Your life as a senior gay man

[Shonen]

I understand your dilemma wtfool. Unfortunately you’re in the closet everywhere. You can stay in the closet at home in uk, but it’s too bad when you went to Thailand you didn’t just come out there. It’s that much harder now that you have established straight friends.

I watch football in bars in Pattaya. They’re all straight there. I talk to them but I don’t exchange numbers because they will not want to associate with me when they find out I’m gay. Well most of them. One time I brought a money boy with me and they all knew we were gay. 
People assume I’m straight at my condo, until I bring boys back. I often meet straights that question me in a roundabout way to see what my sexuality is. I try not to hide I’m gay, if they ask I tell them. One time I lied though and I feel awful about it. I had great tenants renting my condo and I was afraid I’d lose them if told them I was gay. Sometimes when I tell a bargirl I’m gay they are very surprised. I don’t know why, there’s so many gays in Thailand.

I would have many straight friends in Thailand if I was straight. They seem more approachable and friendly than the gay farang I meet there. Gays can be clicky and judgmental themselves. But I try to be friendly with any gays I meet. I would like to have some real gay friends in Thailand than the superficial ones I know now.

[floridarob]

It's like my friends that have drug, money, alcohol problems.....gotta want to help yourself before anyone else can.

[maump]

Wow!  what a lot of talk, advice and confessions!  Best thread in a while!  of course it would be better if we throw in picture or two of our hot men.

I came out to family and close friends in my 30's but not at work until my fifties working in a professional university environment. I initially lost a few "friends" because you "lied" to us. but 6 months later they were friends again.  Mom was mad at me cause I told dad first (4 years earlier, he said don't tell mom)...

I don't present as gay, but if asked often say I'm Bi.  why.... because I have fucked a couple of girls and it was fine.  but honestly their bodies do not turn me on like the firm muscled abs of a man... and the musk of man (heaven!}.

But telling your friends you are Bi works for most of them.  somehow even homophobic  straights don't mind Bi men as much as gays.  Then you get to talk more about it... and issue fades away.  

WTfool this strategy might serve you in Pattaya.  your "friends" as many have said are there for the same reason as you....  to get laid.

Or adding the 800B for a room to male conquests will not break the bank.

Make some Gay friends!.  they are here talking to you now!

 

[maump]

Just now, maump said:

Wow!  what a lot of talk, advice and confessions!  Best thread in a while!  of course it would be better if we throw in picture or two of our hot men!

are we allowed nudes in this thread?

[Olddaddy]

1 hour ago, floridarob said:

It's like my friends that have drug, money, alcohol problems.....gotta want to help yourself before anyone else can.

How very true !

All you can do is offer support if they ask for it .

So many many mature aged gay men have alcohol problems that I know of ,many lonely & live by themselves ,one I know is 59yo and a nurse director of a big hospital and the other a associate professor of a university ,every weekend drink themselves to oblivion on wine .

[PeterRS]

9 hours ago, wtfool said:

can you make true friends in Thailand? guys you've not known for too long?

No one needs me to point out that friendship is a two way street. That means opening up to others and welcoming them into your life. It does not necessarily mean their knowing your sexuality. I have several straight friends, mostly not in Thailand, whom I have known for decades and who still do not know I am gay. I stress "know". The fact that I have never been married nor had a steady girlfriend means that at my age virtually everyone has guessed that I am gay. I never bring the issue up in conversation. But if anyone asks me outright, I will always answer "Yes, I am gay."

I also have a small number of lady friends whom again I have known for decades and whom I have told about my sexuality. None is in the slightest concerned about it. One is one of my closest friends. Over the years, we have taken vacations in various parts of Europe enjoying our shared interests and having a lot of fun times together. Now mostly retired, I spend a lot of time writing. My next book will be dedicated to her. 

I cannot speak about Pattaya as I visit only rarely. I live in Bangkok. Three of my close western friends here I had known for at least a decade before I moved. So it was not a case of my having to start anew in a totally new country.

My experience of making close friends with Thais is more complicated.  Over decades of visiting and living in Thailand I have realised that I will never understand Thai logic. And that failure makes a deep friendship more difficult. Not impossible as I know farangs who have been happily partnered with/married to Thais for decades.

I have written in another thread of a very close Thai friend who was not gay who frequently came to my apartment over a couple of years and we'd spend hours just chatting, laughing and gossiping as real friends do. One other I was close to for almost 25 years was gay. Again we'd meet frequently and have lots of good times, especially discussing his always complicated love life (which did not involve me!) Sadly a nasty illness brought death much too early. 

So in response to your question, yes you can make close friends. But please realise that very often you will have to take the initiative.

[xpaulo]

8 hours ago, Olddaddy said:

then all his workmates start laughing

Yah, it seems to be a thing in Australia. I was in a Sydney bar with a rugby game on TV which I wasn't paying attention to and it was noticed. I ordered another beer while another guy was waiting at the bar for his order and he said to me, oh you're not Aussie, we were wondering why you weren't watching the game.

[Olddaddy]

1 hour ago, xpaulo said:

Yah, it seems to be a thing in Australia. I was in a Sydney bar with a rugby game on TV which I wasn't paying attention to and it was noticed. I ordered another beer while another guy was waiting at the bar for his order and he said to me, oh you're not Aussie, we were wondering why you weren't watching the game.

A bit like the English soccer I guess ( sorry you call it football) , I was in Pattaya last July went into a english bar ,started with W up at soi bukhao and they were all cheering some teams , I can't stand the soccer and decided to get out of there before they all  cottoned on😂

[vinapu]

18 hours ago, Olddaddy said:

 I can't stand the soccer ...

so you member of two  minorities -  gays and soccer haters

[Londoner]

"Soccer"? may the Good Lord forgive you!

[VancBCMan]

I retired about 7 yrs ago after working long hours in a stressful job for the previous 14 years or so. Now, I take it easy and go on at least 1 long (for me) vacation of 6-8 weeks each year. And as a way to keep somewhat busy, I plan this well ahead of time, researching flights and hotels before booking them well ahead of time. And checking out sights to see in the cities to be visited.

None of us is sure when we'll go, but I have worked with a financial planner to somewhat ensure that I can live fairly comfortably till age 90. Both my dad and elder brother died at an early age (52 and 42) and my male siblings and I all have had heart problems. So, the end for me maybe 10-15 yrs away. I am, however, hoping that I don't suffer much at the end.

I keep in touch with friends locally and others scattered around other cities across the world. These friends include ones I went to school & university with in another country. I sometimes meet up with some of the classmates who now live in the same city I do. And also meet up with friends who I volunteered with for a number of years.

How do I pass time otherwise? I cook, go to the gym and watch lot of Netflix. I am now also back to watching BL series after a break of few months. So, catching up on series I've missed.

Still lots to do in the years ahead. Many more countries to visit end enjoy. And many more boys to meet up with and have fun with!

[Londoner]

Yes, I agree with that: planning well ahead  makes sense in all sorts of ways. .

When I'm feeling low, there's nothing like booking up a trip to Thailand to raise the spirits.  I like to have one "in the bag" when I return to the greyness of London and  so have just arranged a second one in March. It means that, when the chill hits me in December when I return from my upcoming one, I can smile grimly and anticipate the next.

A stay in Thailand is  a pleasure to anticipate, enjoy and recall.

 

[vinapu]

7 hours ago, VancBCMan said:

 I am now also back to watching BL series after a break of few months.

make sure you don't miss KinnPorsche series. If you fell in love with Porsche let me know so we arrange time sharing,. LOL

[vinapu]

1 hour ago, Londoner said:

 

When I'm feeling low, there's nothing like booking up a trip to Thailand to raise the spirits. 

 

+1