TotallyOz Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Moving on after a break up is often painful and sad. My long time boyfriend and I have had a falling out. It was over nothing major but it was a very hard thing to do. What I always do when this happens is to give the BF space and distance (and a nice chunk of change). I am in Bangkok so that he is able to settle back into his life without me. I not only lost the number 1 but also the number 2,3 and 4. Damm it was just a really bad week all around. I need a group hug. Well, OK, I did get one tonight in Bangkok but the doormen were hugging too hard and as they hugged, they tried to maneuver my ass into their perspective bars. What do you find is the easiest way for you and for him to move on and yet still be friends? I have yet to have a Thai boyfriend that I did not remain friends with long after the breakup. Is this common or unusual? I find that for me once I care for someone, I never stop caring. I am also able to move on pretty fast as I know what the relationship was build on. I did love my number 1 as we had a very long history together and while I can't rule out a return visit, I think it is best for him, and me, to move on in separate directions. Quote
Guest MonkeySee Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 What do you find is the easiest way for you and for him to move on and yet still be friends? Sorry to hear about the breakup with number one. You must be a "basket case" losing 2,3, & 4, too. Keep an open line of communications with old number one, treat him with respect but look for a replacement tomorrow. Interviewing for another number one bf will be fun and keep you occupied. Good luck. Quote
Guest Steve1903 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 How did you manage to lose them all at once? To lose one is unlucky, to lose two is very unfortunate but to lose four seems damn careless to me. Quote
Gaybutton Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 What do you find is the easiest way for you and for him to move on and yet still be friends? That would depend on the reason for the breakup. If it was an amicable breakup then there is no reason not to remain friends. If it was a heated breakup and/or because of something serious the boy did, then it may be best to move on and find new friends. I would think the best way to retain a friendship would be to reach an agreement with each other that it's best for the both of you to move your separate ways. I know it's little consolation, but the majority of relationships between a farang and Thai boys do break up in the end. I've been through it. Most of my farang friends have been through it. I only know of four farang-Thai boy relationships that lasted more than a few years. Those relationships are solid and most likely permanent, but those are the extremely lucky ones. Most fail to work out in the end. Most fail much more quickly than years going by. It also happens all too frequently the other way around. I've had quite a number of boys come to me in tears telling me that the farang who they sincerely loved broke it off with them, usually for another boy. I also know of many cases in which everything appeared to be fine. Then, one day the boy simply packed up and left for no apparent reason, not even to the farang who ended up jilted. On thing that has become quite clear to me is that if you go into a relationship with a Thai boy, then you also have to be prepared for the possibility that the relationship will sooner or later come to an end. Unfortunately, the odds weigh heavily toward that result. If you're lucky, you and the boy with whom you broke up really will remain friends, but don't count on it. Once each of you find someone else, and you will, the friendship will probably slowly fade and eventually fizzle out as you each move on with your lives. Again, I know it's not much consolation now, but you'll get over it and find another relationship. I know you well enough to know that while it hurts like hell now, you'll be one of the people who do survive it just fine and be able to move on. You definitely will find someone else. You can bet he's out there somewhere waiting for you and you will eventually find him. I hate to keep saying it, but I have come to truly believe in the advice Richard Burk, owner of the Amor restaurant, gave me when I first moved here: "If you want love in Thailand, rent it." That doesn't necessarily mean limiting yourself to taking boys off from bars, but it does mean that you need to keep the possibility of a breakup in mind to avoid heartbreak. Some people bounce right back and are able to move on. Others never really recover from it and fall into a deep depression. I hope that won't be the case either with you or with your ex-boyfriend. If you want someone to talk to, you know me well enough to know that I'm here to help in any way I can. You know my number and please feel free to call me at any hour, any day. Quote
Guest laurence Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 They say that breaking up is hard to do Now I know, I know that it's true Don't say that this is the end Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again Neil Sedaka Quote
Guest Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 It was very unfortunate for me. Especially number 1. We have been together for quite a few years. And, honestly, I don't rule out a return. I alway remain friends with the exs and I always treat them with respect and kindness. Plus, a severance package that most would kill for. Number 1 had been in my will and I had to make changes in that 2 days ago so that a windfall would not drop his way. Still, my family will take care of him for his education should he continue to college if anything happens to me. The breakups were mostly the same argument for months. I kept trying to tell them to take care of me but they seemed more interested in playing video games, bowling, movies and living the good life than taking care of simple things (I am very easy to please). After about 100 times of warnings, I finally just told them enough was enough. It all ended very good and there were no fights or anger. Of course the number 1 was the one stunned as he thought he could do no wrong. He came over yesterday to help me pack for a trip to Bangkok and I don't think he has told his family the money train took off from his station. It will be interesting to see what happens as he has supported a family of 13 for many years. I was not in love with anyone but I do love number 1 and 2. It was not the passionate kind of falling in love but more of a wonderful times and great history together. I knew that I would be away from them in the month of December on an adventure (to be announced later). And, I always spend February in Brazil for Carnival and this year I had planned to extend that trip for a month or two. I was not willing to pay for 3-4 months of guys when they were not willing to take care of me when I am in town. It just made no sense to me. Moving on is hard to do but not something I am heartbroken over. I will survive and as always I learned a great lesson. Same lesson I have learned before in Thailand but getting caught up in the moment I often forget and go back to the true heart of the problem. I totally and completely spoil them. They get use to it and think because I am so good to them that I must never be willing to leave them. I would say I will change but the truth is, I really like spoiling someone that I am with. I find great joy in it. The Brazilian boyfriend has never taken that for granted nor does the American boyfriend. For some reason, all the Thai boyfriends do. It is something I try to avoid but seem to be led down that path time and time again. Quote
Guest lvdkeyes Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 It was very unfortunate for me. Especially number 1. We have been together for quite a few years. And, honestly, I don't rule out a return. . Keep in mind that whatever caused the break up will be there in the event of a return. You just have to decide if the cause is something you can live with. Remaining friends all depends on what caused the problem between you. It's been said that God gave man two heads, but only enough blood for one to function at at time. Quote
Guest laurence Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 First of all I am not being judgmental From what you say I get a sense that you built your relationship on a foundation that was bound to fail and topple. Not by accident but by design. Maybe your largess was too much for the Thai boys? You gave too much and asked too little; they knew it, you knew it and the end was just a matter of time? As for me, I do remain friends with those I have broken up with and still indulge myself with them in one way or the other. Quote
