Humiliation on a new level

[vinapu]

On 2/8/2024 at 5:07 AM, Keithambrose said:

Mind you, I was visiting friends in San Francisco, and buying some wine in a Safeway.  I was asked for ID, to show I was over 21! I am 72, and have white hair! !

it was probably just automated move by the clerk without thinking.

reminds me visit to bank when clerk asked me ' how are you ?' and I answered ' not good, going to funeral right after that ' to which she responded ' have a nice day"

[khaolakguy]

Humiliation in the title of this thread seems a little excessive. Surely just part of life's amusements?

[Keithambrose]

12 hours ago, vinapu said:

it was probably just automated move by the clerk without thinking.

reminds me visit to bank when clerk asked me ' how are you ?' and I answered ' not good, going to funeral right after that ' to which she responded ' have a nice day"

The automatic response is annoying. I was asked in Florida, how I was. I said not good, my mother just died!  (Not true, i was feeling mischievous)The response? Have a nice day!

[vinapu]

to avoid routine sometimes when somebody I'm on friendly terms with asks me '  how are you ?" , my response is ' who cares ? ' or even more up to the point " none of your business "

[xpaulo]

On 2/7/2024 at 5:49 PM, Mavica said:

a direct complaint to the hotel manager is in order

Definitely, if she did it to you, she's doing it to others. If it's a hotel chain they're going to be concerned about lawsuits and I think more likely to do something about it. She may also escalate her discrimination as time goes on to the point of calling police. She could do it anonymously and embellish to get police attention. They'd realize it was untrue right away, but having them knocking on somebody's hotel room door late at night would be humiliating.

[NIrishGuy]

39 minutes ago, xpaulo said:

Definitely, if she did it to you, she's doing it to others. She may also escalate her discrimination 

The receptionist did nothing wrong, assuming she handled things in a professional discrete way and didn't scream her question all over the lobby then she's both entitled to ask and also should be congratulated for bothering.  in an way you should consider yourself lucky as it makes a change from the opposite where my BF gets asked in gay bars "so, where did you dig HIM up from!' 🙂

[xpaulo]

17 minutes ago, NIrishGuy said:

The receptionist did nothing wrong

From the description of what happened, I don't see how anybody would think it was sex trafficking, unless the employee is just disgusted by older men with younger men.

[RockHardNYC]

6 hours ago, NIrishGuy said:

in an way you should consider yourself lucky as it makes a change from the opposite where my BF gets asked in gay bars "so, where did you dig HIM up from!'

Tackiness, rudeness, and arrogance runs deep in the gay community, especially in "gay bars." Oftentimes, it comes extremely LOUD. That might explain why I haven't been in a "gay bar" in years. In a place like NYC, where gays are everywhere, there are SO MANY elegant, comfortable places to have a drink. One doesn't have to subject himself to uneducated, unsophisticated, or worse, drunk gays.

When it comes to enjoying a great cocktail, I'm a total snob.

[unicorn]

11 hours ago, xpaulo said:

From the description of what happened, I don't see how anybody would think it was sex trafficking, unless the employee is just disgusted by older men with younger men.

That was my sense. My fiance's name was on the reservation, so it's not as if I was sneaking him in. He does not look at all like a minor. We've gone to countless hotels around the world (and US), and never been so questioned. 

[RockHardNYC]

7 hours ago, unicorn said:

never been so questioned

I absolutely hate to say it, but we're in a post-Trump/maga world now. More and more people are saying things out loud that have long been considered nasty and/or inappropriate. Sadly, it's impossible to put that cat back into the bag. She's out and proud, and more ignorant and arrogant than ever. What was once a quiet curiosity is now an in-your-face prejudice, intended to provoke a reaction, usually negative. I call it a social power-play, for desperately unhappy, unsatisfied people. We have no choice now but to always be on-guard, especially when you travel. The crazy airline stories we hear about now are completely out of control.

This thread reminds me of an episode I had with a longtime neighbor. We are not close friends, but for decades, I've been friendly with her. She's a smart, cool, hippy-ish, native New Yorker, a bit older than me. One summer, our building doorman was on vacation, and management hired a young, gay, Latino twink type to stand in. He absolutely looked like he might have been eighteen years old, fresh out of high school. He was adorable. I'll call him Louis.

Louis had terrific gaydar, and expertly charmed his way into my focus. He was an extremely good doorman, which will always catch my attention, but he was also very funny and flirtatious with me. I love funny, flirtatious men, gay or straight, so an instant bond had been created. One evening, Louis and I were talking in the lobby about his life, and my neighbor appeared from the elevator. She saw me and sat down next to me to chat. She had a few minutes to observe my interactions with Louis, who never ended his flirtatious flitting. At one quiet point she turned to me and whispered, "Is Louis your type?" I was aghast. It suddenly dawned on me, after knowing this woman for almost thirty years, we never had a conversation about my being gay. She knew almost nothing about that side of my life. I was horrified that she might think I was sexually turned on by young twinks, young enough to be my grandson.

I responded, "Absolutely not. However, I do love being in the presence of promising young people. I try to work with young people all the time, because I enjoy their company. Louis is a special charmer. I would hire him."

I'm not sure she was satisfied with that answer. She witnessed our unique "gay" chemistry, and I'm sure she imagined us in some daddy-fetish porn scene, and couldn't escape that image in her head.

Here I was being completely honest with her about a personal subject that was none of her business. And without mentioning anything sexual, I tried to convey that I'm not sexually attracted to very young men, and I hate the idea of having a type. I felt hopeless in the moment, because no matter how careful my words, I was going to sound defensive, which would make me sound as though I might be lying. The awkwardness of that moment stayed with me for a very long time. That is why I said earlier, you can NEVER totally control what others might think about you. The mind can be a crazy thing, and sometimes you will be challenged to think on your feet.

 

[xpaulo]

1 hour ago, RockHardNYC said:

More and more people are saying things out loud

That's for sure. Anti-gay stuff is all over social media now in Canada. We had a series of "Save the Children" marches in Canada in the fall.... you can guess who the children needed to be saved from. The usual radical Christians/right wing bigots were joined by Muslim gay haters which was a first. They provided comments like, "they're disgusting, they should be dead," and "they have no human rights, they're not human, they're animals." As for the white bigots, they're using gays/trans as targets for now because they're easy to go after without much blowback, but it will spread to more severe racially motivated attacks and against women.

[vinapu]

3 hours ago, RockHardNYC said:

ed. One evening, Louis and I were talking in the lobby about his life, and my neighbor appeared from the elevator. She saw me and sat down next to me to chat. She had a few minutes to observe my interactions with Louis, who never ended his flirtatious flitting. At one quiet point she turned to me and whispered, "Is Louis your type?"

good fences are making good neighbours

[Olddaddy]

4 hours ago, xpaulo said:

That's for sure. Anti-gay stuff is all over social media now in Canada. We had a series of "Save the Children" marches in Canada in the fall.... you can guess who the children needed to be saved from. The usual radical Christians/right wing bigots were joined by Muslim gay haters which was a first. They provided comments like, "they're disgusting, they should be dead," and "they have no human rights, they're not human, they're animals." As for the white bigots, they're using gays/trans as targets for now because they're easy to go after without much blowback, but it will spread to more severe racially motivated attacks and against women.

Ah yes we had this in Australia last year  too , Christians joining Muslims to protest against gay people and even walking through gay areas .

I have no time for any religion

[Olddaddy]

4 hours ago, xpaulo said:

As for the white bigots, they're using gays/trans as targets for now because

There's no black bigots against gays ?they're all white ?

[xpaulo]

40 minutes ago, Olddaddy said:

they're all white

I was talking about these marches that were occurring in Canada, they were probably about 99.9 percent white and just before the Hamas attack in Israel they were joined by members of a national Muslim association who were probably 99.9 percent brown. Please don't start looking for things that aren't there. I'm pretty sure there are bigots in every race.

[xpaulo]

49 minutes ago, Olddaddy said:

I have no time for any religion

There was sort of an unspoken arrangement in Canada where most people just minded their own business and left others alone. In Canada I think it was mainly only a hardcore wing of the Catholic Church that openly spoke against rights on issues like gay marriage and abortion. But now a lot more people are open about hating gays, hating immigrants and hating women who want freedom from patriarchy.

[unicorn]

15 minutes ago, xpaulo said:

There was sort of an unspoken arrangement in Canada where most people just minded their own business and left others alone...

I feel a song coming on...

 

[xpaulo]

39 minutes ago, unicorn said:

feel a song

There you go for next time straight from Britney, the voice of a generation... "mind your business, bitch."

[Olddaddy]

2 hours ago, xpaulo said:

There was sort of an unspoken arrangement in Canada where most people just minded their own business and left others alone. In Canada I think it was mainly only a hardcore wing of the Catholic Church that openly spoke against rights on issues like gay marriage and abortion. But now a lot more people are open about hating gays, hating immigrants and hating women who want freedom from patriarchy.

Unfortunately the "left "or Antifa are only blaming the Christian groups never the "religion of peace" (Muslim) 

I haven't got time for any religion actually 

 

[Riobard]

On 2/7/2024 at 8:59 AM, unicorn said:

No, he does not look underage. He does use Botox, so he doesn't have wrinkles, … 

Is it just me or does this not come across as plum sad at such a young age, notwithstanding personal autonomy and the realization that I just myself inserted a values judgement.   Assuming it’s cosmetic, speaks volumes about the unfortunate trend of body dysmorphia and the difficulty of influencing those subject to it. Looking in the mirror at any age and feeling humiliation or anxiety about life’s natural course is the story here. I hope he doesn’t subsequently bear a greater burden of the inevitable debt we all pay the piper. 

[unicorn]

38 minutes ago, Riobard said:

Is it just me or does this not come across as plum sad at such a young age, notwithstanding personal autonomy and the realization that I just myself inserted a values judgement.   Assuming it’s cosmetic, speaks volumes about the unfortunate trend of body dysmorphia...

What you said is true, though Botox use is very common in LA, especially in the gay community. It costs him about $300 every 6 months, so not an huge expense. 

[vinapu]

38 minutes ago, unicorn said:

What you said is true, though Botox use is very common in LA, especially in the gay community. It costs him about $300 every 6 months, so not an huge expense. 

600 a year ! It's half of my recent airfare to BKK. I wouldn't call it small change

[Marc in Calif]

1 hour ago, unicorn said:

 

And let's not forget that a plum can eventually become a dried-up old prune with the right care and attention!

[unicorn]

3 hours ago, vinapu said:

600 a year ! It's half of my recent airfare to BKK. I wouldn't call it small change

We don't know how far you are from BKK... 😉

[Riobard]

On 2/22/2024 at 3:26 PM, vinapu said:

600 a year ! It's half of my recent airfare to BKK. I wouldn't call it small change

Now that’s raisin awareness to new heights. I’m a fruit that would have had to start very young and break the piggy bank, but there is the advantage of priority boarding access if aged whining finely enough.