Do you mind if I date your boyfriend when you go away?

[TotallyOz]

This is a question I get often. I am not sure where people's minds are when they ask questions like this. Perhaps they have learned to avoid thinking with their big brain totally and started to rely on thinking with the little one? Perhaps they think it is an appropriate question to ask in a land of gogo bars? Perhaps it is a socially acceptable question? What do you think? If someone asks you this question what is your response? What if you have been with the guy for say 7 years and your friend knows that? Does that make the question any worst or better?

 

I am just curious to see what others think before I give my own humble opinion.

[Guest jomtien]

Well, since some farang do care while others do not, the question is appropriate in that sense. As to the quality of your friends who would ask it.....I cannot judge.

[PattayaMale]

I think it is unacceptable. Would you ask a person that is married, "I understand you are going on a business trip. While you are away, is it OK if I date your wife?"

 

That being said, I do know of people that allow (have) their "boyfriend" to go back to work when they are not in Thailand. In that case, I can understand another offing the "boyfriend" from a bar when they are working. But still, I would not ask the farang if it was ok. If the boy is working he is working.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

I think the question is rude, crass and totally inappropriate. If a"friend" asked me that question, that would be one less "friend" for me.

[Guest cdnmatt]

I think the question is rude, crass and totally inappropriate. If a"friend" asked me that question, that would be one less "friend" for me.

 

Ditto. Although I'd be surprised to find myself in that situation, if someone I knew ever did ask that question, I'd just tell him he's a fucken idiot, and walk away. Not much point in conversing with someone like that.

[Guest HeyGay]

Hypothetically of Course.

 

Well if you have a long time relationship, with an ex Bar boy, I can understand both sides.

 

Your side as you would have put considerable money into the investment and it's like buying an expensive Car, would you trust any one to drive it while you're away.

You just have to Imagine how you would feel, if your boss loaned you to the company next door, while you are a way. They do get to like you if your good like they would any boss.

 

The guy who wants to take over while your away, considering if Boy Special is straight and only doing it as a job, it would be win win for the boy Special, he would get double wages from you and from new guy.

 

If the Boy was gay and he liked the new Guy, he would be in a wonderful situation.

 

Go for it, what you don't know won't hurt you and the Boy would love it, for the above reasons.

 

The down side for the Boy, if the new guy is very demanding in the bed, the str8 guy would not like that, he has probably got you trained, as they do, to have sex as little as possible, same as they do for you, as little as possible, but they do make a good companion, or a replacement son, you have missed out on.

 

Personally I can't stand other peoples left offs, for a boy special I like my guys fresh, with out Bad habits, if possible?

 

You did ask

[Gaybutton]

It's difficult for me to understand why anyone would ask such a question. First, it implies the boyfriend would even be willing to date a friend of yours. If I had a boyfriend willing to do that, someone who I care about and supposedly cares about me, someone with whom I have been together with on a long-them basis, then I would drop the boyfriend along with the friend. They can have each other.

 

With all the boys readily available here, a so-called friend has to ask if he can date your boyfriend? He can't find a different boy? He doesn't mind even the possibility of imposing like that? What kind of a friend is that? It brings to mind that phrase, "With friends like that, who needs enemies?"

 

If you really have been asked that question, and the question was asked seriously, I would make it crystal clear that is totally unacceptable. I would ask the boyfriend, even if he is a working boy, not to let that happen. I would also at best cool the friendship, but more likely drop that person as a friend. It just wouldn't be the same anymore.

 

If the boyfriend is a working boy, it's one thing if you know he is going off with people you've never heard of and probably never will because that's how he makes his living. It's quite another to return to Thailand to hear your farang friend say, "I had a wonderful time with your boyfriend. And wow, is he ever great in bed!" For me, that definitely wouldn't work.

 

I had kind of a bizarre thing happen to me a few months ago. A close friend of mine had hired a gay boy to be his houseboy. As far as I know, that was the extent of their relationship. I really had no interest in interfering with their relationship no matter what the circumstances happened to be, but it was the boy himself who approached me. I brought it to the attention of my friend who assured me that the boy is nothing to him beyond hired help and he would have no problem about it. Still, despite that, I felt very uncomfortable about it. I never did do anything with that particular boy. As I said, there are so many here that I had no need. Also, I felt that even though my friend said he has no problem about it, and I believe that, I still felt that if I pursued it, it would cause some sort of psychological diminishment of the relationship I have with my friend. I would have felt awkward about it, so I left it alone.

 

I do feel that I did the right thing by letting my friend know instead of simply tacitly telling the boy I would rather not and leaving it at that. That boy and my friend are no longer together even in their employer-employee relationship. The boy has contacted me since then. I still felt awkward and did not pursue it. I also did let my friend know the boy is still trying.

 

I have had "should I tell my friend" discussions with others. No matter what the circumstances, if something is going on I would want to know. I would not appreciate my friends doing my thinking for me and avoid telling me what they know. I also would not do that to others. And I don't ever want to be caught up in a "why didn't you tell me" situation.

[Guest joseph44]

Once, a Thai bf of a friend of me, asked me if he could stay in my house for a few nights, while my friend was on a trip.

The Thai bf tried to share my bed with me, but I expelled him to the spare bedroom. He only stayed one night and then after he moved in, he left. Obviously a sleepover with not the best intentions.

 

If a friend asks me if he could 'borrow' my bf, he would be brought to the door as the only way out of our friendship!!

[kokopelli]

I have had people I know ask that very question. I give them a Clint Eastwood glare, and say, "it's ok if you want to die". Among friends and acquaintances this type of question should never be asked. For me, it is the unwritten law and he who breaks it loses a friend.

 

GB's post is right on about this matter.

[Guest luvthai]

If the boy continues to work the bar or searches for dates (thru gayromeo etc) then I see no harm in dating the boy.

However if the boy is being kept by the farang and does not work the bars then chasing after the boy is wrong. I guess it depends entirely what the boy wants and is between him and the farang to work out the guidelines.

[Gaybutton]

I guess it depends entirely what the boy wants and is between him and the farang to work out the guidelines.

I think it depends on what they both want. I don't think whether the farang boyfriend supports him has anything to do with it. I'm not so sure the boy is even the issue. It's the friend of the farang. As I said, if it were me and the boyfriend was a working boy, I don't think it would matter much to me when he is going with other farang solely for the purpose of earning his living and using them as nothing more than a customer.

 

For me, it would be a totally different thing if a friend of mine wanted to be one of those farang customers. I would never do that to a friend and I wouldn't stand for a friend doing that to me. Even if I said it was ok, I would still resent the fact that my farang friend even asked. From that moment on, the relationship I have with my farang friend would be forever changed. It was one thing when my farang friend, my boyfriend, and I would be together doing different things. It would be quite another if I now knew my farang friend wants to have sex with my boyfriend and actually asked. After that, whenever we are together I would know what my farang friend wanted to do and probably still wants to do. Maybe that wouldn't bother you, but it would certainly bother me, and it would bother me to the point that I would immediately end the friendship with my farang friend. I would consider that to be a betrayal. I could never see my farang friend the same way again.

 

If that same farang friend had a boyfriend of his own I would never dream of attempting to have sex with that boy, especially in light of the fact that so many other boys are available. My friend saw him first. That's my misfortune. I would have to console myself with my choice from among the hundreds of others. If I want to have sex with a boy, it would never be the boy a friend thinks of as his boyfriend.

 

You said it depends entirely on what the boy wants. If sex with one of my friends is what he wants, then that's one boy who would be out my door.

[kokopelli]

No truer words have been written on this forum then those by GB as written above.

[Guest HeyGay]

I must say I have experience an amazing in Pattaya Phanomina called , "I don't want any Boy, I want your boy" I had occasion to go to Wild West Boys Club, and a very handsome guy I have known since he came to Pattaya 18 months before was there, he was introduced by his Brother, who now has a long time Farang and is well kept/

 

The 2 brothers are very good looking and can you believe even refuse many farangs advances, for various reasons, well on this occasion he came over to be with me, I bought him a drink, with that the mama sam came over and said he must go sit with another farang, I said he is with me, the boy said I stay here, with that another Big Pom Pooy American Farang, came over and tried to chat him, while he was sitting with me, it was as if I was not there, so I soon said a few choice words, he went, then as were leaving another French man gave the boy his card and said ring him, up until he sat with me the boy said, he had been there 2 1/2 hours no one bothered him.

 

I have also had people ask my boys what you doing with that old man, come with me or any other put down they can muster , It seems if a farang is with a Boy, its like some sort of seal of approval and they want him also, strange Phanomina in deed.

 

Some Farangs have No respect for the working Boys and think they are there for any one, even if you have taken him on a permanant basis, or met him on a bus or any where other than in a Bar, so to them its as if they are all service boys, it only about how much money you offer, for them to come running.

.

[Guest tdperhs]

What's the alternative? That he just borrow him and say nothing? At least you have been alerted of his interest and you have the chance to say no.

 

Of course, this whole premise presumes the boyfriend is borrowable, that is to say, he would be willing to date the friend, assuming, of course, you are not running a sex slave ring.

 

In an environment that can boast of having hot and cold running gorgeous boys, all eager to be picked up by a farang, it's difficult to understand why such a situation would ever arise.

[Guest]

I got asked this question 3 times in the course of a few days. None of the guys were friends but one was someone I thought had the potential to get to know more but his remark changed that. He was the friend of a dear friend I have known since my 2^nd visit to Pattaya.

 

I don't think the question is appropriate in most circumstances. If someone is with someone they are not available. End of story. However, if the boy is working, then they are available. If a guy is in a bar working or online working, they are available. I believe in commerce and would not want to hamper that in any way.

 

Sidetrack 1:

 

I remember a few years back a boy working in a bar and he once lived with a friend. They had a very short 2-week fling and it did not last. When he was back working, I asked the friend if it was OK if I took him off and he said yes. I did and that was the end of our friendship as he resented the fact that I followed through. I did not think it would be a problem but it was. Since then, I have made a policy of not taking a boy off even if they are working if it is someone that I met through a friend. Friendships are harder to come by than a cute boy. Cute boys seem to be plentiful in gay Thailand and there are so many of them that I can always find one that I find beautiful.

 

Sidetrack 2:

 

I have also learned that even trying to be friends with some Farang's boyfriend is going to get me into trouble on occasion. I had one Thai boy that I knew for years and knew him when he worked at Kaos. He was a good friend with my first boyfriend. I was never interested in him sexually but thought he was a nice guy. Someone I know took him off from the bar and has supported and taken care of him for many years. A couple of years back they were having problems and the boy was worried about living on the streets. I told him that he did not have to worry and he was welcome to stay with the boyfriend and me as long as he needed in order to work things out with his lover. I made it clear that no sex was going to happen, just a place to stay and some money to tide him over till he was back in the good graces of his lover. This got back to the lover and to this day he thinks I was trying to get the boyfriend in bed. It was not my intention and someone that I really liked is now no longer a friend.

 

Sidetrack 3:

 

For me, I have learned the hard way best to mind my own business. If I see someone that is cute and with another Farang, I look but do not stare and certainly do not approach. If the boy is with someone like HeyDay, I'll ask his story as I know that HeyDay has a boy or two he loves and the rest he wants them to find work when they can. I am the same. When I am no longer taking care of a boy, I want them to find work and I am very happy when they find a Farang who is willing to take good care of them. I even remember HeyDay bringing one of his guys to me and saying, this guy is very sexy and sweet and is looking for someone to take care of him full time. People like this are the exception to the rule I think.

 

This particular story is about my boyfriend of many years. He gets hit on all the time (lucky him: I can't even get a smile). With the main guy in this story that I thought was a nice guy, I was a little stunned by his question. My response was, "go for it dude. If you think you can handle him, good luck." He approached the BF and the BF quickly but very nicely said no thank you. He gave him a business card with his number, which the BF then tore up in front of him. The red-faced man then walked away. I guess he didn't count on 7 years of love and attention from me winning out. (Or was it motorbikes, cell phones, countless gold necklaces, untold water buffaloes, unimaginable lady bar offs, designer clothes, etc.) While I am sure the material aspects do affect his thought process, I also know that the BF knows that no one he meets will be as accepting of who he is as I am and that is all the wonderful qualities as well as his weaknesses. Likewise, I don't know how he puts up with all my shit but since we are both at peace with each other, we both know that we are going to be together for a long time to come and neither of us do stupid things that may jeopardize the relationship.

 

I do wonder if Thai boys go up to him and say, "hey, when you go home for the weekend, do you mind if I take your Falang?" How nice that would be.

[bkkguy]

As I said, if it were me and the boyfriend was a working boy, I don't think it would matter much to me when he is going with other farang solely for the purpose of earning his living and using them as nothing more than a customer.

 

For me, it would be a totally different thing if a friend of mine wanted to be one of those farang customers.

 

so every time I want to off a boy from a bar I need to quiz him on which falung may consider him to be their "boyfriend" (whatever that may mean to each specific falung) and evaluate what level of friendship I may have with those falung before deciding what the risk of causing offense may be before paying the off fee - the guy is a sex worker, any falung who thinks this guy is his "boyfriend" and wants to start laying down rules like this I think has a serious lack of understanding of concepts like "boyfriend", "sex worker" and probably "friend"!

 

and where do you draw the line - if we have had friendly chats on the forum but never met can I still off your "boyfriend"? or if I meet you on the beach one day after offing your boyfriend the night before can we ever be friends?

 

if I know a Thai guy is in a serious "non-open" relationship with a falung and I try to have sex with him while the falung is away (whether or not the falung is a friend) then I am a cad but if he is a sex worker then I really don't get the what the issue is - unless I sneaked in and took him off on a night when I knew you wanted to off him!

 

bkkguy

[Guest lvdkeyes]

 

 

I have had "should I tell my friend" discussions with others. No matter what the circumstances, if something is going on I would want to know. I would not appreciate my friends doing my thinking for me and avoid telling me what they know. I also would not do that to others. And I don't ever want to be caught up in a "why didn't you tell me" situation..

 

 

I agree that I would want to know, however, I know of an instance where a guy told a friend that his bf was lying about his whereabouts and was out in the bars "looking". The guy didn't believe his friend and went so far as to confront the bf and his friend together. Essentially, calling his friend a liar.

[Gaybutton]

and where do you draw the line

I draw the line at you twisting words to come up with something absolutely ridiculous. If you can't figure out the difference between taking a random boy off from a bar and a boy you know to be your friend's boyfriend, then you have my sympathy.

 

Are you saying that if you were in a bar, saw a boy working there who you know to be a boy a friend of yours has been seeing and cares about, and that friend would be upset if he knew you took that boy off, you would go ahead and take him off anyhow? If you would really do something like that, I'm glad you and I are not friends.

[kokopelli]

 

I have also had people ask my boys what you doing with that old man, come with me or any other put down they can muster , It seems if a farang is with a Boy, its like some sort of seal of approval and they want him also, strange Phanomina in deed.

 

Not so strange a phenomenon; a friend recently had the same thing happen to him at a Sunee club, except the mamasan was sent over to do the farang's dirty work. The friend, with the Boy, told the mamasan to xxxx off and same to the lusting farang.

[Guest allieb]

I draw the line at you twisting words to come up with something absolutely ridiculous. If you can't figure out the difference between taking a random boy off from a bar and a boy you know to be your friend's boyfriend, then you have my sympathy.

 

Are you saying that if you were in a bar, saw a boy working there who you know to be a boy a friend of yours has been seeing and cares about, and that friend would be upset if he knew you took that boy off, you would go ahead and take him off anyhow? If you would really do something like that, I'm glad you and I are not friends.

 

If any friend of mine considered a bar boy wearing a number to be his boyfriend, I would feel sorry for my friend I would try to encourage him to drop the name boyfriend and replace it with "my regular off"

[dapitt]

If any friend of mine considered a bar boy wearing a number to be his boyfriend, I would feel sorry for my friend I would try to encourage him to drop the name boyfriend and replace it with "my regular off"

\

 

Right on, allieb!

[Guest GaySacGuy]

I think that one question you have to answer before you state a position is....What is your definition of "boyfriend"????

 

If your boyfriend is someone whom you have had a relationship for some time, and isn't with other guys when you leave Thailand, then to ask if you can date them is stupid, and the answer is of course Hell no.

 

However, if your boyfriend is a boy that you offed several times while visiting Thailand and he is continuing to work a bar/gay romeo/etc., then I wouldn't be able to call him a boyfriend and the question wouldn't apply.

 

When I mention the word boyfriend to my sister (my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for over three years) she says he isn't your boyfriend. For one thing he is over 30, and you are partners/significant others. She can't imagine that a man that old would be a "boyfriend". So definitions are needed!!

[Gaybutton]

I think that one question you have to answer before you state a position is....What is your definition of "boyfriend"????

I'm not sure that is really the issue here. I'm seeing this as an issue of causing upset for your farang friend. I cannot argue that taking a working boy off from a bar, Gay Romeo, or whatever would be a wrong thing to do and wouldn't be fair game, but it still would be something I would not choose to do if I know that it will cause a friend to be upset.

 

I keep bringing out the same point - with the number of boys available, why would I want to take out the one boy I know will cause a friend to be upset with me? That is something I would never do and my reason is out of respect for a friend's wishes. Whether the boy would generally be considered his boyfriend is irrelevant to me. It would upset my friend and cause problems with our friendship, so my choice would be to abide by my friend's wishes and find a different boy even if taking out that particular boy would be totally justifiable.

[bkkguy]

Whether the boy would generally be considered his boyfriend is irrelevant to me. It would upset my friend and cause problems with our friendship, so my choice would be to abide by my friend's wishes and find a different boy even if taking out that particular boy would be totally justifiable.

 

so you obviously consider your friend's wishes are reasonable and worth respecting. is this just because the boyfriend is a sex worker? if the boyfriend was a chef and your friend said he would be upset if you ate at his restaurant would you just as happily eat at one of the many other restaurants available?

 

bkkguy

[lexusgs]

Guys,

 

Based on the original posters question anyone who would be so brazen does not deserve to be called a friend. In the circumstances his actions were obnoxious. I'm surprised GT did not lose it and give him a good slapping