Should we be ashamed to meeting younger men ?

[Olddaddy]

Im just going to get to the point here with this post

So many comments on tiktok older men meeting young guys for friends or casual hookups are classified as P 

In your moral opinion is it ok for a 60yo to meet a 20yo for coffee or friends 

I know in Thailand it's ok but in the West 

 

 

[t0oL1]

Coffee is ok but in the USA- Grindr cream is expensive!

[Boy69]

The age difference between me and my Colombian boyfriend is more than 30 years I love him and he loves me why should we be ashamed ?

[scott456]

It is your personal issue wether you feel ashamed or not.  But you know how people think of you screwing asians that are your grandsons age.

Many people do controversial things in their lives, some of them feel ashamed, some don't.   However, the society as a whole do have negative views on these controversial people though. 

[revengeboo]

In short, no.  Enjoy 😊 

[reader]

7 hours ago, scott456 said:

 However, the society as a whole do have negative views on these controversial people though. 

If you live your life in fear of what others think and in denial of yourself, your latter years will be marked by regret and self-hated.

[a-447]

My behaviour does not harm anyone - in fact, we both benefit from the transaction.

So nothing to be ashamed of.

[Marc in Calif]

9 hours ago, Olddaddy said:

So many comments on tiktok... 

Why in the world are you concerned about comments on TikTok? 🤡

[Lucky]

10 hours ago, Olddaddy said:

Im just going to get to the point here with this post

So many comments on tiktok older men meeting young guys for friends or casual hookups are classified as P 

In your moral opinion is it ok for a 60yo to meet a 20yo for coffee or friends 

I know in Thailand it's ok but in the West 

 

 

Do you have so much time on your hands that you indulge posts like this? If you find it objectionable, perhaps this isn't the site for you.

[PeterRS]

Absolutely not. It's not as though my much younger partner and I hold hands while walking down the street (although I have no problem with those who do that) or French kiss while waiting at a Skytrain station (which I have seen gay farang tourists do!) In Thailand I have never once had any problems. When an earlier Thai partner and I visited Venice 20 years ago, he was a little surprised that some others in the breakfast lounge tended to look at us. I asked him at which tables, whereafter I started to spend time staring at the people sitting at those particular tables. They soon stopped!

I am not on any social media platforms other than the gay apps. What people who read them think is their business. I could not be bothered in the slightest.

[caeron]

I feel a great deal of shame.

And I expect the virile, handsome young men to punish me for my nasty ways. Repeatedly.

[Tomtravel]

In Medellin fancy expat/tourist restaurant a m/f couple in early 30s (from US or UK I think) was really intensively staring me, my Colombian friend and our food. They were really close to us and I thought what an inappropriate behaviour in a small place. I asked the guy if he wants to try my food or? Then they stopped.

[Mavica]

14 hours ago, Olddaddy said:

In your moral opinion is it ok for a 60yo to meet a 20yo for coffee or friends 

Nothing wrong with it in the USA.

[12is12]

Tomtravel, it happened to me once. 

After getting my young companion's permission, I said to them (smilingly) something like: 

"I guess u r wondering why he is with me; is it just sex for money or more; how disgusting I m; etc..... right?"

They both blushed deeply, and apologized. (-:

[CurtisD]

21 hours ago, Olddaddy said:

Im just going to get to the point here with this post

So many comments on tiktok older men meeting young guys for friends or casual hookups are classified as P 

In your moral opinion is it ok for a 60yo to meet a 20yo for coffee or friends 

I know in Thailand it's ok but in the West 

 

 

Of course we shouldn’t feel ashamed. What rubbish!

It is not standard issue, but many things are not standard issue and conforming to other people’s norms is tiresome and limiting.

What matters is the same thing that matters in any connection with another person – is it honest, transparent, non-exploitative, respectful, caring, an equal exchange?

If it is not these things, then possibly we should be ashamed of ourselves. If it is these things for both parties, then it is a good thing.   

Many of my friends and family know about my relationship with Bangkok Guy. The initial reaction might be cautious, but after talking with him over Line, hearing me speak of him and seeing his photo around the house, its is accepted and now they ask about him. After seeing that it is a real friendship, they are fine.

I think people react to the vibe that is given off. They might stare initially because Spring/Autumn is not the norm, but once they see a friendship they are fine and they put away their judgmental faculties.

The same question can be put to the Spring part of the equation.

I asked Bangkok Guy what people thought about him having an old Falang boyfriend.

His first reaction was ‘you not old’, a nice piece of loyalty for which I thanked him and put aside. Then came the awkward body language indicating that there was something negative, because as he does not voice negative things it comes out as body language, and ‘I make my own decisions’. So clearly not everyone in his circle thinks our relationship is a good thing.   

He wants an older Falang boyfriend. He told me he had asked Buddha for one. ‘So Buddha lead me to you?’ “Yes” ‘I need to go to temple and talk to Buddha’, at which he looked alarmed until I continued ‘I need to say thank you’ which brought a big smile.

It came out that one of the things he prays for at temple is that I will love him, which led to a penny dropping.

Last time I asked him what he wanted for his birthday we went through the usual cycle from plain silly, because he likes pulling my chain (“Apartment building, that one there, is small, you can buy”. It was not small), through aspirational to see if I will bite (“Motorbike’, no I am too poor), to what he really wants “You give me money to go temple save cow”. Saving cow “Is for Lucky”.

I am afraid that the contrast between ‘motorbike’ and ‘save cow’ struck me as so wide that I almost fell off the bed trying not to laugh, while he watched tolerantly because sometimes with Falang that is all you can do.

The dropping penny was ‘When you save cow, what you pray for?’

A wickedly mischievous grin and with great conviction “Now you love me Long Time”.

I don’t think he is ashamed, and neither am I.

[fedssocr]

I stopped caring what busybodies I don't know think a long time ago. 

I am happy to spend time with my much younger friends/sugar babies in pretty much any venue. It's been my experience that most other people are too caught up in their own issues to care about how much younger my companion happens to be than I am. It's not like we're fucking in public so our relationship could be all sorts of different things.

[Ruthrieston]

Older women chasing younger men are called "cougars", and many young women are envious of them. So who cares what they really think, but jealousy sounds accurate to me.

[PeterRS]

Then there is the "Jennifer Syndrome" where an older married man ditches his wife to hook up with a much younger lady. People may give such a couple a look but that's all because it is now relatively common.

[Londoner]

Having struggled and failed to be straight in my younger days, I've always felt that I was "owed" a younger companion in my dotage. The more salient question is "should younger guys be embarrassed about being seen with us?" The issue of them  being seen as  mbs arises.

I recall the first time I accompanied P. outside Boyztown, not sure how I would feel in his company and how he would feel about being seen with me. it was painless for both and this has remained so for twenty years from Chiang Rai to Krabi.

A significant moment occurred after  three years when we attended a temple fair across the road from Boyztown. He insisted on holding my hand- something we always do now- and I was a surprised that he, a devout Buddhist, chose to do so there of all places. It may have been a significant decision on his part because I remember his participating in some devotions  while I watched. 

[Boy69]

7 minutes ago, Londoner said:

I was a surprised that he, a devout Buddhist, chose to do so there of all places. It may have been a significant decision on his part because I remember his participating in some devotions  while I watched. 

Buddhism has nothing against same gender relationships.

[Londoner]

That is indeed true. And thank God for it.

P. was, in those days  a regular at the  Dammakaya Temple (DMK) in Bangkok- like many of the Pattaya guys- and had told me that there was degree of ambivalence on the issue in its teachings.    

P's family know that he is gay (not to mention me!) but in rural communities, what is known is not always mentioned and certainly not displayed. I still think P. was making a statement that evening.

[scott456]

I think if (that's if) there is any shame, it would be on the younger person, certainly not the older person.  In heterosexual world, you see plenty of older men(rich celebrities and politicians too) who proudly present their much younger wives to the public.  I once knew an Asian guy who was 25 years old at the time and was in a relationship with a white man 35 years older than him. This younger Asian was in closet and certainly didn't tell his family and friends about the older white man.  But later on, the Asian guy met another white man who was just 1 year older, he immediately dumped the grandpa white man, came out of closet and proudly show off his new white boyfriend/husband to his family and coworkers.  In his case, did he feel shamed when he was with the grandpa white man? Yes.

[Olddaddy]

2 hours ago, scott456 said:

I think if (that's if) there is any shame, it would be on the younger person, certainly not the older person.  In heterosexual world, you see plenty of older men(rich celebrities and politicians too) who proudly present their much younger wives to the public.  I once knew an Asian guy who was 25 years old at the time and was in a relationship with a white man 35 years older than him. This younger Asian was in closet and certainly didn't tell his family and friends about the older white man.  But later on, the Asian guy met another white man who was just 1 year older, he immediately dumped the grandpa white man, came out of closet and proudly show off his new white boyfriend/husband to his family and coworkers.  In his case, did he feel shamed when he was with the grandpa white man? Yes.

That's very sad actually,I feel sorry for the old bloke 

[a-447]

5 hours ago, Boy69 said:

Buddhism has nothing against same gender relationships.

In fact, talking to a guy who was a novice monk for a year, he said Buddhism didn't really have any rules regarding sex - except for monks and nuns.

Monks, for example, can have a wank but are not allowed to cum. I asked him if that meant he went for a year without ever cumming. He said of course not; but that he had to report the fact that he'd cum to the head monk. He was then "counselled" and forgiven.

It's precisely because Thais and other Asians do not follow a religion that glorifies suffering, demands self -sacrifice and denies sexual gratification - sex is only for procreation, not recreation - that we can have our sexual desired fulfilled in Asia.

I'm so grateful to have been brought up in a nominally Buddhist society by atheist parents.

[Keithambrose]

18 minutes ago, a-447 said:

In fact, talking to a guy who was a novice monk for a year, he said Buddhism didn't really have any rules regarding sex - except for monks and nuns.

Monks, for example, can have a wank but are not allowed to cum. I asked him if that meant he went for a year without ever cumming. He said of course not; but that he had to report the fact that he'd cum to the head monk. He was then "counselled" and forgiven.

It's precisely because Thais and other Asians do not follow a religion that glorifies suffering, demands self -sacrifice and denies sexual gratification - sex is only for procreation, not recreation - that we can have our sexual desired fulfilled in Asia.

I'm so grateful to have been brought up in a nominally Buddhist society by atheist parents.

Beating in mind the recent stories about Abbotts abusing younger monks, I hope the 'counselling' was above board!