Living in Cairo as a gay expat

[Bruno]

I recently came across this forum and have been reading the many posts on gay adventures in beautiful Egypt. I wanted to pay my contribution by adding stories of my experiences as a 30-year old European expat living in Cairo between 2015 and 2020.

 

My apologies for the context I would like to provide. The main reason for leaving Europe in 2015 was the lack of adventure and excitement I felt in my early thirties. I was living in rainy Western Europe, had random unexcited hook ups via Tindr or Grindr once in a while, but generally felt like living a boring routine. Therefore, I applied for a teaching position at a Cairo international school, was offered the job and left for the unknown. The moment I arrived at Cairo Airport, I knew I was about to love this country: chaos, shouting everywhere, a lack of structure, adventure, the heat, ... Soon I was about to discover something else: the ridiculously handsome men available... everywhere.

 

The school arranged us a flat in a lush suburb south of the city center, Maadi. Having your own space, it turned out quickly, had amazing advantages in terms of excitement. Each apartment building in Maadi is guarded by a bowab, a local doorkeeper, often from the southern Egyptian regions. Separated from their families in the warm south and often very young of age, their main task is to maintain the building and secure your safety. The first week of arrival, our building's bowab asked me to help him move a table in one of the other flats. it was 'too heavy to lift by one person only'. How naive could I be? Soon he wanted to show me the flat's bathroom 'as it was more modern than mine'. Before I realised, we were showering together. The sex was quick, rough and meaningless. Finished by a 'Welcome to Egypt', I could not have imagined this to be start of a new journey.

 

I subscribed at a local gym. After work, not wanting to hang out with my colleagues all the time, I would hit the place and finish off in the sauna. Within days, I became part of the (gym) community. Egyptians are very eager to meet foreigners in general and the sociological characteristics of that Maadi sauna were of an interest to me. After working out, men would typically hang out in the sauna or in the steam bath. All pre-arranged married, they did not seem to have the appetite to go home early. Neither did they particularly seem to like / love their wives. They all raved about their kids, yet - Egyptians don't shy the topic - the marital sex life was far from satisfying for many of them. Most men I met in the gym (and later), it seemed to me, were eager to enjoy and explore life. The word 'gay' was never mentioned, nor assumed. It was all about enjoying, relaxing, massaging, smoking shisha, going home and watching porn / masturbating together, having a beer, smoking hasjish and finishing off with quick, good sex. Five of us would become friends with benefits: through them - on parties in Maadi or the city center - I would meet other men. In exchange, I invited expat colleagues. 

 

I could never have imagined this being the Middle East. Men looked beyond gorgeous with their muscled bulky bodies, deep voices, dark-brown soft skin, cheeky smiles and endless capacity to explore. They all seemed so relaxed. They live life to the fullest, especially as the Revolution had proven that things could turn to worse very quickly. That atmosphere felt so sexy and harmless. I never felt the need to turn on Grindr on Tindr, you just would meet endless boys and men in the supermarket, in coffee bars, on the metro, in taxi's (Uber got introduced when I was living in Cairo - a hot spot as well) and in bars and clubs in the city center. 

 

In terms of Cairo, I remember the railway station (Ramses Station) and the huge square in front of it to be a popular hook up spot, as well as the bridge crossing the Nile at Tahrir Square (Qasr El Nil Bridge). However, as mentioned, there never seemed to be the need to look for something. It would come to you! In Aswan, for instance, I was approached by the taxi driver who drove me from the airport to the hotel late at night. Nubian penises and fatter are bigger than in Cairo. Moreover, the city's feluccas and corniche are ridiculously cruisy, both at day and night. I occasionally picked a handsome (and incredibly fit) felucca sailor and we had sex in his boat around Elephant Island in the River Nile. On a Luxor trip, I would visit the temples and Valley of the Kings in the very early morning and relax at the hotel's pool / room in the early afternoon. As mentioned on this blog earlier, staff is eager to meet you. Egyptians are allowed to enter the big hotels without any issue. There is too much passage to control. At the Luxor Steigenberger I invited a fruit vendor I met at the temples earlier that day. His triceps were the biggest I had ever felt in my life. Although the sex was rubbish, just seeing him undress and observe his body was a pleasure enough. Alexandria is a driving sea city in which all life surrounds the most amazing sea side boulevard I have ever came across. Hotels turn into rooftop night clubs at night. People enter and leave the buildings at a paste unable to control. When looking for more adventure, try one of the many desert tours (with overnight camping - pleasure guaranteed with the staff), a Siwa oasis visit, crossing the Suez Canal from Port Said to Port Fouad, relaxing in one of Dahab's open-minded hammock guest houses or staying over at one of the 'liberal / freedom camps' between Sharm-El Sheikh and Taba.

 

Having an Egyptian boyfriend - I got even introduced to his (well-educated) parents  - is a different story. They are hard work. In the flux they are at, it almost seems impossible for them to meaningfully connect to one person. Monogamy is unheard of in Egypt's gay community. They key words remain pleasure, devotion, emotion, passion, unlimited sexual drive and endless adventures.

 

Enjoy this marvelous spot on Earth, both culturally and spiritually!

 

Cheers

B.

 

 

 

[TotallyOz]

I have visited Egypt a few times and love the men there. I am happy you have found a great gay existence there. I loved reading your story.

[speedoo1]

Thank you for the detailed report.

One Q: I assume that the Egyptians are mostly top. Do they fuck w/ condom?

[Alaskabear]

Thanks for the report!    I’m so eager to return to Egypt.   I’d like to spend a month traveling to various parts of the country.  I’m especially interested in seeing the southern regions where North Africa fades into Nubian lands.  Did you find much difference between regions in Cairo when it comes to hooking up?   

[Bruno]

On 5/8/2023 at 9:34 PM, speedoo1 said:

Thank you for the detailed report.

One Q: I assume that the Egyptians are mostly top. Do they fuck w/ condom?

The majority was top indeed. I had condoms on me and they would use them.

[Bruno]

On 5/9/2023 at 7:56 PM, Alaskabear said:

Thanks for the report!    I’m so eager to return to Egypt.   I’d like to spend a month traveling to various parts of the country.  I’m especially interested in seeing the southern regions where North Africa fades into Nubian lands.  Did you find much difference between regions in Cairo when it comes to hooking up?   

As I was living in Cairo, it turned out to be my home. Through parties of friends, I met new people who knew people. Cairo attracts people from all over the country.

 

When traveling south, the hotspots of Aswan and Luxor have been mentioned on this forum already. Both cities are awesome in terms of sights and (hook-up) vibe. 

A couple of other things to do:

-   When going to Abu Simbel, stay overnight. Once all tourists leave, you have the locals for yourself.

-   In between Aswan and Luxor, you might hire a private taxi and tour the different temples at your own paste.

-   Go on a White Desert overnight (multi-day) tour.

-   Siwa, the oasis close to the Libyan border, is a must-have-experienced adventure. Pick a local place to stay and immerse yourself in the 'traditional massages' and 'overnight pool jumps'.

 

Enjoy!

[young11]

Thanks for the interesting story. It is exactly what I felt while I visited Luxor and Aswan. But I never managed to bring people to my hotel. Even at the Ritz. The main issue was that the bigger the hotel is, more luxurious, but some guys are really not dressed for those hotels and very visibly different. Smaller hotels have tight controls at the reception, which was the case for Aswan. Any hints?

 

Also can you provide more details on Alexandria and red sea cities in like hurgada?

[alexrick]

Thanks for sharing your experience! I never thought that Egypt is such a marvelous country. After reading your post I think I need to do some research about it. 

[Ale4co]

I’ve read somewhere that police pose as gay on dating apps in Egypt to arrest targets…have you any info on this?

[dgcmcm]

I also lived in Cairo - for three years. Slightly earlier than Bruno. His description of his time there is pretty close to my own experiences and observations. However, Ale4co's question regarding  gay dating apps being used to target users is an important reminder to be vigilant when using apps.  I met a young Egyptian guy on gaydar and once he trusted me (took several weeks of chatting) we finally met in a large public café (his request) where he described at length the trauma of being entrapped by what he insisted was a European tourist who himself had been entrapped by local police. The police attempted to recruit him into the posse of men that were used to set up these types of honey traps. He refused, paid a fine and then was let go. We became friends and used to chat regularly but he was too traumatized to go any further. (He ended up getting a scholarship to a UK uni and has lived in London for years). At the time, I was not able to work out how widespread this practice was but assumed it was used to extort money from Egyptians by certain members/cells in the Cairo police force rather then being an organized campaign to clamp down on 'homosexual' activity.  No idea if this still happens. 

As Bruno suggests, much of the M2M activity is based around pleasure and not really related to identity as such. Generally, sexual categories like gay, bisexual etc are understood as  artefacts of (primarily) western cultures. Though at the same time, thanks to the  social mediatization/globalization of 'gay identity' I did meet several guys who did indeed 'identify' as gay. Interestingly, for two guys I knew, this identification was refracted through an active/passive, masculine/feminine lens - to be 'gay' was to be passive and feminine - a widespread understanding across the MENA region. On the other hand, I knew a couple of guys who did not relate to this at all. For them, being gay was not just about sexual desire but also aligned to ideas about 'freedom' i.e. from the norms/expectations of family, friends and communities. They could not wait to flee from Egypt and leave behind what they saw as the strictures imposed by an Arabic-Islamic culture(s) that inhibited/repressed their sense of 'self'. At the same time, I also met during my three years, a couple of guys who seemed to have, from my perspective, integrated their beliefs and (so-called) traditional values with their other nocturnal homosocial/homosexual .  I ended up living across the Middle East for many years (until COVID hit) and speaking generally, in my experience, this 'integrated' approach seemed to be the norm - particularly in the Gulf states (Saudi especially!). 

[Heba as-sa3udeya]

Egypt is a waste of time

[dgcmcm]

12 hours ago, Heba as-sa3udeya said:

Egypt is a waste of time

With respect to...?

[Phoenixblue]

6 hours ago, dgcmcm said:

With respect to...?

Having sex with men.

[dgcmcm]

As I tried to suggest, the sexual cultures of Egypt appear very complex to new arrivals. As a Western expat, it took me quite some time to learn how to decipher 'signals'. For example, being asked (constantly) "are you married" and questions about your family appear to be everyday, polite questions. If you answer no, this is may be followed up with questions asking you to elaborate on why this is the case. Again, this maybe a straight forward question. However, as I discovered, if you explain that you "like your freedom" and that you live a very mobile life, this may be followed up with more questions asking you to explain why this is so,  given that most expat men travel with wives/partners/families etc. If you then reply that "well, its just not for me" or other such vague, seemingly avoidant phrases, this may very well lead to further questions regarding your living arrangements ie. if you live alone, do you have a doorman. You can see where this is going... Interestingly, with some guys this questioning may take ten minutes. With others, it may unfold over several weeks, for example, as you run into the same guy at the local gym and strike up an (ongoing) conversation...

[Baska]

After 3 weeks in Cairo, Luxor, Aswan and Hurghada, as a tourist, I realized that sex with men in those places is somehow connected with money - for sex itself or for some kind of service that precedes it.
And I, too, at the beginning did not understand the hidden meaning of the question "are you married?". To a negative answer, local men began to ask "why is he so handsome and not married?", Or they immediately asked "do you like bananas?".

[Phoenixblue]

12 hours ago, Baska said:

After 3 weeks in Cairo, Luxor, Aswan and Hurghada, as a tourist, I realized that sex with men in those places is somehow connected with money - for sex itself or for some kind of service that precedes it.

Sex is connected with money? 🤔 What other incentive would they have? Romance perhaps?

[Keithambrose]

14 hours ago, Baska said:

After 3 weeks in Cairo, Luxor, Aswan and Hurghada, as a tourist, I realized that sex with men in those places is somehow connected with money - for sex itself or for some kind of service that precedes it.
And I, too, at the beginning did not understand the hidden meaning of the question "are you married?". To a negative answer, local men began to ask "why is he so handsome and not married?", Or they immediately asked "do you like bananas?".

Great question, 'do you like bananas'! I suppose the answer is 'peeled or not peeled'?

 

[dgcmcm]

20 hours ago, Baska said:

After 3 weeks in Cairo, Luxor, Aswan and Hurghada, as a tourist, I realized that sex with men in those places is somehow connected with money - for sex itself or for some kind of service that precedes it.
And I, too, at the beginning did not understand the hidden meaning of the question "are you married?". To a negative answer, local men began to ask "why is he so handsome and not married?", Or they immediately asked "do you like bananas?".

Totally forgot about the 'banana' question !  The first time I was asked this, in Aswan, I naively assumed that my taxi driver was trying to make small talk and practice his English. I said something like "Oh I prefer strawberries". He then said he only had one "very big banana" and asked if I would like to look at it. It wasn't till he invited me to sit in front of the taxi that I finally twigged...

[floridarob]

7 hours ago, Keithambrose said:

Great question, 'do you like bananas'! I suppose the answer is 'peeled or not peeled'?

 

Muslim country, I would assume peeled.

[dgcmcm]

9 hours ago, Phoenixblue said:

Sex is connected with money? 🤔 What other incentive would they have? Romance perhaps?

Generally, yes. Sex/pleasure/money. Both wealthier Egyptians and expats (both men and women) were expected to 'thank' their sexual partners with money and/or gifts and/or provide employment where possible i.e. the longer you were acquainted. In the case of the "do you like my banana" scenarios, these can be financially lucrative for younger men and my understanding was certain families, who were often quite poor, turned a blind eye to how young men made their money in the the "tourist trade" as long as they were contributing to the household. A middle class Egyptian friend explained that many working class/fellaheen Egyptians think that well-off expats are just very generous tippers hence their sons coming home flush with cash...

[dgcmcm]

7 minutes ago, floridarob said:

Muslim country, I would assume peeled.

Yep. Egypt has approx 10% Coptic Christians and males are also circumcised. 

[Keithambrose]

8 hours ago, floridarob said:

Muslim country, I would assume peeled.

Indeed!

[Phoenixblue]

13 hours ago, dgcmcm said:

Generally, yes. Sex/pleasure/money. Both wealthier Egyptians and expats (both men and women) were expected to 'thank' their sexual partners with money and/or gifts and/or provide employment where possible i.e. the longer you were acquainted. In the case of the "do you like my banana" scenarios, these can be financially lucrative for younger men and my understanding was certain families, who were often quite poor, turned a blind eye to how young men made their money in the the "tourist trade" as long as they were contributing to the household. A middle class Egyptian friend explained that many working class/fellaheen Egyptians think that well-off expats are just very generous tippers hence their sons coming home flush with cash...

Whether in Thailand or Egypt of Latin America regardless, what drives young fit men who are in many cases straight to have sex with strangers,tourists, is money. It is a financial transaction and anything else is just a minor detail, money is the key that opens closed doors. The problem is that some tourists are so disillusioned that they actually think that these young men are offering their sexual services because of love and romance.

The only exception to this is if you yourself are young and cute and white. Then yes you might attract sex for free.

[dgcmcm]

13 hours ago, Phoenixblue said:

Whether in Thailand or Egypt of Latin America regardless, what drives young fit men who are in many cases straight to have sex with strangers,tourists, is money. It is a financial transaction and anything else is just a minor detail, money is the key that opens closed doors. The problem is that some tourists are so disillusioned that they actually think that these young men are offering their sexual services because of love and romance.

The only exception to this is if you yourself are young and cute and white. Then yes you might attract sex for free.

I always assume that it is transactional though it is interesting to me how this may morph into something in addition to this if, over time, you develop a connection/friendship of sorts with someone you see regularly - but yes, in this context, certainly not love or romance ! 

[omega]

If you're paying money, and its a short term thing, it's always transactional. If you're pleasing to the boys eye, then its an easy job for them. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, after all. If everything about you turns them off, it's just a tough day for them; but they've had worse days. Probably.

In relationships where wealth of each partner is significantly different, the lines between romance and transaction become more blurred.  One can see it as paying in arrears... or as just one of those quirks of love.