Your life as a senior gay man

[kokopelli 2]

13 hours ago, wtfool said:

 

I don't care in Thailand about being seen by strangers with a cute sexy young guy, I do care about being seen by straight guys who I've gotten friendly with seeing me.

I think being gay in a straight world mentally is not healthy for a lot of guys, not only me and the guys who don't give a toss and live their lifes in this manner are much happier for it, I say "straight world" as I've never had a gay friend in the UK, I've never even know an "out" gay guy.

 

I have a gay friend who has many straight acquaintances and friends who aren't aware of his gayness. He maintains a separate room where he meets gay guys via the apps and no one is the wiser. 

[PeterRS]

Surely a key ingredient in enjoying retirement is to be at peace with oneself. However we decide to live out our remaining years, whether short or long, the absence of worry is liberating. Some guys want to be active in pursuing a gay lifestyle and enjoying lfe to the full. Others are unable to do so for one reason or another. I am a firm believer that we all create our own realities. For those who are less than happy, I'd ask you to take time to work out why you feel that way. What specifically creates that unhappiness? What in your view would make you happier (let's leave money out of the discussion as there is often little we can do about that late in life)?

That decided, I believe you have no choice. You have to set those demons, fears, worries aside. See a psychiatrist if you think that might help. I fully realise that changing views that have been welded into your brain for decades is far from easy. But the choice is simple. Either continue with those demons etc. and perhaps keep regretting that you did not do this or do that. Or make a conscious decision that now you are in the latter part of your life, this life is for enjoyment and fulfilment. Your enjoyment and fulfilment. You have to make the decisions. They may seem hard, but you'll be surprised how easy they really are once you have made up your mind. Just do it!

[Olddaddy]

3 hours ago, PeterRS said:

Surely a key ingredient in enjoying retirement is to be at peace with oneself. However we decide to live out our remaining years, whether short or long, the absence of worry is liberating. Some guys want to be active in pursuing a gay lifestyle and enjoying lfe to the full. Others are unable to do so for one reason or another. I am a firm believer that we all create our own realities. For those who are less than happy, I'd ask you to take time to work out why you feel that way. What specifically creates that unhappiness? What in your view would make you happier (let's leave money out of the discussion as there is often little we can do about that late in life)?

That decided, I believe you have no choice. You have to set those demons, fears, worries aside. See a psychiatrist if you think that might help. I fully realise that changing views that have been welded into your brain for decades is far from easy. But the choice is simple. Either continue with those demons etc. and perhaps keep regretting that you did not do this or do that. Or make a conscious decision that now you are in the latter part of your life, this life is for enjoyment and fulfilment. Your enjoyment and fulfilment. You have to make the decisions. They may seem hard, but you'll be surprised how easy they really are once you have made up your mind. Just do it!

Very wise words.

I'm trying as I get older and still a full time worker not to let things concern me that don't concern me ,if that makes sense 😊

[Londoner]

My oldest friend died a year ago aged seventy-five. I was the only person who knew he was gay apart from a few masseurs in Pattaya to whom I almost dragged him. Even there he was uncomfortable. 

He was close to his brothers but  they didn't know- or at least he hadn't told them. Perhaps they worked it out. I have to say that my siblings hadn't worked me out when I was forty -five and gave them the news about my own sexuality.

The funeral provided me with an odd sensation, standing around his grave as eulogies were delivered, knowing that a hugely significant fact about him would be interred with his body.

It saddens me to think of what he missed.

I said to him, time and time again, "Carpe diem." Cancer had the last laugh.

But I'm having my own laugh now,  preparing for my second trip to Pattaya and P since Covid.  With  a third one already booked.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

[Olddaddy]

9 hours ago, maump said:

This topic greatly interests me. WBU?  My goal is to grow old disgracefully as well.  I want to fuck and/or be fucked by as many men as I can find and buy.  And perhaps in that journey find one (or two) that I might trust to “care” for me when I become infirm (although I would most like to die suddenly in the middle of an orgasm).  When I can’t do it anymore, I can still watch.

My dilemma is how and where to do this. 

I have been to Thailand, loved it, want to go again (but hate the flights).  Did 35 days in Medellin/Bogota Colombia this spring and was utterly disgraceful.  Want to check out Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Myanmar, Brazil and the Philippines.  Looking for a second home…..

I still have a husband; he has no interest in men or travel.  I’m recently retired, banging around in the house.  He unhappy when I’m here and unhappy when I go.

My plan was to move to my condo in FLA, sell the house in PA, and we explore the world.  Easy to close the door in the condo and go.  Now he does not want to move to FLA.

SO, I go on vacations on my own as “I’m not going to sit here and wait to die.”  I even went back to work oversea for a year to get out of the house (2020 UAE – covid holiday).

My countdown clock is not good.  I had 7 bypasses at 47 and 5 more stents at 48.  I’m already beating the life expectance odds for patients like me. (Doctor says I’m doing good!)  But who knows when the ticker will stop.  Go to the gym 5 days a week, walk or treadmill an hour most days, and weights during the week.  The dick does not work nearly as good as before… too much porn and meds.  So learning to enjoy bottoming too.

I don’t want to be in PA for the winter.  So southeast Asia is on the flight plan.  My goal is December thru April.  So that means flying in and out of Thailand to beat the visa issues.  Like to experience Songkran… although I read most of you locals hate it.  Maybe hit Colombia again on the way back home.

Hoping there is some board members who might want to meet and exchange notes over beer or coke in Jomtien.

Is anyone using the facebook groups to find men?  there are many gay men dating groups with some rent boys... and other looking for partners or sugar daddys...

Great post ! Live life to the fullest now .

With all the health problems you had you need to be a realist I guess and know you might not have as long as you wish, and do everything you want to now💜👍

[thaiophilus]

20 hours ago, wtfool said:

the topic was about life as a senior gay man so i thought I'd post my perspective, thanks for your words fedsoccr but i think if there was depresssion or therapy needed then I'd be aware of that and not need some guy on the internet to know better? you can only say things accurately if you are talking about yourself.

Not sure about that...

• Depression can be insidious and the sufferer may be unaware of it, or so demotivated they don't seek help.
• I don't see "some guy on the internet knows better" but "some guy on the internet suggests you might consider getting professional advice".

[Guest]

2 hours ago, thaiophilus said:

Depression can be insidious and the sufferer may be unaware of it, or so demotivated they don't seek help.

very few people are aware they are depressed or fit the definition of clinical depression.  It can be a slow slide into that place - a gradual descent that may not be noticed.  Very common as people age, losing loved ones, questioning purpose/life choices, reduced mobility, health issues, etc.  
Seeking professional help is ideal.
In my own experience, I’ve found that doctors nowadays are very quick to prescribe anti-depressants as a quick fix.  When that happened to me, I thought let me try some other things first - a dedicated exercise plan, more fresh air, less television (especially network news & politics), more/better sleep.  Problem solved without the drugs.  

[Guest]

17 minutes ago, wtfool said:

you say that seeking professional help is ideal then immediately contradict yourself by saying you solved your problem by things you "thought" yourself

the context of my prescription was at the height of Covid, when access to professional help was near impossible in the US.  I didn’t feel as if I had been properly evaluated bc I was prescribed anti-depressants before seeing a doctor.  At that point - I thought I would try other options first - if those options didn’t work, then I had the prescription as second course of action.

the things I described worked for me.  I don’t presume to suggest that will work for you. Just my own experience & I prefer to stay off any prescription drug if it can be avoided. 

Prior to Covid, I’ve had many positive experiences w various therapists at different stages of life.  It was helpful to get a professional objective point-of-view to see things in different ways. That said, I’ve had some therapists I’d say were brilliant and some that were just not good - just like anything else.

 

[PeterRS]

1 hour ago, wtfool said:

I still hope I can make my life better? but i also know there are many people far worse off than me, I'm just not very good at being gay, if I was I'd have a fuller life for sure

So you know the problem, but you are not prepared to take the 'medicine' to enable you to have that fuller life. We're all different and that is your way of living it. Frankly, though, if I wanted a fuller life, I'd hate myself if I had not done my damnedest to solve it. As has been said before in other posts, I don't want to die with regrets.

[vinapu]

11 hours ago, kokopelli 2 said:

I have a gay friend who has many straight acquaintances and friends who aren't aware of his gayness. He maintains a separate room where he meets gay guys via the apps and no one is the wiser. 

or they are decent enough not to mention anything about that. Speaking from personal experience as once by chance   I overheard conversation of my friend with his wife. We were on cruise together. I was waiting for elevator on other side of shaft. He said he noticed that few times I was glancing over guys passing by just for bit too long and shared his observation, she said she noticed the same.

[vinapu]

6 hours ago, Londoner said:

The funeral provided me with an odd sensation, standing around his grave as eulogies were delivered, knowing that a hugely significant fact about him would be interred with his body.

                                                                                                              

this is I hate all those eulogies and hope nobody delivers one over me. Only once I heard something close to truth when my friend died and whoever delivered eulogy said " as we all know when she got upset she cursed  not like lady" 

[vinapu]

2 hours ago, Slvkguy said:

- a dedicated exercise plan, more fresh air, less television (especially network news & politics), more/better sleep.  Problem solved without the drugs.  

add gin and you have my case

[vinapu]

2 hours ago, wtfool said:

I also know there are many people far worse off than me, 

realizing that is best anti-depressant and it's  free

[Olddaddy]

Just now, vinapu said:

add gin and you have my case

I wonder as we get older in this generation is news & current affairs more important to us as Gay older men ?

What about social media? 

I see many gay seniors on Instagram showing their semi gym bodies .

 

[vinapu]

2 minutes ago, Olddaddy said:

I wonder as we get older in this generation is news & current affairs more important to us as Gay older men ?

What about social media? 

I see many gay seniors on Instagram showing their semi gym bodies .

 

I don't watch TV for generation, for news I read magazines where news are already digested and better presented than on the spot clunk.

Only social media if you can call them that I participate is  this forum ,e-bay , Grindr and Line, last two for sinister reasons obviously.

I did not notice I'm worse informed about world issues than anybody around and as for friends they are already asking me if I throw my annual party at end  Nov and I can afford to tell them ' who told you you will be invited ? " and we still laugh.

I think those Instagram seniors ( and not only them ) you mentioned have serious problem with low self-esteem

[a-447]

Wtfool, you seem to lack a proper understanding of what a friend is. 

Most important of all, a true friend is someone who is there to support you in all situations. So if they turn on you because you are gay, how can you consider them to be friends?

[floridarob]

2 hours ago, wtfool said:

I'm just not very good at being gay, if I was I'd have a fuller life for sure

And I've have a better decorated house, I don't have that part of the gay gene 😒

58 minutes ago, wtfool said:

and keep myself to myself, coming out to straight friends in pattaya

Pattaya only exists for 1 reason I've always said, Whoring. If they are there, I'm sure nothing will surprise them, they have probably been with a ladyboy or more.....it's chic to be Bi, test those waters....but in any case, I'm betting they already have a clue.

[xpaulo]

On 9/7/2022 at 3:59 PM, fedssocr said:

with his Thai wife, family and friends

The wife and family are probably a big part of his happiness. My sense is that many old men, gay and straight, are not close to whatever family members they have left and are alone and lonely. Maybe the solution is to marry someone younger, as long as there's genuine affection and enjoyment of each others company. One solace of modern life for old men is the amount of pornography that's available. Maybe that sounds sad, but I like it.

[a-447]

So just stay away from people who want to judge you all the time.

[xpaulo]

7 hours ago, wtfool said:

i think if I could only live this life again I'd be so much wiser the next time

I'd certainly try to have a lot more sex in my youth do-again if I could have one. I wasn't in denial about my gayness, but it was a complication in the small town where I lived. 

[vinapu]

3 minutes ago, xpaulo said:

I'd certainly try to have a lot more sex in my youth do-again if I could have one.

since you will not get that focus on the future

[floridarob]

1 minute ago, wtfool said:

as they already know what I'm trying to hide but just don't say as they think it's not their business?

either that, or they don't even think about your sex life, because THEY ARE IN PATTAYA and they're thinking about theirs, lol

[floridarob]

24 minutes ago, wtfool said:

I still get line video calls from them from soi bukhao bars with ladies with their tits out sitting on their laps with grins as big as can be with messages like see what your missing, wish you were here etc....makes me feel a right fraud .... i'd rather get a line call from a friend with a topless (or better) young slim thai guy.

yes of course I've brought this own myself with my actions/words leading them to believe that I am straight, I've had many years practice at living the lie.

I don't "act" gay, as far as I know and I've been told by people they can't believe I'm gay.

I live my life, as I want. Don't advertise it but when I have been asked, I reply "why, are you interested, what you want to do?"

I have straight friends from high school that I'm still in touch with, they never ask and I never bring it up, but without a doubt they know....just isn't part of our conversations, we talk about their kids and I talk about my dog or my travels.

Couldn't imagine being afraid of enjoying my life as I want, I'm not 18 & confused.

[reader]

1 hour ago, wtfool said:

... but many many people for sure (not only me) are not living their lives as they want and in particular closeted gay guys of which there will literally be millions.

If you can't live your life at home as you want because of how contemporaries might judge you, there's no reason why you can't catch a flight to BKK (or Mexico, or Brazil) where you're unknown and live that life.

It's been my experience that no one gives a shit who's walking beside you. I frequently walk around Bangkok with guys young enough to be my grandson and nobody cares. No, I don't hold their hands but I have no desire to. We just walk and talk like everybody else.

I go to restaurants well outside the Silom area and we're greeted like everyone else. I go to malls and movie theaters and other attractions without a second thought. People are too busy enjoying themselves.

Don't take my word for it. Take Morgan Freeman's: "Get busy living or get busy dying."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6v_eSNVxec

 

[Olddaddy]

3 hours ago, wtfool said:

I still get line video calls from them from soi bukhao bars with ladies with their tits out sitting on their laps with grins as big as can be with messages like see what your missing, wish you were here etc....makes me feel a right fraud .... i'd rather get a line call from a friend with a topless (or better) young slim thai guy.

yes of course I've brought this own myself with my actions/words leading them to believe that I am straight, I've had many years practice at living the lie.

Sounds like you work in the construction industry,in that case I wouldn't tell anyone you like guys especially younger guys,some older mature aged Gay men must still keep their sexuality secret in different occupations, I don't think it would go down to well in Construction or Wharf type jobs you being known as the "old poof" etc ,

Had a friend (fit 48yo guy)  only last year working on the wharves here in Sydney unloading ,workmates  there find out he was gay made a few jokes then even his Supervisor shouts out to him to sit & drive  the forklift but then adds ,"  but only if your arsehole is not sore" 😊then all his workmates start laughing 

I told him to laugh with them, take it as a joke as mature aged gay man he needs to get over it