When the Rains Come

[Gaybutton]

Last night I was chatting with some of the boys working in the Jomtien Complex bars. Several of them said they are working only temporarily, from between the end of the rice harvest season until the beginning of the planting season. The boys with whom I spoke said they do this every year. It's a way to make some money when there is little or nothing to do back at the rice farm during the "between" season. And "Every boy want to have farang" one said. They made it clear that their goal is to make some extra money and the lucky ones will hook up with a "good farang" during that time and possibly even hook up with someone who will take them away from the rice farm life entirely.

 

A couple of them said that a common problem is the boys do find someone to "take care" them and that person sends money to them every month, but then it stops without warning. One boy said he really did love the farang he met, but the man stopped communicating with him seven months ago. He said he had no idea why. He said he never asked for anything more than the man said he would send each month. He said it lasted for a while, but all communication simply stopped. He said that happens to many of the boys.

 

They were also complaining about the lack of customers. Some said they come to Pattaya and work the bars like this every year, but this year is the worst they've seen with regard to customer numbers. "Customer not come."

 

The rainy season normally begins not long after Songkran. When I was a kid I used to love when my grade school teachers would read the same children's stories to us every year. We could count on 'Stuart Little,' 'Charlotte's Web,' and 'Mary Poppins.' Mary Poppins would tell the children she would stay until the wind changes. The boys say they will stay "until rain come."

 

That's when many will go back to the rice farm. That's the beginning of planting season - when the rains come.

____________________

 

Tracking the Asian Monsoon

 

Analysis by John D. Cox

 

In the bestiary of powerful climate regimes -- El Ninos, La Ninas and other oscillations of one kind and another -- the Asian Monsoon is in a class by itself. Its rainfall feeds half the world's population. Its failure can bring down dynasties and, in a stroke, remove several million people from the rolls of living humanity.

 

Beginning with the British mathematician Sir Gilbert Walker in India in the 19th century, scientists have devoted great time and energy trying to understand what makes the summer rains come and go -- or not.

 

http://news.discovery.com/earth/tracking-the-asian-monsoon.html

[Guest cdnmatt]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the rain supposed to come a while ago? Generally each year the rain begins a little before, or just during Songkran. Unfortunately, this year has been a total drought. Each time we're on the bus to the village we get vividly reminded of this, due to how dry all the fields are. It's rained a few times, but definitely nothing I'd call a rainy season.

 

On a side note, it's pretty (don't know a good word -- not cute or interesting, but...) how the BF gets so excited when it rains. This smile will appear on his face, as he rushes outside for a smoke, to watch and listen to the rain for a while. Then of course, all doors and windows have to stay open, so we can sleep to the noise of the rain. Nevermind the couple thousand new roommates we'll inherit that night, the rain is what matters. :-)

 

A couple of them said that a common problem is the boys do find someone to "take care" them and that person sends money to them every month, but then it stops without warning. One boy said he really did love the farang he met, but the man stopped communicating with him seven months ago. He said he had no idea why. He said he never asked for anything more than the man said he would send each month. He said it lasted for a while, but all communication simply stopped. He said that happens to many of the boys.

 

This is all to common in Pattaya. Farangs go there to be a sex tourist, and try to have as much fun as possible during their holiday. The Thais go there in search for a better life, but sadly, the majority of them end up leaving Pattaya far more emotionally and mentally damaged compared to when they first arrived.

 

From all the stories I've heard, I'd have to say it's generally the farang's fault the relationship doesn't work. From my experiences, alot of times, the Thai emotionally invests far more into a relationship than the farang does. The farang many times isn't actually committed, because after all, it's just a "Thai boyfriend", and due to that the relationship falls apart. When this happens though, I think the Thai feels it far more than the farang.

 

It's true though, alot of these Thais first show up in Pattaya simply in search of a better life, and alot of them don't even care about money. They're from some small village in Issan, and have never had money before, so it's not a worry for them. They simply want the peace of mind knowing that they're taken care of, and are capable of fulfilling their obligation as a son, by helping out the family a bit. That's it.

 

After being in Pattaya too long though, and realizing what the city is all about, they become distraught, probably have their heart broken one or a few times over, and end up becoming emotionally and mentally damaged. Then they decide there's no chance any of these asshole farangs I've met are going to commit to a relationship, so hell with it, I'll take them for all I can get. Then the cycle just perpetuates itself.

 

That's why I believe I'm lucky. I found my BF at the very beginning, while he was just a lost soul. He's still just a typical Issan boy, hasn't been damaged by Pattaya, and if I have my way that will never happen. He has been damaged in a lifestyle way though. I think he'd find it pretty tough to revert back to a 5000 baht/month lifestyle, but again, if I have my way that will never happen.

[Gaybutton]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the rain supposed to come a while ago?

[kokopelli]

 

From my experiences, alot of times, the Thai emotionally invests far more into a relationship than the farang does. The farang many times isn't actually committed, because after all, it's just a "Thai boyfriend", and due to that the relationship falls apart. When this happens though, I think the Thai feels it far more than the farang.

 

 

cdnmatt, would you care to share with us just how much experience you have in Thailand? How long have you lived here?

[Guest GaySacGuy]

The rice production here is one thing that is still in the dark ages.

 

(This is mainly for those that haven't been here, or haven't gotten out to the rural area)

 

The water for their rice here, with some exceptions, comes directly from the rain...that is to say that their are no streams, canals, wells, etc. providing water to the fields..just rain. If there is no rain, there is no rice. They just wait for it to rain.

 

They then hand plant rice seedlings which they have to buy. This is bent over labor, and no fun! You are working in standing water and mud.

 

Over the last two years enough rain has come that the planting started in May to late June. It varies by areas, as these are thunderstorms producing the rain, and some locations get rain when others do not.

 

When harvest time comes, they again will harvest by hand, just like you've seen in movies..this is for real. There are a few places that are using mechanical harvesters, but it is limited, and the harvesters are much smaller (about 1/4 the size)than those used in the US. The Thai farmers say harvester bad, miss lots of rice.

 

It is a hard way to make a very small living. Most families reserve a certain amount of their rice harvest to eat, and sell the rest.

[Guest cdnmatt]

cdnmatt, would you care to share with us just how much experience you have in Thailand? How long have you lived here?

 

นี่ครังผมอยู่เม์องไทยสำหรับสิบเคือนแล้ว ผมหวังว่าผมจะอยู่ที่นี่สำหรับบีมาก แต่ผมอยากอยู่ Canada หาสิบๆ

 

Sorry, I'm just drunk, bored, and in one of my "learning Thai" kicks again. I wrote everything above freehand, so my apologies for any mistakes. And anyone who knows Thai, will know I still have a LOT of learning to do, but I'm working at it. That, and I just wanted to prove I'm not here for the cheap sex and beer, but I do genuinely enjoy Thailand, and am willing to learn the culture and language.

 

As for my Thai experience, uhhh... first showed up when I was 24, so that was 2006. Came and went for a few vacations, then ended up staying in Thailand for a good 8 months (Pattaya and Chiang Mai). This time around, I've been here for 10 - 11 months already, living up in Khon Kaen these days, with no plans to move elsewhere. Although, I'll admit, I would like to begin splitting my time a little more between Canada & Thailand. Easier said than done though.

 

Nonetheless, haven't been around anywhere near as long as alot of you, but around enough to know how everything works.

[Guest mauRICE]

Sorry, I'm just drunk, bored, and in one of my "learning Thai" kicks again. I wrote everything above freehand, so my apologies for any mistakes. And anyone who knows Thai, will know I still have a LOT of learning to do, but I'm working at it. That, and I just wanted to prove I'm not here for the cheap sex and beer, but I do genuinely enjoy Thailand, and am willing to learn the culture and language.

 

Yeeess, no doubt being drunk at 4.03 in the afternoon has got nothing to do with the "cheap sex and beer".

[Guest cdnmatt]

If you must know, it's me coordinating with days in PST. All depending, alot of times late mornings are actually the beginning of my evenings. There's a 14 hour time difference between Thailand and PST. People in Vancouver begin working at around 11pm Thai time, and stop around 8 - 10am Thai time.

[Guest mauRICE]

If you must know, it's me coordinating with days in PST. All depending, alot of times late mornings are actually the beginning of my evenings. There's a 14 hour time difference between Thailand and PST. People in Vancouver begin working at around 11pm Thai time, and stop around 8 - 10am Thai time.

 

You've been in Thailand "10-11 months" and you're still on PST? Talk about making a "genuine" effort to adapt to Thai ways.

[Guest Astrrro]

Geez, give the guy a break. He has a job which requires him to work PST hours. What's he supposed to do, quit and go plant rice?

[Guest mauRICE]

What's he supposed to do, quit and go plant rice?

 

Why is "rice planting" a punchline? It is the source of our food and many blessings in Asia.

[Guest Astrrro]

Because this thread is about planting and harvesting rice. A guy earning a Western salary is not going to quit his job and work for 100 baht a day. Would pok pok vendor be more PC?

[Gaybutton]

Nonetheless, haven't been around anywhere near as long as alot of you, but around enough to know how everything works.

I've been around long enough to realize I'll never know how everything works . . .

[Guest xiandarkthorne]

This is all to common in Pattaya. Farangs go there to be a sex tourist, and try to have as much fun as possible during their holiday. The Thais go there in search for a better life, but sadly, the majority of them end up leaving Pattaya far more emotionally and mentally damaged compared to when they first arrived...From all the stories I've heard, I'd have to say it's generally the farang's fault the relationship doesn't work. From my experiences, alot of times, the Thai emotionally invests far more into a relationship than the farang does. The farang many times isn't actually committed, because after all, it's just a "Thai boyfriend", and due to that the relationship falls apart. When this happens though, I think the Thai feels it far more than the farang...

 

This is an interesting post and thought-provoking enough to prompt me to share a certain experience of my own regarding relationships with younger Thai men. I hope I'm not hijacking the original intent of the thread and if I do, I apologize but the purpose of the following tale is to demonstrate that very often, we all begin with the best intentions but due to miscommunication or the sheer lack of any meaningful/honest talking, things screw up - so it's often very hard to point the finger of blame accurately.

 

I once shared a room with a friend who had a guy that night, whom he knew from before. The guy was gay and a friend of his ex-boyfriend and they had sex though later my friend said he wasn't interested in having any kind of relationship with the Thai guy. I liked the look of the guy and, when he went to bathe, asked if my friend would mind introducing us so that we could get to know each other better, with a view to something more permanent hopefullly. My friend was happy to oblige and the Thai guy (who was washing cups and plates in a coffeeshop for a living) gave every indication that he would be happy to get to know me better, too. And that was where things stopped because I had to return to Malaysia the next morning.

 

I called the handphone number he gave me (it belonged to his friend) and spoke to him every week faithfully for three months before I found another opportunity to go to Hatyai, and we arranged to meet. At his insistence, I had dinner at the restaurant where he worked and I think he introduced me to everyone as 'someone who might become his BF' from the reaction of the other workers at the place. When he said that he would have to go back to work for a few hours after dinner, before he could come to my hotel room, I didn't make a fuss or object. And I still failed to smell anything fishy when he turned up with a friend - who then proceeded to spend the whole night in the room with the two of us.

 

Naturally nothing happened and I didn't get to talk much with "my guy". Being Asian myself, I didn' want to make a fuss but you can imagine how I was seething about the whole thing. In hind sight, perhaps I should have insisted that his friend leave but by 2 a.m. I was so disappointed by the whole thing that I'd decided to write it off as a lesson well-learnt, gave him a thousand Baht at daybreak and never called or looked in on him ever again. Later, when my friend went to Hatyai alone, he took it upon himself to find out what exactly had prompted the events of the night. My friend was told that "my guy" had turned up with his friend because he was afraid that I'd rape him.

 

My first reaction was to feel extremely hurt that anyone would think that of me. I've spent my whole life being bigger than most other Asians I meet and it brought back all those old feelings of being an outsider and a freak. But then, I thought about it again and decided that if he really felt that way about me, then things would never have worked out between us no matter how much money I threw at the problem, so I was lucky to have discovered the way things were early in the game.

 

Was I right to feel as I did? Was I wrong to cut him off completely because of the events of that one night? Was either one of us to blame that he felt it better to turn down the chance for a better life with me? Would things have worked out more happpily if we'd been ableto communicate better?

 

While I hardly qualify as a farang, I think my sordid little tale illustrates that it isn't nearly always the farang's fault when a Thai guy is left stranded 'at the altar' so to speak.

[Gaybutton]

Was I right to feel as I did? Was I wrong to cut him off completely because of the events of that one night? Was either one of us to blame that he felt it better to turn down the chance for a better life with me? Would things have worked out more happily if we'd been able to communicate better?

It's hard to know what a different outcome might have been, but I can understand someone bringing along a friend the first time until he gets to know you better. I have a feeling that he may have had previous frightening experiences and learned not to take any chances with someone he doesn't know all that well just yet.

 

If you were wrong about anything, I would say you were wrong to take it personally. I think he would have done that with anyone. I would also say he was wrong for not having asked or informed you first that he is coming with a friend.

 

Looking at it from another perspective, did you consider the possibility that he may have been interested in a threesome? I'm not joking about that. Maybe that was the reason for bringing along a friend.

 

However, under any circumstances I think he was wrong to bring someone else along without letting you know that was what he intended to do. I would have given him another chance and would have told him this time I want to see him alone.

 

Several months ago I had somewhat of a similar experience. A boy from Bangkok with whom I had been chatting online and by telephone said he would like to come to Pattaya and spend the weekend with me. He brought along a friend too and I had no idea he was going to do that. I met him at the bus terminal and nearly told him to take the next bus back, but instead I decided to go for it.

 

It turned out to be a great weekend. We had a lot of fun together and I'm glad I did it. You know who was the one who came on to me? The friend!

[Guest]

Geez, give the guy a break. He has a job which requires him to work PST hours. What's he supposed to do, quit and go plant rice?

 

Absolutely. We don't want to hound all the civilised posters off the site, like sometimes happens elsewhere.

 

Cdnmatt makes some interesting points, which are normally well considered. Please keep posting.

Am not sure about your circumstances, but if they involve working in Thailand, whilst earning a Canadian salary, that's something I'd like to learn from for one.

 

As for Xiandarkthorne's equally interesting post, well if the guy was so distrusting and paranoid, you did well to cut him off after the first date.

[kokopelli]

 

This is all to common in Pattaya. Farangs go there to be a sex tourist, and try to have as much fun as possible during their holiday. The Thais go there in search for a better life, but sadly, the majority of them end up leaving Pattaya far more emotionally and mentally damaged compared to when they first arrived.

 

From all the stories I've heard, I'd have to say it's generally the farang's fault the relationship doesn't work. From my experiences, alot of times, the Thai emotionally invests far more into a relationship than the farang does. The farang many times isn't actually committed, because after all, it's just a "Thai boyfriend", and due to that the relationship falls apart. When this happens though, I think the Thai feels it far more than the farang.

 

I think your observations are not necessarily true. It is just as likely that the Thai is the one who in not sincere in a relationship and is the cause of a breakup. I also think many farang are crushed when a relationship does end.

[lexusgs]

Guys,

 

Im sure this has been asked many times before. Anyone care to elaborate on a fair amount to send to a Thai guy every month? I'm interested as to what viewpoint you have on the subject??

[Guest gay_grampa]

 

When harvest time comes, they again will harvest by hand, just like you've seen in movies..this is for real. There are a few places that are using mechanical harvesters, but it is limited, and the harvesters are much smaller (about 1/4 the size)than those used in the US. The Thai farmers say harvester bad, miss lots of rice.

 

A Chinese made rice harvester that can cut 20 rai/day will cost about 1.7 million baht. They can be hired for about 600 baht/rai but the problem is that since most farmers tend to harvest their rice at about the same time, these machines are booked up months in advance.

Compared to the machine costs, hiring cheap 100 baht/day labourers is more economical.

[Guest cdnmatt]

You've been in Thailand "10-11 months" and you're still on PST? Talk about making a "genuine" effort to adapt to Thai ways.

 

heh, don't worry, my sleeping schedule can and does change. If work requires it, yes, I'll make sure I wake up at 11pm, and be online all night. Sometimes I schedule conference calls at 3am, other times I have to coordinate with various people to get something done, etc.

 

That's definitely not all the time though. Don't worry, I've woke up at 6am with the chickens in the village before too.

[kokopelli]

Guys,

 

Im sure this has been asked many times before. Anyone care to elaborate on a fair amount to send to a Thai guy every month? I'm interested as to what viewpoint you have on the subject??

 

This has been discussed many times. You may want to start a separate topic on the subject in order to get the latest thinking. If so, give some more info on why you want to know.

Just as curiosity?; because you may want to enter a relationship?; maybe you already have a relationship?; are you a frequent flyer to Thailand or just once in a while? This type of info will assist the members to give you a more accurate reply.

[Guest xiandarkthorne]

It's hard to know what a different outcome might have been, but I can understand someone bringing along a friend the first time until he gets to know you better. I have a feeling that he may have had previous frightening experiences and learned not to take any chances with someone he doesn't know all that well just yet...If you were wrong about anything, I would say you were wrong to take it personally. I think he would have done that with anyone. I would also say he was wrong for not having asked or informed you first that he is coming with a friend...

Looking at it from another perspective, did you consider the possibility that he may have been interested in a threesome? I'm not joking about that. Maybe that was the reason for bringing along a friend...

 

Hi GB,

Thanks for your very helpful insight. And my apologies for not having replied earlier. I agree with almost all that you have said - except the bit about his maybe wanting a threesome. I think the two of them made it quite clear to me that nothing was going to happen that night.

 

Anyway, whatever might have happened, I hope that my post has served to show another angle of the eternal farang/Thai breakup -who's to blame question.

[Gaybutton]

Anyway, whatever might have happened, I hope that my post has served to show another angle of the eternal farang/Thai breakup -who's to blame question.

 

[Guest xiandarkthorne]

True. I still remember your telling me (waaay back at your old website) that I can't expect a Thai guy from a rural area to agree to go off into the wild blue yonder with me immediately (or words to that effect). I just wish I'd remembered that when I had my own non-encounter of the close kind.

 

And regarding your post on the clash of cultural expecttions, I couldn't agree more. All too often we make plans with the best of intentions, forgetting to look at what a poorly-educated rural Thai guy might think of jumping into a jet plane and taking off for acompletely alien milieu.

 

Still, it's sad, isn't it, that many of us want and can often afford to offer so much more (from our point of view) than our rural Thai BFs could ever dream of, and we can't convince them to go along with our well-intentioned plans because we can't quite grasp the true extent of their hopes and ambitions?

[Gaybutton]

many of us want and can often afford to offer so much more (from our point of view)

I believe you captured the whole point with that statement - from our point of view. Quite often their point of view is completely different and just as often what we are offering is not what they want.

 

"All that you wanted, he would not even take."

 

- Anne Baxter (Nefretiri), 'The Ten Commandments'