Interfering rude farang

[Olddaddy]

This is the 3rd time this has happened in the last 25 years of coming to Pattaya but still it makes me angry.

The other night I'm in a bar bought the boy a drink, sitting next to each other,the boy says hello to John or whatever his name was, john sees the boy with me but ignores me and sits on the other side of the boy.

John completely oblivion to me starts chatting to the boy who turns his chair to John.

Now john didn't bother to buy the boy a drink but obviously knew him as a customer

I was going to say something to John but thought let it go 

 

This once before happened to me in about 2009 in Sunee Plaza which a farang butted in and bought the boy a drink whilst he already had one !!

Just right in front of me got on the other side of the boy and bought him a drink !!

Me sitting there looking a dummy !

, I then walked away  leaving the boy and the Farang , later he  went too  and the boy came back to me in the bar ,I just paid the boy drink without tip and left too after that !

But guys !!  Surely Surely  you must SEE the boy is SITTING with another farang ????

Why would you do that ?

Should I get into a physical fight with the interfering farang?

Its just plain rude surely you are not that ignorant?

Is it a power play ?

Have to feel like your powerful ?

 

 

 

[PeterRS]

I really shouldn't comment as I have not been in a bar for some years. However, I did also have this happen maybe 7 or 8 years ago. It turned out that the man my boy turned to was a regular at the bar, had offed the boy before at least once and was known as a good tipper. At that point, I had not even tipped my boy my usual 100 baht for sitting and chatting to me.

I have no idea if your boy knew the other man but suspect that he did. I did not make a fuss as the last thing I wanted was a boy sitting next to me who really preferred to be with another guy he knew to tip well. My view is that buying a drink for a boy should give you some proprietorial rights unless another has told the mamasan he wants to take the boy out. But I don't think logical thinking is ever at the forefront of bar behaviour. Certainly making a scene would just make you look stupid in the eyes of all the bar workers. They'll mark you down as a trouble maker which could affect your enjoyment of any future visit you make. 

[macaroni21]

Something similar happened to me a few nights ago, but it wasn't as serious as the OP's incident. It was resolved quickly and I didn't have to contemplate any further action.

When I entered the gogo bar, there were only 3 other customers. Each had a boy sitting with him. With so few customers, it's easy to note who was with whom. All 3 customers were on one side of the bar but I chose to sit on the opposite side, facing them.

I fancied a boy who was then on stage and signalled to him to come sit with me. That he did and we remained seated together for some 20 minutes before I needed to go pee. In those 20 minutes, we had some discussion about what he would or would not do in the room and his expected fee. I think my boy was pretty sure that we would soon be striking a deal, though I hadn't yet said so explicitly.

Just before I went to the bathroom, I happened to notice one of the customers ("John" for now) releasing the boy who had been seated next to him. I couldn't tell if they had agreed on an off or not.

When I got back from the bathroom, John was talking to the boy who was sitting with me. He had come over from the other side of the bar to do so.

I took my seat wondering a little what a reasonable response from me should be. I don't want to use terms like 'proprietorial rights' but I felt that common courtesy  and respect for others' spaces were being called into question.

After all, I have been in situations myself where, walking into a bar, a boy recognized me and initiated a hello. My response would typically be to return the hello with a smile and little more, but also a smile and nod to whichever customer was then with him. And move away.

In this case, john continued talking to the boy even after I took my seat, ignoring my presence. But the boy was smart enough to resolve the situation. He nudged himself closer to me and placed a hand on my thigh. 

Meanwhile, I looked straight at john. Don't know if one might call it a glare.

He moved away and exited the bar. Obviously he had not offed the guy he had been sitting with. I asked my boy whether he had met john before. The boy said no.

Five minutes later, I off'ed my guy and forgot about the incident until I read about your experience.

[Min]

2 hours ago, Olddaddy said:

john sees the boy with me but ignores me and sits on the other side of the boy.

John completely oblivion to me starts chatting to the boy who turns his chair to John.

Now john didn't bother to buy the boy a drink but obviously knew him as a customer

I'm thinking what I would do if I were in your shoes. Probably ask mamasan to move the boy's drink and respective bill to John's table?

[Olddaddy]

30 minutes ago, macaroni21 said:

Something similar happened to me a few nights ago, but it wasn't as serious as the OP's incident. It was resolved quickly and I didn't have to contemplate any further action.

When I entered the gogo bar, there were only 3 other customers. Each had a boy sitting with him. With so few customers, it's easy to note who was with whom. All 3 customers were on one side of the bar but I chose to sit on the opposite side, facing them.

I fancied a boy who was then on stage and signalled to him to come sit with me. That he did and we remained seated together for some 20 minutes before I needed to go pee. In those 20 minutes, we had some discussion about what he would or would not do in the room and his expected fee. I think my boy was pretty sure that we would soon be striking a deal, though I hadn't yet said so explicitly.

Just before I went to the bathroom, I happened to notice one of the customers ("John" for now) releasing the boy who had been seated next to him. I couldn't tell if they had agreed on an off or not.

When I got back from the bathroom, John was talking to the boy who was sitting with me. He had come over from the other side of the bar to do so.

I took my seat wondering a little what a reasonable response from me should be. I don't want to use terms like 'proprietorial rights' but I felt that common courtesy  and respect for others' spaces were being called into question.

After all, I have been in situations myself where, walking into a bar, a boy recognized me and initiated a hello. My response would typically be to return the hello with a smile and little more, but also a smile and nod to whichever customer was then with him. And move away.

In this case, john continued talking to the boy even after I took my seat, ignoring my presence. But the boy was smart enough to resolve the situation. He nudged himself closer to me and placed a hand on my thigh. 

Meanwhile, I looked straight at john. Don't know if one might call it a glare.

He moved away and exited the bar. Obviously he had not offed the guy he had been sitting with. I asked my boy whether he had met john before. The boy said no.

Five minutes later, I off'ed my guy and forgot about the incident until I read about your experience.

I can't understand what this person was thinking unless he thought you left?

But when he seen you come back he still sat there?

I don't understand why

[macaroni21]

10 minutes ago, Olddaddy said:

I can't understand what this person was thinking unless he thought you left?

Unlikely. No boy would remain seated in place if a customer had left. Moreover, my drink, check bin and knapsack were still there.

And with so few customers in a bar, just as I could see who was doing what, I am sure others could see that I had headed to the bathroom rather than the opposite direction to the door.

[floridarob]

a Mamasan told me that, until the boy is "offed" he's available still....I saw someone with a customer that I was with before and wanted to off again. But I was shy (I was still new). She asked if I wanted him again, I said yes, paid his off and she told him to get dressed and come with me. I felt awkward for a moment, but reminded me of Filene's Basement (Boston reference, Reader will get) It's not yours until you've taken it to the check out......

These guys are there to make money, not sit and chit chat all night long not knowing if the customer will be a customer.....they prefer the sure thing over 100 Baht tip.

[Vessey]

THere is a certain etiquette to this, or at least I would like to think there is; probably naively.

I too have occasionally had the 'alpha males' deliberately trying to muscle-in on boys I was sitting with; it is annoying but also a test on the boy. If the boy is clearly distracted by the said alpha male, then he probably wasn't the right boy for me anyhow. Does dent the ego, but I am usually surrounded by alternatives.

It has also worked the other way for me. I have gone into a bar to meet-up and off one of my regulars to find that he is already sitting with a customer. This has happened to me several times with one of the more popular boys in Winner Boys, Dah.

Disappointed I will sit with my drink and look for an opportunity to make eye contact with him if he hasn't spotted me first.  He will usually make an excuse to go to the toilet, and either make eye contact again as he does so and either smile or give a discrete little wave, or else he will swing by me on his way back and very quickly say if he thinks his current customer is just there for a drink, or maybe a possible off.  So I either stay and wait my turn, or move-on accordingly, as Dah usually calls it correctly.

But I echo the advice that the boy isn't yours for the night until you have offed-him and his off-fee is sitting in your bin.

On the other hand I often go into a bar and just want a boy to sit and drink with, and I usually tell the boy/mamasan (so that the boy understands), that this will just be a drink or two and if he sees a potential customer come into the bar, he is entirely free to say goodbye to me and go and try and get an off elsewhere. Doesn't happen very often, but I would feel guilty if my drink and usual 100 baht tip spoiled a boy's chances for a short-time. 

 

 

 

[Guest]

I've never had this happen.  If a boy is sitting with you after you have bought a boy drink, he should be professional and give you his attention.  

Obviously a few words to someone else are fine, but not a prolonged conversation.

The other caveat is this arrangement is not for an indefinite amount of time.  Some customers drink slowly.   If his glass is empty after 20 minutes, it's probably time to off him, buy another drink or tip him and move on. 

[gayinpattaya]

If this happened in a Gogo bar, it's very unusual and I agree with the OP, not good at all. 

However, if this happened somewhere like Jomtien Complex, I think it's important to remember where you are. A very insightful British tourist said last week while chatting at @home bar, that often Jomtien Complex feels like a social club. While 20-30% of people here at the moment may be tourists, the vast majority are expats who are in the same bars, with the same customers and same boys, most days, if not all days of the week. While not the case here, it's also important to mention that a large number of Asians who drink in Jomtien Complex are not there working, but out for a drink after work. Although many will quickly become a freelancer for the right price. 

Jomtien Complex is largely an expat location. Hopefully a busy high season can change that. 

Over the covid period, many expats kept these boys fed and housed (those that couldn't go home). I am still aware of a good number of Complex boys who are still living with farang, but working the bars at night. I personally am very friendly with a few boys in Jomtien, drink with them often, but it will never be anything more than that (they are not working there). 

Would be interesting to know what the boys story is, if you see him again. 

Either way, I hope this doesn't happen to you again.

 

[Olddaddy]

54 minutes ago, floridarob said:

a Mamasan told me that, until the boy is "offed" he's available still....I saw someone with a customer that I was with before and wanted to off again. But I was shy (I was still new). She asked if I wanted him again, I said yes, paid his off and she told him to get dressed and come with me. I felt awkward for a moment, but reminded me of Filene's Basement (Boston reference, Reader will get) It's not yours until you've taken it to the check out......

These guys are there to make money, not sit and chit chat all night long not knowing if the customer will be a customer.....they prefer the sure thing over 100 Baht tip.

But there's a difference you mention.

Your not approaching the boy !

If your sitting with a boy ( in a beer bar) ,bought him a drink and was sitting next to him chatting and I came along sat on the other side and either started talking to him or bought him a drink, that's the difference 

[vaughn]

I find there are situations where I'm ok with it and when I'm not.

In April I had all of the Winner Boys cast sitting with me at a table with drinks when @Vessey and his entourage arrived. Some of the boys excused themselves and went to join the other table, but came back occasionally to check-in. I was completely fine with that, sharing is caring.

I've also been invited to join a table by another farang when he was in a similar position with a table full of boys and I was solo, I appreciated that so I wasn't sitting around waiting for him to leave. I actually became friends with him from that night.

If I was one-on-one with a boy I plan to off, I'm ok with the boy going to say hello to a previous customer. If the customer 'did a John' and tried to sideline me from the boy/conversation, I would either leave or make my intentions known by calling the mamasan over and paying bin with the off fee then leave with the boy.

There's no point getting upset or possessive over boys when you're surrounded by possibilities, mai pen lai.

[vinapu]

In such  a case I'd say, gnash your teeth and let it go instead of creating scene.

We don,t know what boy,s intentions are and sometimes he may get directed by mamasan to sit with certain customer, usually well known for good business he is bringing in.

Older readers of this forum may recall my story form old Tawan when guy with off and tip sealed  told me exactly in the moment of paying off fee that he must go with another customer. I was left open mouthed gaping for an air.

I still don,t know reason but I suspect managerial order.

Anyways two years later I gave him 2nd chance and was mightily rewarded with what to this day I consider  my best by far long time off ever.

The same way we have our favorite guys, boys may have their favorite customers, unfair as it is, it,s just fact of life.

[Min]

16 minutes ago, vaughn said:

In April I had all of the Winner Boys cast sitting with me at a table with drinks when @Vessey and his entourage arrived.

His entourage? Was it the whole cast of a nearby bar? 

Sorry if my joke is inappropriate.

[vaughn]

41 minutes ago, Min said:

His entourage? Was it the whole cast of a nearby bar? 

Sorry if my joke is inappropriate.

I probably should have just said "another board member" in hindsight, it was a tongue-in-cheek joke, but a lively group and welcome sight for a quiet night in Sunee.

[a-447]

If some random guy tried to move in on the boy I was with in a bar, I'd just politely say "Sorry, but the boy is with me."

If I was sitting with a guy and I did not intend to off him I would let him know right from the start and say he was free to go if he thought he could get an off. Business is business.

I've been in the situation when a guy I had offed a number of times over my holiday was sitting with another customer when I arrived at the bar. I met the boy outside when he went for a smoke and told him I would off him if the other guy had no intention of doing so. He returned to the customer and found out he was not going to get an off. I signalled to him to continue sitting with the customer and earn a tip and we'd get together after the customer had left. That way, we were all happy - smiles all around. Isn't that what it's all about?

Although I have never been in the situation where a boy I was sitting with randomly got up and joined another customer, if that ever happened I wouldn't say anything. But I'd be reluctant to have anything to do with him next time I was in the bar.

[emiel1981]

9 hours ago, z909 said:

I've never had this happen.  If a boy is sitting with you after you have bought a boy drink, he should be professional and give you his attention.  

Exactly. If I would pay a boy a drink and he didn't finish his drink yet and were talking for just 5 minutes or so, and another farang would jump in and "steal" the boy's attention I would not pay for the boydrink but let the staff or mamasan put that drink on the other farang his bill... 

[Boy69]

I think the gelousy factor is the reason here , there are plenty of available boys in the bar but the rude lad wants the boy you are sitting with...

[khaolakguy]

Bruised ego, understandably. Rise above it, what goes around comes around........

[Olddaddy]

The ironic thing is back in 2009 when that middle aged Belgium guy done that to me in corner bar,U actually used reverse psychology by talking to the Farang who was a expat and buying him a drink, suddenly he didn't want to know the boy anymore and I ignored the boy after that