Will Tomcal Wed?

[SolaceSoul]

There’s no such thing as an airtight prenup — especially when one of the spouses enters into the marriage with nothing and the other has everything. You will most likely pay some “go away” money.

Just tell the kid that you’re already married. In the USA, polygamous marriages are unrecognized. Or just bring him to the states on a K-1 (fiancé) 90-day visa, and break up with him before the 89th day and send him back home. 

[Blackoch]

1 hour ago, SolaceSoul said:

There’s no such thing as an airtight prenup — especially when one of the spouses enters into the marriage with nothing and the other has everything. You will most likely pay some “go away” money.

Just tell the kid that you’re already married. In the USA, polygamous marriages are unrecognized. Or just bring him to the states on a K-1 (fiancé) 90-day visa, and break up with him before the 89th day and send him back home. 

Damn you re cold! Lol

[SolaceSoul]

3 minutes ago, Blackoch said:

Damn you re cold! Lol

I prefer to call it “experienced”. LOL

 

[Tartegogo]

7 hours ago, Tomcal said:

Walker did you use to post as KevinC on here before OZ banished him? just curious you both have a direct style of posting and oh yeah he stopped on 11/21/17... and you started posting that day!?  just curious as to the name change if that was you?  I definitely could be wrong but your styles are very similiar and the stop / start dates are such a coincidence!

Lol, walker/kevinC busted!

[Riobard]

Tom's biggest asset for prenup consideration consists of a huge position in red roses that have yet to be accepted. 

[Tomcal]

9 hours ago, Walker said:

What's the holdup for you?

Thinking with my big head! LOL. Do i really want to be with one guy? all the time? He is not a “let’s invite a 3rd guy over” type of guy!  Saying that as everyone knows i have been with a lot of guys and this is the first one that i enjoy being with all the time , and since he was not a sauna guy, he doesn’t have the attitudes that sauna guys seem to develop after working there for awhile!  He has never asked me for money(i got 6 requests just last week including one guy i have never met!)he has a close family and wants me to come to a family dinner to meet his parents and sisters and grandparents!  i just don’t know if it is what i want to do...i may be to old to change my HOing ways!

[sanddunes]

3 hours ago, Blackoch said:

Damn you re cold! Lol

Haha, Solace Soul’s suggestion is amusing because this happens a lot in reverse.  

As soon as 2 years passes and the foreigner gets permanent residency, the American gets coldly dumped  (sometimes not even a good-bye). 

This happened just recently to a naive acquaintance of mine.  A handsome Venezuelan “fell in love” with him, and they got married.  Literally, at exactly 2 years the Venezuelan filed for divorce and won’t even respond to a single message...but he does hear from the Venezuelan’s attorney who is demanding a large monetary settlement on behalf of his client.  The Venezuelan has also filed for food stamps and other government assistance, which the American is legally obligated to reimburse the government for - up to 10 years!

[sanddunes]

[SolaceSoul]

3 hours ago, sanddunes said:

Haha, Solace Soul’s suggestion is amusing because this happens a lot in reverse.  

As soon as 2 years passes and the foreigner gets permanent residency, the American gets coldly dumped  (sometimes not even a good-bye). 

This happened just recently to a naive acquaintance of mine.  A handsome Venezuelan “fell in love” with him, and they got married.  Literally, at exactly 2 years the Venezuelan filed for divorce and won’t even respond to a single message...but he does hear from the Venezuelan’s attorney who is demanding a large monetary settlement on behalf of his client.  The Venezuelan has also filed for food stamps and other government assistance, which the American is legally obligated to reimburse the government for - up to 10 years!

Don’t hate the playa, hate the game. What... you mean to tell me your friend thought it was all about love? Tsk tsk..

A fiancé visa differs from a marriage-based green card. The latter is secured a minimum of two years after the sponsoring American spouse and the immigrant have been legally married and holding the temporary green card that is provided a few months after the marriage visa is granted. The former is sponsored by the American citizen, and can only be applied for and granted while the immigrant is abroad. The purpose is to test the relationship and prepare for a valid marriage in a 90-day period. If the American sponsor decides not to marry the foreigner within the 90 days, the foreigner must leave the country or he becomes a visa overstay. There is no possible adjustment of status in this case. For example, if Venezuelan Victor is on a K1 visa with Jimmy from Kansas City, and Victor meets Cindy Sue and prefers to be with her, Cindy Sue can’t do nothing for him. If Jimmy decides not to marry Victor within 90 days, Victor has to leave the country (at Jimmy’s expense) and can only legally return on another visa altogether. He couldn’t marry Cindy Sue, or Brad, or Old Man Fred, or get a work visa while he is here on Jimmy’s sponsored fiancé visa.

And with a “failed” engagement, there is no risk of alimony.

 

[caeron]

 

Happy for you.

I was an out gay man in my late 20s when I decided to marry my best friend, a woman. It's been brilliant for us. We are great together, just no sex.

I think part of 'gay liberation' is that we get to define what works for us, not just make cookie cutter copies of traditional marriage. Hope you find something that works for you.

[sanddunes]

1 hour ago, SolaceSoul said:

What... you mean to tell me your friend thought it was all about love? Tsk tsk..

The funny thing is I tried to tactfully warn him beforehand that marrying this guy might not be the best idea.  

Then I found out he was telling other acquaintances that I must be “jealous” of his relationship. 

No good deed goes unpunished lol!  

When I later saw his highly dramatic facebook posts about crying himself to sleep after his Venezuelan husband dumped him, I felt a little bad for him, but not really...

[numazu]

8 hours ago, SolaceSoul said:

There’s no such thing as an airtight prenup — especially when one of the spouses enters into the marriage with nothing and the other has everything. You will most likely pay some “go away” money.

Yeah I've had at least two coworkers learn this the hard way. They both had supposed pre-nups, but neither worked out, because in one case it was contested saying she did not have viable counsel present when the prenup was written up, the other because my coworker just earned too much money for there not to be spousal support. 

8 hours ago, SolaceSoul said:

Just tell the kid that you’re already married. In the USA, polygamous marriages are unrecognized. Or just bring him to the states on a K-1 (fiancé) 90-day visa, and break up with him before the 89th day and send him back home. 

This actually reminds of the show 90 Day Fiance on TLC. I don't watch the show but see clips of it floating around the interwebs once in a while. Soooo cringeworthy:

 

[SolaceSoul]

8 minutes ago, numazu1 said:

This actually reminds of the show 90 Day Fiance on TLC. I don't watch the show but see clips of it floating around the interwebs once in a while. Soooo cringeworthy:

 

In general, I loathe reality shows but I live for this hot mess of a show, as well as it’s new sister show, “Love After Lockup” (which is about exactly what it sounds like it is). My only suggestion is these shoes really need gay couples — the drama and dysfunction would be tenfold.

 

 

[SolaceSoul]

43 minutes ago, sanddunes said:

The funny thing is I tried to tactfully warn him beforehand that marrying this guy might not be the best idea.  

Then I found out he was telling other acquaintances that I must be “jealous” of his relationship. 

No good deed goes unpunished lol!  

When I later saw his highly dramatic facebook posts about crying himself to sleep after his Venezuelan husband dumped him, I felt a little bad for him, but not really...

I have a male cousin my exact age who, a few years ago, married his second wife.

She’s a woman he met on a trip to the Dominican Republic — in Sosua. Anyone who knows anything about the DR, or heterosexual sex tourism, or prostitution period, has heard of Sosua. It’s almost exclusively for male sex tourists wanting to meet beautiful Dominican female hos on the cheap. 

Apparently he fell in love with a Sosua woman, married her, and about 6-8 months later, brought her to the States on a marriage visa (along with her teenaged daughter). 

I also must mention that my cousin has a really bad habit of lying about his wealth and success in order to impress more impressionable women. I am certain that he told her that the house that he lived in was his, when it is really his parents and the mortgage is far from paid off, and that his annual income was much greater than it really is.

Well, as soon as she got here to the US, she quickly got knocked up, and pumped out his baby, and when that two year minimum hit, she applied to remove the restrictions from her temporary green card, filed for divorce based on verbal abuse and neglect, was granted a permanent green card, a divorce and child support. She now spends her time with Dominican-American men in the USA who are much hotter and more interesting than my dumbass cousin.

[Walker]

18 hours ago, Tomcal said:

Walker did you use to post as KevinC on here before OZ banished him? just curious you both have a direct style of posting and oh yeah he stopped on 11/21/17... and you started posting that day!?  just curious as to the name change if that was you?  I definitely could be wrong but your styles are very similiar and the stop / start dates are such a coincidence!

I don't know Kevin's style, but I am a fan of @numazu1's style.  Perhaps I am too blunt and too sarcastic, so my apology.....peace.

[Tomcal]

4 minutes ago, Walker said:

I don't know Kevin's style, but I am a fan of @numazu1's style.  Perhaps I am too blunt and too sarcastic, so my apology.....peace.

No apology needed if i was wrong then i should be apologizing but your style of direct statements is very similiar to his! Sarcastic is not a problem if called for,  we all have our moments! :-)

[Guest Larstrup]

This thread really belongs on Bravo TV. I'm sure Andy could turn it into a really special episode of his Love Connection program. Everyone walks away with at least a little something.

I don't think I can stand any more suspense over this.

[Tomcal]

13 minutes ago, Larstrup said:

This thread really belongs on Bravo TV. I'm sure Andy could turn it into a really special episode of his Love Connection program. Everyone walks away with at least a little something.

I don't think I can stand any more suspense over this.

Your comment made me laugh out loud! i am up for it if Andy Cohen wants to do it!

In all seriousnessly  i feel very lucky having found this guy after all these years of HOing in Brazil!  But i will probably blow it so to speak, as i am not the best at LTR since my first one of 6 years duration! But this guy could make me commit for the first time in a long time!  Brazilians are like a addictive drug to me and i don’t want a intervention!

[mvan1]

10 hours ago, numazu1 said:

 

 

Uh, Oh!

https://www.intouchweekly.com/posts/90-day-fiance-azan-visa-denied-149045

This guy's Fiance - marriage visa got denied - 

[msclelovr]

17 hours ago, sanddunes said:

Haha, Solace Soul’s suggestion is amusing because this happens a lot in reverse.  

As soon as 2 years passes and the foreigner gets permanent residency, the American gets coldly dumped  (sometimes not even a good-bye). 

This happened just recently to a naive acquaintance of mine.  A handsome Venezuelan “fell in love” with him, and they got married.  Literally, at exactly 2 years the Venezuelan filed for divorce and won’t even respond to a single message...but he does hear from the Venezuelan’s attorney who is demanding a large monetary settlement on behalf of his client.  The Venezuelan has also filed for food stamps and other government assistance, which the American is legally obligated to reimburse the government for - up to 10 years!

@sanddunes is quite correct. Interestingly, this happened several times in Spain in the last few years. Older men had met handsome younger men in Cuba. They provided the paperwork and guarantees required, brought them over/married and resettled them in Spain. As soon as the 3 year residency in Spain was completed, the younger man acquired all the legal rights of Spanish citizenship and immediately filed for divorce. In Barcelona alone, I know the younger men in 4 of these cases and each simply views it as 'the older man got what he wanted, and I pleased him for 3 years to get what I wanted'.

20 hours ago, SolaceSoul said:

There’s no such thing as an airtight prenup — especially when one of the spouses enters into the marriage with nothing and the other has everything. You will most likely pay some “go away” money.

Just tell the kid that you’re already married. In the USA, polygamous marriages are unrecognized. Or just bring him to the states on a K-1 (fiancé) 90-day visa, and break up with him before the 89th day and send him back home. 

@SolaceSoul is sensible. FWIW you can (like me) have a very strong pre-nup indeed to which the Courts will have regard if you observe 3 things:

- you pay for independent legal advice for the younger man

- you make full disclosure of assets and net worth

- you get the pre-nup signed well in advance of marriage and not at the last  minute

In addition, my own high-powered lawyer advised me to offer a very modest allowance for 12 months if the relationship broke down after 3 years

[SolaceSoul]

13 hours ago, msclelovr said:

@sanddunes is quite correct. Interestingly, this happened several times in Spain in the last few years. Older men had met handsome younger men in Cuba. They provided the paperwork and guarantees required, brought them over/married and resettled them in Spain. As soon as the 3 year residency in Spain was completed, the younger man acquired all the legal rights of Spanish citizenship and immediately filed for divorce. In Barcelona alone, I know the younger men in 4 of these cases and each simply views it as 'the older man got what he wanted, and I pleased him for 3 years to get what I wanted'.

@SolaceSoul is sensible. FWIW you can (like me) have a very strong pre-nup indeed to which the Courts will have regard if you observe 3 things:

- you pay for independent legal advice for the younger man

- you make full disclosure of assets and net worth

- you get the pre-nup signed well in advance of marriage and not at the last  minute

In addition, my own high-powered lawyer advised me to offer a very modest allowance for 12 months if the relationship broke down after 3 years

In my case, 3 years would be too long FOR ME. If I could make it three months with the same one guy, I’d feel accomplished. So if the guy left me after 3 years, he would be doing me a big favor. I most likely would’ve ended it way before that, and given him the freedom he wants. My philosophy is that if someone would rather not be with you, call them an Uber.

But regarding your prenup, one of my best friends from college and his wife of 20+ years went through a divorce involving tens of millions of dollars and a post-nup drawn up during the marriage. It was invalidated by the judge as onerous, one-sided (no consideration given in exchange for the agreement) and unfair to the husband, who had earned far less money than the wife in the final years of the marriage. They ended up doing a multi-million dollar settlement in exchange for alimony.

[Tomcal]

My favorite photo of my house in Merida!

[Lucky]

6 hours ago, Tomcal said:

My favorite photo of my house in Merida!

It looks to be a rather large house with an ample supply of water. It does appear, however, that a muscular, tattooed man thinks he belongs there too!

[TotallyOz]

On 6/24/2018 at 7:26 PM, Lucky said:

It looks to be a rather large house with an ample supply of water. It does appear, however, that a muscular, tattooed man thinks he belongs there too!

LOL

That pretty much summarized my thoughts exactly when I saw the photo.

Great photos and very handsome man. Plus, I love tats!

[Tomcal]

the guys on here that know me, know that i am a pretty happy guy always up and happy with life in general. I take things as they come and accept that we only have limited control over our lives, saying that, i am the happiest i have ever been and this and one other guy  :-) have everything to do with it!  I am going to be in Rio 8/9 - 8/20 and then back to Merida with the Paulista 9/27! then i may have to make some decisions...but it will be great whichever way it turns out!  I used to say who ever came up with the saying “the golden years” was full of shit!  maybe not so much!