told me he was leaving for someone very much older than me, I was incredulous. (How time changes one's thinking!) Back then it took me about 8 months to finally be rid of the anger and hurt I felt. With time, I realised that a good part of that anger would have been better directed at myself, as I gradually reviewed the actions I had taken which had no doubt helped drive him away from me.

 

In addition to time, though, GB is spot on with his other comment. One close friend has always been there for me, no matter what the situation. He has been not only the shoulder to cry on, but the person who has, when necessary, talked tough in getting me to accept the reality of a situation. I owe him a lot!

[Gaybutton]

When my first real boyfriend gave me that news, I was devastated.

And don't think that devastation applies only to farang. I've had several boys come to me in tears. "Why him finish me? Why? I love him so much." Just off the top of my head I can recall five similar incidents.

 

I think one of the worst things I see farang do is when they are here for a holiday, find a boy they really like, stay with him the whole time, make all kinds of promises to him, and then drop him like a hot potato as soon as they return to their "real" life. I can understand it when the boy is hitting him up for money every 14 seconds, but when that hasn't happened I think it's an awfully mean thing to do.

[PattayaMale]

There is a good but old book (short) "How to Survive the Loss of a Love".

 

Helped me