Only in America

[Guest shebavon]

So, is this what it is coming to in America? Even for youth.

 

Read on, and thank your lucky stars that you are in paradise.

 

Any advice for this young loser?

 

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.

 

On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.

 

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated in a telephone interview.

 

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road , picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.

 

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

 

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.' Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence .

 

'I said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'

 

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said... 'A pumpkin? Shit... is it midnight already?'

 

This was in the Washington Post... the title of the article was 'Best Come Back Line Ever.'

[Gaybutton]

I loved that one! I wish the article stated what time the incident occurred. I'd love it even more if it happened to be just past midnight.

[Guest fountainhall]

he looked me straight in the face and said... 'A pumpkin? Shit... is it midnight already?'

 

Great story! But who did the guy think he was doing it with prior to midnight? The coach which then turned into the pumpkin? Maybe this was a two-legged coach

[Guest fountainhall]

Thought I might throw in a version of another well-known 'fairy' tale.

 

Little Red Riding Hood is wending her way through the dark forest taking provisions for her grandmother. Suddenly a huge wolf jumps out in front of her. Red Riding Hood is momentarily taken aback. "I'll bet you don't know who I am," growls the wolf.

 

"No, I don't know who you are," says Red Riding Hood in her innocent little Marilyn Monroe voice.

 

"Well, I'm the Big Bad Wolf and do you know what I am going to do to you?"

 

"No, Mr Wolf, what are you going to do to me?"

 

"I'm going to gobble you all up!"

 

At which Red Riding Hood adopts an air of resignation, rolls her eyes and cries out, "Gobble! Gobble! Gobble! Doesn't anyone f--k around here any more?"