A present for a boy

[Shonen]

I admire you helping the boys. I think if you can afford it, it’s fine. I tip generously, but I try to avoid getting involved with most boys as I did in the past.

Social media is off limits, and Gaybutton is right about buying a cheap phone and another SIM card. However I do regret not getting contact info from a couple guys that worked at the now closed Good Boys. I would have paid them to come from their province just for the sex. The problem being they spoke almost no English. 

[Boy69]

I think giving money is not a good idea , it might cause unrealistic expectations from the boy point of view for receiving more money in the future and a modest gift the PO sent to him is a good Idea.

Few years ago I had beutiful money boy whom I met in Phuket/ Patong in one of the bars there who travel with me for a week after coming back home I received many pleading requests from him for money, he implied that he doesn't want to go back to the bars scene and prefer to stay at his mom house I foolishly sent him 10k BHT so he can start new life on his hometown but then the requests for money become more frequent and for substantially bigger amount , I stopped answering the boy and ignored all his messages. it was the first and last time sending money to a Thai boy. 

[vinapu]

23 hours ago, ichigo said:

So I thought I would do something nice for my favourite bar boy in Bangkok, I noticed on his line profile that his birthday was coming up so I thought I would send some flowers as a surprise, 

 

5 hours ago, Gaybutton said:

What about Western Union?

Also if you're talking about a money boy, why not let him know you want to send money to him, but you don't know how.  He'll know.

In Western Union you still need at least his name, no ?

OP wanted surprise

[vinapu]

2 hours ago, TotallyOz said:

 At one point many ... I was taking care of 9 guys at one time. That was nuts. Now, only 2 in Thailand.

I always share my contact with the guys and rarely do they abuse it. I know my style is not for all, but it works for me and GB's works for him.

since few of us can afford helping 9 boys at time I guess Gaybutton's  advice applies more widely.

I rarely share contacts and in cases I did , can't say is abused but yes, money requests are coming  at least once from at least half on contacts , usually shortly after I left Thailand. My answer is usually " when we met I did what I could then"

[vinapu]

22 minutes ago, Boy69 said:

I think giving money is not a good idea , it might cause unrealistic expectations from the boy point of view for receiving more money in the future

don't take it personally but this is common excuse for Cheap Charlies.

I don't think we need any excuse for not giving money to somebody we barely know. We also don't need excuse if we decided to respond to request, it's all between us and a boy in question.

Problem is not to get entrapped in barrage of constant requests like you were with that Patong guy. Then only thing that would work is either to block contact or liberally use phrase " I can't" without going to too much explanation.

[reader]

5 hours ago, vinapu said:

I don't think we need any excuse for not giving money to somebody we barely know. We also don't need excuse if we decided to respond to request, it's all between us and a boy in question.

Amen.

[vinapu]

14 minutes ago, reader said:

Amen.

right, I forgot it's Sunday today

[GWMinUS]

23 hours ago, floridarob said:

But you don't suck your GP or Plumbers dick either.....

OH!! But I think Old Daddy's Electrican???  😋

[Gaybutton]

7 hours ago, vinapu said:

 

In Western Union you still need at least his name, no ?

OP wanted surprise

How much more of a surprise could it be, unexpectedly receiving a notification money has been sent to you and is available at any Western Union pick up office?

[Gaybutton]

7 hours ago, Boy69 said:

I foolishly sent him 10k BHT so he can start new life on his hometown but then the requests for money become more frequent and for substantially bigger amount , I stopped answering the boy and ignored all his messages. it was the first and last time sending money to a Thai boy. 

That is exactly the kind of problem I'm warning about.  Some might be lucky and it doesn't happen, but believe me that is the exception.  The problem is, as I said, no matter how much you give, it's never enough.  And the pleas for money never stops.

One poster calls my advice ludicrous and says just block him.  Really?  Try it.  Just try it,  It won't take long to see how doing that seems like it will work, except for one thing - it doesn't . . .

If you want to send money as a gift, by all means send how much you want.  No problem about him knowing who sent it if, and only if, he doesn't get your contact information.

[Boy69]

8 hours ago, vinapu said:

don't take it personally but this is common excuse for Cheap Charlies.

I don't think we need any excuse for not giving money to somebody we barely know. We also don't need excuse if we decided to respond to request, it's all between us and a boy in question.

Problem is not to get entrapped in barrage of constant requests like you were with that Patong guy. Then only thing that would work is either to block contact or liberally use phrase " I can't" without going to too much explanation.

I think you misinterpreted my comment I don't see any wrong if one decides sending money to a boy if he loves him, appreciation  for his service once they met or just because he likes him , Me for example met a Colombian boy through the Internet whom I am going to meet on Christmas for the first time and our relationship become more serious over time ( to my surprise ! )so I send  him money every  month to support him for me it's not a huge amount but for him it's a substantial help for paying the bills and buying groceries, but in this case the OP barely know this boy he even doesn't know his name however decided to send a small gift to him that wouldn't interpreted by mistake by the boy as a gesture of serious intention and if he sent money this is exactly what might be understood by the boy.

The OP did the right thing. 

[vinapu]

6 hours ago, Gaybutton said:

That is exactly the kind of problem I'm warning about.  Some might be lucky and it doesn't happen, but believe me that is the exception.  The problem is, as I said, no matter how much you give, it's never enough.  And the pleas for money never stops.

One poster calls my advice ludicrous and says just block him.  Really?  Try it.  Just try it,  It won't take long to see how doing that seems like it will work, except for one thing - it doesn't . . .

If you want to send money as a gift, by all means send how much you want.  No problem about him knowing who sent it if, and only if, he doesn't get your contact information.

funny thing I agree with you  almost fully even if my particular experience with money ' extortion " by the boys is quite opposite. But  I can live with fact that I'm in exception category when comes to the matter.

My statistic sample is very small , just 3 guys received money and one smartphone. Two out those three did not even ask, I did it on my own will. One asked but only once. All three confirmed reception by sending me a picture of them holding money which is good idea as it's always possibility of scam and stolen identity. One who got money  on my own will did not even exchanged contact info when we met after the fact (whole thing was helped with by common friend).

I went through list of contacts on Line today and only  1/3 of guys from there ever asked for handouts, exactly 8 out of 24. Other 16 still have their chance for refusal.

So why I agree ? Those who asked were out of blue and often very persistent including one who wanted no less than 20000 and sent me bank account info right away.

It's never pleasant to say ' no' even if request is entirely unwarranted, it's why your warning should be taken seriously

[Gaybutton]

3 hours ago, vinapu said:

It's never pleasant to say ' no' even if request is entirely unwarranted, it's why your warning should be taken seriously

That's right.  You never know, so it is best to be very cautious about it.  Don't forget, I live in Pattaya and have been here many years.  I think I know a little more about the goings on than people who go to Thailand for holidays, even if it is months at a time, and decide now they know more than people who live here.

Some of the "expert" posts I see cause me to spend several minutes finishing up having my little laugh.

I'm not warning frivolously. 

[Olddaddy]

4 hours ago, Gaybutton said:

That's right.  You never know, so it is best to be very cautious about it.  Don't forget, I live in Pattaya and have been here many years.  I think I know a little more about the goings on than people who go to Thailand for holidays, even if it is months at a time, and decide now they know more than people who live here.

Some of the "expert" posts I see cause me to spend several minutes finishing up having my little laugh.

I'm not warning frivolously. 

But I guess you don't know about lonileness , many of these old farang guys go back to their own country after holidays in Thailand and most live by themselves,it can be a lonely life between trips 

[Gaybutton]

37 minutes ago, Olddaddy said:

But I guess you don't know about lonileness , many of these old farang guys go back to their own country after holidays in Thailand and most live by themselves,it can be a lonely life between trips 

Oh yes I do know - only too well.  I too lived by myself.  I came to Thailand years before living there and went through it many times.  For me some of the most terrible days of my life were the days my holiday was over and i had to return to the USA.  I clearly remember more than once, when I had to change planes in Tokyo on my way back to the USA, right next to the plane to the USA there was a plane getting ready to go to Bangkok.  It was all I could do not to try to board that plane.

Personally, though it isn't easy, I'd choose being lonely and realistically looking forward to my next holiday in Thailand rather than get stuck in a money trap with obviously insincere boy.  Unfortunately, the choice becomes accepting reality or trying to continue living a fantasy.  I hope you make the right decision.

[reader]

5 hours ago, Gaybutton said:

Some of the "expert" posts I see cause me to spend several minutes finishing up having my little laugh.

I'm not warning frivolously. 

Happy I could bring a bit of amusement into your day.

As I said before, I acknowledge that you're speaking honestly--and I believe from the heart--about you've experiences. In my book you are providing a valuable reflection on your many years as a Pattaya expat. I hope you'll keep warning us for many more.

But you're quick to dismiss others who've had different experiences and formed a different perspective. You're persuaded that only your take on the matter could possibly be true and others must be delusional.

[Gaybutton]

3 minutes ago, reader said:

Happy I could bring a bit of amusement into your day.

Why are you assuming I meant you?  I wasn't even thinking about you.  I had someone else in mind - not even a poster on this board, but I'm not going to say who.  However, your assumption, although wrong,  does amuse me.

[reader]

Like I said, happy to oblige. 😉

[Olddaddy]

3 hours ago, Gaybutton said:

Oh yes I do know - only too well.  I too lived by myself.  I came to Thailand years before living there and went through it many times.  For me some of the most terrible days of my life were the days my holiday was over and i had to return to the USA.  I clearly remember more than once, when I had to change planes in Tokyo on my way back to the USA, right next to the plane to the USA there was a plane getting ready to go to Bangkok.  It was all I could do not to try to board that plane.

Personally, though it isn't easy, I'd choose being lonely and realistically looking forward to my next holiday in Thailand rather than get stuck in a money trap with obviously insincere boy.  Unfortunately, the choice becomes accepting reality or trying to continue living a fantasy.  I hope you make the right decision.

But you can still be lonely in Pattaya/Thailand if you have no family or partner.

Many a days last month in jomtien I was lonely ,sitting out on the balcony staring at the sea by myself.

 

[vinapu]

41 minutes ago, Olddaddy said:

Many a days last month in jomtien I was lonely ,sitting out on the balcony staring at the sea by myself.

 

why you did not go down to have massage in the Complex or fire some app and invite soothing boy?

or just stroll along the beach as cheaper option to see some life and bodies ?  

[zoomomancs]

23 hours ago, Gaybutton said:

That is exactly the kind of problem I'm warning about.  Some might be lucky and it doesn't happen, but believe me that is the exception.  The problem is, as I said, no matter how much you give, it's never enough.  And the pleas for money never stops.

One poster calls my advice ludicrous and says just block him.  Really?  Try it.  Just try it,  It won't take long to see how doing that seems like it will work, except for one thing - it doesn't . . .

If you want to send money as a gift, by all means send how much you want.  No problem about him knowing who sent it if, and only if, he doesn't get your contact information.

If we say no often enough the requests stop in my experience. I completely agree not to get trapped sending regular cash to an insincere man. I've done it, though no fortune. A friend of a friend gave about £100,000 to a man he'd never met in a different continent. But I don't regret being in contact with dozens of Asian men over the last 11 years. I want to meet many of them again so my way I know where they are. When one of them threw himself in the river in Bangkok and died I was on the next plane to Vietnam to see his family. Of course many of them will give us a sob story to try to get cash. And sometimes their reality is grim. We can keep in touch and be very careful, and say no, and do what we can to help when we are there. 

[Gaybutton]

4 hours ago, zoomomancs said:

 Of course many of them will give us a sob story to try to get cash. And sometimes their reality is grim. We can keep in touch and be very careful, and say no, and do what we can to help when we are there. 

I feel just as sorry for them as anyone else, especially when I'm certain their story is true.  But I also remember I did not do that to them and I am not responsible for their lives.  I do what I can without causing problems for myself.  For example, one boy who I had gotten to know very well had gone back to the rice farm.  Just last month he needed a sprayer and fertilizer.  I knew - not guessed, but knew - he was telling the truth.  Not particularly expensive for me, but way beyond his means.  I bought the sprayer and fertilizer for him, but made it clear this is all I can do and if he needs anything else, he's on his own.  He respected that and he is doing fine.

He knows me well enough to know that once I set the limit, that's all he is going to get out of me.    He got what he needed and I don't get harassed for more and more money.  I have a life too and I intend to live it - at least what's left of it . . .

[Boy69]

I guess most boys have serious personal problems which caused them to work as money boys and it's not really a dream come true to work in the sex industry (although I met many boys that are very lazy whom can't work at regular jobs so it's convenient for them ) many of them come from poor or unfuctional families with no proper education neither skills to work at proper jobs but on the other hand we have our life and problems too and we can't help everry boy we meet, all I can do is to be as much fair , respectful and generous to the boys I can and hope their life will be better for them in the future. 

 

[Gaybutton]

On 8/29/2022 at 9:30 PM, Olddaddy said:

But you can still be lonely in Pattaya/Thailand if you have no family or partner.

Many a days last month in jomtien I was lonely ,sitting out on the balcony staring at the sea by myself.

Are you serious?  I would think you know as well as I do that the last place on Earth where you have to be lonely is Pattaya.  What do you want?  What are you looking for?

If you are looking for companionship, nothing could be quicker or easier.

If you're looking for a life partner, that's an entirely different matter.  You don't need me or anyone else to post "How to find the right partner" lessons.  But for sure you're not going to find him by sitting out on the balcony staring at the sea.