Social Skills

[Gaybutton]

I don't think having restrictions on smoking makes anyone a second class citizen

Neither do I. That's not my complaint. My complaint goes toward those who condemn smokers because of their clothes. For example, lvdkeyes complains about being seated next to someone whose clothes smell of smoke and he has no way to move away from it. What is the smoker supposed to do about it, keep himself locked away at home? I'm certainly not willing to do that.

 

There are all kinds of annoyances that can happen when one is in a public place. Unpleasant odors is one of them, but by no means the only one. I've been stuck next to people who have terrible body odor, the guy who falls asleep next to me and thinks my shoulder is his pillow, the guy in front of me who reclines his seatback as far as it will go when there is hardly any room in the first place, the guy at the window seat who wants to get up every two minutes but won't trade seats. Do I need to go on? There is all kinds of rudeness out there. That's the way it is.

[Bob]

My complaint goes toward those who condemn smokers because of their clothes. For example, lvdkeyes complains about being seated next to someone whose clothes smell of smoke and he has no way to move away from it. What is the smoker supposed to do about it, keep himself locked away at home? I'm certainly not willing to do that.

 

My guess (hope) is that lvdkeyes is referring to that occasional smoker that smells like an ashtray, not every smoker or even the typical smoker. I think we've all met the few that smell like that but, thankfully, it isn't too often. Typically it's the guy who smokes like a chimney and then wears the same shirt for 3 days.

 

There is all kinds of rudeness out there. That's the way it is.

 

I agree but I'm hoping you're not suggesting that this occurence somehow gives free license for us smokers to simply ignore normal social protocol. Hey, we're both smokers and I'm fairly certain we and most smokers make some concessions occasionally not to bother the rest of the world around us. Most of us here are probably just arguing how far the concessions ought to go, not whether to make any at all.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

I was referring to the kind of smoker who has no regard for others. He goes to a place where there will be a captive audience and doesn't have the common courtesy to be sure that his clothes don't reek of stale cigarette smoke. If he had left home with fresh smelling clothes and had a few cigarettes before the show he would not have smelled as bad as some smokers do. I find strong cologne as offensive.

[Guest RichLB]

In reading the responses on this thread it seems we might want to focus on what our language choices reveal about us. It is one thing to say, "Did you know your cigratte smoke lingers on your clothing and hair" and quite another to say "You stink and smell like an ashtray." The former seeks to inform and present choices to the listener and the latter invites hostility.

 

It seems to me we can all profit from reviewing the distinctions between the non-assertive, aggressive and assertive personality. The non-assertive person is one who feels he must accomodate the wishes of others and sacrifice his own pleasures if they conflict with those around him. The assertive person is one who believes he has a right to his own choices and recognizes that others have the same right to theirs. And, the aggressive person believes his rights are sacrosanct and attempts to manipulate others through imposing guilt, frightening through expressions of anger, nd/or making others feel ignorant. While those devices are usually effective with the non-assertive other, they rarely succeed with the assertive person.

 

If, when reading this thread, you may find examples of all three personality types. If you find yourself in a category you are not comfortable with, honing your social skills may allow you to move to a different level.

[Gaybutton]

I agree but I'm hoping you're not suggesting that this occurence somehow gives free license for us smokers to simply ignore normal social protocol. Hey, we're both smokers and I'm fairly certain we and most smokers make some concessions occasionally not to bother the rest of the world around us. Most of us here are probably just arguing how far the concessions ought to go, not whether to make any at all.

That's precisely what I have been trying to say.

[Guest]

This debate has gone on for a long time.

 

1 People should be able to smoke as much as they like, providing it's outside & the smoke does not blow towards someone else. Or in their own residence, providing there are no minors in the room.

The debate on lingering smells on their clothes is just silly.

 

2 People who smoke in enclosed public space in the presence of non-smokers should be shot and turned into dog food.

[PattayaMale]

I am truly amazed that no one picked up on the post that talks about farting. This maybe hard to talk about since so many of us do it especially as we get older.

 

I do not know if it is age or the medicine that I take but I notice that some times I fart alot. I know it is rude and I really try not to do it when out in public, but there are times a fart (or several)just slip out.

 

I use to say "excuse me" but found that also embarrassing so now I just try to blame some one else in the group. One technique I found useful; when a person in the group gets up to go pee, I lean into the group and say, "Wow, Tom (anyname)must have had alot of beans today." The nice thing is that everyone usually laughs but does not say anything when the group member returns. This allows me to fart all night long and no one thinks it is me.

[Guest fountainhall]

It seems some posts have disappeared from this thread. Am I correct? If so, may we know why? I cannot recall any being more personal or offensive than on some other threads.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

Why is it that if a person burps no one pays attention, but if someone farts everyone laughs?

[Gaybutton]

It seems some posts have disappeared from this thread. Am I correct?

Did you see the pinned thread about possible site disruptions while servers are being changed? If any posts are missing, that's why. Nobody removed any posts.

[Bob]

Did you see the pinned thread about possible site disruptions while servers are being changed? If any posts are missing, that's why. Nobody removed any posts.

 

No big deal but, yes, one or more are missing. I posted a comment which I saw printed in the thread but it's no longer here. If it was just a site disruption, I would have thought that the particular post just wouldn't have shown up (but hell if I know). The comment I posted dealt in part with Xian's tossing the coffee and I just presumed that somebody didn't like what I said about it. Again, no big deal, it isn't worth the trouble and it may not be timely now anyway.

[Guest]

I am truly amazed that no one picked up on the post that talks about farting. This maybe hard to talk about since so many of us do it especially as we get older.

Thanks for an amusing post. : )

 

It seems some posts have disappeared from this thread. Am I correct? If so, may we know why? I cannot recall any being more personal or offensive than on some other threads.

Sorry Fountainhall. We moved servers and tried to sync the databases with the site but sometimes we miss a few hours of posting. I apologize for the inconvenience. No posts were removed intentionally. Honestly.

 

Why is it that if a person burps no one pays attention, but if someone farts everyone laughs?

 

The smell?

 

No big deal but, yes, one or more are missing. I posted a comment which I saw printed in the thread but it's no longer here. If it was just a site disruption, I would have thought that the particular post just wouldn't have shown up (but hell if I know). The comment I posted dealt in part with Xian's tossing the coffee and I just presumed that somebody didn't like what I said about it. Again, no big deal, it isn't worth the trouble and it may not be timely now anyway.

 

Yeah, sorry. When you move to a new server it is like moving from one computer to another. If changes are made to the original computer during this move (a few hours) you may lose some things. Sorry about that, it was not intentional. But, we do now have 4 times more RAM on the new server. What does this mean? I don't know really. But, we were getting some database issues and our Server Admin suggested we upgrade the processor and the RAM. So, we did. Why? Hell if I know. I think it was a way for him to get a commission. But, the site does seem a bit faster.

[Gaybutton]

No big deal but, yes, one or more are missing.

As far as I know, the only people who have the access necessary for removing posts are GayThailand and me. Neither he nor I removed any posts.

 

If anyone's posts are missing, feel free to re-post if you wish.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

 

The smell?

 

Even before any smell is detected the sound of a fart gets people giggling.

[Guest xiandarkthorne]

I certainly defer to your knowledge of Chinese custom. But in the 20 years I spent living with Chinese, many of whom became and remain close friends, I never came across anyone who believed the correct way to discipline children of any age (since we now know it was a child who grabbed your cigarette and not, as I had assumed, someone older) is to throw coffee in their face. I'd have thought that would indicate considerable loss of face to the perpetrator - but I suppose it depends if there was anyone else there to witness the event.

 

Sorry for the late reply. My original post got lost and I thought GB had deleted it as it was a bit SW-ish in tone. My apologies, GB.

 

Anyway, it wasn't a child who did that to me. I would never do anything like that to children. It was an adult...maybe that's why my cousin's parents didn't take a switch to her behind

 

Anyway, to get back to the original post topic, I have to agree with GB about people who discriminating against everyone based on their body smells or whatever.

 

Did you know that in Asia, while there are many of us smoothies who love hairy men (maybe because we are smooth?), there are also many who discriminate against hairy men simply because of a percieved "bad smell" that hairy men are supposed to have?

 

Personally, I love the smell of sweaty hairy men...something to do with pheromones being trapped under all that fur, I guess. But the fact is that many of my hairy friends fell compelled to shave themselves all over simply because of this additional discrimination...it shouldn't surprise me if some day someone suggested that the problem should be solved surgically.

 

PS

Kinky as I am, I am sorry but I have to draw the line at farting...

[Gaybutton]

Even before any smell is detected the sound of a fart gets people giggling.

"You know why God put a smell in it? So deaf people could enjoy it too."

- Redd Foxx

[Guest fountainhall]

We moved servers and tried to sync the databases with the site but sometimes we miss a few hours of posting. I apologize for the inconvenience. No posts were removed intentionally

Perfectly understand. I had only queried the loss of some posts because I thought we were on an interesting part of the topic (throwing coffee in the face of a relative which did strike some of us as a somewhat extreme reaction and a not especially good example of the social skills of the original perpetrator, the mid-20's cousin, or the householder, Xian), and some of the logic (if one can call it such!) kind of got lost. I think not all have been restored, but what the heck!

 

"A fool and his words are soon parted" (William Shentsone 1714-1763) - whoever he was!

 

The more ostentatiously olfactory effect of the common fart, frequently referred to in literature as far back as Chaucer - and perhaps beyond, seems to have many of us on the defensive the moment we feel the urge approaching. Then, as lvdkeyes pointed out -

 

Even before any smell is detected the sound of a fart gets people giggling

Is that, I wonder, why so many of us go to such extremes to suppress those rich, round and ripping escapes of wind? How many times have we seen people we are with slowly, almost imperceptably lean over on to one cheek with a somewhat vacant stare on their face. We all know a fart is coming. The drama is in how well or otherwise the soon-to-be offender will disguise the result.

 

One technique I found useful; when a person in the group gets up to go pee, I lean into the group and say, "Wow, Tom (anyname)must have had alot of beans today." The nice thing is that everyone usually laughs but does not say anything when the group member returns. This allows me to fart all night long and no one thinks it is me

Another blame shifting technique. If the offender is able to pull off the fart with no sound escaping (the "silent suffocater" we always called them in my schooldays), wait a few seconds for the aroma to waft in all directions and then turn up your nose and stare hard at someone close by. Most of those present will automatically assume that you have detected the perpetrator. You then are in the clear

 

But are these social "skills", I wonder?

 

"I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize" - Bart Simpson

[kokopelli]

Another addition to the list of social skills came to my attention last night. "Don't sit in a go go bar with your pants down to your knees". Yes an older farang was doing that and trying to entice the boys to come over for a look and touch but no tip. Obviously he was demented but a regular in Sunee.

[Gaybutton]

"I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize" - Bart Simpson

For me, the most embarrassing kind of fart is when you didn't fart at all, but your shoe somehow rubbed the floor, producing an almost identical sound. Have you ever noticed that you can never get your shoe to do it a second time? Now everybody thinks you just ripped loose with a loud one.

 

Why are we discussing farts anyway?

 

"When you fart in an elevator and only one other person is in there with you, everyone knows who did it."

- George Carlin

[Guest RichLB]

Why are we discussing farts anyway?

I've been wondering the same thing. What was meant as a helpful post focusing on greasing the wheels of social discourse has shifted from labeling the topic as "Pet Peeves" (although I don't see how they can be construed that way), to the legitimacy of those seeking control over others due to real or imagined sensitivity to cigarette smoke, and now it has devolved to a discussion of farts. Good grief!

[Guest fountainhall]

For me, the most embarrassing kind of fart is when you didn't fart at all, but your shoe somehow rubbed the floor, producing an almost identical sound

Same often happens with some trouser fabrics on leather chairs, but it's worse because the sound emanates from 'that' part of the body.

 

I do think this is all part of "greasing the wheels of social discourse" - or at least ensuring those wheels don't come off

[Guest xiandarkthorne]

Oh dear! It must be as I always suspected then. I have absolutely no social skills because I always own up and apologize whenever I fart in public.

[Guest RichLB]

In an attempt to return to my list of Social Skills, let me add two others.

 

15. Learn to listen. Recognize that most people enjoy talking about their "hear and now" life experiences. This is encouraged when the other knows how to actively listen and show interest by asking amplifying questions. It is most "unskilled" to subject others to a litany of your own history unless, of course, it is relevant to the listener in some way.

 

16. Know that apologizing is not completed by merely saying, "I'm sorry" and then moving on. A true apology contains three parts; a. an admission of wrong doing, b. an acceptance of responsibility for hurting another's feelings or damaging their self esteem, and c. an effort to explain your awareness of how you should have behaved or plan to in the future. Doing less than that is almost as insulting as the first transgression.

[Guest RichLB]

Where did that smiley face come from and how do I get rid of it?

[Gaybutton]

Where did that smiley face come from and how do I get rid of it?

I got rid of it for you. You inadvertently typed in the code that produces it. You typed the letter B followed by a semicolon ). That produces the smiley. I changed your semicolons to periods.