Reflections on Ageing and Changing Desires

[reader]

From Pattaya Mail

Tweed Harris, now in his 90th year, tells his PCEC audience about his life experiences and reflects on how as he aged, his desires in life continued to change.

 

The Pattaya City Expats Club (PCEC) was privileged to have Tweed Harris as their guest speaker on Wednesday, May 31. Tweed has previously shared his story as an actor, playwright, dancer, author, and teacher with the PCEC. Tweed has now reached his 90th year and for this presentation, he provided his “Reflections on Ageing and Changing Desires.”

Tweed’s message was that what one desires in youth is no longer important in adulthood. As we age and go through life experiences, our desires will change. His talk illustrated this view by recounting his own life and how his desires and aspirations changed over time.

First, he spoke about his early life in England and how he was first introduced to singing, thus creating his desire to become a singer and his early performances. He continued with his life story describing each stage and how it led to changing desires. During his national service his desire was to be a good soldier. When he delved into acting, his aspiration was to be a good actor. In one period of his life, he was a circus groom in Australia which led to his wanting to be a circus rider; but he was not able to achieve this desire as while still a groom he was fired due to exchanging punches with another groom.

During his acting career, he mentioned that he had differences with what a director wanted him to do. The director told him “If you don’t like it, become a director.” Thus, another endeavor and another desire to be a great director. Tweed also described how later in his life he became a teacher, and loved it. His desire then was to be an excellent teacher, which he considers he achieved explaining how he used his acting skills as part of his teaching style.

He concluded his talk by noting that when he was 79 and experiencing a “down period,” he decided to holiday in Thailand and how this led to his meeting a Thai man in a shopping center who, after 11 years is still his partner. He also mentioned that while in Australia he became a Buddhist and was told by Buddhist monks there that he would live to be 105. So, now his desire is to live, to love, and to be loved.

To view Tweed’s presentation, see the video on the PCEC’s YouTube channel at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnozAQPsJJ4. To read a summary about his previous presentation to the PCEC, visit https://www.pattayamail.com/ourcommunity/pcec-enjoys-humor-comedy-tragedy-184251.

 

 

 

 

 

[PeterRS]

Reading that article, I started out thinking that most of us probably have experienced changing desires and expectations as we have gone through life. That has certainly been my experience with quite a few more major changes than I ever thought might happen. But then I considered the experiences of my sister and brother. Both doctors, their lives have hardly changed at all as they have aged. I assume many professions are more or less the same.

Perhaps one major change that I have seen in some others is a transition from being totally straight to becoming totally gay (insofar as "totally" can ever mean precisely that in a romantic/sexual context). I have friends in Australia, the UK, Austria, the US and various other countries who had been married for at least a couple of decades and have in almost all cases two children who then divorced their wives and quite quickly started living with another man. Most kept in agreeable contact with their children, although not all. The wife and kids of one friend who now lives in Chiang Mai with his partner totally refuse to have anything to do with him even though he continued to pay alimony and for his kids' university education.

I also know people who wish they had made changes much earlier and taken a different path in their lives. For many, the social conventions in place 50 and more years ago often dictated a certain course, even though those concerned might have had a deep rooted desire to take a different path. Even if they managed to find their way on to that path later in their lives, I often wonder if they feel they missed out on much that could - perhaps - have given them a more satisfying and meaningful existence.

[gayinpattaya]

A number of years ago I had to sit through this guys drivel one night at Cocka2 Bar. He was also very offensive to other customers and staff. Jomtien Complex now only has to deal with his perpetually drunk boyfriend.  

[Londoner]

31 minutes ago, PeterRS said:

 Even if they managed to find their way on to that path later in their lives, I often wonder if they feel they missed out on much that could - perhaps - have given them a more satisfying and meaningful existence.

I am one of those, having had my first gay experience at the age of forty-five. It was Thailand that saved me, first of all as an energetic butterfly for nine years, and then by affording me the opportunity to meet the only love of my life nearly twenty years ago. And while I regret those lost years, I wonder if I would have appreciated my later experiences so deeply- or even afforded them- as a young man.

There are others like me. One of the aspects of Boyztown in the  nineties I liked most was that , for the first time in my life, I found myself among brothers. One guy I met was in his seventies. HIs wife of forty plus years had just died and within weeks he was there with me, on the terrace of Panorama, watching the go go dancers sashay past on their way to work. Whenever I saw him during the rest of my stay he was hand-in-hand with one of them.

 Like me, he had found love- or at least fun- late in his life....but not too late.

[reader]

52 minutes ago, gayinpattaya said:

A number of years ago I had to sit through this guys drivel one night at Cocka2 Bar. He was also very offensive to other customers and staff. Jomtien Complex now only has to deal with his perpetually drunk boyfriend.  

Let me see if I’ve got this straight: you’re calling someone else a drunkard.

[floridarob]

1 hour ago, gayinpattaya said:

A number of years ago I had to sit through this guys drivel one night at Cocka2 Bar. He was also very offensive

Is that where you learned that, I thought it came naturally to you......

[reader]

1 hour ago, PeterRS said:

Even if they managed to find their way on to that path later in their lives, I often wonder if they feel they missed out on much that could - perhaps - have given them a more satisfying and meaningful existence.

Probably. But all any of us has at this moment is the future. To dwell too much on the past provides little comfort or joy.

[PeterRS]

23 minutes ago, Londoner said:

There are others like me. One of the aspects of Boyztown in the  nineties I liked most was that , for the first time in my life, I found myself among brothers. One guy I met was in his seventies. HIs wife of forty plus years had just died and within weeks he was there with me, on the terrace of Panorama, watching the go go dancers sashay past on their way to work. Whenever I saw him during the rest of my stay he was hand-in-hand with one of them.

 Like me, he had found love- or at least fun- late in his life....but not too late.

One sits almost permanently in another Asian chat site (not a Thai one). He was married for at least 20 years, has a son and now grandchildren. Around his early 50s he discovered he was gay, found a South American boyfriend in a "sleazy" bar (his description) and realised he was the love of his life. Wife quickly divorced, boyfriend moved in and they lived happily ever after. But - don't our lives always have 'buts'? - he then had a business trip to South East Asia around 20 years ago. For each summer vacation thereafter, he left the love of his life and flew to Asia where he spent virtually his entire vacations in gay saunas around the region having endless sex with young Asian guys.

Meanwhile his lover was ill and getting no better. Eventually he died, probably around 7 years ago. Thereafter he filled the chat troom with the agonies of having lost the love of his life. He gave up his annual Asian adventures to live what appears to be a life of virtual solitude.

The insights members receive on this board from those who live around the world are often fascinating, both about their trips to Thailand and sexual adventures in other countries. This bore is 80 years old this year and has lived for the last 30 or more years in a large city in Texas! Now alone, he appears to regard that oter chat room as his one lifeline to some sort of normalcy, almost daily dispensing his wisdom to 20-something Asians about how to grow old gracefully! Hopefully he never discovers this board! 🙏

[jason1975]

37 minutes ago, reader said:

Probably. But all any of us has at this moment is the future. To dwell too much on the past provides little comfort or joy.

Hear! Hear! Wise words!

[reader]

4 minutes ago, PeterRS said:

 Now alone, he appears to regard that oter chat room as his one lifeline to some sort of normalcy, almost daily dispensing his wisdom to 20-something Asians about how to grow old gracefully! Hopefully he never discovers this board! 🙏

Well this is an equal opportunity site. You and I both managed to discover it.

[PeterRS]

33 minutes ago, reader said:

all any of us has at this moment is the future. To dwell too much on the past provides little comfort or joy.

Indeed, only the future beckons for us all. But if I could not think back and remember a whole host of not just good times but also great times in the past, I would probably be pretty unhappy. It is not just the young guys I met and spent time with in various parts of the world stretching back decades - of most of whom I have nothing but wonderful memories, it has been the opportunities I was afforded (mostly by my work) to travel very regularly to and experience many amazing parts of the globe. In itself, in my case no doubt a result of changing desires and expectations as much as to serendipity!

[reader]

Heartening to know you have been blessed with a multitude of good  memories. We all have a few and hopefully they allow us to find charity for those like the poor soul that you follow on that other site who seems to have none.

 

[PeterRS]

22 minutes ago, reader said:

Heartening to know you have been blessed with a multitude of good  memories. We all have a few and hopefully they allow us to find charity for those like the poor soul that you follow on that other site who seems to have none.

Sorry to say that I have zero charity or zero good feelings for the contributor to that other chat site. Similarly I have precious few good feelings for the owner and moderator of that site. But then I am but one individual. Others obviously do not agree with me, as indeed you may not. With that i have no issue whatever. To each his own.

In that sense perhaps I am more like @gayinpattaya who found the individual who is the subject of this thread one who "spouted drivel" and was "offensive" to other bar customers. That's one view. The Pattaya Mail, on the other hand, was "privileged" to have him as a guest speaker. That's another. To each his own.

[reader]

“That site” must be doing something right because it keeps you coming back for more of that “sprouted drivel.” 😊

Btw, it was the Pattaya Expats Club (not Pattaya Mail) that invited Tweed Harris to speak. 

Much like your self, Harris is a fellow expat so you’ve got that going for you. 

[PeterRS]

5 hours ago, reader said:

Much like your self, Harris is a fellow expat so you’ve got that going for you. 

And that is pure nonsense of the sort you have resorted to before! Enjoy yourself!

[reader]

6 hours ago, PeterRS said:

In that sense perhaps I am more like @gayinpattaya….

Feel like I just won the lottery. 🙏

[gayinpattaya]

10 hours ago, PeterRS said:

Sorry to say that I have zero charity or zero good feelings for the contributor to that other chat site. Similarly I have precious few good feelings for the owner and moderator of that site. But then I am but one individual. Others obviously do not agree with me, as indeed you may not. With that i have no issue whatever. To each his own.

In that sense perhaps I am more like @gayinpattaya who found the individual who is the subject of this thread one who "spouted drivel" and was "offensive" to other bar customers. That's one view. The Pattaya Mail, on the other hand, was "privileged" to have him as a guest speaker. That's another. To each his own.

It's easy to comment on things you never witnessed. 

[gayinpattaya]

11 hours ago, floridarob said:

Is that where you learned that, I thought it came naturally to you......

Oh, I acquired my dislike for your type long before that. I was just young enough to believe I should keep it to myself.
Now I know my enemy. 

[floridarob]

1 hour ago, gayinpattaya said:

Now I know my enemy. 

You looking into the mirror?

[gayinpattaya]

3 minutes ago, floridarob said:

You looking into the mirror?

Yes dear. Yes I am. Now run along for another booster. 

[floridarob]

29 minutes ago, gayinpattaya said:

Yes dear. Yes I am. Now run along for another booster. 

You got anything else except boosters, I've had all the recommended ones.

Can always tell when you're drinking vs not by your comments, 3am in Thailand Saturday/Sunday night......Guess I should expect this to progressively go downhill within the next 3-4 hours.

Funny how that's the only progressive thing about you 😝

[gayinpattaya]

1 hour ago, floridarob said:

You got anything else except boosters, I've had all the recommended ones.

Can always tell when you're drinking vs not by your comments, 3am in Thailand Saturday/Sunday night......Guess I should expect this to progressively go downhill within the next 3-4 hours.

Funny how that's the only progressive thing about you 😝

I have a better idea. 
I seems every time I post here you want to try to pick a fight, as most toddlers do. It hurts when you can't admit you're wrong.

It may be better to just ignore my posts, instead of reacting. Yes, we may have met in the past and had drinks together, but I can assure it will never happen again. I have no interest in communicating with you, in any aspect ever again. Move on. If and when you return to Thailand, please stay away from me.

Your have your tribe. I have mine. I can assure you that will not change.

[PeterRS]

16 hours ago, reader said:

“That site” must be doing something right because it keeps you coming back for more of that “sprouted drivel.” 😊

Another of the assumptions you seem to love to make - and again for the wrong reasons. I visit that site less than once a week but only because it has a huge detailed Asian travel section with posts on personal experiences of gay venues, often with more detail on other cities than one can find here. You will be aware I post frequently about my regular travels in the region. While checking the site I like to see the sort of subjects that attract guys to other chat rooms, especially younger guys because I have several times expressed the hope that more younger guys could be encouraged to join this chat room.

It hardly takes more than a few minutes to see who has been posting regularly in the main room. And when one who attracted my attention some years ago for the nonsense he posted, his avatar shows exactly what he posts and how many posts he regularly makes. Satisfied? Please do not make unsubstantiated assumptions in future.

[reader]

You pick on 90-year-old Tweed. Harris whose biggest crimes and being old and trying to share his wisdom with others. He’ll, man, you do that all the time.

You accuse him of sprouting drivel in a bar in Pattaya that you were never privy to.

And you’re  trying to persuade us of the evils another old man is sharing on some mystery website you follow.

[PeterRS]

2 hours ago, reader said:

You pick on 90-year-old Tweed. Harris whose biggest crimes and being old and trying to share his wisdom with others. He’ll, man, you do that all the time.

You accuse him of sprouting drivel in a bar in Pattaya that you were never privy to.

And you’re  trying to persuade us of the evils another old man is sharing on some mystery website you follow.

Why do you always get assumptions about what i write wrong and then misquote?

Point 1. You accuse me of "being old and trying to share my wisdom with others. He'll, man, you do that all the time." 

Response. My age is nothing to do with you and you have no idea of my exact age. Yes, I do try to share wisdom (if by that you mean knowledge) with others and I enjoy doing that. Given the number of 'likes' these posts attract, clearly this "wisdom" is appreciated by many. No doubt they are in considerably greater number than the likes you receive for your cut and paste news articles. But then you have said you enjoy posting these. Surprise! I also enjoy making my posts! You are not alone!

And since you clearly have some reason for disliking what I write, why do you even bother reading my posts? I am not going to cease writing about my travels and others issues that i hope may be of interest to more than a few members here. So you had better get used to it.

Point 2. You accuse me of accusing that expat of "spouting drivel".

Response. What rubbish! Do you not read responses to your own threads? I was merely quoting @gayinpattaya's response to your post! Since you have clearly forgotten what he wrote, this is the relevant post. Oh, and you forgot that @gayinpattaya called him "offensive". Is that not important to you?

23 hours ago, gayinpattaya said:

A number of years ago I had to sit through this guys drivel one night at Cocka2 Bar. He was also very offensive to other customers and staff. Jomtien Complex now only has to deal with his perpetually drunk boyfriend.  

Point 3. You accuse me of discussing the "evils" of a poster on another chat room. 

Response. I was not persuading you of the "evils" of anyone by trying to persuade us of the evils another old man is sharing on some mystery website you follow

Why do you have to make things up? I was again responding to a post by another member here @Londoner and in particular a man he had met in Pattaya whose wife had just died and turned to gay young men for companionship. That was the starting point of my response. The issue of how often I look at that other chat room is yet another of your assuptions that are wrong. I do not follow it. Inever stated anywhere that I follow it. In fact I visit it only occasionally as I have pointed out in another post. And I visit the site for its Travel section! 

Since you now criticise almost everything I write, perhaps you will put a warning sticker on your next complaint so that those with absolutely no interest in your nonsense can avoid it.