Doing gay things for the first time in Bangkok

[tallamerica]

Hi and sorry if this is the wrong place to post this.

I’m going to be arriving in Bangkok before the month is over and am interested in exploring my sexuality and trying some stuff with dudes. So overall I’m looking for basic newbie advice but also recommendations on where to go or avoid and cultural norms as someone who is still new.

I have done stuff a couple times on Grindr in America but never with anyone I was interested in and it was just sex to say “look see at least someone wants to get fucked by me”. So I am very new to everything especially being in a group setting around gay guys. I’m what I would consider to be a straightish/ bisexual top, I don’t come off as anything other than a normal suburban dude.

 

I”m pretty tall (6’4) but also chubby(have made progress but it doesn’t disappear over night) so I’m wondering if my height can cancel out being a little thicc or if I should assume the really hot twinks won’t be interested.

I kind of want to try going to a sauna but am nervous about unwanted touching and going there and nobody wanting what I got. I consider myself to be average looking just a tall guy with dad bod type look.

 

And lastly how do I make it known that I’m not interested in touching anybodys dick? I am seriously unaware what the situation is like. Are most people vers but have a preference? Will it be hard finding someone that will just go down on or bend over for me without reciprocating?

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this and I seriously appreciate any advice or tips anyone has to offer.

[vinapu]

12 hours ago, tallamerica said:

 

 

And lastly how do I make it known that I’m not interested in touching anybodys dick?

that's simple, if you are not interested in touching anybody's dick , just don't touch it, no ?

My advice is just go and see what happens without any preconceived notions. If you are bit apprehensive I'd say before you immense yourself in sauna crowd , first try one on one encounter with somebody found on apps or even better massage or bar guy.

Welcome to the forum  

[abidismaili]

And don’t worry about length. I am taller then you and never got a boy rejected because of my length. Money boys rarely reject someone.

Most comfortable for you would be a massage boy. Go to a massage shop. Select your boy. And then make it know you want sex. Tip him like 1000 to 2000 baht and he will comply 99.9% of the time.  In my experience they expect that request even. The hetero men pick ladies. 

[Londoner]

I'd forget about saunas; they are closed. And the scene has declined  since I arrived twenty-five years ago.

Are you interested in commercial sex or hoping to hook-up with gay guys?  Remember that the scene in Bangkok is much more commercially-orientated than at home. And that includes the apps. 

[Gaybutton]

I'm going to suggest trying the apps before going to strictly commercial venues.  Try Grindr, but also try Hornet, Planet Romeo, Jackd, and Blued.  Many boys on the apps are non commercial and also speak English fairly well.

I would register on all the apps before your trip and upload a few decent photos of yourself.  If you get responses - and believe me, you will - you can then explain what you are looking for, along with what you don't want.  Use simple language and no slang.  That way, the boy will know what to expect when he meets you and you won't have to feel awkward or embarrassed because you will already have communicated with the boy.

In my opinion, if the first thing the boy seems interested in is "How much you pay me?", that's a wrong boy and move on.

Also, this cultural norm stuff is a lot of garbage.  Over the years I've seen all kinds of dos and don'ts information.  Nearly all of it is nonsense and you'll find the boys pay attention to hardly any of it.  It's the last thing you need to worry about.  Just be yourself and you'll be fine.

If it's all new to you, you might be a little apprehensive at first.  That will pass quickly - very quickly.

[tallamerica]

Thank you all for the replies!

I think I forgot to mention I plan to move there long term/ permanently and teach English so I’m not racing against the clock to experience everything I can.

 

I think I will start with the apps. I want to wait until I am in my 30s before I start paying for sex. Until then I only eat what I can kill. I really want to like try not necessarily dating full on but see someone more than once and not block them after the first time like a scaredy-cat. Like casually date I guess so being fluent in English is important to me.
 

I think I might still get a handy at the end of a massage, but in terms of sex at this point in my life I want to have an emotional connection to the person I’m humping.

 

I have ThaiFriendly all set up and while the selection of lady boys and women is very impressive, the selection of cute guys is really lacking (it is majority tourist that are very old and then some lady boys that put the wrong gender in profile).  I was reading some other posts and someone said something like ”whatever app has the boy I want is my favorite app of the day” so I will adopt that philosophy lol. I thought I read that Romeo was on its last legs in terms of user numbers and young people don’t use it but I’m willing to cast a wide net.

 

I have 3 sex goals for this trip and that’s to hookup with: a British girl, a lady boy, and casually date/ hookup with a twink either local or foreign. After that I will just go to whatever makes my dingle tingle.

 

Again many thanks for all the replies!

[vinapu]

at end of day you won't be disappointed, that' for sure

[Gaybutton]

9 hours ago, tallamerica said:

I think I forgot to mention 

I want to wait until I am in my 30s

You're in your 20s?  You forgot to mention that part too.  My friend, if you're still in your 20s the last thing you're going to have a problem with is finding Thais who will want sex with you, no matter what you look like.  And unless you want to pay for it, you 'll find plenty of guys who will want sex with you for free.

As for teaching English, that may be more difficult than you think.  Teachers in Thailand are not paid very much.  You're going to need the right kind of visa if you want to stay long term in Thailand.  You're going to need a college degree and proper credentials.  You're going to need to take Thailand's TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course, and you're going to need a work permit.  If you lack any of those, especially the work permit, the only place you'll end up being able to teach English is in a Thai prison after you get arrested and before you're deported. 

I would also learn to speak and read Thai if I were you, and that isn't something you'll accomplish overnight.

Be very careful and make sure you know that you're doing before attempting to work in Thailand.

[tallamerica]

Ahaha that’s good to hear that it won’t be too difficult to find someone. Oh and I just bought my ticket and hotel for test and go so it is officially happening! 
 

In regards to tefl I have researched that scene in Bangkok a lot and already have a 180 hour certification and some school teaching experience. Between that and reading about other peoples experience finding a job and converting tourist visa to businesses visa I think I will be ok. If not I was always planning on doing online tutoring to supplement my income which is the same thing essentially and can be done anywhere with an internet connection. Worst case scenario I run out my visa and shift over to Vietnam or maybe Cambodia until I get everything sorted out.

[Gaybutton]

2 hours ago, tallamerica said:

If not I was always planning on doing online tutoring to supplement my income which is the same thing essentially and can be done anywhere with an internet connection.

I don't recommend that.  If the authorities catch up to it - and sooner or later they will - if you are accepting payment, but don't have a work permit, the penalties are the same.  From among all the things you want to see and do in Thailand, you definitely don't want spending time in a Thai jail to be one of your experiences.

You also are going to need a Thai bank account.  I recommend Bangkok Bank, Kasikorn Bank, or Siam Commercial Bank.  Until you have a work permit, you are probably going to need an agent to help you open the account.  These days it is very difficult to open a Thai bank account without the help of an agent.

See:  https://www.mots-services.com/

Mots is an honest, reliable, competent service.  You can see what they offer and the prices for the service.

Meanwhile, based on what you're writing, I would recommend spending at least 6 months in Thailand before committing to anything at all.  Seems to me you have an awful lot to learn.

[PeterRS]

37 minutes ago, Gaybutton said:

Seems to me you have an awful lot to learn.

I suspect that's true for almost anyone visiting Thailand for the first time for almost any kind of work.

I agree that at your age you will have absolutely no problem finding sex with other young Thai guys without paying. Although if you are basing yourself in Bangkok, please remember it is a very spread out city and many guys you might consider meeting may have to travel a long way to get to your hotel/condo. So an offer at least to pay for public transport will in many cases be very welcome. That shouldn't cost you more than about 200 baht - less than US$7. Equally if you have had an especially good time with a guy, an offer to take him for a simple Thai dinner will be welcomed. Most guys you are likely to meet will not be paid very much. Also, some will probably be university students.

While I agree with @Londoner that the sauna scene has long assed its heyday, given your age there are still lots of saunas which primarily attract young Thais. These tend to be located nearer the outskirts of the city. Older farang (westerners) tend not to venture so far out but you could well find yourself quite popular. Given your height, I suspect quite a few of guys will be keen to touch you to find out if you are as big down there! LOL In any case, if you go to a sauna, you have to expect you all be cruised and probably touched. You just have to get used to it. A gentle smile, shake of the head and brushing off the offending fingers is to difficult to learn. The only point to remember is that it seems from what I have been told that the use of condoms is not so common in those saunas. So take care. HIV rates among younger Thais is still far too high in Bangkok.

One of my best friends found his longtime partner (they've been together for 24 years) at the very popular disco DJ Station at the top of Suriwong close to Rama 4. I have not been for nearly a decade but again i am told it is usually packed with young guys. Many will be from neighbouring Asian countries like Singapore and Taiwan, but there will be plenty of good-looking Thais. Just for generally looking around and getting a 'feel' for Bangkok gay evenings, you would do worse than go for drinks at one of the main bars/eateries in Silom Soi 4. 

[Londoner]

Some good advice. The Covid issue may have encouraged some to forget that hiv remains a serious threat to Thais on the scene...I know which of the two I'd prefer to get!

[tallamerica]

Yeah in regards to stds I’m petrified of getting something that doesn’t go away with some pills. I will take it slow and definitely will do my best to resist the urge to not wear a condom. Also are local condoms really small or is that an exaggeration? I have heard that like 5-6 inches is the max size for some brands but I fit in normal regular sized American condoms.

Good news for me is that I coincidentally booked a hotel that is very close to krubb sauna. Plus every Tuesday is free foreigner day with ID and that just happens to be the day I come in so I guess I have no excuse not to go except for my nerves!

[NIrishGuy]

3 hours ago, tallamerica said:

.......and definitely will do my best to resist the urge to not wear a condom.

Can I suggest you put the "will try my best" mode out of your mind as something that you "should" try to make happen and change your mindset and set it in stone before you go that you will NOT be having sex without a condom when in Thailand FULL STOP just (or period if you're from the US 🙂 ) as any possible deviation from that "I will NOT" can of course quickly lead to "well maybe just this one time" and BINGO, you end up going home with more than you arrived with, which as you said maybe wont be able to be cured with one / ANY tablet.

If you honestly believe / know in your heart that you're quite actually to throw caution to the wind some night and just decide to "risk it" in going bareback then perhaps consider starting a course of PREP well BEFORE your depart and then stay on it for the duration of your trip ( if not longer if you feel that's going to be a regular ( intentional)  "slip up" perhaps.

 

[thaiophilus]

4 hours ago, tallamerica said:

 are local condoms really small or is that an exaggeration? I have heard that like 5-6 inches is the max size for some brands

 

The issue is not so much length as girth. They are made in different diameters.  Too loose, it may slip off; too tight is very uncomfortable.

I recall somebody recently posted some information about this: search this forum for "condom AND size" and you should find it.

[tallamerica]

Very important distinction thanks for setting me straight. I will NOT have sex without a condom. 
 

I appreciate so many people giving advice and tips. I feel much more ready than I did when I made this thread.

[anddy]

just came back to the forum after a hiatus of a few months (for no particular reason) and found your post here @tallamerica. When are you due to arrive?

I have lived here in Bangkok for 8 years now and instead of written advice here I could offer you to meet up with me for coffee or a drink or dinner or something to talk about things. Since you said you're very new too gay settings I might be your guide, so to speak, to make you more comfortable than going alone. The same goes for a sauna visit. I have occasionally done such things with visitors from various countries before.

Feel free to PM me if you're interested. 

[Boy69]

On 2/11/2022 at 5:13 PM, tallamerica said:

I'm pretty tall (6’4) but also chubby(have made progress but it doesn’t disappear over night) so I’m wondering if my height can cancel out being a little thicc or if I should assume the really hot twinks won’t be interested.

I think you should know that for foreigners Thailand is on the commercial side of the spectrum you can find many attractive boys at the apps , clubs and massage parlours  they don't really care how do you look you pay for their services and you can ask them to do only what is comfortable for you most of them are flexible , patient and polite . Thailand is the land of smiles just relax and enjoy your time there .you won't regret you travel there .

[tallamerica]

Thanks that sounds nice I will send you a message. I’m down to talk to anyone on this forum you guys are all cool. My line is exactly the same as my username here.

When do I arrive? My flight lands on Tuesday 22nd at 6:30 am local time. I have everything set to go except for packing my bags and a pre travel Covid test. I have just 5 days booked to do my test and go but otherwise my plan is to probably stay in or around Bangkok. I feel obligated to spend at least 1 night in a hostel but I’m also trying to take advantage of the nice hotels in the area having up to 50% off normal price.

so yeah if anyone wants to talk hmu on line 
 

tallamerica

[vinapu]

7 hours ago, tallamerica said:

...... talk to anyone on this forum you guys are all cool

tell us something we don't know

[PeterRS]

8 hours ago, Boy69 said:

I think you should know that for foreigners Thailand is on the commercial side of the spectrum you can find many attractive boys at the apps , clubs and massage parlours  they don't really care how do you look you pay for their services and you can ask them to do only what is comfortable for you most of them are flexible , patient and polite .

I do not fully agree with @Boy69's comment. There is always a debate on chat forums about  money boys when it comes to Thailand. Although now happily settled down in Bangkok, I have lived here for 20 years and can say with complete conviction that in Bangkok you will find a lot of guys who are perfectly happy to spend time and have sex with a young foreigner without any thought of payment. Of course, some will be money boys but they are quite easy to weed out. In Pattaya on the other hand - and in many other cities - pay for play tends to be more the rule from what I hear.