Do’s and Don’t in Thailand

[Guest MonkeySee]

TopJohn is about to embark on his first Thailand trip. He seems well prepared, but maybe some of the other newbie’s to Thailand can learn something from the Thailand old timers. I will start it off with some of the more obvious do’s and don’ts.

 

DO’S:

-Do take off your shoes when entering a Wat or someone’s home. Remember no shorts in the Wats. Be respectful.

-Do bring plenty of money. As a farang you are the rich guy and will be expected to pay. You might also be regarded as the walking ATM.

-Do eat with a spoon instead of a fork. Thais regard the fork like a knife.

 

DON’TS:

-Don’t pat little kids on the head. It is a Buddhist thing.

-Don’t cross you legs and show the bottom of your foot to the person opposite you

-Don’t say anything bad about the King. He is beloved and you will end up in jail.

-Don’t use your fork to eat your food. Thais use a spoon as a fork and a fork as a knife.

[Gaybutton]

DO’S:

 

-Do eat with a spoon instead of a fork. Thais regard the fork like a knife.

 

DON’TS:

-Don’t pat little kids on the head. It is a Buddhist thing.

-Don’t cross you legs and show the bottom of your foot to the person opposite you

 

-Don’t use your fork to eat your food. Thais use a spoon as a fork and a fork as a knife.

 

I disagree with you on these particular items. That thing about not touching someone on the head used to be true, but that seems to have vanished into history long ago. The same goes for the foot thing. Nobody seems to pay attention to that one anymore either.

 

I have no idea where you're getting the idea about the fork and spoon. I've never seen any such thing. I've never seen Thais use a fork as if it were a knife. They use the side of a spoon as a knife. I've never seen it any other way. There is no reason in the world not to use a fork and spoon the way you always do.

 

Other than that. I agree with you.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

The fork is used to push food onto the spoon and, in some cases, to get food from the serving platter.

 

I have seen a mother get visibly angry when a stranger tousled her son's hair, but she didn't say anything.

 

Not pointing at someone with your foot is still very much frowned upon. Also, you must never point your foot in the direction of a Buddha.

[Guest topjohn5]

I am interested at the disagreement here.....but, my guess is that this has to do with the old ways verses new ways. It also may be a regional issue.....I have heard the similar discussion about black shirts and it seems this is an old/new view point thing......

So, you both may be right.....I'll err on the not head touching except in bed, hahahaha

But, I have never been told about using or not using a spoon or fork before.....that's a new item for me.

[payless]

Touching the top head remains a definite no-no. The emphasis is the top of the head. Tousling a child's head at the front or on the side is ok.

Eating western food with a knife remains appropriate. Don't get hung up on the fork/spoon issue, it really is not that important. You are a foreigner and are expected to get it wrong.

I would just add one more don't and one more do.

Do not use the form of greeting which is the wai. There are many protocols to follow and so if someone holds their hands together and wais you just respond by bowing your head very slightly. It is not correct to wai people who are in the service sector generally.

 

The "do" is to remain calm and non-confrontational in all circumstances whatever the argument or provocation. Thais look down on confrontation and people who show bad temper. The exception is when writing on the various fora such as gaythailand as we are mostly farang.

[Guest MonkeySee]

I disagree with you on these particular items. That thing about not touching someone on the head used to be true, but that seems to have vanished into history long ago. The same goes for the foot thing. Nobody seems to pay attention to that one anymore either.

 

We will have to disagree on this one, GB. Most all the guidebook and literature I read still include the head and foot thing. Ask your bf and his friends and see what they say, or ask any Thai. I think you will be surprised. Here is an interesting website on some do's and don'ts in Thailand: http://www.thailand.com/travel/facts/fact_dodont.htm

[Gaybutton]

Most all the guidebook and literature I read still include the head and foot thing.

 

Guidebooks? Somebody who wrote a guidebook knows more about it than people who live here and are with these boys every day? Well, I can sit down an write a guidebook too. Maybe that will give me more credibility if it's in hard copy print.

 

Obviously the safest thing to do is keep off the heads, but only the "old school" people concern themselves about that and will get really upset anymore. What makes you think I haven't already asked Thai friends about it . . . many times? The answer I get, and have been getting for several years, is a little different from your guidebooks.

 

It doesn't matter. Some people may get upset about it and some may not. So, the smart move is not to ruffle up anyone's hair and not to point your feet at anyone. That way, you can't commit a faux pas whether the person you're with cares about it or not.

 

I'll agree with you about not directing your feet in the direction of a Buddha image or at a monk. That's when you're in a prayer position. In that case you have to keep your feet pointed away. The will get upset if you mess up on that one. They'll also probably do nothing more than correct you. They know you're a farang and are not aware of many of the customs.

[Guest buaseng]

I'll agree with you about not directing your feet in the direction of a Buddha image or at a monk. That's when you're in a prayer position. In that case you have to keep your feet pointed away. The will get upset if you mess up on that one. They'll also probably do nothing more than correct you. They know you're a farang and are not aware of many of the customs.

Whilst talking of pointing one's feet, I have been repeatedly told by Thais and long-term residents that it considered to be extremely rude if you point your finger at a Thai or beckon to them by using the index finger to call them over.

[Gaybutton]

Whilst talking of pointing one's feet, I have been repeatedly told by Thais and long-term residents that it considered to be extremely rude if you point your finger at a Thai or beckon to them by using the index finger to call them over.

 

That's another one that is both true and not true depending on the circumstances. I see Thais point their fingers at each other all the time. It doesn't seem to bother them. But it might if it's a farang doing it.

 

As far as the beckoning, I'm not sure. Most Thais I've seen will extend their arm, palm of the hand facing down, and beckon by moving their fingers back and forth. I've learned to do the same thing. I don't recall ever seeing any Thais beckoning with the index finger, so I never do.

 

Payless wrote "Do not use the form of greeting which is the wai." I agree with that one. A farang shouldn't initiate a wai unless someone suggests it. I remember one time when I was introduced to a boy's aunt he whispered to me to give her a wai, which I did and she appreciated. But without having been prompted, I would not have done it. However, there is nothing wrong with returning a wai if the other person inititiated it.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

My bf and I had a discussion about these things and what he told me is:

 

A wai is initiated by the person of lower stature such as age or importance. The person of higher stature may or may not return the wai.

 

A person of higher stature may touch the head of a person of lower stature, but not vice versa.

 

GB is correct about using the hand to beckon someone. Palm down is considered polite and palm up, as we do in the west is considered impolite.

 

You should never point at anyone or anything using your foot. It is rude.

 

These things are more important to remember in the rural areas. The city people have become accustomed to westerners getting it wrong.

 

Even in the west pointing at someone with your index finger is not polite.

[Guest joseph44]

Sometimes Thai make up some kind of "don't" when something starts to annoy them.

There are a lot of don'ts:

- don't kick something or someone with your foot

- don't point at someone

- don't touch the head

- don't tap a person 3 times on the back

- don't step on the doorstep when entering a building or house or room

- don't enter a private home, WAT or other obvious room with footwear on (except socks)

- well there are a lot more and I bet that not all are religion related.

 

 

[Gaybutton]

- don't tap a person 3 times on the back

- don't step on the doorstep when entering a building or house or room

 

Both of those are new ones to me. I've never heard of either of them.

 

During my first trip to Thailand I went on what was then called "The Temple Tour," a guided tour of some of the most famous wats in Bangkok. I asked the tour guide about the tradition of removing shoes when entering a temple. I expected to get a lecture about the religious and historical significance of it. Instead I received a one sentence reply: "You take off shoes to keep floor clean."

[Guest MonkeySee]

Guidebooks? Somebody who wrote a guidebook knows more about it than people who live here and are with these boys every day? Well, I can sit down an write a guidebook too. Maybe that will give me more credibility if it's in hard copy print.

 

How silly of me to believe guidebooks and such? Of course, Gaybuttons, by living in Thailand and talking to boys, your information is much more of an indicator of customs in Thailand. I will be looking forward to your book. Too bad, there isn't government funding for a study on this. I would love to have you go throughout Thailand patting babies and kids on the head. The reaction to this would be eye opening, I am sure.

[Guest MonkeySee]

I have no idea where you're getting the idea about the fork and spoon. I've never seen any such thing. I've never seen Thais use a fork as if it were a knife. They use the side of a spoon as a knife. I've never seen it any other way. There is no reason in the world not to use a fork and spoon the way you always do.

 

I am by no means an expert on Thailand, like some others here, but it is my observation that Thais do not use a knife as a table utensil. When eating in a Thai establishment, a knife is not to be found. You are provided with a spoon and a fork and maybe chopsticks. The Thais use the spoon as a westerner would use a fork. The fork is used as a westerner would use a knife that is, holding the food with the spoon and tearing at it with the fork and then pushed onto the spoon. I always believed (and I am probably wrong) for a common Thai to eat his food with a fork was the equivalent of a westerner eating his food with a knife. Of course, it is quite different in the tourist areas. That is my belief and I am sticking to it. What do you think? Here is a little something I found on the internet that seems to support my view.

 

A King, a fork and spoon

King Chulalongkorn the Great (Rama V) is largely credited with modernising Thailand in the latter half of the nineteenth century; he was educated by the an Englishwoman, courted Western diplomates and leaders and travelled abroad. One morning he ordered his kitchen to cook a multi-course Western meal and invited the British consul over, sat him down and asked him to 'eat as they do in Europe' so that he could observe their table 'skills'. After everything was done, the King decided he had no use for a knife when eating Thai food (for it was all already chopped up), but found the fork and spoon handy and so begun the use of cutlery in Thailand. Nowadays everyone uses the fork to push the food onto the spoon (in your right hand), which then goes in your mouth. The fork, however, never does. http://www.1stopchiangmai.com/how_to/eat/

[Bob]

As to use of the spoon, I have only seen the Thais use it to obtain food from a common serving bowl or to use it as a knife. At the moment, in all my years, I don't recall ever seeing a Thai use a fork for anything (my Chiangmai bf of 8 years certainly has never touched one in my presence).

 

As to a threshhold - especially at a temple - I've always been taught to never step on it (you step over it to get in and out). Not sure why, it's just the way I've always done it and how I've observed Thais do it. Many buildings don't have the raised threshhold but, if they do, I never step on it.

 

Finally...but with no intention to be gross...never ever blow your nose with a handkerchief (or tissue or whatever) in a restaurant or in any formal setting with other Thais present. That simply grosses Thais out and I learned that one many years ago by violating the rule (and still feel embarrassed about it).

[Gaybutton]

What do you think?

 

As far as what you find on the Internet, I go by what I see for myself, not by what somebody else writes in a book, on the Internet, or anywhere else. For all I know, it could have been written by Clifford Irving's brother.

 

In all honesty, since you ask what I think; I think "what difference does it make?" Quite frankly, and no offense intended at all, whether a Thai uses a fork as a spoon, a spoon as a knife, a spoon as a fork, a fork as a fork, a spoon as a spoon, or chop sticks, or whatever, makes it right to the top of my "who cares?" list.

[Guest topjohn5]

That's another one that is both true and not true depending on the circumstances. I see Thais point their fingers at each other all the time. It doesn't seem to bother them. But it might if it's a farang doing it.

 

As far as the beckoning, I'm not sure. Most Thais I've seen will extend their arm, palm of the hand facing down, and beckon by moving their fingers back and forth. I've learned to do the same thing. I don't recall ever seeing any Thais beckoning with the index finger, so I never do.

 

Payless wrote "Do not use the form of greeting which is the wai." I agree with that one. A farang shouldn't initiate a wai unless someone suggests it. I remember one time when I was introduced to a boy's aunt he whispered to me to give her a wai, which I did and she appreciated. But without having been prompted, I would not have done it. However, there is nothing wrong with returning a wai if the other person inititiated it.

 

I heard that the pointing things (which as someone just mentioned is rude sometimes in the West also) was why they started the numbers in the gogo bars....

I have no idea if thats true or not but I think you'd need numbers anyway. Sometimes there are just to many boys and it makes identifying them easier than pointing to a group and trying to describe one in the group....maybe?

 

[Guest fountainhall]

Guidebooks? Somebody who wrote a guidebook knows more about it than people who live here and are with these boys every day?

 

Your local knowledge has helped countless readers to this site, GB, but I do think you are a bit unfair to some guidebooks (though perhaps not others). Having travelled a lot, I have found some invaluable in places I knew very little about - like Bhutan, for example. As a former resident of Tokyo, I know the Time Out guide to Tokyo is superb, with probably the best gay section of all general guide books. How about this for the Gay & Lesbian section first paragaph?

 

"Perhaps nowhere is the difference between Tokyo and other major first-world cities more apparent than around its gay scene. By day, there isn't one. At night, it's wild." If you want to find out where and why, the book tells you.

 

Plus I know of one major guide to Bangkok with wonderful insights - penned by someone who continues to live here after well over a decade.

[Guest lvdkeyes]

Finally...but with no intention to be gross...never ever blow your nose with a handkerchief (or tissue or whatever) in a restaurant or in any formal setting with other Thais present. That simply grosses Thais out and I learned that one many years ago by violating the rule (and still feel embarrassed about it).

 

 

Even in the west it is rude and gross to blow your nose at the table.

[Guest laurence]

As to use of the spoon, I have only seen the Thais use it to obtain food from a common serving bowl or to use it as a knife. At the moment, in all my years, I don't recall ever seeing a Thai use a fork for anything (my Chiangmai bf of 8 years certainly has never touched one in my presence).

 

Well, if they only use the spoon from a common bowl and they never use a fork, just how do they eat? Just joking, Bob.

All I have ever seen is Thais use a spoon to eat their food. The fork is used to push food onto spoon as necessary. And those I know have no idea how to use chop sticks.

But when eating farang food the bf does use a fork and knife same as a farang, almost! Like a farang using chopsticks.

 

And do not use your foot to touch Thai money! Once I dropped some coins on the floor and was using my foot to sweep them into a pile. The bf was quite upset. Never do that in public he said to me. The people box you!

[Bob]

To correct/add to my prior post, laurence, you're right, they also eat with the spoon. What usually strikes me as unusual (well, it did at first many years ago) is their using it as a knife to cut.

 

I'll keep watching for use of a fork, though, as I don't remember seeing them ever use that (in fact, come to think of it, it's difficult for me to remember them even having a fork next to their plate or bowl).

 

 

[Gaybutton]

like Bhutan, for example.

 

Bhutan???? I give you my solemn promise I won't dispute what a guidebook says about Bhutan.

 

Meanwhile, back in Thailand, I also won't dispute what guidebooks tell you, with one slight exception. When the guidebook tells you one thing, and I'm right here observing something entirely different on a daily basis, I just might have a word or two to say about it, no matter who the author is or how long he's lived in Thailand. There is nothing static about culture and customs. Those evolve over time, especially as more and more Thai people (sadly, in my opinion) try to adopt western ways. The younger generation excels at that.

 

The best I can tell you is to read your guidebook and also listen to what people living here have to say. Then, when a third person comes along to dispute both the guidebook and also what people like me are saying, that's when you can really start laughing!

 

You know what I would do if I were you? I'd "do the dos and avoid doing the don'ts." The touching the head example comes to mind. You've got a guidebook telling you not to touch the head. Then you've got me telling you it's no problem. So, why touch the head at all, whether you can or not? That way you're sure to avoid an awkward situation. Besides, I can think of a few other body parts I'd rather touch in the first place . . .

 

 

[Guest fountainhall]

You know what I would do if I were you? I'd "do the dos and avoid doing the don'ts."

 

Eminently sensible advice.

 

Besides, I can think of a few other body parts I'd rather touch in the first place . . .

 

Even better . . .!

[Guest joseph44]

I think, that the main reason for not using knives, is that a regular Thai meal consists of different dishes. The bowl of rice is 'personal' and the 'additives' are communal. One takes from the communal dishes with their spoon, add it to their bowl of rice.

That's also the reason that if you order a set menu, the soup may arrive at the same time the main course arrives or maybe even later. Soup is a part of a Thai meal and is served with the rest of the food. Just a few restaurants will serve the appetizer before the main course.

 

 

[Guest MonkeySee]

As far as what you find on the Internet, I go by what I see for myself, not by what somebody else writes in a book, on the Internet, or anywhere else. For all I know, it could have been written by Clifford Irving's brother.

 

I agree with you that you do need to take "with a grain of salt" things you see and read on the internet, newspapers, television, books and so-called authorities. You also need to judge for yourself what people tell you. I do like to ask several people the same question and then decide. I respect your experience and your knowledge of Thailand, GB. You have helped many newbies to Thailand for a long time going back to the Dreaded Ned days. On this head-touching subject, even though your experience in Pattaya has been that this custom is no longer observed, I think that Thailand is still a conservative country and that the great majority of Thais believe that the head is sacred.

 

In all honesty, since you ask what I think; I think "what difference does it make?" Quite frankly, and no offense intended at all, whether a Thai uses a fork as a spoon, a spoon as a knife, a spoon as a fork, a fork as a fork, a spoon as a spoon, or chop sticks, or whatever, makes it right to the top of my "who cares?" list.

 

Yes, again you are right, "who cares" and "what difference does it make?" I had no idea that this subject would generate so much controversy. My intent was to present some useful information to help newcomers. I thought I would start the list off with a few givens and members would add additional items. WRONG!!! Here again the knife, fork, spoon thing is no big deal. The idea was to help newcomers be good tourists and not offend their Thai hosts. In Pattaya, with its high exposure to tourist, no big deal. Up country maybe different.