The dilemma of “respect” in Thai culture

[reader]

from Thai PBS. World

Showing respect for adults and the elderly, collectively known in Thai as “pooyai” (ผู้ใหญ่), is a cultural norm in Thailand, which is widely perceived as a virtue. While abuse of power is, however, becoming increasingly common, from boasting about their seniority and abusing youngsters to expecting special privileges, Thai people have found themselves rethinking how respect should really be perceived.

“Pooyai” also refers to people in positions of power and “influential figures” in their communities.

Therefore, how has this “always-respect-the-pooyai” belief allowed certain people to mistreat whoever they want? How often are our values compromised because pooyais “are always right”?

Most importantly, is it wrong to have no respect for pooyais who treat us badly? Or is it because Thais have been teaching “respect” the wrong way?

What does “respect” mean to Thais?

Universally, respect is respect, regardless of who you are and where you are from, but “respect” in Thai culture is somehow different.

There are several words in the Thai language used to describe respect. The most common is “Kao-rob” (เคารพ) which means to respect someone, such as respecting the elderly or paying respects to the national anthem or a religion. Other words include “Nub-tue” (นับถือ) which means to have huge respect for someone, while “Nob-norm” (นอบน้อม) means to respect someone with a humble attitude, especially when you consider yourself inferior to the other person to whom you are speaking.

The way these terms are described in the Thai language means you respect someone or something only because it is of “high regard”, such as the pooyais, which is going in an upward direction only. Therefore, Thais often find themselves reinforcing the belief of humble respect for whoever is “above” them, but it barely teaches people to respect each other, regardless of status.

A lot of this is rooted in the social hierarchies in Thai culture, where your age, gender, wealth, social status or lineage will determine how you will be treated. This has led people to believe that the higher the ranking, the more authority and respect you will gain, or will expect from others. 

For this reason, some people feel entitled to boast about their superiority and talk condescendingly to others, believing that everyone has to be humble and respect them no matter what, because they are in a “higher” position.

This is especially true regarding age, all Thais rank each other by comparing themselves to a family member, such as Pee (พี่, as in older brother or sister), Loong (ลุง, as in uncle), Pah (ป้า, as in aunt), Na (น้า, as in female cousin), Ah (อา, as in male cousin) and Nong (น้อง, as in younger brother or sister).

Such honorifics are supposed to be used based on love and care for others, like a family. Some people, however, use them as a “shield of honour”, to demand respect from whoever they see as “young children”, especially those who seem to be ignorant about seniority. The frustration has even sparked a social media catchphrase “Krai-Nong-mueng-ka” (ใครน้องมึงคะ) literally “Who the hell is your Nong?”. This is used by people to express their irritation with seniors, including complete strangers, who try to patronise them.

Continues at

https://www.thaipbsworld.com/opinion-im-a-pooyai-the-dilemma-of-respect-in-thai-culture/

[PeterRS]

A general respect for the elderly, especially family members, is relatively common throughout the Asian continent. How much of that is due to the Chinese diaspora with the estimated 20 million Chinese emigrating to South East Asia in the 1800s and early 1900s I do not know, but I suspect it must have something to do with it. After all, devotion to family is one of the central Confucian values. Confucian influence would also explain to a certain extent why the more isolated countries of Japan and Korea take the concept of devotion to family elders as  importantly.

Cetainly by 1910 studies show that there were almost 800,000 Chinese emigrants in Thailand many of whom had married Thais. Even today the country boasts the largest Chinese community outside China.

But as the article points out, it extends further in Thailand. I wonder why? Could it have something to do with Thailand never having been colonised and therefore having no real external threat to national identity? 

I still meet guys who insist it is their duty eventually to return home to look after their ageing parents. But with economic advancement and the desire for more independent lifestyles already prevalent in most Asian societies, surely this is likely to change in Thailand as elsewhere. 

[scott456]

14 hours ago, PeterRS said:

A general respect for the elderly, especially family members, is relatively common throughout the Asian continent. How much of that is due to the Chinese diaspora with the estimated 20 million Chinese emigrating to South East Asia in the 1800s and early 1900s I do not know, but I suspect it must have something to do with it. After all, devotion to family is one of the central Confucian values. Confucian influence would also explain to a certain extent why the more isolated countries of Japan and Korea take the concept of devotion to family elders as  importantly.

Cetainly by 1910 studies show that there were almost 800,000 Chinese emigrants in Thailand many of whom had married Thais. Even today the country boasts the largest Chinese community outside China.

But as the article points out, it extends further in Thailand. I wonder why? Could it have something to do with Thailand never having been colonised and therefore having no real external threat to national identity? 

I still meet guys who insist it is their duty eventually to return home to look after their ageing parents. But with economic advancement and the desire for more independent lifestyles already prevalent in most Asian societies, surely this is likely to change in Thailand as elsewhere. 

How about yourself? Did you respect your parents and older family members when you were younger?  Did you devoted to them and take care of them the way you think Thais(or Asians in general) do? 

It's true that Thais(or Asians in general) feel they are responsible for taking care of their elderly family members, but personally I would not want my children to bear the burden. 

Things work differently in Farang world.  That's all.

[PeterRS]

8 hours ago, scott456 said:

How about yourself? Did you respect your parents and older family members when you were younger?  Did you devoted to them and take care of them the way you think Thais(or Asians in general) do? 

It's true that Thais(or Asians in general) feel they are responsible for taking care of their elderly family members, but personally I would not want my children to bear the burden. 

Things work differently in Farang world.  That's all.

I guess I respected my parents but by the time I got to university all I wanted was to get away from the nest and live my own life elsewhere. I never regarded them as my responsibility, perhaps because by the time they got into their 70s I had moved 9,000 kms away. 

[reader]

28 minutes ago, PeterRS said:

I guess I respected my parents but by the time I got to university all I wanted was to get away from the nest and live my own life elsewhere. I never regarded them as my responsibility, perhaps because by the time they got into their 70s I had moved 9,000 kms away. 

I ageee, our parents deserve our respect. They did, after all, have some connection to us being at university at all.

[thaiophilus]

On 10/23/2023 at 3:29 AM, reader said:

social media catchphrase “Krai-Nong-mueng-ka” (ใครน้องมึงคะ) literally “Who the hell is your Nong?”.

That has a direct translation into Yorkshire: "Tha 'thee' thisen".

[scott456]

10 hours ago, PeterRS said:

I guess I respected my parents but by the time I got to university all I wanted was to get away from the nest and live my own life elsewhere. I never regarded them as my responsibility, perhaps because by the time they got into their 70s I had moved 9,000 kms away. 

Like I said, things work differently between asian world and farang world, not better or worse, just different.  If you were born in asian world, you would be expected to plan your life in coordination with your family, you can't get away with doing whatever you want.

[vinapu]

13 hours ago, reader said:

I agree, our parents deserve our respect.

Mine are gone dozen years already but  barely day goes without me thinking about them. It was good 5 years after my father died when I still caught myself thinking one day : ' I did not call home for a while"

[scott456]

I lost my mom 15 months ago.  I missed her.