Guest lvdkeyes Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 News Headlines Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Miners Refuse to Work after Death Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant War Dims Hope for Peace If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Quote
Guest fountainhall Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 A favourite true story is the headline from a newspaper in the north east of Scotland when news of the Titanic's sinking broke: "North-East Man Lost At Sea" It takes parochialism to new depths Quote
Gaybutton Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I love these kinds of things. I found some more: _____ Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty. Alzheimer's Center Prepares For An Affair To Remember Gas Cloud Clears Out Taco Bell Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club Members Meet Georgia Peaches California Grown 89 Cents lb. The Boston Globe ran a story on the Ford/Volvo deal. The headline was "Have You Driven a Fjord Lately?" Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty Man Jumps off 2nd Street Bridge Neither Jumper Nor Body Found After Detour To California Shuttle Returns To Earth Fried Chicken Cooked In Microwave Wins Trip Woman Improving After Fatal Crash Properly Drafted Will Reduces Anxiety After Death Study Reveals Those Without Insurance Die More Often Experts Increase Probability of Big Quake in California Man Found Dead In Cemetery Gunfire In Sarajevo Threatens Cease-fire Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half New Vaccine May Contain Rabies Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax Eye Drops Off Shelf Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin Gators To Face Seminoles With Peters Out (The Tallahassee Bugle) Governor Chiles Offers Rare Opportunity To Goose Hunters (The Tallahassee Democrat) Governor's Penis Busy [should be "Pen Is"] (The New Haven, Connecticut Register) Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation He was asked if he contemplated any further act of matrimony. 'Certainly' was his evasive reply. New York World Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance. Mr. and Mrs. Wally Burman of Sioux Falls have just arrived at the Lindau home where they will be housepests for several days. - Minnesota paper If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While Include Your Children when Baking Cookies Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant Stolen Painting Found by Tree Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 War Dims Hope for Peace If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Times in 10 Years Latin Course To Be Canceled—No Interest Among Students, Et Al. Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Long Island Stiffens For Lili's Blow (Newsday) Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge Marijuana Issue Sent To A Joint Committee (Toronto Star headline) Married Priests In Catholic Church A Long Time Coming (The New Haven, Connecticut Register) Messiah Climaxes In Chorus Of Hallelujahs (The Anchorage, Alaska Times) Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One Organ Festival Ends In Smashing Climax (San Antonio Times) Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Publicize your business absolutely free! Send $6. (Entrepreneur Magazine ad) Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges Rose Petroleum Jelly Keeps Idle Tools Rust-free (Chicago Daily News) Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted Some 40% of female gas station employees in Metro Detroit are women, up from almost none a year ago. (Detroit News article) Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Starr Aghast At First Lady Sex Position (The Washington Times) Stolen Painting Found by Tree Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents Teacher Strikes Idle Kids Thanks To President Clinton, Staff Sgt. Fruer Now Has A Son The public is to be allowed to inspect the Crematorium on Sundays. Other amusements will be found advertised in the local press. Canadian Paper Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead War Dims Hope for Peace Would She Climb To The Top Of Mr. Everest Again? Absolutely! (The Houston Chronicle) Textron Inc. Makes Offer To Screw Company Stockholders (The Miami Herald) Quote
