TotallyOz Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I was at Siam Paragon a few weeks back and met a guy while standing in line for a taxi. He was without a doubt one of the most stunning guys I've ever met. Surprisingly he spoke great English. He face was that of an angel. Pure PERFECTION. We chatted and I offered him my phone number. He took it. I think just being polite as he was with friends who also all spoke English. He was obviously very upper middle class and had studied in USA for a year abroad in high school. He called me. He wanted to meet at Siam and Starbucks. We did. He was charming. A bit shy and not really talking about sex but more about life and politics and America. We had a great time and I asked him if he wanted to see a movie. He said sure and we went to the theater there. The movie was Thai which was OK for me as I just wanted to sit by him. I brushed my arm against his several times and finally he just took my hand in his. It was so sweet. He gave me a nice kiss toward the end of the movie with a very wonderful tounge stuck down my throat. I asked if he wanted to do dinner and he said yes. That date has yet to happen. I am not stupid. I am old and he is young. I am large and he is thin. There has to be some reason he chose a date with me and I am hoping it is money. I am not sure how he will respond when he finds out I have a BF and am a slut. He seems to pure and perfect. I don't want to hurt him and am thinking of just calling the whole thing off. I want him really bad but at the same time I don't want to hurt him as I know I will never leave the BF for him. As I don't normally meet this kind of upper middle class guy, I am not sure how to broach the subject with him. Part for selfish reasons. But, I have not lied to him. I asked him if he had a BF and he said no. He never asked me. I would not have lied if he asked. I guess that omission is almost the same as lying. Do I fess up immediately or keep the courtship going? The kiss was amazing and I can tell he is full of passion waiting to explode. KhorTose 1 Quote
KhorTose Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 One thing I do not understand is why having a boyfriend, you have no intention of leaving and yet having sex with others. makes you a some kind of slut. As long your BF is okay with this arrangement, and you are both up front about it with each other, how does that diminish what you feel for each other or make your love for each other any less real? That said, I think it is noble of you to worry about hurting this guy. Yes, I read that you desire him a lot, but you don't want to hurt him. Duhhhh, haven't you already answered your own question? Yes, tell him about the BF and explain your relationship is open, and you each see other people from time to time. Just stop there, there is no need to pop a question about sex. At the end of your dinner invite him somewhere like a good cabaret or Karoke bar or some other public place that he might enjoy. Somehow, I think during the evening you will find out if he is still interested. If he seems to be you can go for it with a clear conscience, if not you have had a delightful evening. Quote
Gaybutton Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Do I fess up immediately or keep the courtship going? Fess up to what? You met him, spent some time with him, and now you're planning to spend time with him again, hoping for a "happy ending." I don't see what there is to fess up to. You're not exactly engaged to this guy. You've only just met him. How long have you even known him? A few hours. For all you know he might also have a boyfriend and if your description of him is accurate, he probably does. How can you view this as a courtship in just a few hours? Do you think he views it as a courtship? If he asks, I wouldn't lie, but I wouldn't volunteer anything either unless it looks like this is going to go a lot further. At this point I don't see why you feel like you owe him an explanation about anything. My opinion is to see where this is going before you worry about fessing up. The only exception I would make at this point would be if he asks or if he fesses up to you first. Quote
fedssocr Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 You asked if he had a bf. Did you also ask if he had a girlfriend? Maybe he is married... I think honesty is usually the best policy. You obviously feel guilty or it is weighing on your conscience. So I think you need to unburden yourself. You just need to be prepared for all of the possible outcomes. Maybe he will be relieved to find out you are not looking to marry him on the spot. Maybe he will be unhappy. You can't know that at this point. Maybe he will want to have sex with you, maybe not. But I think your instincts about treating him with some respect are good. The world could use a lot more of that in general. Quote
Guest lvdkeyes Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I have to agree with fedsscor. Lying by omission is still lying and we all know that lying hurts someone in the end. The longer the lie goes on, the worse the hurt. I think it is much better to be upfront with him right away and let things go where they may after that. Quote
firecat69 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Your problem is too much time spent in Pattaya. It is something new for you to discover gay boys who do not work in the sex business. I am sure in BKK there are many more gay boys not in the sex business then there are those who are gay for pay. I am sure that is not the case in Pattaya. It is also easy to just think how much with no strings. This is harder. It requires dating etc. These things I know you are familiar with but have pushed them aside for a long time. You also forget that you are a charming fellow who has led an interesting life and continues to do so. You have visited many of the places that I am sure he hopes to visit. He finds you interesting and different. I am sure he is wondering what will happen next. The BF issue is easy since I know the BF doesn't mind if you have someone else (well #1 doesn't) #2 is another story LOL. You are not likely to hurt this kid. Anyone who is that good looking (remember I saw him) has given his heart and had it broken a few times. I would be more worried about your heart being broken!! Quote
Guest thaiworthy Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 In a way, you sound just like me, the oldest high school girl in the world. "He loves me, he loves me not?" I agree with all the responses given, but one thing leaves me puzzled. You said you are large and he is thin. You have posted pictures of yourself and I don't remember that you were "large." If he is thin, does large make you fat? You are in shape from what I have seen of you. My God, you do bike marathons! Why are making this comparison? No one is that perfect and I think you are infatuated. If this were me, people would say "get your head out of the clouds," but I think you really know better anyway. It would be trite to say "think with your head and not your penis," because you already know that. I do wish you the best of luck. And BTW, invite him to be a contributing member of gaythailand.com forum! Quote
Guest Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Thanks for the advice guys. I appreciate it. I will tell him. I guess I am more worried that he'll find out I hang out in the gogo bars and into that scene as opposed to the stuff he likes. But, we will see. I'm seeing him this weekend and have had a few texts from him today as well. Quote
PattayaMale Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Wait!! I am heavy too. I would be happy to take your place and save you any problems. You can thank me later Where will I meet up with him?? Quote
Gaybutton Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I seem to be the only one who thinks you shouldn't say anything. Ok, good luck. Let us know what ends up happening. Quote
Guest rainwalker Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I am not sure how he will respond when he finds out I ..... am a slut. Slut is such a harsh word; I prefer to think of you as a man of easy virtue. Quote
Guest Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Wait!! I am heavy too. I would be happy to take your place and save you any problems. You can thank me later Where will I meet up with him?? Let me just thank you now. Much appreciated. You are such a generous man. I seem to be the only one who thinks you shouldn't say anything. Ok, good luck. Let us know what ends up happening. Thanks. I will keep you informed. He said something about an art show. Do they have those in Thailand? Thank goodness he didn't say dart show (those of you who go to soi Nana will know about those). Slut is such a harsh word; I prefer to think of you as a man of easy virtue. Ah, a true gentleman you are Rainwalker. I much prefer your words to mine. Quote
Guest fountainhall Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I would be happy to take your place and save you any problems Shoot! PattayMale beat me to it! But I live in Bangkok . . . . Quote
Guest Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 And the answer is: Last night I went to bed and left my phone in living room. He called late and the BF answered. The text message that followed was not nice and needless to say no more meeting. Paragon Perfect is HISTORY. Lesson learned. But, Paragon is still the best place in Bangkok to meet guys. IMHO Quote
Gaybutton Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I'm sorry it worked out that way, but just as well. If you had fessed up in his presence, he might have gone into a hissy fit and created a scene you could most likely do without. I'm surprised at the jealousy reaction on his part so early in the game. Since he speaks good English, I wonder why he didn't ask to speak to you for some sort of explanation. I'm curious as to what your bf and this guy actually said to each other. Your bf could have been anybody. He could have been a plumber fixing a leaky faucet for all he knew. What about your bf? Was he angry with you too? It would not have been a day brightener if you lost both guys at the same time. Maybe next time you should answer your own phone. Quote
Guest Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 What about your bf? Was he angry with you too? It would not have been a day brightener if you lost both guys at the same time. Maybe next time you should answer your own phone. My BF does not care in the least and knew about the meeting. I am very very honest with him about everything. It was obvious as it was very late when he called and he asked who was speaking and the BF told him his name. They chatted and I guess it was obvious. The BF would not intentionally mess it up. He thought it was a friend from Pattaya calling him. I hate answering my phone. The BF answers it most of the time when the ID is not programmed into the phone. Why? I don't want to talk to someone whose number is not programmed in as most only want one thing and that is a "date." I learned over the years to just give out the BF's phone number to my tricks as they will end up talking to him anyway. I have few that know my number. A few regular guys I have known and when they want to see me they call me and the BF answers and says I am asleep or whatever. I can't think of anytime the BF was angry with me. This would be insignificant to him. Quote
Gaybutton Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 The BF answers it most of the time when the ID is not programmed into the phone. There's where you went wrong. What I think you should have done would have been to program in his number when you gave him yours. That way you would have known who it was and could have fessed up when you thought the moment was right. Since he did call, now your phone has his number, unless you already wiped the number. You still have the option, then, of waiting a couple days for him to cool down and try calling him again. The worse that could happen is he'll speak angrily to you and hang up on you. You seem so taken with him that you have nothing to lose by trying. Quote
Guest lvdkeyes Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 There's where you went wrong. Actually, where I think you went wrong was by not being open and honest right from the start. Quote
KhorTose Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 You still have the option, then, of waiting a couple days for him to cool down and try calling him again. The worse that could happen is he'll speak angrily to you and hang up on you. You seem so taken with him that you have nothing to lose by trying. That is not a bad idea. I am puzzled at why he got so upset. Why would he think you would be alone just waiting for his call? As another poster pointed out you are not that bad looking, and I just find it hard to believe that any gay guy in Thailand would expect you to be alone late on any given night. Something seems wrong with this whole picture. This boy does not sound that charming to me. Quote
Guest Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 There's where you went wrong. What I think you should have done would have been to program in his number when you gave him yours. That way you would have known who it was and could have fessed up when you thought the moment was right. Since he did call, now your phone has his number, unless you already wiped the number. You still have the option, then, of waiting a couple days for him to cool down and try calling him again. The worse that could happen is he'll speak angrily to you and hang up on you. You seem so taken with him that you have nothing to lose by trying. I agree and will give it a few days and a few texts and try again. Actually, where I think you went wrong was by not being open and honest right from the start. Yes, I agree. I was honest. Kinda. Sorta. Nit Noi. I didn't lie. I just didn't share all information. This boy does not sound that charming to me. Thanks my dear. Let me assure you, he is charming or I would not be smitten. But, you know how much attitude all the superstars have. Diva to the max. Quote
Guest lvdkeyes Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I was honest. Kinda. Sorta. Nit Noi. I didn't lie. I just didn't share all information. I am not saying you are a liar, but not telling the whole truth (when you knew why you didn't) is not being completely honest. It's the same as if a guy is in a relationship and cheats on his partner and doesn't tell him. It is dishonest, even though he didn't lie. Quote
Gaybutton Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I didn't lie. I just didn't share all information. If he says something like, "Why you not tell me you have boy?", you can always reply with, "You never asked." Quote
Guest fountainhall Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Actually, where I think you went wrong was by not being open and honest right from the start This is always a tricky one. I spent years trying to teach an ex-bf (who was Taiwanese) that it is not always essential to tell someone the whole truth - especially if it is something the person does not need to know and/or if he is aware the truth might hurt that person unnecessarily. I added he should never lie and risk losing his credibility, but he was never able to differentiate between the two. I didn't lie. I just didn't share all information I agree with GT. After more years of experience than I care to remember, I do happen to believe that telling the whole truth in all situations is both unnecessary and will most likely have unfortunate consequences, the more so when no question has been asked, Perhaps this is due to spending 30 years working in Asia and trying to win round Boards and business colleagues to my way of thinking. I long ago realised that selecting which truths to reveal and which truths to withhold is often the only way to get things done. The same is true with relationships. It takes tremendous faith for two people to be totally transparent with one other. This may come with time, but in the early stages, I suggest the truth has to be managed quite carefully, especially if you really like someone. Granted, this requires some mental juggling - and this is where GT perhaps slipped up, As already discussed, his problem arose because he gave out his number and then the bf answered. Had he realised this mght happen, I believe he should have selected that part of the truth to reveal to Mr. Paragon. Alternatively, if he wanted to postpone a discussion on that part of the truth, he should have mentally fipped through the likely conseqences prior to giving out that number. (Or get another very private phone B) ) Wish I'd had this problem, tho' Quote
Gaybutton Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I do happen to believe that telling the whole truth in all situations is both unnecessary and will most likely have unfortunate consequences, the more so when no question has been asked I agree with that. Telling the whole truth is too simple an approach, in my opinion. Part of what has to be weighed is how the recipient of that truth is likely to interpret it. Will he see the truth the same way you see it? I think there is a big difference between being totally truthful and being naive. There is something about "the big picture" that comes into play when deciding what to reveal, how much of it to reveal, and how you'll reveal it. Quote
Guest lvdkeyes Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 When the boy was asked if he had a bf and he said "No", the best thing would have been to say, "I have a bf, but we are in an open relationship." This would give the boy the opportunity to bow out or to agree to meet. It would have spared the boy being hurt; his anger was a defense mechanism to cover his hurt. Quote
