To Adventure or Not to Adventure?

[TotallyOz]

I have been with the boyfriend for 5 years. I adore him and think he is the most amazing person to step into my life in decades (or at least 5 years and in the LOS). We get along well but have little in common (other than we both he is adorable). I love going to bars and hanging out. He loves playing video games and riding fast motorcycles. I am a computer geek and like taking things slow while he always feels the need for speed.

 

I wanted us to do more things together that were special and I envisioned this trip with him on a bicycle for 2 weeks. I asked him about him many months ago and he said he wasn’t interested. We talked about it for a while and he wasn’t sure he would be able to do it. It finally came down to he just said that he didn’t want to do a bicycle trip that maintains about 90 or so kilometers per day. I understood that and finally gave up. Then, sitting in America missing his smile and his devilish demeanor, I knew I just have to have him with me when I did this bicycle trip. I sent him a text message and said, “Please go on bicycle trip with me.” He responded, “OK.”

 

I was ecstatic. I thought I had won the lottery. I was almost jumping up and down for joy. Then my sister said to me, “You are fucking nuts. He didn’t want to do the trip and you are going to have the most miserable 2 weeks of your life.” I dismissed this and decided that the trip would be good for him and he would be able to tough this out for 2 weeks. I then started my victory dance again.

 

A few weeks later I was in San Francisco and was doing the Annual Aids Lifecycle Bicycle Ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles for the 3rd year. The event rasised money for the SF Aids Crisis Center and the LA Gay and Lesbian Community Center. Since the state of California is having a terrible time this year financially, the cut backs to services provided by these organizations have been drastically cut. I had raised the 3k dollars needed for the event thanks to friends and family and I spent 2 months in Los Angeles preparing for the ride. On day 1 of the ride, we had a consistent uphill that seemed to last forever. I think the upward sloop went for about 50 or more miles. At least that is what my body was telling me. As I made it up the last incline of the day I thought back a great deal to the boyfriend and how much of a struggle he would have on a trip like this. I was absolutely miserable and thoughts of vanishing into an airport and flying to an exotic location were in my mind. The only thing that stopped me from checking into some hotel for a week and getting a daily massage was the fact that so many friends had donated money to make this event possible for me. It was on this first day that I knew I could not ask the boyfriend to do a bicycle ride with me and how totally unfair it was to ask him to attempt something like this. I called my sister and told her she was right. As usual, she said she knew that, as she was always right.

 

So for the next 7 days I keep trekking on my bike and I kept cursing. As always, when the event was over, I was thrilled I did it. But the 7 days and 550 miles that it took really did take a toll on my body and my mind. That was less than 2 weeks ago.

 

Now, I am in LOS and the boyfriend said he would do the ride with me. The ride starts this weekend. It is a charity event that benefits the Thailand Blind Institute, which is a great organization. I told him I wanted it to be “up to him” and he should not go for me. He has thought about this for the week I have been here already and decided he wants to do the ride. I don’t want him to hate me or to have a miserable experience. He is a street fighter and I am sure he would be fine in a 4-minute brawl. But I am not sure if I am setting him up for defeat. I have told him how hard the journey would be and how I would love to have him with me but I also made clear that he should not go in order to make me happy. I try to sound convincing when I say this.

 

He still says he wants to go and give it a try. He is not prepared for this physically. He smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. I don’t want him to hate the adventure or me.

 

What should I do? Should I try to talk him out of going? Should I let him attempt this? If there are days he can’t make the full ride there are support vehicles that will take him but he will be on a journey with a group of farangs and none of his friends. This really is a dilemma for me as I adore him and only want great things for him but I am not sure if I have made a mistake in not telling him just to stay home and I’ll be back in 2 weeks. Any advice?

 

[Guest buckeroo2]

I only read through this once and there did not seem to be any dilemma. I think you know the right thing to - do but will the brain win out over the heart?

[Guest Oogleman]

Let him go but have an escape plan for him if he really hates it after day one.

 

Who knows - he might just love it !

 

When i used to do marathons and long distance ( 100 mile plus) organised walks i used to think when i finished each day that i hated it and swear never again, but i always went back for more. The camaraderie and feeling of achievement were like addictive drugs.

[Guest laurence]

Any advice?

 

Like others wrote, give him one day and an exit plan. Even when I was young, in my 20s, I could never ride more than 20 miles on a bike. To you that may sound like nothing, but it does take experience and stamina to be a long distance rider.

 

[Gaybutton]

Let him go but have an escape plan for him if he really hates it after day one.

Oogleman is right. You left it up to him and he said he wants to try it. So, let him try it and let him know if he wants to bow out at some point there is no problem about it. I'd say to let him make up his own mind. Based on your description of him, I'd also say if he wants to bow out, that's exactly what he'll do.

[Guest]

Even at 20, you can't just jump on a bicycle and do long distances.

 

For a start, your need to acclimatise your posterior to the saddle by doing a few shorter distances.

If he can do that fine, if not it's best not to bother.

 

[Guest RichLB]

I'm afraid I have to agree with z909. I doubt his stamina, legs, or lungs will be the problem, but even if he has excellent biking shorts, he's undoubtedly going to get chafed in the rear end. Even worse, given Thai pride, he may not say anything about it until an infection sets in - he won't want to lose face.

 

Have you thought of seeing if he can help in the sag wagon somehow? That might allow him to go with you and not launch on to an adventure I doubt he (or anyone else who hasn't biked long distance) really comprehends.

 

I vote discourage him from going on the trip.

[PattayaMale]

Would it make sense to take him on a ride around Pattaya that includes some hills and some narrow roads first (Like tomorrow) and see what he thinks then. Since he is a beginner, there would probably be no problem as RICHLB suggested in letting him ride a bit and help out in the safety vehicle. That way when you do your next trip he will be more confident in his decision. It may well turn out that he enjoys doing it.

 

So I vote to have him try a medium trip first, let him ride a few miles each day on the trip, and help out in the safety vehicle. There is no face loss in doing that. Let the others know he is a beginner and has not trained enough yet. I am sure they all would understand and would be happy to have him along.

 

To just tell him it is hard and try to discourage him after he has thought about doing the trip seems a bit....wrong.

[Guest]

Thanks for all the suggestions. It is very much appreciated. I did listen to all and it gives me some great points of view and had me thinking all night and today. The BF and I chatted for an hour today. He wants to do the trip and I think he will be fine but only time will tell. I won't allow him to hurt himself or fail and I'll work hard to make sure the trip is a success for both of us. I'll keep you all informed with pics and a journal on the way. I am quite excited to see Issan and spend a 2 week adventure there!

 

 

This 11-day tour will include 8 days of riding (760 kilometers/470 miles) and 3 days of rest, relaxation, and sightseeing.

 

Ride from Nong Khai to Pak Khat (63 Miles/101 KM)

Ride from Pak Khat to Beung Khan (40 Miles/64 KM)

Ride from Beung Khan to Ban Peung (57 Miles/92 KM)

Ride from Ban Peung to Nakhon Panom (62 Miles/99 KM)

Day Off in Nakhon Panom

Ride from Nakhon Panom to Mukdahan (68 Miles/110 KM)

Ride from Mukdahan to Khemarat (56 Miles/91 KM)

Ride from Khemarat to Khong Chiam (72 Miles/117 KM)

Ride from Khong Chiam to Ubon Rathchathani (52 Miles/84 KM)

Day Off in Ubon Ratchathani to see the Candle Festival Parade

 

[PattayaMale]

not to be picky, but one rest day is missing, I think

[Guest]

not to be picky, but one rest day is missing, I think

 

Dammit. I'm American. Ever heard of fuzzy math?

 

Actually, we will take a few days to get there and a few on the way back. We will also stop in Surin and stopping in Buri Ram to visit Wat Phanom Rung and another local Khmer Ruin Temple close by.

 

I think we stay at the Candle festival for an extra day as well. So, yes, yes, I think that actually adds up to more days of sightseeing than riding but hell, I must have some fun for myself too.

 

I didn't really get into the detail of what the clincher was for the BF to go on the trip, but I did make a fantastic accommodation that made him jump for joy!

[Guest Hedda]

You guys are too funny. Thanks for all the laughs on this thread. Reminds me of the last time I watched The Truman Show.

[Bob]

You guys are too funny. Thanks for all the laughs on this thread. Reminds me of the last time I watched The Truman Show.

 

GT, why don't you take Hedda with you? Helmet-less, of course....

[Guest]

You guys are too funny. Thanks for all the laughs on this thread. Reminds me of the last time I watched The Truman Show.

 

Thank you my dear. My only enjoyment in life is to entertain.

 

Bob, I would love to take Hedda on a trip. I think he is more the Paris type than the bicycle dirt road type, but I've been known to be wrong in the past at least once or twice.

 

PS Lvdkeys and GB, please no counting. I know you both know at least a few hundred times you THINK I've been wrong.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

PS Lvdkeys please no counting. I know you both know at least a few hundred times you THINK I've been wrong.

I would never tell.

[Gaybutton]

I know you both know at least a few hundred times you THINK I've been wrong.

I don't think you've ever been wrong. Just mistaken.

 

[Gaybutton]

Somehow I can't help but visualize GT riding through the countryside as follows:

 

[Guest laurence]

I can! But only in his red dress.

[Guest Astrrro]

Don't take him on the trip. My take is that he doesn't really want to go but is only going to please you.

 

I'm guessing he's a fit guy but has never biked before. This is not the way to start biking IMHO.

[Bob]

I just thought it was strange that you'd ask us. Given you and he know more about it than any of us, my opinion would be that you and he decide. Have fun either way.

 

 

[Guest]

Thanks for the video clip. I am so glad you all now see me in "red dresses" all the time. I guess I'll just have to show up to the next Pattaya event in "full attire." GB, if I do, will you be my date? I so love a manly man!

 

 

The decision for the trip is made and we are set to go. It may be a huge mistake or a wonderful time. Only time will tell at this point. I asked for advice as I had about 24 hours to make his payment for the trip and I had tried to talk him out of it. Once I told him I thought it would not be a good idea for him to go, he got even more determined to prove me wrong. He is a 100 percent Alpha male and makes all his own decisions. I have some influences but lets face it, he is the boss in the relationship and I realized this years ago. He has me under his spell and there is little I could do to change his mind about anything.